We Are So Screwed

“Why can’t we take my car?” I asked.

“Because min is faster,” Blake answered, it was almost always the answer.

“I still don’t see why we wouldn’t take the Ferrari even if I had it.”

“Because if we’re gonna have to get the hell out of there, my car is faster.”

“Only we would even believe that we might possibly be in a universe where the Transformers are real and only you would suggest we go looking to be thrown in the middle of a war between giant alien robots.”

“And only you would be dumb enough to go along with it. Now get in and let’s go.”

I got in and we were off. Blake had been planning since the whole incident Simmons. Her ribs had finally heeled, and she decided to put her plan into effect, and I’m a part of that plan. Step one is to go to Tranquility and see if we can find Sam. It’s stupid, extremely stupid, but if we didn’t find him Simmons wasn’t actually going on and on about S-7 bull shit. Then she pointed out that if Simmons isn’t going on about S-7, and if we can’t find Sam, our only problem, which is still a fucking big one, was that we’re in 2007.

Tranquility was about an hour away. It wasn’t a small town, but it wasn’t big. That didn’t mean that we didn’t attract quite a few stares.

“We’re here, now what?” I asked.

“We find Sam.” Blake answered.

“It’s only two, let’s go to the school.”

We went to the school and parked out front. If Sam came out, he was gonna come out the front, where his dad would pick him up. Around twenty minutes after were parked a dark green Porche pulled up.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Blake said.

“It’s Ron. It’s really fucking Ron! Oh shit it’s Ron! Blake, if that’s Ron, then this is real. We’re in the Transformers Universe that’s impossible.”

“SLATER SHUT THE FUCK UP!” She screeched at me. A guy who had been jogging stopped and stared at us. I rolled my eyes as she narrowed hers at him. “What the fuck are you looking at shit dick?” She sneered. “I know I’m beautiful, but damn. Didn’t your mama ever tell you that it’s not nice to stare?”

“You’re Blake DeVille, the rich girl,” the guy said recognizing her, which confused me a little.

“You’re friends with Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton,” he stated, which really fucking confused me.

“Kim has done my closet on multiple occasions and introduced me to Paris we’ve only gone to a few award shows together. Relax.”

“Can I get a picture?” he asked.

“What do you do?” she asked.

“I work at a gas station,” he said.

“No. Now get lost,” she said.

“But-“

“I said get lost. In case you can’t tell, I’m not like the other socialites who are going to play nice. Go somewhere, the fuck away from me.” She pretty much snapped at the guy.

“They always said you were mean,” he said, jogging off.

“Bitch much?” I asked her, rolling my eyes.

“He’s not a fire fighter, cop or in the military. He’s not rich either. He’s irrelevant.” She waved me off.

“And when the hell did you start hanging out with those sluts?”

“We bumped into each other at the VMAs together last year that’s it. Like I said, Kim did my closet.”

“Whatever.”

That’s when people began to file out of the school. Sure enough, Sam came running out of the school with a paper in his hand.

“Shit!” Blake swore, starting up the car.

“What?” I asked, not able to see around her.

“It’s today. Sam is going to buy Bee today,” She said. “I thought we’d have time. I don’t have the shoes for this.”

“If you park near the lot, the glass is gonna get blown out.”

“Barricade is here. The bots… Barricade and Bee, they fought before even coming to Tranquility.”

“What the hell are we going to do?”

“We’ve got to get close to Sam.” She said.

“Buy him Bee,” I suggested. “Ron won’t pay over four. Pitch in the last grand.”

“You do it,” she said. “I’ll come along, but you do all the talking.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t fucking like losers,” Blake said.

“Says the nerd,” I scoffed.

“Take it back!” she snapped

“Nerd. Face it. You’re a geek. You’ve got more computers than friends and know an obnoxious amount about Transformers. You’re a geek.”

“I’m not a nerd, I’m technically gifted and I embrace that gift thank you very much. Plus very few people live up to my standards. It takes a special kind of person to be suitable as a friend. Plus Transformers was extremely popular.”

“You’re a cock,” I said.

“I’m rich and I’m pretty. That makes up for it.” She replied. Blake started the car and followed Ron and Sam. She pulled into the Porche dealership and parked. We hurried over to Bobby Bolivia’s dealership. We started walking around looking, when a certain yellow Camaro pulled. “No driver.” I pretended to look around a little bit, while Blake walked straight over to it. She ran her fingers over the hood. I walked over to them.

“Slater?” Blake said in a tone that was far more pleasant than my usual one.

“Yes Blake?” I went along, knowing she was trying to get some kind of point across.

“Do you know what this car reminds me of?” she asked.

“What?”

“A Bumblebee,” Blake answered pointedly.

“I was thinking that too.”

She peered in the window. “Look there’s a little robot on the steering wheel.” She pointed.

“A robot on the automobile,” I said.

“An autobot,” she put emphasis on the word. “Do you know the only thing I don’t like about the 76 Camaro?”

“The six like six-six-six?”

“No the seven,” she responded. “I really don’t like seven, especially certain sectors.”

“It’s such a shame that I left my glasses at home. Then I could really appreciate this car,” I said.

“Let’s go see if we can buy it. Then maybe we’ll go see Sam.” She backed away from Bee. We walked over to Boliva.

“Think we got the message across?” I asked.

“Oh yeah.”

“Why hello hello hello. What can I do for you to young ladies today?” he asked, looking at us, starting at our feet and working his way up.

“The Camaro. We want it,” she said bluntly.

I elbowed her in the ribs. “How much is the Camaro?” I asked.

“Camaro what Camaro?” He asked.

Blake turned to point, but he wasn’t there. “Mother fucker! ” She swore and went jogging off as fast as her heels would take her to the Bugatti.

“Where the fuck are you going?” I screamed after her.

“None of your fucking beeswax!” she yelled.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do?”

“Help Samantha!” she yelled, getting into the car and speeding off. I looked around a bit, and then I saw Bumblebee and Sam, who was arguing with Ron.

“Excuse me boys, but I couldn’t help but notice that you’re having a bit of a…. disagreement?” I said, walking up to them and leaning on the Camaro.

“Yeah we’re having a disagreement. I’m not spending this much money on this car,” said Ron.

I looked over and smiled at Sam. “Well, I can spot you the cash if you need it. How much?” I asked.

“Five grand,” Ron butted in before Sam could answer me.

“Fine, here,” I said, handing over five grand, in cash.

“Why do you have so much money?” Sam asked, looking at me incredulously.

“I’m a trust fund baby, having cash is what I do,” I said, smirking and walking away. I got a safe distance and called Blake. “Huh?” she answered.

“He’s back,” I said.

“Got it.”

Within minutes she was back, I was standing on the curb waiting. She pulled over and let me in.

“What’s the deal?” she asked.

“I bought Bee for Sam. I spent five grand buying Sam Bee, and the cock won't even give me a fucking sign. I'm boutta fuck his sensitive wings up with a baseball bat.”

“Gah door wings!” She screamed, cringing.

“That one fan fic?” I asked knowing that it creeped her out.

“It was like fucking doorplay or some shit,” she said.

“Now what the fuck do we do?”

“Go ninja and creep around that fucking junk yard,” she sneered the last part, I was indifferent to creeping around a junkyard, comes with being an art kid.



“This is fucking disgusting.” She said sneaking around the junk yard. “I swear to god. If I break a fucking nail, I am going to kick Bee in his sensitive aft door wings.”

We heard an engine then screaming. “Here they come,” I said.

“Oh my fragging god! He screams like such a bitch!” Blake said.

“Do you want to talk to Sam or try to talk to Bee?”

“I’ll take the bot,” I said, running off.

I ran up to where Bee was and tried to get his attention, all to no avail, I had to jump three fences to get to his ass and he ignored me. “I am so gonna fuck up your door wings!” I hissed at him, before ducking behind some garbage to avoid some incoming cop cars.

I watched Bee stand there, signaling the others before I called Blake. “What Slate?” She asked, answering.

“Are you seeing this shit?” I asked.

“It’s amazing.”

“See you’re getting bot struck,” I said, smirking even though she couldn’t see me.

“I’ll call you back,” she said, hanging up.

Bee transformed and the cops started looking for him, and closing in on my position. I pulled out my phone to call Blake for help, I was fucking trapped by cunt bag cops.

“Blake, I lost him and I can’t go anywhere because of those cock sucking cops.”

“Where are you?”

“By the fucking tower thing.”

“I got it,” she said. “Give me a like ten minutes.”

“Bitch, the hell are you gonna do?”

“Faith Slate, faith.” She hung up and I walked around to the other side of the water tower, being stealthy as shit. A few minutes later I heard some noises behind me, and I pulled a fucking combat roll thing to the other side of the tower’s base, thinking it was a cop.

“Slate!” she whisper yelled. I looked over and she waved me over. I let out the breath I was holding and started over, but I stepped on a piece of metal. It moved just enough to cause the lid of a trash can to fall. The noise it made caught the attention of the cops.

“Hey! I think I heard something,” one of them yelled. I ran over and helped her put the boards she moved back. We ran. I looked over my shoulder and the cops were moving boards to get through. She grabbed my arm and dragged me over to where a few large, old, rusted refrigerators were lying on their sides. My fucking hat fell off.

“Really the hat?” She asked.

"My hair is bright ass yellow. Don't you think that stands out a bit more than red in the dark?"

"Shut the fuck up and crouch," she replied dragging me down.

"Cunt.”

“I don’t give a fuck.”

“Someone go check over by those refrigerators,” a cop yelled.

“Mother fucker,” she snarled. We crept away over to the fence. We walked along it, looking for a way out. The top had barbed wire so climbing over wasn’t an option. There was a place, where something probably a dog or maybe a really stupid person had borrowed under. “Man this is fucking bull shit,” she whined.

“Just crawl bitch,” I said. She crawled underneath and stood up on the other side, then helped me. She led me to the area where I’m pretty sure Bee parked in the movie. “I need new clothes.”

“You could just wash those ones,” I suggested.

“You’re kidding right?” she stared at her incredulously. “The tank can be washed, but the jeans have a rip, the jacket is messed up and these shoes-“

“Whatever. Where are we going?” I interrupted.

We turned the corner and sitting there was the beat up Camaro. He flashed his lights.

“Holy fuck!” I said, in awe.

“Exactly,” Blake said with a smirk.