I Still Hear the Rain

Brittany-

Today I not only got a voicemail from my mother but an email as well. You are a worthless little shit. Was all the voicemail said. I read the email on my screen.

Brittany,

You are worthless. You’re a piece of shit. You’ll never amount to anything. All you are is a little fucking whore. You are a terrible mother. You can’t take care of your daughter. I was the best mother to you and this is how you act? I raised you better.

I stopped reading. I had enough. I took out a piece of paper and wrote a letter to my friends. I started with Rian.

Alex-

“Hey have you guys seen Britt today?” I asked my friends. They shook their heads.

“If anyone would see her, odds are it’d be you. You live across the street from her. But I haven’t heard from her today.” Rian sat at the kitchen table.

“Strange. Did you try calling her?” Zack added. I shook my head. Rian pulled out his phone to call her.

“No answer.”

“Wanna just go over there?” Jack took a sip of Coke. “Surprise your lil girlfrannndddd!”

“She’s not my girlfriend. And let’s go.” I pulled my jacket on and we headed toward her house. The door was unlocked which was also odd. We called her name. No answer. I walked to her room. “GUYS! I FOUND HER! HELP!”

“Whoa, shit. I’m calling 911.” Jack panicked.
“Shit, Brittany…” My eyes scanned her now pale body. Her wrists were slit and an empty pill bottle, the bloody razor and a letter lay next to her. “Hang in there, help’s coming.” They immediately rushed her out. Once she was taken to the hospital I gained the courage to read it. My friends and I sat in the waiting room reading it. I read it aloud.

Dear Rian,

You were the first person who actually treated my like a person. You were one of the first to tlak to m and be nice about it. You’ll never know how much that meant to me. I never would know that people might have actually cared.

Dear Zack,

I hardly know you, but what I do know about you is great. You’re a great guy and an even better friend. You were there for me when I needed someone. You are one of the best friends I ever had. Fuck, you’re one of the four only friends I ever had.

Dear Jack,

Barakitty! You might have been a jerk, but you changed. You became my friend. I loved how at homecoming you and Rian made me your guys’ homecoming queen. Then when I told you guys the truth. That showed me you guys cared.

Dear Alex,

All of these are hard for me to write. I never had people like you come into my life. Never think for one second that this is any of your fault. At all. I know that All Time Low will get big.. I can promise you that. While, I’m being honest here, that kiss Alex, meant something to me. Even if you don’t feel the same, it’ll be too late. So I really don’t give a flying fuck. I always knew underneath your asshole façade that there was something more to you Gaskarth. There’s a sweet side to you, I loved it. Don't waste your time on me.

I’m sorry guys. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I hate pretending that I’m okay when I’m clearly not. Remember none of this was ever your fault. Do me a favor. Go to this address, 462 Cloudland Road. It’s my grandmother’s house. My one year old daughter is there. I want you guys to promise me you’ll always keep an eye on her and make sure she knows that I loved her, so much.

Love,
Brittany