Glitter

Alex looked from me, to Jack, then back again. I swore I saw anger flash across his face but it was gone so suddenly, I wasn’t so sure. When I looked up to meet his gaze, shame was beginning to tinge my cheeks and shoulders with embarrassing warmth. I realized, suddenly, that the sheet I was holding around myself was semi-transparent.

For a long second, we stood there staring at each other. I couldn’t tell whether Jack noticed this or not but for that small moment, I didn’t care. Alex knew. Alex had found out.

“I didn’t come to get you, Jack.” The words were bitter, cold and distant. Alex wouldn’t even glance at Jack. The cold in his voice had penetrated his gaze and the air around us. I shuddered under the very little protection I had from the sheet. This was beyond sensible. Beyond me.

Five years I’ve lived in this place, five years I’ve managed to scrape by with little to no drama, confusion and frustration at all. Two months it’s been since I first saw Alex lying on my doormat, in a puddle of his own sick. Two short months it’s been and there I was, being glared at (although this confused me somewhat, he had chosen Nora, hadn’t he?) by the man I was sure I loved while smiling at the man I’d just made love to.

Oh my, made my head spin this did.

Sucking in a deep breath, I looked at Jack and saw the expression on his face change. He didn’t look so happy anymore. Blinking at Alex, the man turned to look at me and some sort of realization must have dawned because in that split second of silence, his eyes narrowed and scowl deepened.

“What are you doing here, Jack?” Alex asked him, eyes still glued on mine.

Jack said nothing. He was still glaring at me. Two pairs of brown eyes now, I thought to myself, funny how just last night I’d been dying to just look at one. The irony made me giggle.

“I’ll see you tonight,” I said quickly, turning to Jack. I pasted on the most pleading smile I could and pushed him lightly out of the room. I wanted to die. How could I have been so stupid?

Jack shook his head and stepped into the hallway. “I think I’m going to be busy.” And with that he stomped away, away from me and Alex, head bowed.

If the world had any intention of opening up and swallowing me whole, now would have been a great time to do so.

“He has a girlfriend, you know.” Alex’s voice still held that cool edge. He had crossed his arms across his chest and was leaning against the doorframe.

I hitched the sheet up and walked away from him, back to my bedroom. I didn’t care whether he followed or not.

“It’s none of your business, Alex.” I yelled, pulling on a pair of shorts and a shirt. There was silence, then a door slammed. For a moment, I thought he had left.

When I walked back into the living room, he was sitting on the kitchen counter. “How could you have even considered sleeping with Jack? You kno...” and he trailed off.

I walked to the kitchen sink, still ignoring him, powered by an irrational sense of shame and anger and got myself a glass of water.

“It’s none of your business, Alex.” I was gritting my teeth now. “Why do you care anyway? Where’s Nora?” The last was said with bitterness that I didn’t know I possessed. When I turned to face Alex, his expression had fallen. We were treading on thin ice now, me and him. Some gap had been bridged last night, with our almost kiss. We were no longer just friends, or friends of friends.

“Is that what all this is about?” his voice had dropped a decibel and he was searching my face for something. I turned away.

"It's what it's always been about, hasn't it?" I whispered back.

I heard him jump off the counter and take the two steps towards me. Instinctively, I leaned away, backing myself against the sink.

I like you Alex, I like you a lot. Why do things have to be so complicated?

When he was right in front of me, Alex sucked in a deep breath.

"Dianna..." he began.

I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the tears away.

I had slept with a man that I knew had a thing for me, I had slept with him knowing that my feelings for his friend - for the man before me now - would never be equated by I would ever feel for him. Guiltily, I thought of the expression on Jack's face and my heart fell.

How could I have done that to him?

"You should go, Alex." The words were out before I had given them any thought. I couldn't do this anymore, didn't want to anyway. I had caused way too much damage already. I liked a man that I could never have, and hurt a man that I did. My flat mate hated me and I hated her for having something that I didn't - Alex.

He shook his head.

"That night, when you first went out with Jack ... you told me something Dianna, something that I've never been able to forget since then."

My eyes flickered over to his. I had stopped breathing.

"You told me that you liked me, Dee, that you wanted me."

I think the blush that crept over my face and neck was enough to rival the beacon lights of a red traffic light.

I shook my head. "I was... I was drunk..."

Alex hissed, "Nonsense."

After a long second, I looked at my feet.

"But, Nora. Your coming here, my meeting you - you're hers, Alex. I have no right feeling that."

He cupped my chin with his hand and pulled it up until I was looking into his eyes again. I wondered if he could see the shame in mine, swimming like some sort of tangible thing in my expression.

"Then why did I feel like pummelling my best friend in the face when I saw him here - if I am 'hers'?"

I blinked at him, my mind thinking too slow. When it finally registered, I didn't know whether to feel relieved or ashamed.

Could it be possible that Alex might feel the same?