We Are So Screwed

“Why can’t we take my car?” Slater asked.

“Because mine is faster,” I answered.

Slater and I were going to Tranquility Nevada. We live just outside of Vegas, so it wasn’t going to be some ridiculous drive. Our goal was to find Sam. After having out house searched and being threaten with jail time for knowing about the ‘NBEs’ we were fully convinced that we were in the Bayverse.

“I still don’t see why we wouldn’t take the Ferrari, even if I had it.”

“Because if we’re gonna have to get the hell out of there, my car is faster.”

“Only we would even believe that we might possibly be in a universe where the Transformers are real and only you would suggest we go looking to be thrown in the middle of a war between giant alien robots.”

“And only you would be dumb enough to go along with it. Now get in and let’s go.”

She got in and we were off. I’d been planning since the whole incident Simmons. My ribs had finally heeled, so I could put my plan into effect. The first part, was to go to Tranquility and see if we could find Sam. It was stupid, extremely stupid, but if we didn’t find him Simmons wasn’t actually going on and on about S-7 bull shit and our only problem, which was still a fucking big one, was that we were in 2007.

Tranquility was about an hour away. It wasn’t a small town, but it wasn’t big. That didn’t mean that we didn’t attract quite a few stares.

“We’re here, now what?” Slater asked.

“We find Sam.” I answered.

“It’s only two, let’s go to the school.”

We went to the school and parked out front. If Sam came out, he was gonna come out the front, where his dad would pick him up. Around twenty minutes after were parked a dark green Porche pulled up.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“It’s Ron. It’s really fucking Ron! Oh shit it’s Ron! Blake if that’s Ron then this is real. We’re in the Transformers Universe that’s impossible.”

“SLATER SHUT THE FUCK UP!” I screeched at her. A guy who had been jogging stopped and stared at us. I narrowed my eyes at him. “What the fuck are you looking at shit dick?” I sneered. “I know I’m beautiful, but damn. Didn’t your mama ever tell you that it’s not nice to stare?”

“You’re Blake DeVille, the rich girl,” the guy said, recognizing me.

“You’re friends with Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton,” he said.

I sighed. I didn’t like them. I had Kim come in and do my closet, and she latched on like a parasite. “Kim has done my closet on multiple occasions and introduced me to Paris we’ve only gone to a few award shows together. Relax.”

“Can I get a picture?” he asked.

“What do you do?” I asked.

“I work at a gas station,” he said.

“No. Now get lost,” I said.

“But-“

“I said get lost. In case you can’t tell, I’m not like the other socialites who are going to play nice. Go somewhere, the fuck away from me,” I snapped at the guy.

“They always said you were mean,” he said, jogging off.

“Bitch much?” Slater asked me.

“What? He’s irrelevant.” I waved her off.

“And when the hell did you start hanging out with those sluts?”

“We bumped into each other at the VMAs together last year that’s it. Like I said, Kim did my closet.”

“Whatever.”

That’s when people began to file out of the school. Sure enough, Sam came running out of the school with a paper in his hand.

“Shit!” I swore. I started up the car.

“What?” Slater asked, not able to see around me.

“It’s today. Sam is going to buy Bee today,” I said. “I thought we’d have time. I don’t have the shoes for this.”

“If you park near the lot, the glass is gonna get blown out.”

“Barricade is here. The bots... Barricade and Bee, they fought before even coming to Tranquility.”

“What the hell are we going to do?”

“We’ve got to get close to Sam,” I said.

“Buy him Bee,” Slater said. “Ron won’t pay over four. Pitch in the last grand.”

“You do it,” I said. “I’ll come along, but you do all the talking.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t fucking like losers,” I said.

“Says the nerd,” she scoffed.

“Take it back!” I snapped

“Nerd. Face it. You’re a geek. You’ve got more computers than friends and know an obnoxious amount about Transformers. You’re a geek.”

“I’m not a nerd, I’m technically gifted and I embrace that gift thank you very much. Plus very few people live up to my standards. It takes a special kind of person to be suitable as a friend. Plus Transformers was extremely popular.”

“You’re a cock,” she said.

“I’m rich and I’m pretty. That makes up for it,” I replied. I started the car and followed Ron and Sam. I pulled into the Porche dealership and parked. We hurried over to Bobby Bolivia’s dealership. We started walking around looking, when a certain yellow Camaro pulled. “No driver.” Slater pretended to look around a little bit, while I walked straight over to it. I ran my fingers over the hood. Slater walked over to us.

“Slater?” I said, in a tone that was far more pleasant than my usual one.

“Yes Blake?” she went along, knowing I was trying to get some kind of point across.

“Do you know what this car reminds me of?” I asked.

“What?”

“A Bumblebee,” I answered pointedly.

“I was thinking that too.”

I peered in the window. “Look there’s a little robot on here steering wheel,” I pointed.

“A robot on the automobile,” she said.

“An autobot.” I put emphasis on the word. “Do you know the only thing I don’t like about the 76 Camaro?”

“The six like six-six-six?”

“No the seven,” I responded. “I really don’t like seven, especially certain sectors.”

“It’s such a shame that I left my glasses at home. Then I could really appreciate this car,” Slater said.

“Let’s go see if we can buy it. Then maybe we’ll go see Sam.” I backed away from Bee. We walked over to Boliva.

“Think we got the message across?” Slater asked.

“Oh yeah.”

“Why hello hello hello. What can I do for you to young ladies today?” he asked, looking at us, starting at our feet and working his way up.

“The Camaro. We want it,” I said bluntly.

Slater elbowed me in the ribs. “How much is the camaro?” Slater asked.

“Camaro what Camaro?” He asked.

I turned to point, but he wasn’t there. “Mother fucker! ” I swore. I went jogging off as fast as my heels would take me to the Bugatti.

“Where the fuck are you going?”

“None of your fucking beeswax!” I yelled.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do?”

“Help Samantha!” I yelled. I got to the car and drove off. “Bumblebee, where are you?” I asked out loud. I searched around. I found the underpass, where the chase with Barricade started. My phone rang. “Huh?”

“He’s back,” Slater said.

“Got it.” I sped back to the dealership, so happy that the cops seemed to have just vanished. I circled around the dealership. Slater was standing on the curb waiting. I pulled over and let her in.

“What’s the deal?” I asked.

“I bought Bee for Sam. I spent five grand buying Sam Bee, and the cock won't even give me a fucking sign. I'm boutta fuck his sensitive wings up with a baseball bat.”

“Gah door wings!” I screamed. I cringed.

“That one fan fic?” she asked, knowing that it creeped me out.

“It was like fucking doorplay or some shit.”

“Now what the fuck do we do?”

“Go ninja and creep around that fucking junk yard,” I sneered the last part.



“This is fucking disgusting,” I bitched, sneaking around the junk yard. “I swear to god. If I break a fucking nail, I am going to kick Bee in his sensitive aft door wings.”

We heard an engine then screaming. “Here they come,” Slater said.

“Oh my fragging god! He screams like such a bitch!”

“Do you want to talk to Sam or try to talk to Bee?”

“I’ll take the bot,” she said, running off.

“I’ll take the bitch,” I muttered to myself. I ran to the tracks. Sam came across and ducked behind a pile of crap. I scurried over. “I am so over this fucking shit already,” I grumbled. Sam looked behind him at me. “What the fuck are you doing?” I asked. I figured acting ignorant was the best idea with Sam.

“Someone stole my car.” He answered.

“So you run here?”

“The cops find you here, they’re going to fuck your shit up,” I said. Over his shoulder, I saw Bee stand. “Oh my god,” I gaped. I thought I was prepared. I was prepared to be prepared, but that was for an instant, just forgotten. One of the bots, who I had grown up idolizing, was there, in real life, signaling the others.

Sam turned and looked. He saw Bee and was in awe for a moment before he started freaking out. He pulled out his phone. He started recording his little video. At the same time, my rang. “What Slate?” I asked.

“Are you seeing this shit?”

“It’s amazing,” I said.

“See you’re getting bot struck.”

I saw Sam start to move forward. “I’ll call you back,” I said to her. “Sam, dogs.” I whisper yelled.

“How did you know my name?” He asked.

“Shit,” I swore, realizing my slip. “I just do now come on.”

He moved just enough that the dogs saw him and came running.

He tore off and I chased after him. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I do not run.” ’As soon as all of the first movie is over, I’m giving him an ass beating he will never forget.' We ran into the large building tent thing and hopped up on the garbage that was there. I hopped up too. I grabbed him and went to grab from his pocket, but he moved and I fell. The dogs went to close in on me, but Bee drove in then and they ran off.

Sam was screaming and threw the keys.

“Sam he’s one of the good guys!” I screamed. He ran off. Bee popped open the door and let me in before driving off. He drove out of sight of the cops. He slowed down. “Bumblebee?” I asked, hoping to get a response.

The radio buzzed with static before answering. ’You know my name.

My phone rang again. “Blake, I lost him, and I can’t go anywhere because of those cock sucking cops.”

“Where are you?”

“By the fucking tower thing.”

“I got it,” I said. “Give me a like ten minutes.”

“Bitch, the hell are you gonna do?”

“Faith Slate, faith.” I hung up. Then I addressed Bee. “Yeah, I know your name. I know the others’ too. I have to go get my friend. Will you stay here?” I asked. “I’ll explain everything to the best of my ability later, when I come back.”

“Yes,” he said.

“I want your word, autobot.”

“You have… my word.”

“And you have mine.” I got out walked around examining where, the cops were. They were all around the tower, some not doing anything other, others looking for more trespassers. There was a fence, so they were in a semicircle. I walked around to the other side of the piece of fence. The boards were loose and I easily pulled two of them off. I slipped in the opening I had created. Slater was standing her back up against the tower’s base peeking her around looking.

“Slate!” I once again whisper yelled. She looked over. I waved her over. She was obviously relieved. She started over and stepped on a piece of metal. It moved just enough causing the lid to a trash can to fall. The noise it made caught the attention of the cops.

“Hey! I think I heard something!”

She ran over and helped me put the two boards back. We ran. I looked over my shoulder and the cops were moving boards to get through. I grabbed her arm and dragged her over to where a few large, old, rusted refrigerators wre lying on their sides. Her hat fell off.

“Really the hat?” I asked.

"My hair is bright ass yellow. Don't you think that stands out a bit more than red in the dark?"

"Shut the fuck up and crouch," I replied, dragging her down.

"Cunt.”

“I don’t give a fuck.”

“Someone go check over by those refrigerators.”

“Mother fucker,” I snarled. We crept away over to the fence. We walked along it looking for a way out. The top had barbed wire so climbing over wasn’t an option. There was a place, where something probably a dog or maybe a really stupid person had borrowed under. “Man this is fucking bull shit,” I whined.

“Just crawl bitch,” Slater said. I crawled underneath and stood up on the other side. I helped Slater. I led her to where Bee should’ve been parked. “I need new clothes.

“You could just wash those ones.”

“You’re kidding right?” I stared at her incredulously. “The tank can be washed, but the jeans have a rip, the jacket is messed up and these shoes-“

“Whatever. Where are we going?”

We turned the corner and sitting there was the beat up Camaro. He flashed his lights.

“Holy fuck!”

“Exactly,” I said with a smirk.