Glitter
on a bed of roses
Jack was quiet when we pulled up next to the side walk.
After Jack's driver had managed to lose the tailing paparazzi, the atmosphere in the car had turned tense and silent. We didn't speak to each other until we were outside the street side cafe I was beginning to despise.
I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to feel.
Alex had Nora and now, Jack had another too. Holly, I told myself. Her name was Holly.
Leaning my forehead against the cool glass of the window, I tried to imagine how this Holly must have looked like.
Bet she was beautiful; blonde, curvaceous, every man's wet dream. Bet she was nice too. Bet she had a to die for job and a to do for apartment in one of those upper west side buildings.
Reaching for the door handle, I clicked it open and stepped out.
Jack still hadn't said anything.
In a way, I didn't want him to.
I felt like crap. Everything about me felt like crap.
I was going to go back to an empty apartment filled with memories of a man that I shouldn't have let myself fall for in the first place. I was going to go back to being alone, and sad, and pathetic and I wanted to cry so bad but I couldn't. I only had so much self control, and self respect.
Alone.
The thought scared me now.
It reminded me of how far away my family really was, and of how very lonely living in this god forsaken country could become. It made me question whether it was all going to be worth it in the end, or whether Papa had been right when he told me that all I would ever find in America was failure and heart break.
Shutting the door behind me, I crossed behind the parked car and on to the pavement. My feet trudged as if they were leading me to a death sentence and not my own home.
I was so focussed on trying not to cry that I didn't notice the car door open behind me.
"Wait," Jack called out.
My breath hitched in my throat and I stopped walking.
You have a girlfriend, I wanted to say but honestly, for that one moment, I really didn't care.
"What do you want?"
His hand wrapped around my arm and spun me around.
I looked up at him, feeling like I was going to explode. What he said next made me regret ever leaving the party with him all those nights ago, or ever becoming his friend.
"I can't... I can't leave you like this."
Jack's touch on my skin made me feel warm all over. I thought of the kiss Alex and I had almost shared and how electrifying it had been, how right it felt and I lost it.
"Then don't."
Jack's eyes widened the slightest.
Reaching a hand out, I grabbed a hold of his shirt and pulled him close until our bodies were nearly touching.
"Don't leave me."
Jack cradled the side of my face with his hand and leaned forward.
And the next kiss we shared was one we both weren't willing to let end just yet.
After Jack's driver had managed to lose the tailing paparazzi, the atmosphere in the car had turned tense and silent. We didn't speak to each other until we were outside the street side cafe I was beginning to despise.
I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to feel.
Alex had Nora and now, Jack had another too. Holly, I told myself. Her name was Holly.
Leaning my forehead against the cool glass of the window, I tried to imagine how this Holly must have looked like.
Bet she was beautiful; blonde, curvaceous, every man's wet dream. Bet she was nice too. Bet she had a to die for job and a to do for apartment in one of those upper west side buildings.
Reaching for the door handle, I clicked it open and stepped out.
Jack still hadn't said anything.
In a way, I didn't want him to.
I felt like crap. Everything about me felt like crap.
I was going to go back to an empty apartment filled with memories of a man that I shouldn't have let myself fall for in the first place. I was going to go back to being alone, and sad, and pathetic and I wanted to cry so bad but I couldn't. I only had so much self control, and self respect.
Alone.
The thought scared me now.
It reminded me of how far away my family really was, and of how very lonely living in this god forsaken country could become. It made me question whether it was all going to be worth it in the end, or whether Papa had been right when he told me that all I would ever find in America was failure and heart break.
Shutting the door behind me, I crossed behind the parked car and on to the pavement. My feet trudged as if they were leading me to a death sentence and not my own home.
I was so focussed on trying not to cry that I didn't notice the car door open behind me.
"Wait," Jack called out.
My breath hitched in my throat and I stopped walking.
You have a girlfriend, I wanted to say but honestly, for that one moment, I really didn't care.
"What do you want?"
His hand wrapped around my arm and spun me around.
I looked up at him, feeling like I was going to explode. What he said next made me regret ever leaving the party with him all those nights ago, or ever becoming his friend.
"I can't... I can't leave you like this."
Jack's touch on my skin made me feel warm all over. I thought of the kiss Alex and I had almost shared and how electrifying it had been, how right it felt and I lost it.
"Then don't."
Jack's eyes widened the slightest.
Reaching a hand out, I grabbed a hold of his shirt and pulled him close until our bodies were nearly touching.
"Don't leave me."
Jack cradled the side of my face with his hand and leaned forward.
And the next kiss we shared was one we both weren't willing to let end just yet.