Comes Around

I sigh heavily and squint into the bright and blistering Arizona sun. It's been four months. Four months since the last time I was here. I frown and wonder what I'm doing here. I'm here for Garrett and for The Maine, yes, but it's like my mind has its own agenda that I don't know about. I push my glasses further up my nose and smile to myself. If John were here, he would probably- I cut the thought off before I can go any further. He made his decision, and his decision did not include me in his life. It's like this because of him, not me.

I stare at the house in front of me, and grudgingly roll my suitcase up to the front door. John's car isn't here, I made sure of that before I even parked my car. I ring the doorbell and almost panic as I here shuffling from inside the house. It takes all the strength I can muster to keep my feet planted firmly to the ground instead of giving in to the urge to flee back to New York. That's where my family is, or at least, my parents and brother. And that's where I've been for the past four months. I suddenly want to be there, not here.

But my thoughts are interrupted as the door swings open and Garrett is in front of me, smiling like an idiot. And I say that in the nicest way possible... For the most part. He is the reason I'm putting myself through this, after all.

"Addie! You came!" He sweeps me up into a hug and I can hear scurried footsteps behind him as Pat, Jared, Kennedy, Tim, and Halvo rush to the door, bringing Garrett and me into a group hug. "Why didn't you call me? I could have picked you up from the airport! I could have cleaned up around the house..." He gestures to the disastrous living room behind him as he pulls me inside the house.

"Garrett, you would never clean your house. The only time it ever gets cleaned is when your mom is here or when I'm here," I reply, smiling fully now. I hadn't realized how much I missed him.

"Yeah, it was worth a try though," he says.

Halvo offers to take my bags upstairs while the rest of us venture into the living room and lounge on the worn leather couches.

"What movie were you watching?" I ask to no one in particular, noticing the paused screen on the tv.

"Oh, some stupid zombie movie Jared brought over," Tim says, laughing.

"Hey! It is not stupid! It's a-"

"Classic piece of zombie related art?" the rest of the guys finish for him.

"Yeah, not so sure about that one Jared," says Halvo as he comes down the stairs and walks into the kitchen, coming back with a bottled water.

"Out of breath?" Pat jokes.

Halvo rolls his eyes.

"No, but that bag was really really heavy Addison! I mean really! Did you have to pack so much?"

It's my turn to roll my eyes.

"I packed only necessities..." I mumbled quietly.

"Doubt it," Halvo says, smiling at me.

I sigh happily. It's just like it used to be before I left. Nothing's changed, I'm convinced. But something has changed, and that's the problem. There's a huge gap that's become a dark void. Everyone dances around the edges of it, not daring to acknowledge its existance. It's the elephant in the room though. I am the elephant in the room. They all know why I'm here, even if they don't act like it. I'm here to help John get back on his feet again, even if I've convinced myself that I hate him.

And I do hate him most of the time. But it's moments like these that make me wish I could just kiss him one more time, or hold his hand as he sings me to sleep at night. It's moments like these that I wonder if maybe I'm as much to blame as he is, that maybe I pushed him away. It's that feeling that you can never have the one thing you truly want even though you know it's within your grasp. You can see the finish line but you've cramped up and you just can't seem to get your legs to do what they should easily be able to do.

And that is where I'm at right now, with all of my friends surrounding me, laughing as if nothing is wrong though we all know that everything is seriously wrong.

And it's because of this that they don't act surprised when I ask them where John is.