Through the Motions

Jenkins was dead. The overly-enthusiastic young Corporal had rushed straight into the front line, no cover, against Carrine's order, and she had another marine's blood on her hands. She felt she had slightly redeemed herself by rescuing Chief Ashley Williams from her squad's massacre. Akuze was blaring in her mind from the second Jenkins died, and she refused to let Alenko anywhere out of her gun's range; she doubted he knew her reasoning. He found this odd, but did not find it right to question her - at least at that moment.

The three descended the staircase after clearing out the last of the husks and geth, and headed over to the railing to get a view of the colony.

"My God," Ashley muttered. "It's like someone dropped a bomb."

The Lt. stepped up beside her, nodding. "That must be where the geth ship landed."

Carrine stepped away as the two studied the view, and radioed Joker for a pickup. She noticed Ashley approach her and quickly mentioned the rescue to Joker over the comm and to have Anderson and Dr. Chakwas available as soon as they boarded.

That was when she noticed the Lt. had wandered over to the beacon, somehow activating it. Panic set into her as she shoved Ashley aside and raced over. 'I am not losing another soldier on this fucking mission, I will not allow it!' She leapt the final few feet, knocking him to the ground as the beacon picked her up in his place.

"Shepard!" he cried out, barely being held back by Ashley.

"No!" Ashley yelled. "Don't touch her! It's too dangerous!"

Carrine could feel nothing but pain as a vision she couldn't decipher filled her head. Death, people screaming, fires...it looked like the apocalypse. She tried screaming, but the beacon had her fully paralyzed; she thought she heard her name, but she couldn't hold on to the noise as the static the beacon was causing became deafening. As the beacon overloaded, it threw her backwards, and she hit ground hard enough to crack it.

Alenko shoved Ashley off of him and raced over to her. "Commander! Commander Shepard! Answer me!" he called out, panic seeping easily into his voice. He lifted her head up and cradled it while Ashley contacted the Normandy, telling them to move quickly and that the Commander was unconscious.

- - - -

'Am I hungover? Why the fuck am I on a medic's bed?' were Carrine's first thoughts as she regained consciousness, screwing her eyes shut against the light next to her in the med bay.

"Dr. Chakwas! I-I think she's waking up," came a semi-familiar male voice. Using one hand to rub at her eyes and the other to push herself up, Carrine got herself into a sitting position to see that the voice did indeed belong to a very worried-looking Lt. Alenko.

Dr. Chakwas came into Carrine's line of vision, and she broke eye contact with Alenko to watch her. "You had us worried, Shepard. How are you feeling?"

'Like I drank out an entire krogan bar,' she thought, but decided against saying it, however accurate it was. "Minor throbbing. Nothing serious." She didn't want to tell them how bad it was; the less people worrying over her, the better. "How long was I out?"

"About 15 hours," Dr. Chakwas replied, lifting one eyebrow slightly. Carrine knew she didn't buy it. "Something happened down there with the beacon, we think."

Alenko walked up next to Carrine. She stared at him out of her peripheral vision as he crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. "It's my fault," he said. "I must have triggered some kind of security field when approached it. You just had to push me out of the way."

"You make it sound like you didn't want me to have helped you," Carrine said cooly, her back straightening and her eyes narrowing just slightly. "Sorry, but I lost one soldier on that mission and I wasn't going to let that number rise."

A look of alarm flashed over his face. "Wha- no, that's not- okay, that's not what I meant," he explained. "How do you know YOU wouldn't have gotten killed? If I hadn't wandered over there, none of this wouldn't have happened, and you wouldn't be hurt."

Carrine let her posture relax. 'He's...actually worried? Been awhile since anyone other than Anderson and my ship's medic gave a shit about my health.' "Don't blame yourself. You couldn't have known what might happen. Anyway, what happened to the beacon? Where is it?"

Alenko uncrossed his arms and stood next to Dr. Chakwas. "The beacon exploded, and overload maybe. It knocked you out cold; Williams and I carried you back here to the ship."

The slight blush on his neck didn't go unnoticed. 'Williams didn't help him. He's just embarrassed. Isn't that just adorable,' she thought to herself sarcastically. 'Fucking great. Another one wanting in my pants.' She forced herself to give him a small half-smile, however. "Thanks. I appreciate it." He nodded in acknowledgment.

"Physically, you're fine," Dr. Chakwas said, interrupting before the silence became awkward. "But I detected some unusual brain activity, abnormal beta waves." Carrine shifted, swinging her legs out over the edge of the bed to see Dr. Chakwas better. "I also noticed an increase in your rapid-eye movement, signs typically associated with intense dreaming."

"It wasn't a dream," Carrine said quickly. "It was war. A massacre. People...screaming, dying, begging for help, for someone to save them..." She rubbed the palms of her hands into her eyes. "It was more a nightmare. I can't make more sense of it than that." She could hear the whispers from the vision even as she recalled it, but it was no language that she recognized. She lost focus and only felt Alenko staring, studying her until Anderson came in to speak with her, dismissing the other two and leaving them alone.

He wrung his hands slightly as Alenko and Dr. Chakwas left the room. "That beacon hit you pretty hard. Are you sure you're okay, Commander? ...Carrine?"

She was quiet for a few moments before putting her feet down and standing, relaxing against the frame of the bed. "Physically? Yes. Mentally? Maybe. Emotionally? No. Jenkins died. I didn't know what the hell was attacking us. It was Mindoir and Akuze all over again. don't worry, I don't need a damn psych eval again, I just night a good night's sleep and something to wash my mind away."

Anderson frowned. "You're a damn hero in my book, Shepard, you know that, but you aren't getting a glass of alcohol here. I made this a dry ship."

Carrine groaned. "Really? Damn..."

Clearing his throat, Anderson continued. "Things look really bad, Shepard. The beacon is destroyed, Nihilus is dead, and the geth are invading. The Council is demanding answers."

"The Council can kiss my white ass, I didn't do a damn thing wrong!" she scoffed.

"Like I said, Shepard, you're a damn hero in my book. But one of their Spectres is dead and another is accused of killing him. That isn't going to make them happy."

Carrine sighed. "Because there's no damn way to win with them." She rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"He's working with the geth. That means he's gone rogue."

She smirked. "That means I can find a way to take him down."

Now Anderson was the one sighing. "It's not that easy. He's still a Spectre. Did anything unusual happen after the beacon caught you?"

"Yeah, I had some kind of vision. Death, destruction, screaming women, men, children, begging for their lives...your typical end of the world scenario. Second one I've seen, first one I haven't experienced first-hand." Anderson winced. "Sorry, that was uncalled for. There were a lot of synthetics, geth maybe."

He nodded. "Maybe we can present this to the Council-"

"And do what? Tell them I had a bad dream? As much as I'd like to, they'd say I'm full of crap, pat me on the head, and send me home. But we can prove Saren's gone rogue. Somehow. We can make them take back his Spectre status."

"I'll contact the Ambassador, see if he can get us an audience with the Council." Anderson turned to leave, but as he was about to step through the door, he turned and looked back over his shoulder. "Carrine...be careful."

She smiled at him. "Aye, aye. You too, sir." After he left and she washed her face up, she headed out into the mess hall, stomach rumbling. She stopped short after seeing Alenko waiting not far from the door. "Alenko." He started, and looked up quickly. "Calm down, jeez. Why are you out here? No work?"

"Uh, no ma'am, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You...you are okay, right?" he stammered out. She raised her eyebrow. "Ah, stupid question, of course you're okay. Losing Jenkins was...hard. I'm just glad we didn't lose you, too."

She softened a little. "This is the first time you've been in combat with someone under your ranking who died. I get it. It's not easy, and it never will be." She crossed her arms over her stomach, leaning on her left hip as she did so. "I appreciate the concern, Alenko, but I'm a soldier. There isn't much I don't think I can't get out alive of." An expression of confusion crossed his face. "I'm sure you've read my file, everyone seems to fucking know who I am. 'No, you're denied a private life because we want to throw sympathy at your feet!' Yeah, fuck the media."

"I wasn't trying to say anything along those lines, ma'am," he said, his voice much quieter as he stepped a little closer, not wanting other crew in the mess to eavesdrop. "I am - was genuinely worried about you. I'm sorry if I came across otherwise."

She stared at him, her face completely deadpan. 'He may actually not be kidding. Huh. I'll have to watch him.' "How - uh, I came out here for food. Do you...want to join me?" 'Fuck. Get it together. You're a grown woman.'

A smile spread on his face. "Sure thing ma'am. Biotics can always eat." He went off to grab whatever was being served at the counter while she sat down at the corner of the table.

'He's biotic? How did I not notice that in combat?' She knew the answer, but didn't want to admit it; she had been more concerned with protecting him and making sure she didn't lose another soldier than she was adjusting to fighting alongside him.

Soon enough, he arrived with the food. "Uh...thank you," she coughed awkwardly, feeling guilty for not getting her own because he carried three plates for himself. "Got enough food there, Alenko?"

He laughed. "Ma'am, I'm an L2 biotic. We're always hungry. And feel free to use Kaidan. If it's not too informal."

She shrugged, digging into her food at the same time he did. She studied him, from the dark hair that she first noticed to the way his ear twitched every time a slight noise was made somewhere in the ship level. He looked back up and caught her staring, but made no move to break eye contact or call her out on it; he simply smiled at her and kept eating, and she did the same, not one to back down from a challenge.

"So what happens now? I have a feeling there's more to this than just a shakedown run," he finally said after taking a swig of water.

Carrine broke the eye contact to rub at the bridge of her nose again. "I don't know. Anderson wants to meet with the Council, get some answers, point some fingers." She snorted. "I have to deal with politicians. Fuck. I don't like dealing with things I can't shoot to make them shut up."

"Just sit there and nod at anything you can't eat or kill?" came a mouthful of advice. Carrine looked at him and burst out laughing, startling the crewmen at the other end of the table. "What? Oh, come on."

"I'm sorry. It's gotta be a few years since I've laughed at anything that wasn't trying to curse me out or threaten me while it was dying," she smiled, calming down. She was completely thrown off; people were normally terrified of her, and reacted the way the crewmen did when she so much as breathed in their direction.

And this just made her confused.