Through the Motions

Carrine sighed, staring into the small closet she had in her cabin. The Council banquet she and Anderson, along with her two crew-member escorts, were being made to attend to represent the Alliance began in four hours. They had just arrived at the Citadel and she had no idea where to begin when it came to dressing up, as she was not allowed to wear her dress blues on this occasion.

She had two options: go against orders and wear her dress blues anyway, or wear the black dress Anderson had sent her. Rubbing her face with her hands, she grabbed the dress before she changed her mind and went to put it on. A few minutes later, she checked in the bathroom mirror to make sure everything fit fine; the dress hugged the few curves she had and hit right above her knees, one shoulder hanging loosely and the other nonexistent. At least Anderson knew her well enough to not send her a long dress - she wouldn't wear anything that would restrict her fighting ability severely.

She gave up on make-up and went for brushing her hair. Refusing to accept she has to wear heels yet, she strapped on a pair of old combat boots and put everything else she needed into a backpack Joker would be carrying. Grabbing her pistol, she left the room.

Kaidan was waiting for her right outside the door. Instead of dress blues, he had donned a simple black and white suit and a smile. She smiled as she noticed he'd attached his pistol to his hip as well.

"Ma'am," he said, greeting her with a salute. "You should've told me combat boots were an option, I would've worn mine."

Carrine snorted. "They're not. I'm just refusing to wear the bastard spikes in this backpack."

He laughed, and was about to say something else when Joker cut in over the comm. "Commander, if I have to go, let's go. We can start getting drunk early so I can sit through this thing in peace."

- - - - - - - -
Two hours into the banquet, and Carrine wanted to go crawl into a hole. Anderson didn't miss the fact she was in combat boots and took them from her, ignoring her cursing and making her wear the stiletto heels, so her feet were screaming bloody murder because she was not used to wearing shoes like that. Joker was smashed and hiding it fairly well, Kaidan was paying attention to the asari speaking onstage, and Anderson was with Udina making friends with other politicians.

She excused herself after the asari finished speaking, needing to get away from being around so many people and to pull herself together.

Her thoughts had been jumbled since she walked out of her cabin on the Normandy. 'Why am I getting so flustered over this?' she thought to herself, leaning on a railing and covering her face with her hands. 'It's like I'm 16 all over again. I can't do this.'

She stiffened as she heard footsteps falling behind her and she recognized the pattern of them. A few seconds later, Kaidan joined her in leaning on the railing. "Commander," he began, "are you alright?"

Carrine sighed. "No. I hate these things. Too many people in there for me to be comfortable. And I'm stuck in this. Never thought I'd say it, but I miss my hardsuit."

Kaidan chuckled. "There's nothing wrong with that, ma'am. Although what you have tonight is even better." Carrine stared at him, one eyebrow arched. "What? I don't know about you, but I'm getting mixed signals here..."

She smiled. "Maybe another time, but with everything going on..."

Kaidan stood and faced her; she did the same. "Commander...Shepard, I know not to let things get in the way of duty. But you're a hard woman to walk away from."

Carrine shook her head. "Alenko, if you're doing this just to kiss ass, I swear I'll-"

"Shepard," he said sharply, taking a step towards her. "Carrine. I don't do something like this lightly. I know there are regs. I never said I would cross them. But I won't step away from this unless you tell me to."

She stared at him. "What happened at BAat?"

A look of surprise crossed his face. "What? Why are you bringing this up now?" he said, hurt slightly evident in his voice.

"Trust me enough to tell me your story and that's all I need to know," she said, voice quieter than before.

Kaidan studied her before speaking. "We were all teenagers being shipped off to this space station in the middle of nowhere. One day we would come home from whatever and be whisked away. Long story short, we were pushed to breaking points. Some kids didn't make it." He swallowed nervously, gaze going back over the the artificial pool. "Ther was this one girl, Rahna...beautiful, smart, and charming as hell. Kind of like you. Uh, ma'am." He coughed as Carrine smiled a little. "One day she went to reach for a glass of water instead of doing it with biotics - just wanted a drink without a bloody nose, y'know? - and Vyrnnus broke her arm for it. I stood up. Didn't know what I was going to do, just...I needed to do something. Vyrnnus lost it, beat the crap out of me, kept shouting they should've bombed us back to the stone age. That's when the knife came up - full military-issue talon, right in my face. I cut loose, full biotic kick, right in the teeth; almost as strong as I can manage now. At seventeen, that's something."

Carrine studied him; while he had been recalling the event, he had gotten tense, shoulders slightly hunched in. He was not proud of this as some soldiers may have been, and it was obvious this had a significant impact on his personality.

"You wanted to help a girl you cared for, Alenko," she said. "That's a noble thing."

Kaidan shook his head, shifting his weight to his left side and looking back at Carrine. "Maybe my intentions were noble, but I...I lost control," he sighed. "I killed him, Shepard. I snapped his neck." His gaze dropped to the floor again before returning back to hers. "Maybe they could've saved him if they got him to an infirmary quick enough, but...they didn't. It caused a stir when they sent him home and BAat was shut down. Conatix folded a couple of years later. Rahna was fine, but...she was terrified of me after that." He cleared his throat out and scratched the back of his head, waving to a passing asari waitress for some drinks to be brought over.

Carrine allowed a soft smile to cross her face. "So that's why you're so self-controlled."

"I'm no more disciplined than another other biotic, Shepard," he said, shaking his head again. "This is all ancient history."

She smirked as she studied him again. "You agonize over doing the right thing, never let yourself lose control, because Rahna spurned you after Vyrnnus died."

"That's-," he stammered. "Al-alright, maybe you have a point. Maybe. But I'm okay, you don't have to worry about me. Fully functional human being. I won't be a burden on you. On the crew."

Carrine's smirk grew into another smile . "Kaidan, you're a strong man. Talking about this doesn't make you a whiner, it doesn't make you immature, it makes you human."

Kaidan coughed before smiling again. "Alright, but it's embarrassing that you had to tell me that. You're right, I might need to loosen up a little. I'll try." He looked up at her, a half-smile on his face. "I'm glad you'll be here when it's over Shepard, I'm uh, I'm looking forward to some shore leave."

"Are you?" she laughed. "If this stunt we're pulling works, I'll be right there with you."

The asari waitress came by with their drinks at that moment, and as the two were enjoying the quieter area, Anderson nearly marched over.

"Shepard, I order you to remove your pilot," he said, voice strained with annoyance and showing just a little bit of alcohol. "He's creating a disturbance."

Shepard sighed, going to down her drink when Anderson took it from her. "Hey!" she cried out, a frown appearing on her face.

Anderson shook his head and tossed the contents into a nearby plant. "No. You're not even supposed to be near alcohol."

Kaidan finished his drink off quickly and looked at Carrine with a raised eyebrow. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Fine. I'll go get Joker. Alenko, you're coming with me."

"Aye, aye, ma'am," he responded, easily keeping up with the brisk pace she set. "You aren't allowed alcohol, ma'am?" He meant to make a light joke out of, if just to make her laugh again, but was not expecting the scowl he received. "Uh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up."

"It's not something the public ever needs to find out about," she muttered. "Ask another time because I'm not in the mood right now." They arrived at the bar to find Joker more smashed than when they last saw him, and he was now trying to flirt with the turian bartender. The turian's patience was obviously wearing thin. Carrine went over to him and stood next to him, arms crossed and glaring. "Joker."

He looked up at her, drunken grin on his face. "Heeeeeey! Commander! I forgot you were here!"

Carrine rolled her eyes. "I'm the reason why you're here, Joker. You've had way too much to drink and we're going back to the Normandy now."

He frowned - Carrine would say he pouted but she was trying to give the man some dignity -and began loudly protesting. She simply took the handle on his wheelchair (eternally grateful she'd thought ahead not to get him a modern automated one) and turned him around. She nodded to Anderson as the trio left the hall and headed back to the ship.