Glitter

Jack's hand on my arm stopped me.

"Wait."

Squeezing my eyes shut, it took me all that I could not to pull away. He was watching me when I turned to face him. Sam, behind him, looked confused.

"Can we go out or dinner sometime? Or maybe just hang out?" If I didn't know better, I would have taken the hesitation in his voice as nervousness and the shine in his eyes as hope. I just blinked at him.

"What?" I know it wasn't the smartest thing to say right then but that was all I could come up with. All the other words that were floating around in my head were either unspeakable, rude or Russian.

"Well..." his let my arm go and crossed his own across his chest. I couldn't help but be reminded of Alex when he did that. Alex who crossed his arms across his chest whenever he didn't know what to say, Alex who had this annoying way of making me do whatever it was that he wanted, Alex who had wormed his way into my heart and soul.

Clearing my throat, I let my eyes drop from Jack's to the ground. He was wearing a pair of black low top sneakers with dark green laces.

"I mean, you know, if you're not doing anything tonight, or...whenever."

Looking back up at the man, I searched my mind for a polite way to say no. I mean, he was a nice guy but I wasn't in the mood to spend more drunken time with him. And plus, I had dance practice immediately after work, and even that wouldn't finish until nine.

Much too quickly, I said the first thing that popped into my head.

"I have dance practice after this."

It was his turn to look away. I think he had taken the hint because when he did, he was blushing.

"Oh."

I tried to smile but couldn't find it in myself to force being nice when I was beginning to feel like crap.

You shouldn't have asked me out, Jack.

Why did you ask me out?

"Maybe some other time?" I regretted say those words the minute I'd said them.

His eyes lit up and he looked back up at me. "Sure, Saturday?"

I beamed at him when he did.

"We'll see, yeah?"

The nod he gave me looked hopeful.

When I turned to walk away, I couldn't help the thoughts that trailed back to Alex, and the night he'd first introduced me to the rest of the guys. I thought of how Alex had convinced me to get out of the house, and how mad he'd been when I came back home drunk the next morning.

I thought of the note he'd left for me on the refrigerator, and the cell phone he'd asked Nora to give to me so he could call me after, and I thought of how I'd thrown that phone, and the note into the bin the minute Nora had stormed out after accusing me of seeing Alex behind her back.

I thought of the lengths I'd gone to avoid meeting Alex; taking on extra hours at work, accepting Mrs. O'Reillys' offer to lend me a guest room to stay in whenever I worked too late and I thought of the hostility Nora exuded every time we were in the same room.

I thought of how easy it had been for me to fall for this man whose heart belonged to another, and how pathetic it was of me to pine after him like some lovesick puppy.

These thoughts kept me company as I got onto the bus that took me straight to 23 Park Avenue, and walked the four flights of stairs up to the dance studio that now held most of my belongings.

Even after I had pulled on a leotard and started on my warm-ups, and had nearly exhausted the thoughts of Alex, Nora and Jack through, I still couldn't bring myself to regretting ever letting him into the flat that night.

And that, I guess, was what annoyed me the most.