Mirror Image

SHEA POV

I laid back on my stiff, white bed. The walls were white. The windows were up far too high so the light cast an awkward shadow. This was the "safe room." I was put here, alone, for throwing a tantrum and refusing to participate in activities.

You see, I run in two "circles" here. Circles are what they use to define what you're here for. I run in the narcotics recovery and depression/suicide circles. My activities consist of people from these circles and I have to go to two separate group therapy sessions, one for each.

"Hello, I'm Lillian." A cheery, young woman opened the door. She was dark skinned and heavier than average but not to an extreme. It made her look cute really. "I've been assigned to be your guide this morning." I nodded. "I heard you tried to avoid all your classes yesterday. You're lucky you're new, most people here would get extended time."

"You make it sound like jail."

"It's too fun to be jail!" She laughed, "No, but you know the penalty system."

"Yup." I nodded.

"Come on, let's get breakfast." She smiled. "You have art first. They tried to put you in narcotics group first, but I told them no one wants to wake up to that first thing in the morning. So, that's your second hour. I suppose you can't avoid it all day."

"Thanks." I nodded and proceeded to the cafeteria where I only trusted the toast.

Art wasn't too bad. It was in the main activities building. Lunch was supposed to be there too. Dinner and breakfast are served in the separate housing buildings. There's three buildings to the establishment. One is a boys house and one is the girls house and then the main activities building. There's land too, for outdoor things. On top of that, there's a little lobby on every floor for visitors to check in. So, you have to imagine there's a thousand people working here.

Visitors are allowed once a month on visitor days, but once a patient gets past three months here you can have visitors schedule visits on any given day.

Enough of that now.

"Narcotics recovery floor, so room 310 for group." Lillian told me with a sympathetic smile. "My dad was an addict, had a rough time going through this. I hope you have fun." She gave me a small wave. I frowned and she chuckled. "I'm not allowed in the therapy sessions. I'll wait out here."

I nodded and entered the large room. Folding chairs were seated in a circle with a therapist looking spiffy in his suit at one side. Everyone was already here, I guess, because there was one seat left open next to him. I took it quietly.

"We have a new addition today. Let's go around and introduce ourselves."

This isn't happening, this is so cliche. I tried to avoid watching until one voice struck out in the crowd.

"Hi, I'm Jane--"

"Mom?!" I looked up to meet eyes with the woman who gave birth to me. My throat got tight, I felt tense. I panicked.

"Shea? Oh my God, baby, I--"

"You two know each other?" The doctor looked up.

"She's the reason I'm here."

"Shea--"

"Shut up! Just shut up, okay?!" I cried. "You never fucking gave a shit. You're the reason I'm here. You're the reason nothing is ever right in my life!" I was crying now, and I was choking on the little air I could breath. "You're everything and nothing to me!"

"Now, ladies, please calm down."

"I hate you." I choked, before everything went black.

JACKY POV

I watched Ronnie out of the corner of my eye as he spoke into the phone. I could tell, even from inside the mostly soundproof nursery at the hospital, something had panicked him. He was pacing frantically as he spoke, using large hand motions to signal his distress.

I had spend the past hour sitting in this rocking chair with JJ in my arms, telling him about why his mom didn't get to see him yesterday and how she'd see him later. It was weird, talking about her, especially to a baby.

Ronnie's dad hadn't been much help with this situation. While he supported her going to rehab and he supported her in any decision she made with JJ, I don't think he entirely trusted her. John is a little like Ronnie, he rarely trusts people other than himself. He's a little more open than Ronnie, but I think it took a while--at least from the stories I've heard. I'm more than positive he had some problems himself when Ronnie was growing up, but Ronnie rarely talks about his childhood. I don't personally think it went further than being horribly stressed out after extra hours of work just to come home to two boys who hardly listened because all they wanted was attention and praise their father couldn't give him.

I think that's what did it, in the end.

I think that's what messed everyone up.

If Shea's mother had just stayed put...

I wouldn't have Shea, or the baby in my arms right now.

It's funny, how one person can affect so many lives.

I still think Ronnie's dad sees a bit of Jane in Shea. I know he does, you can see it. When he came to visit JJ with us...he watched her walk into that room and he put his hand on my shoulder before we followed her and told me "You watch her, make sure she takes good care of that kid. Everyone is sympathetic for the single moms out there, but single dads don't have it any easier. It's harder on us." And he just walked right past me and into that little room to see his new grandson-of-sorts.

Shea's not her mother.

And, she's not her brother either.

Shea's made her own mistakes. She's done things we all know she regrets and she has problems that she needs to work through by herself.

But if there's one thing I'm sure of, she's the girl I'd trust my life with...and I definitely trust her with JJ.

Riley came up yesterday, to meet his nephew. He's got kids, Ronnie's blood nieces and nephews. They're sweet, all jumping around asking about JJ and Shea, even though they've never met her. They're not horribly young, I won't lie: I don't know their exact ages. But, they're good kids.

One thing that worries me in all of this. They say daughters fall in love with their fathers. I hope that's not true. Maybe for Jared it was, but I hope not for me. I hope the world doesn't see me like that...I hope JJ never sees me like that...the man who just up and left and started a new family.

But, if sons fall in love with their mothers...I have nothing to worry about. She'll beat these vices, and she'll be here for her kid...

Our kid...

Holy fuck.

It still amazes me.

A nurse came and helped me put him away when he began to fall asleep and I quietly left the room.

"Jacky, we need to go to the rehab center." Ronnie told me.

"Again?" I frowned. Ronnie had been made to make a second trip yesterday when Shea threw a fit and refused to leave the room.

"She passed out."

I blinked in surprise.

"Wh--"

"She saw mom."

Oh...fuck.

***

"Hello," Ronnie said to the woman at the front desk. "Are you Lynda?"

"Yes." She nodded, looking him up and down disapprovingly and doing the same to me. "And you are?"

"Ronnie Radke," He took in her puzzled expression, "Ronald? We spoke on the phone."

"Oh, yes, you're Shea's brother." She nodded, "I was hoping to release her to your father, her legal guardian." She emphasized legal. "But he wasn't answering his phone."

"He's picking her younger half-brother up from school, he doesn't have a cellphone."

I was getting anxious waiting here.

"Well, take a seat, we'll release her when she's stable. Right now she's in a one-on-one therapy session with one of our doctors until she calms down enough to be released."

"You called me here because she passed out, is she okay?" He asked cooly.

"Yes, she came to right after we hung up."

"Thank you." He said sarcastically, "For updating me on the fact my sister was still alive. I'll go sit down now."

I gave him a sympathetic smile.

My leg was shaking waiting for her to get out.

"Hi, are you Shea's family?" A nice, younger woman smiled at us as she walked down the hall.

"Yeah." Ronnie replied grumpily. "I'm her brother."

"Well, nice to meet you." She smiled, ignoring his attitude completely. I admit, Ronnie can be a real ass when he's angry. "I'm Lillian."

"Nice to meet you." I offered a small, nervous smile.

Ronnie nodded.

"Shea's fine, but she's really having a rough time. I don't really know what happened, but they're having a difficult time calming her down. If you want, I can take you to see her. Her therapy is over, but they want to get her stable before she leaves. They asked if either of you could help?" She looked at us questioningly.

Ronnie got up and I followed.

"Yeah, let's go."

She walked us down a few hallways to a large office at the very end with a last name preceded by "Dr." and proceeded by many specifics I didn't care to read before we entered the room.

Shea was on a chair, shaking. There was another nurse, next to the woman I assumed was the therapist, trying to get her to drink a glass of water, but she wasn't having it.

"Baby girl," I soothed. She looked up.

"Shea, look who came to get you." Lillian smiled.

I looked at the doctor who nodded, I stepped over to her and kneeled in front of her. She was crying, quietly now, but the sobs still wracked her body.

"Breathe, love."

SHEA POV

"Breathe." He said again softly. I took another breath. "Come on, keep breathing with me."

I let out a small, breathless laugh. He gave me an encouraging smile.

"Mr. Radke?" Doctor Vineli stood up and straightened her pencil skirt, giving her jacket a quick tug at the bottom.

"That would be me." Ronnie gave a small wave of his hand. Dr. Vinelli looked at Jacky quickly with a puzzled expression before turning to him.

"I'm Dr. Vinelli." She offered her hand and he shook it.

"I'm her brother. That's Jacky, he's my…co-worker and he lives with us."

"And your father." The way she said it made it sound like a question, but I don't this it was."

"Yeah, my dad lives with us, too. But, Dr. Vinelli, I'm also registered as one of her legal guardians on all of her documents now. I really don't think it should be a problem if my father didn't live with us."

She pursed her lips.

"Yes, well. I would have liked to have given her to a more suitable adult."

Ronnie looked like he was trying to take a moment to calm himself down. I was listening to Jacky's whispered urging to breathe.

"Well, I'm who's available." He made it sound apologetic almost. "Can you tell me what happened to her?"

"She went to her group session and she met another patient she knew previously. She had a break down that caused her breathing passages to constrict until she was short of breath, similar to an asthma attack, and she passed out. We gave her some juice and cookies, she won't eat or drink."

Jacky frowned at me, I was keeping my eyes trained on his face for most of this discussion.

"This other patient was her mother?"

"From what they have disclosed, yes." Dr. Vinelli nodded curtly.

"Thank you." He nodded. "You look good after all these years, Brooklyn. When did you decide to do this with your life? Last time I checked, you were still working at that tattoo parlor."

Of course, who doesn't he know? What woman in Vegas has he not slept with at this point?

Her little angry facade fell and she sighed.

"Since I decided I wanted to help people like you, Ronnie." She looked at him. "Funny that your sister would get herself into the same mess. Oxycontin and heroine, though last I saw you you weren't shooting up every night. Family choice drug, I would say. Although, I'm breaking the rules telling you that your mother did it too. I figure you already knew."

"Shea told me." He agreed. "That's very thoughtful of you, Brook, going into a job just for me."

"Always were self-absorbed." She chuckled. Then, she looked back at me and Jacky. I was breathing normally now. "She's free to be released to our out-patient program after you sign a few papers."

Ronnie nodded and followed her to the desk. In a few moments, we were walking out the door.

"Wait, Ronnie." Dr. Vinelli, or…Brooklyn, called. "Do you want to meet her?"

"She means nothing to me."

Brooklyn nodded and waved good-bye.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Shea."

I looked at Ronnie as we left.

"You're sure?" I bit my lip.

"She's not worth it." He said, and I knew that was the last he wanted to hear of that.

Lillian guided us down the hallways until we got to one of the floor lobbies.

"I need to go now," She gave me a hug. "But you know where your room is and you know how to get it all gathered and you can lead them out right?" I nodded. "Okay, well, I'll see you. I wish you the best of luck!" And she hurried down the hall in the opposite direction of my room. I sighed as Jacky and Ronnie waited for me to lead them. Jacky took my hand as I led them past door beyond door and we finally reached mine. My room had windows that were high up, so it got darker faster and you couldn't escape…not that many would as this is the fourth floor. But, I'd caused enough trouble so they threw me in here. There's two of these on each floor and usually they're unoccupied. If someone is in them, it's usually a suicidal patient.

Can't do much damage in a room with bare minimum.

Although, I heard someone hung herself in one of these rooms, but she didn't succeed. The drop wasn't enough to snap her neck and they found her before she strangled.

"Aren't you supposed to have a roommate?" Jacky asked.

"She got banished." Ronnie sighed.

"My roommate was a sex addict, like hell if I was staying there!" I snapped, still really nervous and on-edge about todays happenings. Jacky put his hand on my waist.

"Gather your stuff." I nodded and threw everything back into my bag.

One day of rehab, new record!

"You ready?" I nodded at Ronnie. "Okay, well, if we're keeping your appointment with the hospital, you're going there at three today. So, we'll go grab lunch and hang around a bit, no use going home. It's already noon."

I nodded again.

I led them back down the halls. Jacky stepped back this time because it was lunch time so the halls were far more busy and he could be seen. I finally found the stairs when someone walked into me.

"Get out of my face." I growled, growing weak in my knees again.

"Shea, please."

"Mom, go away." I tried to move her, but my arms were shaking. I couldn't do this. Jacky put both his arms around me, against the caution he had previously exhibited.

"It's okay." He soothed.

"Just leave her alone, okay?" Ronnie sounded like a little kid. Honestly, he sounded so small. His eyes were surprised, nervous…searching…

It was like he was searching for any sort of recognition.

"Who are you?" Mom asked Jacky. She was still the same bitch on the inside. You could just feel the irritating.

"A friend." He spoke calmly.

"And who are you?" She spat at Ronnie. He looked about ready to jump back seven million feet. I had never seen him so…maybe that one time with the police officers…or after I woke up in the hospital…but he was so scared.

"R-Ronnie--I--uh--R-Ronald..." He stammered. "I'm her guardian."

"Ronald?" She frowned. "I've heard that name before, funny."

"He's your God damn son, mom." I yelled, now just leaves us alone. I finally got the strength to shove her back a bit and run, out of Jacky's arms. I survived the trips down the stairs and made it to the bottom. Jacky and Ronnie quickly followed, just a little more gracefully. But, I couldn't see for the tears.

"She ruins everything." I whispered. "I can't live anywhere near her anymore. I never want to see her again." I cried into Jacky's chest when he hugged me.

"Come on…" Ronnie still looked a little dazed. "Let's go get you some lunch."

I nodded. We all climbed into the car.

Oh…great…Ronnie's driving.

"Can'y you get your permit?" He looked in the rearview mirror.

"Please look at the road you're driving on." I pleaded, snuggling closer into Jacky's side, still shaking from the events of the day. Jacky chuckled.

"Oh come on." He rolled his eyes and did as I asked. "I'm just saying…I think you have to pass a written test…and you're not in school…yet, but I mean, if you want to go for it--"

"I'll be sure to tell you." I sighed, pulling back from Jacky. His gaze searched my face for some trace of left over emotion and he quickly pressed his lips to mine.

"It'll be okay."

"Come on, let's eat." We pulled into a diner.

"We're alive!" I gasped mockingly and Ronnie made a face that made me laugh.

I like the real world so much better.