I Still Hear the Rain

Alex-

Dear Brittany,

I know you probably hate me right now. I understand that. I would hate me too. Actually, I do hate myself. I hate myself because I knew that we could have had something. I knew that I wanted to be with you and nobody else. You always cause a swarm of butterflies in my stomach.

First off, I really want to apologize to you, for everything. From day one. If I knew what you went through, I would’ve been a completely different person. And from this past year, I learned something. I grew from this.

How’s Maddy? Can you tell her I love her, so fucking much and miss her like crazy? The guys say the same. I can’t wait to get home and see you two. I know I promised I’d prove my love for you, and I’m going to. Remember when I sang “Jasey Rae” to get her to go to sleep? That’s a song I wrote. About you. It’s my apology to you. If I could change one thing about my life right now, it’d be that I could take everything back and have you and Maddy.

I know that I’m rambling and you’re probably tired of bullshit, I would be too. But when I get home, I want us to try to work this out. When I slept with her that night, I thought about you. I called her you. I wanted it to be us. I wanted it to be you and I making love that night. Well, I have to go for the show. I love you so, so much, that it hurts.

Love, Alex <3

I sighed as I put the letter in the envelope. I sealed it and filled out the addresses. I hoped to anything, that she would take the time to read this. Jack gave me a picture of Maddy and I. It was the one he gave her and Brittany. I got up and walked down to the mailbox on the corner. I put it in. It was time for the show. As every night on the tour, we ran on stage. There, in the front row. Brittany. I knew it was her by the way she smiled when she saw our friends. She looked at me and immediately looked away.

“We’re starting with ‘Jasey’.” I told my friends.

“What? I thought we were starting with Coffeeshop?” Rian looked at me confused.

“She’s here. We need to do ‘Jasey’.” I sighed.

“Alright…” The set started.

“Okay, we’re All Time Low everybody, and first things first. I see someone in the front here, who means a lot to the band and we all love you. But I love you and Maddy more than life itself. This song is for you. It’s called ‘Jasey Rae’.” After the show I hoped I’d see her outside. I didn’t. my heart broke more. It was pointless. I was never going to be with her.

“I don’t know why I even bother.”

“I do. It’s because you’re in love.” A female voice said from behind me.