Let It Be Me

"Oh, shit," Juice cursed at the computer screen. He'd been putting his hacking skills to good use, trying to get any leverage at all on Lance Stern and stumbled on some not-so-great news. He flipped his cell open and dialed Austin's number.

"Juice, what's up," she greeted.

"Jax there with you?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Better put this on speaker."

After a click and a few seconds, Jax's voice came on the line. "What's the deal, Juice?"

"You guys aren't going to like this. I've been digging around on Lance, trying to find some leverage. The guy isn't just an informant – he's a fucking undercover fed. When the shit went down with Austin, he got away with a slap on the wrist because they needed him on Miranda's case."

"What about Miranda's death?" Austin asked.

Juice sighed. "Nothing in his file about it. My guess is he's probably going to let someone else take the fall for that."

"Unless he didn't really do it," Jax suggested.

Austin glared but knew that wasn't an argument for right now. "So what now?"

"After Miranda died, they gave the drug bust over to someone else so that Lance could take a personal leave – for family reasons, it says."

"So he's not on the clock," Austin surmised. "We can go after him still."

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Aus," Juice posited. "Fed ends up dead in the same city where his son got fucked up, it's not gonna look too good for you."

"Then we have to bring him here," she replied.

"Are you out of your mind?" Jax responded.

Austin rolled her eyes. "Juice, thanks for the info. We're going to settle this on our own, I think."

"No problem," Juice replied before disconnected the call.

Jax eye her suspiciously. "You can't be serious, wanting to bring him here. What are you gonna do? Knock on the door and politely invite him over for tea, then tell him, 'By the way, you're a dead mother fucker.'?"

"Maybe not in those exact words," Austin replied, pulling on a long-sleeved shirt, dark jeans, and the boots she loved so much.

"Fuck that," Jax told her. "You're not bringing him here. You're not going to lure that creep here, where we live."

"Why not?" Austin asked.

"Why not? You want to know why not? I'll tell you fucking why not, Austin. Because if you bring him here and any shit goes down, it's going to give you nightmares. You still tense every other time I touch you. Don't tell me that you can shower like a normal person yet. Do you know how many nightmares a night you have that I have to calm you down from?" He judged by the look on her face. "You didn't even know you were having nightmares, did you? God, they must really be horrible. I want it to stop, Austin. I want us to have a normal life."

"Normal?" Austin scoffed. "You want us to have a normal life? How is that even possible? Neither of us knows what normal is, Jackson! I grew up with a stripper mother, a father who wouldn't acknowledge me, and a brother who had to sneak out of the house to spend time with me. You grew up in this … this … fuck, I don't even know what to call it. You grew up in club life, Jax, and let's be real – there's not a damn thing normal about that."

"Then we'll leave. We'll pick up and leave and we'll never have to deal with any of it ever again. We'll forget about Lance, we'll forget about JT and his bullshit. We'll forget about Clay and Gemma finding the manuscript – we'll forget everything the way it is now and we'll live normal."

Austin shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. "Yeah, that sounds good. Then we can just watch our backs for the rest of our lives."

"I'm serious," Jax assured her. "If that's what you wanted I would do it."

Austin sat on the couch, pulling her knees to her chest. She spoke quietly. "Do you know I've never been in a relationship before you? I mean, I'm sure you could have guessed. I lost my virginity to my senior prom date – one of the few friends I had in high school. Maybe that could have been more, I don't know."

"What happened to him?" Jax asked, sitting on the couch next to her.

"He joined the Marines and was killed in action overseas," she answered quietly. "He wrote me all the time and one day there was no letter from him in the mail. Three days later, I read about it in the paper."

"I told you before, I'm not going to abandon you," Jax assured her.

Austin nodded. "Kip said that, too. So did the guy from high school. My father has apologized for it, but there's really not much he can do to make up for what he's done."

"You have to believe me," Jax pleaded. "I thought you did believe me."

"Maybe I just got caught up in everything …"

Jax saw now where she was headed with this. "No, Austin. You're not going to do this. You're not going to push me away again."

"If that's all you think this is, then you don't get it. Being in each other's lives, it's only brought us trouble. I brought this Lance thing to your doorstep the second I pulled onto the Teller-Morrow lot. You showing me that manuscript has Clay on my tail, and I would imagine Gemma isn't far behind, as much as I love her."

"This isn't the way to do this."

"If you won't listen to me, think about what JT himself said. When all this shit boils down to it, there are no friends, no loved ones. We are alone. Even together, Jax, we're alone. You'll never know who's coming after you next because of me, and I'll never know when I might make a misstep and have to be judged by the Sons."

Jax gripped her hands in his. "Austin, I know you don't want this."

"You're right, I don't," she replied quietly. "But we don't have any other options. The only way that we can survive is apart. I'm going to go into my room and start packing. When I'm done, I'm hoping you'll be gone. I'll leave for Carolina in the morning; Lance should follow me there."

"Why?" Jax questioned as she stood and walked towards the bedroom. "So I can read in the newspapers one day that you're dead?"

Austin turned and shook her head. "No. So if you read in the papers one day that I'm dead, you won't have to care."

.:.

Austin sighed after Jax slammed the door shut as he left the apartment. She was probably going to have to pay a pretty high price for that one, or have to count him as a complete loss. The thought of losing Jax made her heart stop, but it had to be done. She couldn't do this with him around.

Putting him out of her mind, she went for the nightstand to retrieve the gun. She made sure it was fully-loaded and tucked it in the back of her waistband. Austin only hoped she would be able to grab it in enough time to protect herself when he came.

She turned on the television and chanced a peek out the balcony window to the parking lot. Maybe Lance thought he was being stealthy, but she had spotted him almost immediately when she and Jax returned from the police station. She always had a look over her shoulder anyway, and seeing Lance parked there outside her apartment wasn't any act of hyper-vigilance. The only thing Austin could figure was that she had finally pushed him so far to the edge – or maybe over it – that all of his inhibitions had gone out the window. He cared only that Austin was dead and he wasn't going to care about anything or anyone who would get in his way.

So, she would do what she had to do. She could kill him first, she was certain of it. For now, she tried to relax on the couch as though she was trying to cool down from her argument with Jax. There was no doubt in her mind that Lance had seen it – or that he had seen Jax leave.

.:.

Jax parked his bike in the Teller-Morrow lot and let out a deep breath. How could she do that? How could she push him away again just to get even? Well, actually, she'd explained it pretty well. She saw things just the way JT had: she had no one. Just pluses and minuses.

Juice was still at his computer when Jax walked into the clubhouse. He had one of the prospects get him a beer and leaned forward with his head in his hands.

"I won't ask how the rest of your discussion with Austin went," Juice said.

Jax snorted. "Yeah, some discussion. I swear, when that girl gets something in her head, that's just it. There's no room for even argument. She's so fucking stubborn."

"Yeah, sounds like the Austin we've all come to know and love," Juice chuckled. "Sorry, brother. I know it's not really funny, but you two are kind of predictable."

Jax took a sip of his beer. "She cut me off, man."

Juice frowned. "Say what?"

"Yep," Jax nodded. "She wanted to go after Lance and I told her it was a bad idea. It turned into this huge fucking argument and she told me we were better off apart. And like I said, once Austin has something in her head …"

"Lance's motel is by her apartment, right?"

"Yeah."

Juice nodded. "He's probably keeping an eye on her place then. She started this huge fight with you, and you left. You left her alone when this dude is out to kill her. Nothing's going to draw him out like that, Jax."

"If she needs something, she'll call someone. Probably not me."

"Jax, you know I love you, man, but you're being real fucking stupid right now. Austin did that on purpose. We all know that since you two finally got together you've been inseparable. You really think she's just going to leave you behind like that?"

"Fuck!" Jax cursed, pushing his beer away. "She's trying to draw him out."

Juice shrugged. "I may be wrong, but that seems a lot more plausible than her dumping you like that."

"Call Clay," Jax ordered. "Tell him we're going to need a couple of guys at the apartment, maybe even Unser. This isn't going to be pretty."

Jax didn't remember ever running so fast in his life. How stupid had he been, to live her there alone while Lance was on the loose. He only prayed that by the time they all arrived it wouldn't be too late.

.:.

She didn't have to wait as long as she thought she would for Lance to come for her. Jax hadn't been gone for more than fifteen minutes when a loud thud sounded at the door. She gripped the gun in front of her and released the safety. If she was lucky, she could shoot as soon as he came through the door and be done with it. While he was still kicking at the door, she picked up her phone and dialed 911.

"My name is Austin Epps, and there's a man trying to break into my apartment. I don't know who it is and I'm afraid to look. Please, send someone quick!" The panic in her voice was feigned; surprisingly, she felt calmer than she had in a long time. She disconnected the call and threw the phone down.

Her finger pulled the trigger before the door hit the ground. Although she had aimed for his head, his attempt to move out of the way landed the bullet in his right shoulder. Seeming to not care about the pain, Lance pointed straight for Austin and pulled the trigger.

Austin would never know how she was able to duck and not get hit. Lance's degree of anger was throwing him off completely, and she was going to have to use that to her advantage.

"You fucking cunt! You killed my son!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Austin insisted. "Dougie disappeared, Lance. None of us knew where he was."

"Bullshit," Lance spat. "You've escaped your consequences for way too long, and now you're finally going to get what you deserve."

He popped off another shot, but Austin again scrambled out of the way – not that she needed to move so fast. He was just playing with her now; throwing bullets around like he had ammo to spare.

"Come on," she encouraged. "You keep doing that you're going to run out of bullets before you do anything."

"Don't push me, little girl. I'll finish you off faster than you know what to do with."

"I think you're wrong," Austin told him quietly. "You underestimate how bad I want you dead. You came after me, you killed my mother. The only way to even that out is for you to pay. And you've already shot, Lance. Anything I do to you now is just self-defense."

Lance snorted. "Yeah, right."

"Tell you what," Austin told him. "Cops are on their way. You can turn yourself in to them, or I can just go ahead and shoot you now."

"You don't have it in you," Lance retorted. "Besides, I'm sure one of those good-for-nothing bikers will come rescue you."

"They know you're my kill."

"Do you know how long I've been an agent, Austin? I know everything about the Sons. Once one of them makes a claim, they protect it."

"You're fucking right about that," Jax said from the doorframe.

Lance turned to point his gun and Jax, but Austin ran forward to pull his aim in a different direction. Increasingly irritated with her, Lance reached for her arm and pulled her to him with his gun at Austin's temple.

"Isn't this just perfect," Lance sneered. "I'll use her for leverage and once I'm far enough gone, she'll be dead. There's no hope for her now."

Jax held his hands up in defense, holding his gaze with Austin. He hoped to all that was good that she was far more in tune with what he was thinking than he had been with her thoughts earlier in the night. When she gave a slight nod, Jax carefully set his weapon on the ground.

"All right, man. Just let her go," Jax pleaded.

"Not on your life," Lance growled. He again pointed the gun at Jax, just as Austin pushed away, landing on her backside.

Everything in the next few seconds happened in a blur. There were three gunshots and for a split second, everything was silent.

Austin's eyes had squeezed shut when her gun fired. When she opened her eyes and was finally able to survey everything around her, she realized she couldn't breathe – her lungs just refused to inflate. She tried to choke out words, but they just wouldn't come.