The Nerd Boy

Did I feel like a complete asshole? Yes, you can check that fucking box. When I watched Oscar leave the room, a hatred grew inside of me. Why couldn't I have just spoke the truth and told him that he wasn't just an acquaintance, that I really wanted to become friends with him?

But no, I went and ruined my chance to get closer to Oscar and look where it has lead me. This is why I don't usually show people my emotions, I have a poker face most of the time and since now it hasn't caused me much trouble. I wanted to bring him back and tell him that I really didn't mean it, but I couldn't. I'm too much of a coward to even do something like that.

He doesn't know though that he's like sunshine on my rainy day. Everything used to be so bleak and meaningless and when he stepped in that all disappeared. Look where I am now, confused at what I really think of Oscar and how I should even act on it in the first place. 

I'm sure that this isn't just any normal feeling. I will admit, I am attracted to him. But why wouldn't I be? He's quite a feminine looking boy, which makes his features so much cuter to look at. 

Now you see what is wrong with me, how far does attraction go until it reaches that danger zone that we call a crush? I don't have a crush on Oscar Gordon, that is preposterous. It's fucking insane. 

I know I needed stress relief and everything seemed to be against me. When I came home after that failed tutoring session, my parents just wouldn't leave me alone. I swear they find joy in making me miserable. Things aren't any better at school, a boy walked into me accidentally and I went off the handle. 

After that, I just happened to see Oscar walking to the classrooms and I couldn't help but look at him. I knew I was staring, probably even ogling him. I couldn't stop myself. I really wanted to go over to him and actually talk to him, but I didn't have the guts.

What makes it even worse, is that Carson is beginning to notice my strange behavior. Even without looking at him, I could tell he was surveying my every action, expression and look towards the smaller boy. 

"Is there something you want to tell me, Francis?" he smirked at me, before nodding at the direction of Oscar on the other side of the corridor. 

I wish the guy would just poke his nose in someone else's business. I know he means well, actually, I'm not sure if he really does, I wish he'd just leave me be.

We were waiting outside to go into English and unfortunately this was one of the classes where we had both Oscar and Kennedy in it. There was no escaping him now. 

I turned to face Carson with a fake smile on my face. "There is absolutely nothing that I have to say to you, Carson."

The door to the classroom opened as Mr. Faye came out with a beaming smile on his face, it was quite sickly to look out. 

"Alright, come in you lot. I've got a new seating plan for you," he mentioned as many of the teenagers groaned at the news. 

We walked into the classroom as I looked up at the board to see where I would be seating. I should have expected this, it was one of those cliche moments where this has to happen to make me despair.

 I was in the middle of Kennedy and Oscar, Carson being the other side of the room. Maybe Mr. Faye did this on purpose as Oscar was my tutor, but I wish he really hadn't even thought of the idea at all.

 I looked over at Oscar to see if he was annoyed at the choice of seating as well but his expression was blank and unreadable. I sighed as I made my way to the back. If this was any other class I could do what I wanted and swap seats with someone, but Mr. Faye would never let me do that, not in a million years.  

I pulled back my chair and sat down as I watched out of the corner of my eye as Oscar did so. Kennedy looked disappointed because he wasn't sitting beside Oscar, but I could really care less about him. This could be my chance to actually do something right in my life and sort things out. 

I turned my chair around slightly so I could see him better. He wasn't looking at me, I don't think he seemed to notice my eyes on him either. Oscar's eyes were glued to the teacher as he talked about the next assignment for the next few weeks. Mr. Faye's words went right over my head, there was no way I could listen to him right now. 

"Are you just going to stare at me, or are you actually going to say something?" Oscar suddenly spoke, shocking me into reality. 

I hadn't even noticed that his left eye was looking at me, his head not inclined one direction at all but he was staring at me. He'd notice me looking at him longer than I thought. I tried not to look embarrassed about this fact, I couldn't let that emotion take over me. 

I opened my mouth, the words suddenly spewing out without my control. "I'm sorry." I was shocked at my own words. 

Oscar was the first one to have been told that sincerely without it being a lie or not completely heart felt. This time, I meant every word. Oscar couldn't believe this either, his eyebrows were raised, his eyes widening. 

"Francis Darson apologizing?" he snorted at the word, "That's a first." 

I frowned at him, did he not believe me? What else did I have to say to get rid of this horrible feeling that was twisting my stomach into knots. Oscar wanted me to say something more, I knew it. 

"I was being stupid," I said as I heard him snicker at this, "Let's just start over. I wouldn't mind having a geeky little boy like you as a friend. Heck, you're quite interesting after all."

His lips stretched into a smile. "Awesome. And yes, of course I am interesting. I am amazing, aren't I?" 

I couldn't help but smile at his words. I turned back around to face the board noticing the death glare that Kennedy was suddenly giving me. I ignored it thinking that I was only just imagining it.