The Nerd Boy

Kennedy Young

Somehow I regretted even telling Oscar anything, I kept on thinking that if I had left it alone and acted like his best friend - the best friend that he expected me to be - then everything would be fine.

But then in comes Francis, someone who is just oozing with charisma and confidence. We were sort of friends, yeah, I hung out with him and Carson at times but only because I found them somewhat interesting. Though I didn't expect that he would become this close to my Oscar.

I thought it was ridiculous but I was slowly becoming more jealous as the weeks went on, even though I knew that he was only tutoring Francis. I thought it was completely and utterly innocent. I was wrong about that because it's clear what Francis's intentions are, I realized it a long time ago but Oscar was being so slow that he didn't even notice.

I could tell that the way Francis looked at him was no longer because he was irritated that he had to be tutored by him. His facial expression changed to one of admiration and all I could do was watch it happen as he slowly but surely took Oscar away from me. I know full well that Oscar isn't an object, so he's not something you can possess, but I wanted him. I still want him.

It's painful to watch as he begins to distance himself from me - but there's nothing I can do. At the end of the day, I don't want Oscar to hate me; I care about him too much to take him away from his happiness.

To be honest, I don't even know how he feels about Francis, he hasn't talked about it. I hoped that nothing would change between the two of them then he told me about how he kissed him. My heart nearly broke from the blush that crept across his cheeks.

I'm jealous of Francis and I don't even know what to do to stop what's already happening - what's sure to happen. I feel at a loss to everything.

I had gone off to cool down, to breathe a little after the confrontation with Francis. I was at breaking point; I was so close to falling off the edge. I was never supposed to act like a stupid selfish bastard because hey, that is not me. I'm always talkative and I'm always there for my friends - for Oscar. This whole ordeal has changed me and I hated that fact.

I decided to walk back to the table that Oscar was sitting in the canteen with his sister and everyone else. Seeing his face would instantly calm me down a bit. Although, when I arrived at the table, Oscar wasn't there. I frowned, wondering where he had run off to. His sister, Emma answered my question when she noticed the confused look across my face.

"Oh, he went off with that boy - Francis I think he was called," she told me.

I tensed up immediately, unable to respond to this. Over everything there was one thing that I was definitely afraid of, not just the fact that I wasn't even an option for Oscar, I was scared that he'd replace me. I'd no longer be the closest to him; I'd no longer be his best friend.

I couldn't keep on running after them each time because unfortunately Oscar was stubborn and I didn't want to come across too controlling, even if I felt like snatching him away from Francis.

It was only a few minutes later of unbearable silence on my part when I felt someone hug me from behind.

"Hey, Kennedy," Oscar smiled up at me, seeming to be in a really good mood.

I looked around to see if Francis was around and I could see him, walking out of the cafeteria as he took one last glance our way, a smug look on his face.

"Hi," I managed to get out, I was curious as to what had happened.

Oscar sat down as I slowly did the same, my eyes inspected him. Something was slightly fishy about him.

"You're being super smiley today," I noted.

Oscar turned to look at me and shrugged, "Well, you would be too if the person you happened to like also liked you back."

He froze mid sentence only then comprehending what he had said to me. It seemed that he had been completely inconsiderate of how I felt about him; either that or he had forgotten everything about that.

"W-what?" I managed to stammer out.

A concerned look appeared on his face as he finally realized what he had done. He faced me, biting his lip.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that...I was just happy because Francis had been lying to me before and he does like me. But I should really not be saying this to you," he hit his head, "I should really just shut up!"

I knew it all along; in fact I kind of hoped Francis was as apprehensive as me. But he's not; he's straight forward about this kind of thing while I only sit at the sidelines thinking that if I stay by Oscar's side then something could probably happen. I'm so stupid.

I did my best to keep a straight face, what would he do if I suddenly started...crying over this? He'd blame himself and I didn't want him to act that way. So I kept it in, all the negative feelings that consumed me and smiled but it was a smile that was so obviously fake.

"That's good," I lied, "I've given up on you now anyway, there's no point in chasing after you really, is there?"

Liar, liar, liar.

I could tell he was trying to work out if I was telling the truth or not but he didn't to look into it that much. He gave me a grin, a wonderful one that sent butterflies to my stomach. He brought me into a hug and that was one thing that I didn't want him to do right now. I didn't want him to touch me.

"So, do you want to come round later? We can watch scary movies and eat loads of popcorn," he poked me, "Huh, huh? Won't that be fun?"

I can tell he's trying to make me feel better, it's sort of working. I poked him back as he winced dramatically and glared at me.

"You asking for a poke war?" he folded his arms.

I poked him again, smirking. "Oh hell yes."

I guess this was alright for now - even if I was second best to Francis Darson.

~

I loved my photography club, I really did, but sometimes it would go on for absolutely ages. I always regretted having to leave Oscar to go home by himself, I knew he would be okay, he reassured me that, but I'd rather be by his side. Although, I wanted to be a photographer - that was my lifelong dream - so I couldn't think of not going at all.

I walked through the halls of the school, most teachers and students had gone home by now, leaving the classrooms dark and the halls dimly lit. I never liked walking around in school like this; it always seemed kind of creepy.

I saw something up ahead, a small movement as I realized what it was - or who it was. Francis's friend Carson, he was kind of my friend too, was propped up against a window, his eyes glued to whatever laid ahead.

I followed his gaze, noticing that he was looking into that English teacher's classroom; Mr Faye I think was his name. He was the guy who had put Francis and Oscar together for tutoring. Carson didn't notice me coming; he was too busy staring ahead to notice.

"I didn't know you were a stalker, Carson," I smirked.

The red haired boy jumped, nearly falling off the small space of the window as he steadied himself and rolled his eyes at me.

"I wasn't stalking, I was just-" he paused to find a better word but sighed and gave up soon after, "Okay, I was stalking. But I don't really know what else to do."

I raised an eyebrow, understanding what he meant perfectly. I hadn't really paid much attention to Carson's actions before but now that I did, I could see through him perfectly.

"You like him, don't you? The teacher, I mean," I asked.

He blushed scarlet, mumbling something incoherent before nodding. I guess I had been right then.

"It's stupid though. He's fourteen years older than me and he's married with a kid," he tried to keep his voice low as possible, it seemed that he was afraid someone else but the two of us would hear, "I know I shouldn't feel this way - but I do. I can't help it. Although, he probably doesn't even know who I am."

I felt sympathy for Carson; his situation was slightly similar to mine. We were both going after someone even though we knew the likeliness of them ever liking us back was so slim. That's how I felt around Oscar, I felt powerless. I couldn't do anything but watch from the sidelines.

I sat next to Carson on the window sill, my eyes casted to the ground.

"I was in the same situation as you, sort of. I really liked this guy but he likes someone else. Plus he can't see us as anything more than friends," I bit my lip, "I guess it kind of hurts now, realizing that."

He didn't say anything but I think he knew who I was talking about. Oscar had been the only one who was oblivious. Carson didn't question it though; he kept silent, seeming to be in his own little world.

I spoke up, determination striking through me. "But I'm sure things will get better, right? It's going to be hard to give up on Oscar and I don't know exactly what you're going to do but...there'll be other chances, other people who will make you happier."

Most of that was to reassure myself but it seemed to have worked on Carson.

He smiled at me, a bright smile that would have lit up anyone else's day. "Yeah I guess you're right. Thanks, Kennedy."

With that, Carson jumped off of the window sill, giving me one last glance before walking away. I could give people advice, that was fine enough, but could I actually follow it myself? I made it out to sound like I had already given up on Oscar, but it wasn't that easy.

It really hurts, it's painful to realize that the one you love will never love you back.