Back to the Start

It only really takes a minute to brush your teeth. A minute to send a text message. A minute to call someone. And it only takes a minute to ruin someone’s life. Or at least, that’s about how long it took for my life to be completely destroyed. One simple text and bam my life was over. And it was all my brother’s fault.

I don’t think he’d meant to say it but he had, and when his friends got wind of it I knew everything was over. My town was so small that you couldn’t keep anything a secret for long.
So it was no surprise when I walked into school on Monday and everyone stared, like I had three heads or something. I mean, hello I was still the same exact person I was on Friday.

One girl had the guts to come up to me at lunch and ask, “So, are you really gay?” She had her face really close to mine, her chest practically falling out of her tiny little shirt (if you could even call it that). She looked so shocked that I almost laughed, and in that moment I decided, why not enjoy the spotlight, it’s not as if I’ll ever get in for another reason.

“As a diamond studded rainbow.” As I gave her a two fingered salute as I walked away, enjoying the horrified look she wore. It really wasn’t that serious.

One of my brothers stopped me on the way out of the cafeteria, “Hey, Cole, why don’t you come sit with us?”

I looked over to where he was, sitting in a throng of very grumpy looking guys, also known as the soccer team. I just waved him off, giving a gesture towards the door, I wasn’t sure what it meant but he seemed to take it and sat back down among the guys. They looked relieved, probably because they didn’t want the ‘gay kid’ ruining their reputations.

See, in my school, there’s no football team, the towns too small for that. Soccer however, only requires about fifteen guys and is way cheaper, so that’s what we got. My brother’s make up almost half of the soccer team, and therefore, are popular among the school. Soccer here is like football in Texas, an unhealthy obsession.

I had been aiming to try out for the soccer team, but thanks to my brother Matt, I didn’t think that was going to be happening. I happen to like living, thank you very much. Sadly, that most likely wouldn’t be possible if I went out for the team, so, no soccer for me. I’d just have to content myself with playing at home with my family.

“Cole!” Something small slammed into my back and I stumbled slightly before righting myself. As I was straightening my shirt, Sarah, my best friend twirled around to my front, “Oh my god, I heard what happened! Are you all right?”

“I’m fine Sarah, honest.” I know she wouldn’t believe me, but I tried anyways, giving her my best puppy eyes, which she proceeded to ignore.

“But how could your brother do that to you? I thought you and David were okay?”

“It was an accident, some of his friends were making fun of me because they’d never seen me with a girl, and it just slipped out. You know how he is, talk first think later.”

Her eyes, large and brown, flickered between my own and I tried to keep my face as neutral as possible, “Alright. But if anyone gives you a problem just tell me.”

“I can handle myself.”

“Sure.” She didn’t believe me one bit, but just because people suddenly knew I was gay didn’t mean I turned into a pansy. I may not be a body builder like half the guys here but I could hold my own in a fight if need be. Just because I liked guys didn’t mean I needed to act like a girl, in fact, my family was surprised when they found out I liked dick better than chick.

I mean, I dress like a normal guy, I play video games, I’m into sports (well soccer at least) and I don’t talk like a chick. When I told my parents I was gay they sort of just looked at me and then my father said,

”Are you shitting me?”

“Why would I lie to you about that?” I said, after all, life was hard enough already.

“Alright.” He gave a grunt, “If you ever paint your nails, you’re out of this house.” I couldn’t tell
if he was joking or not.

None the less I replied, “Seriously? Gross. Just cause I’m gay doesn’t mean I’m turning into a chick.”

“Good.” He seemed pleased at me reaction and then looked over to my mother, who didn’t seem to be phased in the slightest.

“I still expect grandchildren.” I guess she really didn’t care.

And that’s basically how it went, my brothers were shocked, I sat there in the living room, between both of my parents when I told my siblings. All six of my brothers faces were full of identical shock, their mouths hanging open. My little sister however, said, “What’s that mean?”

She was basically our ice breaker, and after that things pretty much went back to normal. Of course, I got ripped on everyday for being gay by my brothers, but I knew they didn’t really care. Teasing me was just a way of showing their love, it’s what older brothers were supposed to do.

--

I fished my key out of my backpack and shoved it into the lock, pushing the door open. Dropping my bag to the floor I collapsed on the couch next to Annabelle, ignoring Brandon’s incredulous stares. Just as I was opening my mouth to tell him to ‘Fuck off’ my mother walked into the room, stopping short when she saw me sprawled out next to my sister.

“Oh, Cole! What are you doing home? I thought soccer tryouts were today?”

“They are.” I grumbled.

“Well then why aren’t you there?” She threw up her arms, “That was all you talked about this summer!”

“That was before the whole school knew I was gay. I can’t go now, I’d very much like to live long enough to get out of high school.”

“Oh Cole, you should have known someone would find out eventually. Who cares what other people think? You’re a fantastic soccer player, just go.”

My mom wouldn’t understand, girls didn’t have the same type of pressure guys did. They could say anything they wanted, act however they pleased and no one would judge them. But one slip up from a guy and he’s suddenly a ‘fag’. Right now I’m just ‘The freak gay kid’ and I wasn’t ready just yet to be graduated to ‘A-class fag’.

So instead of putting myself out there for the whole soccer team to judge, I was just going to go up to my room and sulk instead. And so, after I kissed my mother on the cheek, that’s just what I did. I shared a room with my brothers, Matt and Aiden. But since Aiden was off to college and Matt was at soccer practice, I had the room all to myself.

I laid down on my bed, and after staring at the speckled ceiling for about an hour I fell asleep.