Taking Chances

When I woke up I was in a white room, bright fluorescent lights blinking at me, searing my eyes that fluttered lazily. My eyesight was hazy, fuzzy almost, and I could barely make out the two people that hovered above me. One wore a white scientist's coat, the other wearing skinny jeans and a band shirt.

"Yo, Jaden," Declan's chirpy voice said, though he sounded very relieved. "You were out like a light. You okay, man?"

"I should be asking you that," I said, guilt washing over me. In my haste to get to Micah I had put him in danger. He could have died. I'm glad he didn't. I didn't know what I'd do if I had been the one to... kill him.

"I'm fine," he said, smirking. "Just broke my arm, no biggie. You, however, are in deeper shit than me. Three broken ribs, a broken nose and you basically snapped your leg in two. You're gonna be stuck in here for a while."

"Damn, I fucked up real bad, didn't I?" I cringed, and Declan shrugged, but winced as he forgot momentarily about his injured arm. He did look fine, though, besides the cast and the tiny cut on his eyebrow. Suddenly I remembered something. Or someone. "Micah..." I said, as the man who I figured was a doctor helped me sit up. Declan's eyes darkened, and his lips curled down in a frown.

"Jaden, you should just rest. You've had it rough," Declan said uneasily, and I rolled my eyes as the doctor walked out of the room after checking on me, clearly satisfied that I wasn't brain dead. Or just dead in general.

"Yeah, yeah, I've been conked out for a while. And plus, you are awfully tense. What's wrong with Micah?" I asked, eyes narrowing, as he sighed, pulling up a metal chair that rested by the window. I was in a private room- mum had probably moved me here once she found out. She had probably visited, considering the flowers that rested on the bedside table, the same ones from our back garden, but I knew she couldn't stay long- she had to look after the young kids of some family friends.

"MIcah... Well, I think you should see for yourself," he muttered, and I blinked stupidly.

"See him? How? I'm, like, fucking crippled," I said, gesturing at the impressive white cast on my leg. "And I doubt you'll wheel me all the way to his house. I mean, you're struggling with one arm, Declan."

He flipped me off with his good hand, but sighed.

"If I had to wheel you, it wouldn't be far," he said, and then it started making sense.

"Is Micah here? Did he visit?" I asked, suddenly feeling my spirits lift up. I imagined his face, his beautiful, vibrant face, but then I felt someone pop that bubble of hope within me when Declan shook his head, sadness hanging around him like a cloud.

"He's here... but he's not visiting," he said, and bit his lip.

"Then why is he..."

"He fainted from not eating," Declan said softly, as if he was trying not to scare me. Fuck it. I was scared. Scared for Micah. Scared that I was going to... lose him. Forever.

You already lost him, Jaden, that annoying voice at the back of my head cooed, and I groaned as I tried to move, panicking, terrified at the thought of losing Micah completely.

"Is he okay, though? Are they feeding him with something? They're helping him, right?" I asked, my voice dripping with desperation. I needed to see Micah. I just had to see him, even if he didn't want to see me.

"He's in a coma, Jaden. He was in the bathroom when he lost consciousness, and... and he hit his head on the corner of the bathroom sink," Declan murmured, and got up quickly. "Wait here- I'll go get a wheelchair."

"Hurry," I choked, as my heart broke in my chest. I think knowing that I caused Micah to be in a coma was all because of me.

Even if I didn't know what the fuck I did wrong.

***

Declan wheeled me at lightening speed, and I had to give him a whole lot of credit- despite being single-handed, he pushed me around like a professional cripple-wheeler. He dodged in and out of the masses of nurses, doctors and visitors, turning at corners as he headed towards Micah's room.

"Fuck," I groaned, as my ribs jostled a little at the movement, but Declan was concentrating on getting me there as efficiently as possible caused him to completely ignore me. But that was fine- I didn't need him feeling even more like shit because of me. I mean, I had crashed my car and broken his arm, even if it were an accident.

I suddenly jerked me to a stop, and I bit back a cry as my ribs ached, but the pain was dull in comparison to the emotional pain I was going through. That Micah was going through.

"He's in there. I'll wheel you in and then I guess I'll leave. May... May needs some comforting," he said, and I smiled a little.

"Again, I am so fucking sorry, Declan. I didn't mean to do any of this to you, or to Maybelle," I apologised, and he grinned.

"Forgiven. And May and I made up. Apparently she likes men a casts, so I guess I can thank you for that," he winked, and pushed me in, stopping me right next to Micah's bed, the view of him hidden behind a flimsy white curtain.

"See you later, yeah?" Declan asked, and I nodded, as he slipped out of the room to where Maybelle was probably crying her little heart out.

I took in a deep break, as I pulled the curtain, the metal rings scraping along the pole that it was hug up on. And god almighty, I don't think I have ever seen a sight that has made me want to kill myself over. Not until that moment, when my eyes fell upon a sickly pale, and dangerously thin Micah.

"Oh, Micah," I whispered, thanking the heavens that his bed was so freaking low, considering I couldn't get out of my wheelchair. I reached forward, touching his cheek. It was cold. Deadly cold. I felt tears prick my eyes, as I remembered how his cheeks would flush a deep pink whenever I touched him. His cheeks were hollow now, though, a startling white that reflected the pasty walls. His lips were pale too, devoid of the usual colour that they were blessed with. His eyes were closed, but I could see the dark, black bags under them. They stood out against his ashen face, and his cheek bones were more prominent than usual. He was flesh and bone, cold and lifeless.

"I am so sorry," I choked, pushing some of his hair from his face, my fingers brushing over his skin. My thumb trailed across his bottom lip as my other grabbed onto his still hand. My ribs stung, but I ignored it easily as I stared at Micah. He was beautiful, but it hurt to look at him. It hurt to look at him so broken like this.

"Was this what it was like before?" I asked him, somehow hoping that he would respond. I didn't care if he yelled at me or if he kissed me. I just wanted him to wake up. I needed him to wake up so I could ask him what I did wrong. I needed him to wake up because without him I was nothing. He was my everything, and losing him would mean losing myself.

"Was this how you were when I left you the first time?" I asked again, sighing heavily as I pressed a tender kiss against his palm. "You must hate me. You can't even wake up to deny it, but I suppose you wouldn't. You hate me because I hurt you. I know I hurt you back then, four years ago, but to be completely honest I have no clue what I did to you again. You have to know, Micah. I would never hurt you... not again, not after last time. Never again." My voice went soft, as I kissed his hand again, my tears dropping onto his fingers, salty beads of water slipping into down onto his slender wrist.

"So please wake up," I sobbed, squeezing his hand tightly. "Please wake up and tell me what I did wrong. I'll change it, I promise. I'll change anything if I can have you back with me. No, you don't have to be with me. Just wake up and be a part of my world. Anything. I'll change anything as long as you'll stay by my side."

There was a still silence, the only sounds my muffled sobs and the beep of the heart monitor. I couldn't even hear Micah's breathing, but his chest was rising and falling faintly beneath the white blanket. I looked at his face again, my hand brushing his cheek, before kissing his palm again.

"I love you," I murmured, kissing his cheek (with much struggle because of my current condition), and then kissed his fingers once more, before setting his hand down gently.

"I love you, so please wake up."