Taking Chances

"You are the only one," he whispered, leaving a trail of butterfly kisses down the side of my face. I melted into his touch, pressing myself closer to him, as if I couldn't get enough of him. Jaden was perfection in itself and I could not believe, after those four years of self doubt, that he actually loved me.

"And you are my only one," I replied, kissing his cheek. "Come on. We should get to class." Jay groaned, and I rolled my eyes, getting off his super comfortable lap, as much as I didn't want to. Jay pouted, and I laughed, shaking my head, grabbing onto his hand and attempting to hoist him up. We were basically sitting on the set of abandoned steps in the old west wing of the school. It was used for storage now, though, and nobody ever comes here, so we were all alone. And you can guess what went on back here, if you catch my drift.

We didn't walk into the school building hand in hand, because Maybelle and Ellie were watching us like hawks whenever we were at school, but we didn't let anything slip. Well, there was the occasional hand-touching under the lunch table or the stolen kiss in a deserted hallway. I was thanking the Gods that Declan knew and that he was covering for us. I mean, Belle has a little bit of a... crush on Declan, so she doesn't question him when he says that we had an errand to run for a teacher. I felt a little guilty though- Declan hated, absolutely hated lying to Belle. Why? Because he has a thing for her too. They are seriously both too dense to realise that they like each other.

"I'll see you later, okay?" I chirped, and Jay nodded, running his thumb over my cheek quickly, before blowing me a kiss and walking off in the direction of his first class. I smiled to myself, loving the feeling of my heart about to explode out of my chest. Every time I saw his gorgeous face I was practically a melting puddle on the floor.

Someone tapped my shoulder, and I turned, jumping as my hand whipped to my frightened heart.

"Oh, Jesus!" I yelped, and Declan raised his hands in a 'sorry' motion, and I let out a tight breath. "You nearly made me piss my pants!"

"Only because you are thinking about your lover boy so much," Declan winked, and I felt my cheeks flush. I started to open my mouth to retort something, but he just gave me a look that said 'Don't-even-deny-it'. I sighed, and he grinned. "Okay. I have a problem.'

"What is it?" I asked, but already had a gut feeling that it had something to do with Maybelle.

"Um, well, Belle has been... upset, lately. I'm not sure what it is, but she was perfectly fine this morning but then she was given something and then she started freaking out," Declan said quickly, his brow furrowed in deep thought. "She won't tell me what it is because she said I wouldn't understand, so I thought that you, you know, could get something out of her?"

"Um, yeah, I guess..." I said, and Declan looked like he was about to hug me in happiness. He was usually so calm and collected, but when it came to Maybelle he was a love-struck doe-eyed boy. But aside from that, something about this tugged at my brain. Belle told Declan everything, and by everything I mean every tiny detail on her life possible. I wonder what had her so riled up.

The bell rang, and Declan growled, looking up into the sky as if he were cursing the bell.

"I'll see you at lunch, yeah?" he said, and I nodded, and he basically sprinted to his class, his blue and white hair a blur as he weaved through the mass of teens. I spotted Maybelle, her purple fringe obvious, and struggled to catch up to her since she was a small little thing that could squeeze though crowd. I eventually caught up to her though, pulling her into a clear hallway.

"You okay? What's wrong?" I asked, and she looked like she would rather be anywhere but in front of me. She bit her lip, and she shook her head.

"But I'm fine! Honestly!" she squeaked, wriggling from my grip. I wasn't particularly strong, but I was stronger than her.

"No, Maybelle. You are not fine. Who hurt you?" I asked, and she looked away, not meeting my eyes.

"I'm not the one that is going to be hurt..." she muttered, and I frowned.

"What?" I asked brilliantly. She pulled something out of her pocket, and I noticed that it was a picture that was in black and white, clearly photocopied. "What's that?"

"Someone... someone gave me this today. I didn't know what to do, because if I showed you..."

"Show it to me," I demanded, and multiple emotions flicked through her eyes, and she shook her head.

"I'm sorry! I can't do that!" she yelled, running down the hall at lightening speed. The late bell rang, and Belle was running out of the school. I mean, fuck, what do I do now?

"Belle! Wait!" I screamed, groaning, as I ditched school and chased after her. She ran down to the field, where football practise was thankfully not running, and I almost tackled her to the ground. We didn't fall, but we stumbled a little, and in that moment, the piece of paper that Belle clutched in her hand fell to the ground, making a crinkling noise as it lay against the grass.

I felt my heart stop beating, and I think I may have died.

"That's why I didn't want to show you," she whispered, as my world shattered around me.

*Later*

Sweet heart, where are you?
I'm worried. Reply to this text, okay?
I've called you but you haven't picked up.
Is your phone dead?
Micah, why aren't you replying? :/
I love you. Please call me.


I felt another round of sobs wrack my body, which was curled up in a ball of self-pity and self-loathe. Honestly, I didn't know what to feel. Somewhere, deep inside me, I knew that this would happen. I knew that I should have never trusted him with my heart again. not after the last time.

"Why?" I whimpered, as my phone vibrated on my bedside table again. I leaned over and took it in my hands, Jaden's words blurry on the screen as I stared at it with damp eyes.

Micah, I'm really worried.
I'm coming over to your place after school.
Call me, text me, just tell me what's happening.
I miss you. Please call me.
Love you, sweet heart

"Why do you keep on toying with me?" I hiccuped, and pressed the reply button on my phone, shakily typing in the words that pained me to write.

It's over.

Once it sent, I threw my phone against the wall closest to me, the back cover shattering and falling in bits to the floor. I crawled under my blanket, skinny jeans and all, and wrapped my arms around my shins, burying my head in my thighs.

The picture that Belle had been so desperate not to show me was tattooed onto my brain, and despite my constant attempts to erase the image I just couldn't.

It was of Jaden, handsome, gorgeous, lying Jaden, kissing Lisa. It had crossed my mind once that maybe, just maybe, she was the one to kiss him, but that thought was quickly shot down. Considering his track record and the fact that in the photo he did have his hands on her, I doubted that he was an unwilling participant.

"I loved you! I loved you so fucking much!" I screamed, my voice muffled by my leg. "I loved you so much and you had to go and play with me! I though you had changed, but you haven't!"

There was a knock on my door, and I whimpered a pained "Go away!"

"I brought you your dinner, Micah," Ma's voice said through the door, which clicked open, revealing Ma carrying a tray with a bowl of soup and some crispy bread. It smelled so good, but the thought of eating sickened me and made me feel nauseous. I knew I wasn't good enough for Jaden. I knew it, but deluded myself into thinking otherwise. He tricked me into thinking that I was good enough for him. I was still disgusting, an ugly, disgusting fag that didn't deserve anyone. I didn't deserve the one person I wanted.

"Micah, I'll leave it on your desk. Please eat something. I don't know what happened, but after last time... Honey, please don't repeat what happened last time," Ma murmured, and I felt her arm on my shoulder, before walking out, closing the door behind her.

I raised my head, and looked at the soup. It smelled wonderful and I knew I should eat it. I walked over and picked up the spoon, swiping a full spoon of soup and pressing it into my mouth. The feeling of food sliding down my throat made me feel sick, and I gagged, rushing to the bathroom, throwing up my breakfast and the piece of bread I had for lunch. My stomach churned, as I stuck one finger down my throat, only managing to gag a few times, but when I practically choked on my second finger more acidic bile finally poured from my mouth and into the toilet. I flushed it, rinsed my mouth in the sink, brushing my teeth as well to get rid of the taste of vomit.

I looked at myself in the mirror and another wave of self-hatred crashed on top of me.

"You are so ugly. No wonder he cheated on you.You are fa, ugly and a faggot. No one can love you," I whispered, each word beating into me. "Maybe if you were skinnier, maybe then Jay will love you."