***ing Art Schools
You can call me the jokester if you want to
I've got a knack for everything I'd like to think. Y'know? I just think if I pick up something I"m pretty talented at it right when it sits in my hands. The guitar? I didn't even try. The piano? I'm fair at it. Everything besides drawing. I suck at drawing and I can never improve. I see those artists just painting a beautiful picture in literally 5 minutes at the fair, and I can't even do that in 5 hours. It's the most impossible and beautiful thing that anyone could ever do. Creating something out of pencil...or pen, or paints. Those 3 things create something more beautiful than ever imagined, y'know?
I wake up every morning thinking to myself, how are people going to see me if I wear this outfit? This outfit? This outfit? I try on literally 5 outfits before choosing the perfect one. Once I have the perfect outfit I work it, but then feel nervous that it's too much and change the shoes. I have this philosophy that if the shoes are casual but the outfit is stunning, it cancels out and makes the whole thing casual. So usually I wear shitty shoes to cancel out. It's a stupid philosophy and I have no idea how I came up with it but I did and I can't un- think it no matter how hard I try.
If you want to know the truth, My mom doesn't drive me to school like I sometimes tell people. I have a hired driver who takes me to school everyday. She's a religious fanatic and full of conspiracy therories, but I have no idea what I would do without her. She literally takes me from school and back everyday. Wakes up at 6:30 or so and gets me at 7:30 and then picks me up at 4:50 she's usually on time. But when she's not I bombard her with phone calls. I hate being left places, all most as much as I hate being the last one to leave some place. Is that the same thing? no it isn't. I don't think so at least. I hate it when I'm left at school stranded, and I hate when I'm the last one at the party. I really dont' like it. It makes me anxious.
I'm at the arts school and it's the worst school i've ever attended. Weird kids, disrespectful kids, cool teachers though, but otherwise NO WAY! It pisses me off so much. I'm in film and tv. Anyway so we have a teacher named Mr. Hall and he's totally cool. He lets us do whatever we want and I think that's fun, but now kids are taking advantage of it. I hate to be the whole debbie downer of the whole thing when I pretty much started it by ordering pizza the 1st month into the class...but still. Some kids are taking it too far and are literally doing no work in the class because they're using the excuse "OH It's mr hall he doesn't give a shit" I'm starting to think, no matter if he gives a shit we still have to try right! But whatever. I give up trying to be an activist of anything because ignorant people never listen. NEVER.
I'm what you may call a loner, besides my side kick Antonia. We go everywhere in the whole school together. I think we're becoming attached at the hip. We also have everything in common which in my opinon I think is creepy but cool. We can mention anything and there's an 90% chance the other has heard of it and has been obsessed with it too. She's awesome. I just don't feel like I tell her everything.
I was kind of like this with this girl Demie a couple months ago before she compeletely ditched me. We hung out all the time and I made fun of her...in a friendly way. I told her a lot of stuff and she told me some stuff. We hung out at disneyland and other stuff but she then completely ditched me. To go back to her old friends. It sucks because I went back to my old friends too after trying to move on from them.
I tried to move on with them after I got my new boyfriend. I tried to look cool for him which was a total stupid move...I mean we never even hung out it was just a mutual love that we never aknowleged. We would sit together at lunch, long glances and lingering hugs. He came over to my house and we cuddled on my bed...as friends. If that makes sense? It doesn't to me. mostly because I couldn't tell him how I felt. I was so tongue-tied around him that I could barely speak and so was he. It was awkward to tell the truth. I still tried to impress him though with new friends. Ami, Jenna, Joanne, Camilla, Tiana and more. I mostly just hung out with them so he saw me with cool people. they were kind of cool but I was a try-hard. I was using them and they didn't know it.
They thought I actually wanted to hang out with them. That's my problem I use people. I don't care about their feelings, and i'm selfish. These are all my inner demons though. People don't see that when they look at me. They see the humour filled girl who's always laughing. That's me I suppose. I'm trying to change that image though because I only did that to impress my ex-boyfriend. Bad idea in the first place. I'm always telling a joke though, mostly a good joke, and making jokes out of serious situations and I fucking hate it!
Joking jokes joke jokes. Truthfully I just want another true friend.
I wake up every morning thinking to myself, how are people going to see me if I wear this outfit? This outfit? This outfit? I try on literally 5 outfits before choosing the perfect one. Once I have the perfect outfit I work it, but then feel nervous that it's too much and change the shoes. I have this philosophy that if the shoes are casual but the outfit is stunning, it cancels out and makes the whole thing casual. So usually I wear shitty shoes to cancel out. It's a stupid philosophy and I have no idea how I came up with it but I did and I can't un- think it no matter how hard I try.
If you want to know the truth, My mom doesn't drive me to school like I sometimes tell people. I have a hired driver who takes me to school everyday. She's a religious fanatic and full of conspiracy therories, but I have no idea what I would do without her. She literally takes me from school and back everyday. Wakes up at 6:30 or so and gets me at 7:30 and then picks me up at 4:50 she's usually on time. But when she's not I bombard her with phone calls. I hate being left places, all most as much as I hate being the last one to leave some place. Is that the same thing? no it isn't. I don't think so at least. I hate it when I'm left at school stranded, and I hate when I'm the last one at the party. I really dont' like it. It makes me anxious.
I'm at the arts school and it's the worst school i've ever attended. Weird kids, disrespectful kids, cool teachers though, but otherwise NO WAY! It pisses me off so much. I'm in film and tv. Anyway so we have a teacher named Mr. Hall and he's totally cool. He lets us do whatever we want and I think that's fun, but now kids are taking advantage of it. I hate to be the whole debbie downer of the whole thing when I pretty much started it by ordering pizza the 1st month into the class...but still. Some kids are taking it too far and are literally doing no work in the class because they're using the excuse "OH It's mr hall he doesn't give a shit" I'm starting to think, no matter if he gives a shit we still have to try right! But whatever. I give up trying to be an activist of anything because ignorant people never listen. NEVER.
I'm what you may call a loner, besides my side kick Antonia. We go everywhere in the whole school together. I think we're becoming attached at the hip. We also have everything in common which in my opinon I think is creepy but cool. We can mention anything and there's an 90% chance the other has heard of it and has been obsessed with it too. She's awesome. I just don't feel like I tell her everything.
I was kind of like this with this girl Demie a couple months ago before she compeletely ditched me. We hung out all the time and I made fun of her...in a friendly way. I told her a lot of stuff and she told me some stuff. We hung out at disneyland and other stuff but she then completely ditched me. To go back to her old friends. It sucks because I went back to my old friends too after trying to move on from them.
I tried to move on with them after I got my new boyfriend. I tried to look cool for him which was a total stupid move...I mean we never even hung out it was just a mutual love that we never aknowleged. We would sit together at lunch, long glances and lingering hugs. He came over to my house and we cuddled on my bed...as friends. If that makes sense? It doesn't to me. mostly because I couldn't tell him how I felt. I was so tongue-tied around him that I could barely speak and so was he. It was awkward to tell the truth. I still tried to impress him though with new friends. Ami, Jenna, Joanne, Camilla, Tiana and more. I mostly just hung out with them so he saw me with cool people. they were kind of cool but I was a try-hard. I was using them and they didn't know it.
They thought I actually wanted to hang out with them. That's my problem I use people. I don't care about their feelings, and i'm selfish. These are all my inner demons though. People don't see that when they look at me. They see the humour filled girl who's always laughing. That's me I suppose. I'm trying to change that image though because I only did that to impress my ex-boyfriend. Bad idea in the first place. I'm always telling a joke though, mostly a good joke, and making jokes out of serious situations and I fucking hate it!
Joking jokes joke jokes. Truthfully I just want another true friend.