Let It Be Me

Austin was quiet at supper, pushing her food around her plate and mostly just listening to Clay and Gemma talk. She couldn't get that look on Jax's face as she left the clubhouse out of her mind. She knew that he genuinely believed he had feelings for her now, but that could only last for so long. Once he found out what was really going on – which seemed inevitable at this point – he wouldn't want her anymore. No point in investing her heart to something that was never going to be.

"You feeling okay, sweetie? Ribs bothering you?" Gemma asked.

"No, ma'am. I'm sorry, everything tastes great. Just thinking about some things."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Austin leaned her head on her hand. "Not really. I'm just … got too much on my mind."

"Second-guessing going back to your apartment?" Clay asked.

"No," she replied shaking her head. "I still think that was the right thing. It's easier being on my own."

Clay and Gemma exchanged a knowing look. Clay pulled his phone from his pocket. "Why don't I give Half-Sack a call? I know you guys don't get much time together and maybe we can have him crash on your couch tonight, just to be on the safe side."

Austin nodded, and Gemma gave Clay a grateful look. She let out a deep breath and tried to choose her words carefully. "You're letting this thing with Jax weigh on you way too hard, baby. Either you want to be with him or you don't. And, if you don't, that's okay. But that boy is hard up for you. If getting-over has to be done, he's got to start it now. You've changed him, Austin, and he'll never be the same, with or without you. You're the one who decides who Jax becomes."

"No pressure or anything," Austin scoffed. "I know, Gemma. I know everything you're saying is right, and it isn't that I don't want to be with Jax. I don't know how to explain it. I'm scared of … a lot of things. God, I feel like a broken record talking to you about all of this."

Gemma shook her head. "One of these times you're going to say it and the answer's going to be right in front of you. You'll know what you want to do."

Clay walked back in then, holding up the phone. "Sack says he'll meet you at your place in about twenty minutes."

Austin nodded. "Thanks, Clay. I better get going then."

She helped Gemma clean up the table and the kitchen, then waited for Clay to walk her to her car.

"You know, Aus, I know it's better for you to talk to Gemma about these things. I just want to say … that night of the brawl, there was a reason I wanted you to patch Jax up. I'm a rough-edged bastard, but the way he looks at you and the way you look at him – I've seen that before. I think it's a stupid thing to pass up."

Austin smiled. "You and Gemma?"

"No," Clay said with a smirk. "Gemma and John."

"Jax's father?" Austin clarified, her jaw dropping slightly.

Clay nodded, then pulled her in for a hug and kissed the top of her head. "Be safe going home, sweetheart. Have Sack call me when you're both at the apartment."

"Thanks, I will."

Kip was waiting for her at the apartment, making sure she let him check the place out before he let her in. Austin rolled her eyes, but mostly because she was just ready for bed and tired of the delay.

She found extra bedding for Kip and set up the couch for him. "Help yourself to whatever. You know that."

"Thanks, Aus." Kip said. "You all right? You look stressed."

She hadn't discussed it with her brother yet. Maybe this was as good a time as any to talk to him about it. She braided her hair and put on a pair of sweats, then sat in her recliner. She wasn't sure how to preface it, so she just went ahead and asked.

"Kip, how would you feel about me being with Jax?"

He frowned. "I thought you decided against that."

"I did, too. He just kind of stuck. He's so intent on keeping me safe." Austin shook her head. "We hated each other so much at first, and I don't even know when that changed."

"You asked me how I'd feel about it," he said. "If you're going to be with any of the Sons, Aus, I'd want it to be Jax. I know he'll keep you safe and he'd give his life for yours. I don't know when the hatred changed either, but I know both of you want this. Maybe you should just give it a chance."

"Maybe," Austin shrugged. "Everything else is keeping me from just giving in. The reason I came here, this shit with the Mayans. I haven't heard back from Carolina yet. He won't trust me if he finds out that –"

"There's no reason not to trust you," Kip said, covering her hand with his. "No reason."

Austin nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Get some sleep, Aus. You look like shit."

She laughed. "Thanks, brother."

They bid each other good night, and Austin closed the bedroom door behind her. She checked that her gun was safely tucked away behind the bedside lamp and climbed into the bed. Phone in hand, she flipped it open and stared at it.

Call Jax, her mind directed her. You know he's not sleeping either. You probably owe him an apology.

She hit the speed dial number but couldn't hit the button to make the call connect. She had too much pride to call him when just a few hours ago she was basically telling him to butt out of her life altogether. Instead she cleared the screen and dialed another well-known number.

"Hey, Mom, it's me," Austin told the voicemail system. "I'm sorry I haven't called since I left. Everything was such a mess … my fault, I suppose. Call me when you get this, okay?"

Closing the phone, Austin set it on the nightstand and closed her eyes. Nothing left to do for now than try to get some sleep.

.:.

Jax was wide awake as well, staring up at the ceiling of the clubhouse. Austin had only been gone for an hour when he considered going after her, but he just didn't know what else to say or do to convince her he wasn't going anywhere and that he wasn't going to screw up again. His phone chirped, so he reached for his pants and fished it out of the pocket.

"Yeah."

"Hey, it's Mom," Gemma greeted. "How are you doing?"

"Fine."

"Liar. I know how Austin was when she was here and she isn't nearly as convinced as you are that being together could be a good thing. Just wanted to make sure you're not drowning your sorrows in some bimbo with big tits."

Jax chuckled. "No, I'm alone."

"Good. You just keep doing what you're doing, honey. She's a good girl; she'll come around."

"Thanks, Mom. Get some sleep."

"You too, baby."

He ended the call but kept the phone open. He hit the speed dial number for Austin's phone and stared at the screen. He could easily call her, but what would his excuse be? He wasn't prepared to beg anymore. So instead, he cleared the screen, flipped the phone shut and rolled over to try and get some sleep.

He was doing an oil change on an old Buick the next day when someone yelled for him from the lot. He rolled the creeper out from under the car and frowned.

"What the hell is going on?" he muttered to himself.

Austin, who was working on the next car over shook her head. "Shit. It's Dougie. He's back."

Jax dropped the tool in his hand and walked briskly over to where Clay and Tig were already talking to Dougie about his absence.

"Where the hell have you been?" Jax demanded.

"Relax," Tig told him. "It's just like Clay thought. Kid spooked after you busted him, but now he's ready to man up."

Jax shook his head. "He shouldn't be here."

"Come on, man. You thought the same thing about Aus and now –"

"Not the same thing, Tig. Not by a long shot."

Clay put his hands on Jax's shoulders and took his a few steps back. "Let him go inside and get cleaned up. We'll take a vote tonight to decide if he stays or goes. But you should know, Jax, I'm only calling for majority on this."

"Fine," Jax growled. "But I want a full explanation from him and I get to tell my side of what happened."

"You'll get your chance, don't worry."

Jax returned to the garage, picking the wrench up off the ground. Austin glanced at him; he could see she didn't want to ask but wanted to know what was going on.

"Club's going to vote in tonight on whether or not he stays. Clay only wants a majority, but I'll get to plead my case to let him go before we take the vote."

Austin just nodded. "Okay. Thanks for telling me."

"Yeah. Look, I know you don't want a hero, but I'm going to bat for you here, Aus. Maybe you could give me some information on what it is about this guy – why you don't want him around you."

She swallowed and shook her head. "I can't."

"Fuck, Austin. Without anything more than my gut instinct and your preference, I can't promise that he won't get voted back in."

"So be it," she shrugged, going back to her work.

He wanted to shake her. For as much as he cared about her, no one had ever frustrated him so much. She was so stubborn.

.:.

Her head was pounding. A long, hot day at the garage had been concluded with another argument with Jax over telling him why she didn't want Dougie around – this time wasn't just a little banter, either. It was a significant yelling match that hadn't really ended so much as it had been put on pause by other members of the club pulling them out of each other's faces. She was counting her lucky stars she didn't get pulled over on the way home for as fast as she drove trying to get away from the TM property.

Now she was laid back on her couch, arm over her eyes, just praying that sleep would come soon so that she could be unconscious to the whole ordeal. Arguing with Jax had never seemed like that big of a deal until the night of the brawl. Once she had felt that anticipation of almost kissing him, it was as if she developed a sense of guilt every time they argued.

A knock on her door interrupted the ignorant bliss she was just about to fall into. Letting out a deep huff, she rose from the couch and checked the peephole before opening the door.

"Can I help you?"

The familiar man in the hallway didn't look too much older than her. Clean cut in a t-shirt and jeans, brown hair and green eyes, he smiled at her. "Hi. I'm Ian, I live downstairs."

Although she wasn't one hundred percent sure, Austin decided that must have been where she knew him from. "I'm Austin."

"Nice to meet you," Ian replied. "So you're a mechanic, wow. I mean, I saw the Teller-Morrow shirt before, but I wasn't sure."

"You've just been watching me around the complex or something?" Austin frowned.

He held his hands up. "Sorry, I didn't mean for that to sound so creepy. I just see you here and there. Charming isn't that big of a town, you know."

"Right," Austin said. "Well, Ian, it was nice to meet you. If you'll excuse me, I've got to get out of this car grease and oil."

"Wait," he said before she could close the door. "I'm nervous. I get that way with pretty girls."

Austin rolled her eyes but smiled despite herself. "Thanks, I guess."

"Yeah. I just thought maybe we could have dinner."

"When did you have in mind?"

Ian shrugged. "Is tonight too soon?"

Austin gestured towards her work clothes. "It'll take me an hour or so to clean up."

"That's all right. I can come back. Why don't we say an hour and a half, so you can take your time?"

"Fair enough. See you then."

He waved before walking back down the steps and disappearing down another hallway. Austin shut the door and smiled to herself. Maybe he was a little too preppy to really be her type, but Ian could be just the thing to get her mind off of Jax.

.:.

Jax slammed through the chapel doors, demanding a beer from one of the other prospects. He picked it up and finished it off in a few gulps.

The majority had it; Dougie would stay. He was forgiven for running, but was required to stay away from Austin until further notice. If she was in the room, he wasn't, no matter the situation. Jax supposed he should at least be grateful for that, but it wasn't enough.

"You can't let your feelings get in the way here," Bobby told him. "I know how you feel, but Juice checked him out. His record is clean, man. He's an asset to the club."

"I guess we'll just have to wait until he gets to her when none of us are around, and then everyone will see, won't they?" Jax growled back. "I'm out of here."

"Hey, where are you going?" Clay demanded.

"To tell Austin that the people she trusts and calls family just voted to let that mother fucker stick around," Jax replied, pointing at Dougie.

No one seemed to have an argument, so he left then. He cranked up his bike, put on his helmet and made way for Austin's.

It wasn't too late, so he suspected that she would still be awake. He knocked on the door a few times and, for her peace of mind, decided it might be best to announce himself.

"Austin, it's Jax. I need to talk to you."

He heard shufflings inside the apartment and a male voice. Fearing the worst, he put his hand on the gun underneath his cut, breathing a sigh of relief when Austin answered the door. She stepped into the hallway and immediately shut the door behind her.

"What do you want?" she asked.

Jax frowned. "What's wrong with you?"

"Don't tell me you've already forgotten that fight we got into after work?"

"Look, I didn't come to fight or argue. I just thought you'd want to know that the club voted to keep Dougie. He's basically on probation and isn't allowed in the same room with you, but he's still going to be around."

Austin bit her lip and crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, I guess thanks for coming all the way over here to tell me. You didn't have to – you could have just called and saved yourself the trouble."

Jax scoffed and shook his head. "When are you going to get it through your stubborn brain, Austin, that anything I do for you isn't trouble? It's me, making myself vulnerable and trying to prove to you that I do want you. That I do want to be with you. You don't make anything easy. Nothing has been easy since that day you drove on to the lot. Being around you, living in the clubhouse with you. I hated it at first, but somehow you grew on me. I got to see who you really are and that changed the way I feel."

Austin shrugged. "And what now, Jax? You're all in love and giddy?"

"Don't do that," he said calmly. "Don't push me away because you're scared."

"Scared? What do I have to be scared of?"

"Of being with me," Jax answered loudly. "Of losing someone you care about. Everyone in your life – your mom, your father, even your brother – they've all left you at some point to fend for yourself and you're afraid that someone else is going to do that. You're pushing me away because you don't want to be hurt like that again, but you can only push for so long before someone sees through it."

The apartment door opened and a man who looked to be about their age stood in the doorway. "Is there a problem here?"

Jax felt the anger inside him grow. "No man, there's no problem. Not anymore – it just got solved."

Austin grabbed for his arm, following him down the stairs and out to the parking lot. "This isn't what you think, Jax. Would you just listen to me?"

"Why would I listen to you? I'm out here spilling my fucking soul to you, and you've got some other guy in your apartment! Just forget it, all right? I was wrong, I'm sorry."

"It isn't like that!" she insisted.

But he didn't want to hear it. Instead he started his bike and tore out of the parking lot. The only stop he made on the way to the clubhouse was to call that blonde from the last party and tell her to meet him there.