Mirror Image

SHEA POV

Day thirteen of out-patient-ing.

I don't know if it's helping.

It's putting more doubt in my mind that I can do this. It's just…giving me a really negative outlook. All they talk about is relapse.

What if I can't do this?

I looked down at the baby-grey eyes that stared up at me. His eyes weren't entirely developed yet, they're still sort of grey, but they think they'll be brown. He's already got brown flecks, it's no surprise because Jacky and I both have brown eyes and it's dominant.

A hand rested on my shoulder.

"They said he can go home in four days." Jacky told me quietly.

"They told us four months a month ago…" I trailed off, looking up at him. The day JJ had been born, they told Ronnie that--if he made it--he'd probably be in the hospital for four months. A lot of people think they have to stay in the hospital for the full-term, but that's not true. It worked out that way for him.

If I could handle working the damn breathing tube, I could take him home now. He's learning to bottle feed really well. They're surprised, apparently girls do a lot better, but he's doing really well for a boy born so prematurely.

"He should gain the weight to reach five pounds in four days." Jacky smiled. "Then he can come home with us. We'll have some extra equipment, but he passed their car seat test and everything. He can go home in four days."

"What if I'm not a good enough mother?" I bit my lip. "Maybe he should stay here--"

"I called Sammi, she promised she'd come out here to help you." He gave me an encouraging smile. "Come on, love. The kid wants to go home."

"The kid?" I chuckled, "You mean JJ."

"JJ, Jeremy, little guy, the kid," He rattled off names before crouching down beside where I sat in the chair. "Our kid." He pecked my lips. I looked into his eyes.

"Wow, you really like the idea of this." I whispered.

He frowned a little.

"Shea, he's still my son. I can't not like the idea. Yeah, I wish we'd planned it. I wish we'd waited and not just…had sex our first night in a hotel because we were too wasted to think straight. I wish that night in the hotel with Ronnie's little blessing was our first time because then, maybe, we'd have had time and we wouldn't be here. But, I'm glad we are."

"You're just saying that." I shook my head, looking down at JJ. "You can dislike the idea. It's easy. You just say you don't want him."

"But I do." He kissed my cheek. "You think I'd have said no to a kid in maybe a few years?"

"A few years?" I frowned and looked back at him.

"Shea, I…" He took a breath. "Love, okay, listen, I know I'm a crappy fucking boyfriend. I know I should have done a lot of things to help you. I know I should have realized you were using again. I know I should love you so much more, because you deserve so much more. I know, I know it's only been a few months. Okay, I don't believe in this sort of stuff either. I still don't, even seeing a fairytale in front of my eyes. I don't believe in happily ever after any more than you do. But, I have faith in us, a lot of it."

He put one arm around my shoulder and one under my arms to support JJ.

"I just have faith that we can make this last." He bit his lip, becoming the quiet guy I knew. "I don't know what to do if I lose you like I thought I did that night."

"I'm sorry for that." I whispered.

"Don't be." He whispered back. "I needed to realize how much you actually meant to me. You're everything."

No one had ever said that to me. No one.

And it was scary to think a guy I hardly knew was saying it. It was scary to think that guy was the father of my son, the one in my arms that would be going home with me in four days time.

It was scary to think that I felt the same way.

This doesn't happen in real life.

I have to be dreaming.

"Come on, let's put him back to his bed, he's sleeping." Jacky helped me up to put JJ away.

I winced at the sudden pain in my stomach. My stomach still hurt from the cesarian sometimes.

"You okay?" Jacky asked with concern, turning to look at me. I nodded.

"Got up too fast." I gave him a small smile.

"Okay, good, just making sure." He gave a small smile back as a nurse came over to help him put JJ back.

"Let's go home?" I looked up at him as he wrapped his arms around me. He smiled and nodded, pressing a soft kiss to my lips.

JACKY POV

"So, are you going to marry her?" Ryan asked, confusion written all over his face.

"She can do it if John signs the papers." Derek shrugged, leaning back in his chair, "She's legally old enough with parental consent."

"Man, she's sixteen, she's got the world ahead of her." Ronnie sighed, running his hands through his hair. "I don't want to see her just…lose sight of her aspirations because she's married with a kid at sixteen."

"But it's what she and Jacky want isn't it. I mean," Ryan corrected himself, "What they do is what they decide."

"Would you marry her?" Ronnief, new Ronnie, our new bassist, I call him Ronnief to distinguish. It's…it's something Shea does and I just sort of picked up on it. It sounds like "motif" when she says it. But, it's Ronnief, like Ronnie F. "I mean, if she wanted you to."

"I-I-I--" I stammered, eyes wide. I looked at Ronnie in slight fear, this is his sister we're talking about.

He watched me curiously, head tilted, eyebrow raised.

"Would you?"

"I--yeah." I pressed my lips into a line and closed my eyes, dropping my head to look at the floor. My leg started involuntarily shaking and I ran my hands over my face and through my hair. "Yeah, I would."

"I don't give you my blessing." And I felt him get off the couch and listened as his footsteps went upstairs and the basement door slammed behind him.

"That's rough, man." Ronnief looked at me sympathetically when I looked up, after glancing in the direction of the stairs. "But, I mean, I guess I wouldn't be thrilled either if my guitarist knocked up my sister and wanted to marry her after only like five months."

"I'd marry her if she wanted me to." I whispered. "I…I don't want to ruin her life just marrying her for the kid's sake."

"Do you care about her?" Ryan pressed. Derek leaned in too.

"Well, yeah."

"Would you leave her if you guys got into a huge fight?" Derek asked.

"No, I'd try to work it out, but--"

"Then dude, propose. You can hold the engagement out for twenty years for all I care." Ronnief gave a small smile.

"But, Ronnie doesn't want that."

"He wants her to live her life, make mistakes, be happy." Ronnief shrugged. One day I'm going to call him that to his face by accident and I'll never live it down, I fucking swear. "If she's happy with you then that's that."

"Ronnie's mind doesn't work that way." Derek laughed.

"I wish it did." I mumbled.

"Well, then, don't propose." Ryan shrugged. "Give her a promise ring."

"A what?" I looked at him incredulously.

"Get her a little silver band or something with a couple little midget stones of some sort. Maybe with a heart or something or just get it engraved…"

A what?!

___

"Oh my God, that's so cute!" Sammi clapped her hands over her mouth to muffle her squeal, but we could all still hear it. Jinxx had his arm around her, amusement all over his face.

"Ryan, you need to stop talking." I muttered. He was the one who just decided to blurt about his little idea the moment the couple fucking steps in the house. I wasn't even sure if I was going to do it or not.

Guess I can't back out of it now.

"Promise ring?" Jinxx chuckled. "Whipped."

"You're the one who's engaged." I sighed, running a hand through my hair in exasperation.

"When are you going to give it to her?" Sammi bounced on her feet.

"When I get one?" It came out like a question.

"You have one already." Ryan said before pausing and looking scared. I was confused.

"What?" I frowned.

He gave me a small smile and held up a small, blue square.

"Dude, why the fuck were you going through my stuff?!" I snapped.

"He's got a really pretty engagement ring in his drawer too." Ryan told literally everyone in the room. Thank God Shea was across the street with Alyssa, Ronnie, and Leo.

"Fucking hell, Ryan, that stuff is my grandmother's! She never had a granddaughter so she just gave it to me."

"Awe! To give to your wife and kids!" Sammi cooed.

She's not helping this.

"Yeah." I muttered, holding my face in my hands.

"And he has this." Ryan waved it. I peeked through my fingers in time to see him toss it at me. I caught it quickly. "It's engraved and everything. Looks like your grandfather was just a hopelessly whipped guy, not unlike yourself--"

"Shut up." I muttered, opening the box to reveal a tiny, silver ring that looked like it was braided. Two tiny, tiny diamonds sat on either side of a small opal. Both my grandparents were born in October and my grandmother had dreamt of an October wedding. My grandfather got her the ring because he couldn't afford a real engagement ring at the time and he'd been saving up, but he wanted to make sure everyone knew my grandmother was his. I guess that's like a promise ring, right.

"You never told us your grandfather and you had the same name." Ryan commented. I looked up with a small frown. He smiled and nodded to the ring. "The inscription."

I smirked.

"He preferred Jacky too." I shrugged.

"Your kid's going to prefer JJ, I can promise you that." Jinxx commented. I chuckled at his comment about my kid's name.

Christ, my kid. That's still so…weird to say.

"Hey, Sammi, you can't snatch!" Jinxx laughed when the box disappeared from my hands.

"There will be a diamond here one day. I promise." She squinted. "Oh my God, that's so cute!"

"All I could read was 'I promise' and his name at the bottom." Ryan shrugged.

"Well, it's gotta be small or that's be one big ring." Sammi frowned at him.

"He knows that." Jinxx laughed.

"Shut up! This is too cute! Oh my God! Is it her size?"

Ryan smiled.

"She's a 6."

"How do you know my girlfriend's ring size?!" I turned to glare at him.

"Her sister told me." Ryan grinned wider.

"Then, it'll fit." Sammi took off her ring to hold them in comparison. "They're the same size."

"You're so lucky." Jinxx shook his head at me. "No cost to you whatsoever."

"Shut up!" Sammi laughed.

"What's going on?" Shea walked in the door. Sammi slipped the box into her pocket, ring safely inside.

"We're here to help take the Jay-ster home!" Sammi smiled at her.

Shea smiled.

"Thanks, Sammi, for everything you're doing."

"No problem, girly! Come on, let's all go upstairs and have a girls night." She motioned Shea and Alyssa towards the stairs and inconspicuously slipped the box into Jinxx's hand before following. I sighed with relief.

"That's not a--" Ronnie began when they were safely out of earshot.

Jinxx turned to look at me, head tilted in confusion.

"No, it's not." I shook my head.

"It's a promise ring." Ryan assured him when he looked doubtful.

"I…" Ronnie took a breath. "Okay, that's a little better." He looked at me seriously for a moment. "Don't break that promise."

"I won't." I said as he walked away.

"You didn't get his permission?" Jinxx frowned.

"He won't give it to me." I sighed.

"That's rough."

Tell me about it.