Winter Chills

My breath showed in the frosty air. A freezing cold hand wrapped around my uncovered one and I tugged my scarf over my nose. The grin was hidden by the thin piece of cloth as I glanced at my boyfriend. He was so beautiful and if I could spend every second with him I would.

We loved taking walks around the park, even in the bad weather. It didn’t matter as long as we stayed together and warmed each other. It had been proved by now that we were always warmer together even if we weren’t touching. I loved Damon more than I would’ve thought possible before we met.

“I’m getting cold Carwyn,” he whispered, his words almost visible in the frigid day. I dragged him back to our apartment right down the block and slammed the door shut. We both pulled off our single glove and put them on the table, disregarding the melting snow staining the wood.

The welcoming couch beckoned to us and we found ourselves lounging lazily. A quick glance at my love alerted me of the snowflakes on his eyelashes and I leaned down to kiss his eyelids. His eyes closed gently in response and leaned into my arms.

“I love you Carwyn.”

“I love you too Damon.”

The silence enveloped us as we cuddled in peace. He knew me more then anyone else ever could and vise versa. There was no way I would ever leave him; he was the only one who cared. We’d been together for almost four years and I was hoping many more. The only thing that could separate us is death and I would never let him die without me.

The phone rang and I rushed to pick it up, seeing my mother’s number.

“Hello?”

The news I heard made me drop the phone.

*****

“Dammit Damon! Leave me the fuck alone, I’m trying to provide for us. It’s not like your job pays well! I have to work extra so we can actually afford to live. If you want more time together get a better job!” I yelled, storming out of the house after pulling on my coat.

I felt bad for going for such a low blow. I knew that he wanted to get a better job but had never been able to find one. The time we had been spending together was limited and I also wanted more time together. It was just the way he was constantly riding me about got on my nerves.

It was horrible that we were on bad terms just a day before our fourth year anniversary. We hadn’t even gone on walks as much the past few days. There had been so much drama within the past week. Rather than us warming each other we only made the winter colder.

I didn’t want things to go this way but Damon had lost his job as a college professor and had only found dead-end jobs since then. I was busy with working at my science lab. It wasn’t normal hours either, I could basically be called in at any time.

I missed spending more time with Damon, but I got paid by the hours so I needed to put a lot of hours in to get enough to pay for both of us. Plus, my sister had committed suicide only a week ago and the funeral happened to be on our anniversary. Believe me, I was upset about that, but Damon had freaked out and asked me to change it so I got pissed. Then the whole argument got off topic and we ended up talking about his shitty job.

I know I have a really bad temper, but I always try to restrain it around Damon because I never wanted to blow up on him.

I walked slowly around town waiting until I could start towards the funeral parlor for the wake. Glancing at my watch I saw it was about time to start going. I would be a bit early, but it’s not as if I had anything better to do.

When I arrived only my parents were there. The rest of the night remained slightly blank to me. Not a lot of people came, seeing as my sister never had many friends. But what broke my heart was that Damon didn’t even bother to come.

“Mom, can I spend the night with you and Dad?” I asked sadly.

“Of course sweet heart,” she agreed, wrapping her arms around me. The tears had stopped momentarily, but her face was still wet and her eyes red.

I really missed spending time with my family. Ever since work had become so hectic I didn’t have enough time to spend with both them and Damon. I spent every second I could with that man, and I wish we hadn’t argued right now. This is when I need him most.

My sister and I were so close. When we were little we spent nearly every second together, rather than arguing like most siblings. She was the first person I told that I was gay. She was one of the most important people in my life and she hadn’t even told me that she was depressed. There was no way I thought she would’ve killed herself.

I laid in her bed soaking in her scent, but I felt so lonely. This was the first night in forever that I’d slept alone. Quietly I crept into my parent’s room.

“Mom?”

Her head stirred slightly and she let out a sleepy noise.

“Can I sleep with you and dad tonight?” I asked, feeling like a child.

She just nodded and fell back into her deep sleep. I glanced at her serene face and still saw traces of tears. Then I looked at my dad’s face and was shocked to see that his was also tear-stained. My own silent tears made their way down my cheeks as I lay between them. Eventually I fell asleep, nostalgia eating me up.

When I finally woke up it was bright out.

“Shit! Did I miss the funeral?” I muttered to myself, having a mini heart attack and hurrying to get into my suit. I rushed down the stairs to see my parents at the breakfast table with a spot waiting for me. Another wave of nostalgia hit me as I sat down. The only thing that was missing was my sister’s smiling face.

“I was about to come up and get you. We have to leave in a half hour.”

The rest of breakfast was silent. My mind almost didn’t even process anything.

The funeral was even less busy than the wake. I don’t know why, because my sister had been such a lovable person. But I guess that was only to people who actually bothered to get to know her. Not a lot of people did because she was slightly awkward when it came to socializing.

When they lowered her coffin into the ground my mom buried her face into my chest. The bitter air froze me to the core, and somehow my mom could never be as warm as Damon.

I led my mom to her car and started heading to my own. I drove to these woods where I went when I needed to think. My sister and I used to go there when we wanted to talk about serious things.

I walked down a path until I reached a hammock on which I face planted. I closed my eyes and entered a restless half-sleep until I sensed a figure standing over me. I looked up slowly and saw Damon standing there. I’d told him about this place countless time and even showed him once. It was no surprise that he knew I’d be here.

“Listen, Carwyn. I’m really sorry about asking you to change the date. I should’ve been supporting you. And you’re right, I do need a better job. I’m going to start looking for one again, but this economy really sucks. Now that’s out of the way, just let me comfort you. I know you’re in a lot of pain.”

I didn’t even bother to apologize for myself. I just buried my head into his neck and whispered, “Take me home please.”

When we got into the car his hand reached out soothingly for my own, rubbing circles into it. I closed my eyes and let myself just focus on Damon. He was all that stayed in my mind until the car slowed to a stop and he tugged me slightly.

Unwillingly, I got out of the car and let him lead me into our building.

“Love me until I forget,” I mumbled as we entered the apartment.

He basically dragged me to the bed, before lighting some candles and turning off the lights. He did most of the work, but I could tell he didn’t mind. He just wanted to show me that he loves me and make me feel better. And I did feel better.

“I love you Damon,” I smiled bitter-sweetly, spooning him.

“I love you so much, Carwyn.”

And I was definitely still sad and upset that my sister had felt the need to take her own life, but for the moment it wasn’t on my mind. Only Damon filled my brain as I closed my eyes and slept peacefully. The cold couldn’t reach me here, with my arms wrapped around him.