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Almost Lover

Can't You Just Let Me Be

I woke up with half of my body hanging out of Asher’s body and his bed. The blankets were twisted around my legs. My arm that was lying underneath my body was asleep, and showed no signs of waking up until Asher did. I was oddly fine with that. It didn’t bother me at all. I was slightly happy that we were still. He was probably awake half of the night after I crashed. I wouldn’t be surprised if he just fell asleep two hours ago. He’s always slept like that.
I must seem like a real creep. I tend to just lie around and wait for people to wake up. I also cuddle in my sleep. I know that Asher does it to, but it’s still weird. Before we were a ‘we’, we would wake up so close to each other. It was weird when it used to happen. Now, I love waking up like that when I sleep over at Asher’s. I like the fact that his face is so close to mine. I love that he doesn’t care about morning breath. I like that if he pushes me off of the bed, that I can punch his arm and get over it.
“Why do you have to be so creepy?” He mumbled with a slightly amused smile on his lips.
I couldn’t help it, but I carelessly let a smile spread across my face.
“Cause I fucking can,” I replied. “You got a problem with that?”
“Oddly no,” Asher replied before he finally opened his eyes. “We better start getting ready,”
“Ugh. I don’t wanna go to school.”
“Me either. Can we just lye together all day and not move?”
“That would be fucking rad.”
“Man now I really don’t want to fucking get up.” Asher complained. “I’d rather just skip today and do what the fuck I want too.”
“I agree…” I trailed off. “That way I can kiss you whenever the fuck I want to.”
“You can do that now,” He winked at me.
I wiggled my eyebrows playfully before pressing my lips fully to his. I moved my body a little bit, lifting my weight from my sleeping arm. I ignored the tingling feeling that shot up and down my limb while I climbed to where I was straddling Asher’s waist. A groan came from the back of his throat as soon as our hips made contact. Asher’s hands came up from his side, and tugged at my hair. I nearly moaned at the simple action. I couldn’t help it really, it just felt so fucking good.
“Are you purposely trying to make me want to rape you?”
I chuckled and nodded my head.
“That or morning wood. Whichever one comes first…” I smirked before I pressed my lips back to his roughly. My now awake hand traveled up and down Asher’s side. I felt him shudder and he opened his mouth. I took the opportunity to shove my tongue inside. I liked having the advantage. It didn’t last long though. The second he got a sound out of me, Asher had me pinned to his bed. He took my hands in his, and kept them above my head. I couldn’t do anything. I felt so helpless.
“ASHER FUCKING BLAKE! WAKE UP!” Someone yelled. I was too preoccupied to understand who it was. Asher jumped off of me quickly before I had time to realize what was going on. I was slightly panting, and at first I didn’t understand why. I lifted my head a little bit to look over at Asher. He had his eyes closed tightly, and he was trying to calm his breathing. He quickly opened his eyes and tugged his blankets up over my lower half. I gave him a questioning look, but he shook his head. “Do I have to come in there again?”
“Shit!” I hissed. “What in the hell is she doing over here so early?” I whispered. I instantly recognized the voice as Izzy’s.
“She comes over to wake me up,” He whispered back.
“What are you doing in there?!” She yelled.
“I…uh…I’m waking up Stryker. He sleeps like a fucking log…” He trailed off awkward. “Go to the bathroom.” He hissed.
I stood up awkwardly, and made my way to the bathroom with my clothes. I turned on the shower, using only cold water, and I jumped in. I used Asher’s girly conditioner, and I smiled slowly. I was going to smell like him today. That’s weird…but nice. Definitely nice. As soon as I got out of the shower, I dried myself off. I slipped on some skinny jeans, an old band t-shirt, and my converse. I walked out of the bathroom and into his room where Izzy was now sitting on his bed and staring at him every now and then when he was changing. I shook my head. I was trying really hard not to get mad at her. I realize that she’s his best friend and all, but still. Asher’s not into her, and she still can’t seem to get over him. I feel bad for her, but it’s pathetic really.
“There you are,” Asher laughed. “You took long enough,”
I shook my head with a small laugh.
“What were you doing, masterbateing?” She joked.
I rolled my eyes at her.
“Good morning to you too, Izzy.”
She smiled at my greeting, and looked over at Asher.
“You guys took longer to get ready than normal,” Izzy stated. “This is why friends shouldn’t sleep over on a school night…”
“Iz, knock it off,” I stated with a huff. “At least we actually got up this morning.”
“Well someone isn’t in a very good mood.” She stuck out her tongue at me.
She would be to if she got interrupted and stuck with a situation downstairs. Trust me, you really don’t want to.
“Leave him alone, Iz.” Asher sighed deeply. “You better be glad I took my shower last night before I went to bed.” He warned.
I rolled my eyes at him.
“I have to do my hair.” I stated, standing up. I walked into his bathroom, and plugged up his flat iron. In no time I straightened my slightly wavy hair, and then flipped it. As soon as it was in place, I smiled at myself in the mirror. “Hey, Ash?”
“Can you show me where my toothbrush is again?” I called. I heard Asher make some sarcastic comment, per usual, before he made his way to the bathroom. He appeared in the doorway, and smirked at me. I winked back at him, and he walked closer to me. I wanted him to kiss me again, but I knew how dangerous it could be with Izzy sitting just fifty feet from us.
“You really didn’t need your toothbrush, did you?” He asked me lowly, making sure that she couldn’t here. I smirked and shook my head no. I picked up the toothbrush and started to brush my teeth. Asher looked at his flat iron before he decided to turn it on. “I’ll be right back, okay?”
“Mkay.” I hummed the best I could while I was brushing my teeth. I heard him tell Izzy that he was going to do his hair and for her to go ahead downstairs for food. I was happy with that. That means that maybe Asher’s mom made breakfast or he’s in the mood to make it himself. I heard Izzy’s soft pitter-patter down the stairs merely seconds after he finished speaking. That girl would seriously do anything for him. Asher came back into the bathroom. He winked at me before he picked up his flat iron to correct his bed head. I don’t understand why he does that when he just messes his hair up when he’s done anyway.
“I want to kiss you,”
I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Since when do you ask if you can or not?”
Asher sighed and rubbed the back of his head awkwardly.
“I don’t want to push it, Stryk. I really don’t. I just sort of feel like I did this morning.”
I rolled my eyes at him.
“You weren’t pushing it,”
“I feel like I was. Our relationship is new Stryker. I’m going to have to take this one slow.”
“Okay, so what you’re saying is that you don’t want to kiss me all of the time because you might want to fuck me? Wow.”
Asher shook his head.
“That’s...okay so maybe that’s kind of what I meant.” He stated, walking to where we both were staring at ourselves in the mirror. We weren’t even touching, but I could tell that he wanted to. “I don’t want to freak you out.”
“I won’t be…” I trailed off. It didn’t sound as convincing as I had hoped that it would. Asher instantly caught on.
“Yes, you will, and I will be to. I know that you’re new to liking a guy, and I’m new to liking my best friend. Doing the things that we do sometimes feels very…odd.” He tried to explain. I furrowed my brows. “But in a good way. I-I like it.” He added quickly.
I sighed, and finally turned toward him.
“Okay, so we need to actually have a relationship talk. A real, honest-to-God, sit down talk about what we want and how this thing is going to go,”
“Yeah, we really do.”
“And yes, you better fucking kiss me whenever you want. Except for school,”
Asher sighed, and nodded.
“That’s another thing that we need to talk about too.”
“I know…” I trailed off. I reached for his head, and he pulled it away slightly.
“We’ve got to get downstairs. I’m going to brush my teeth, but you should probably go on down there to keep Izzy company.” Asher answered. I know that I must have looked somewhat hurt because he pulled me in for a tight hug. “I’m sorry.” He whispered into my skin before looking at me in the eyes. Asher kissed me slowly, and when we pulled away, I was almost smiling.
“Brush your teeth, babe.” I stated before I walked out of his room. I scooped up my bag, and I walked downstairs to where Izzy was sitting. She was eating a muffin. I gave her a small smile, and I grabbed my own blueberry muffin. “Sorry about this morning, Izzy,”
She gave me a small smile.
“It’s fine, Stryker.” She huffed.
“What’s wrong?”
“You’re a guy right?”
I laughed at her.
“The last time I checked…why?”
“Okay, so if you were gay,”
“Maybe you should be asking Asher this,”
Izzy shook her head.
“No, no, I can’t!”
“Alright…go on…”
“Okay, so if you were gay, and you had a girl best friend, would you change in front of her knowing that she had a thing for you?”
“No,” I answered firmly. “Is this about Asher?”
“Clearly,” She replied.
“Well, first off, maybe he doesn’t know that you still feel the same way about him. It’s not like he’s the most observant guy. But I do know that he doesn’t do it on purpose.”
“It still hurts, Stryker. I don’t know why I like him so much, but I just do. He treats me like a guy really should, most of the time, and he’s cute…”
I leaned against the counter in front of her.
“Izzy, you have to let him go. You have to stop getting your hopes up. Asher’s gay. He’s hardcore gay. When we were little, and he saw a girl’s boob in some porno, he nearly cried. I know that he’s kissed girls, and I definitely know that he’s not a virgin. He’s gay. I’m sorry, I really am. He’s not going to be with you.”
She nodded sadly.
“That’s harsh.” She nearly whispered.
“I know, but the truth hurts us all,” I shrugged.
“Thanks for that, though. As hard as it was to hear, I needed someone else to tell me that besides my own head.” Izzy stated, standing up. The shorter blonde walked over toward me and wrapped her arms around my torso. “Why can’t you be like Asher? You’re perfectly straight. Dammit, Stryker.”
I forced a smile.
“We wouldn’t work anyway, Iz. I’d just end up hurting you. To be honest, I’m sort of a whore.” I laughed lightly.
She rolled her eyes.
“Trust me, I know your track record,” The girl replied after we pulled away. “Where’s Ash?”
“I’m right here,” He announced, grabbing a muffin. “Let’s go guys, I don’t want to be late.”
“Shot gun.” I called.
Izzy’s mouth dropped.
“No way! I always ride shot gun!”
Asher shook his head.
“That’s reason alone to let Stryker ride up front.”
Izzy laughed at me.
“Thanks,” I replied.

Izzy is causing a problem for me. She doesn’t realize it, but she’s getting under my skin so much today. First she had to interrupt Asher and I this morning, then I had to be mean to her about him…now she’s just clinging to him. It’s pissing me off to say the least. I more or less told her to back off of Asher, but what does she do? She gets even clingier to him. That’s the opposite of letting someone go.
Is she that delusional? I wouldn’t think that she is. Izzy is one of the smartest people I know. She’s a straight A student and she’s gorgeous. She could get any guy with a blink of an eye, yet she’s all over a gay one. It doesn’t make sense to me. She needs to find some guy who’s going to treat her right, not Asher. Don’t get me wrong, the crush on him is a little cute, but it’s my boyfriend she has a crush on. I’m a guy, and I feel protective over him. Yeah, he might not be some prize to be won or whatever, but he’s still mine. He’s into guys, not short, blonde girls.
Does it make sense that I’m a jealous bitch? I have no right to be. If I should be jealous of anyone, it would be Dylan. Dylan’s out of the picture though. He’s not causing an inner conflict with myself like Izzy. Asher’s best girl friend is. To make matters worse, I don’t really blame her. I can’t blame her. She’s crushing on Asher, and he’s fucking gorgeous. He had blonde hair and green eyes. What’s not to like? Not to mention that he’s a total sweetheart when he wants to be.
I’ve basically been arguing with myself all day long about it too. I want to tell her to fuck off or to tell Asher to get her to leave him alone, but I also want her to realize how stupid she’s being. He’s not going to magically turn straight. It doesn’t just happen one day. Especially with someone as stubborn as Asher is. I want to feel bad for her. I want to pull her hair out. I really want to be okay with kissing Asher in public, but I’m just not. I can’t claim him as mine to our friends or the school without feeling judged. I’m not okay with that.
I’m not homophobic, I swear. My dad was a little bit before he skipped out on me and my mom. I don’t remember too much about him, so he really doesn’t count. I was brought up with certain beliefs, but to still treat everyone with respect. I don’t hate gay people. I just have a hard time accepting that I want to be with another male. I was a little freaked out when Asher told me that he was gay, but I didn’t tear us apart. I remember going home to my mom a week or so after he told me. She explained to me that he was still Asher, and that his orientation didn’t change that. I love that my mom made things like that clearer for me at a younger age. I’m just fucking terrified to admit it to someone close to me. It makes it...real…kind of permanent.
Okay, now I sound like a jealous, homophobic tool. I can’t seem to get my head screwed on right with the whole Asher situation. I don’t know if I will ever be okay with going out in public with him. Hell, I can’t even walk out of a dressing room for goodness sake. I literally have to have someone in the dressing room with me. I don’t like attention being drawn to me unless I’m the one creating it. I don’t want to be like that, but I feel like that’s something that won’t ever change about me. I’m just a scared teenager, really.
“God, someone please get them away from each other.” I finally stated out loud. “It’s fucking annoying.”
Kaylie patted my shoulder lightly while everyone else stared at me carefully. Great. Now I went ahead and spoke my fucking mind out loud. That wasn’t supposed to come out, but somehow it did.
“I totally agree with Stryker.” Taylor spoke up quickly. “It’s like Izzy is being extra…attached.” She chose her words carefully.
“I’ve noticed it too,” Kaylie spoke up.
“Me too,” Seth added to the conversation.
I wasn’t suddenly feeling as bad as I originally was starting too.
“Why did we send them after food anway?” Chad asked after a minute. “I’m hungry, and it looks like Izzy’s distraction him or something. Poor basterd doesn’t even realize what’s going on.”
“That’s the saddest part,” I stated, feeling exasperated. “Asher doesn’t fucking realize that he’s hurting her.”
“She needs a reality check,” Taylor mumbled, picking at her nails. “I love the girl to death, but come on…he’s gay for crying out loud,”
“Exactly!” I nearly yelled. “Dammit, I want food and to bowel, not wait while Izzy is all over him.”
Seth rolled his eyes.
“I know the feeling.”
“To make matters worse, I had to be really harsh to her this morning about it,”
“What do you mean?” Chad knitted his eyebrows together.
“I stayed over at Asher’s last night. When I came back from my shower, she was just sitting on his bed while he changed right in front of her. She was like…gaping at him the entire time. It was sad…”
“Damn…” Kaylie trailed off.
“I’ll be right back.” I huffed, standing up from our table. I walked over toward the two best friends, and Izzy saw me first. “You guys are taking fucking forever on deciding what to get.”
“Sorry, I was just complaining about this guy…” Izzy rolled her eyes. “And Asher was listening.”
“Yeah, well we need food and shit like that.”
Asher elbowed me.
“Calm down, man. We’re in line.”
“What line, Ash?” I nearly snapped. “Are you just standing here, or is it invisible, cause we sure as hell can’t see it.”
“Oh.” He replied, noticing that no one else was in front of them.
“I’m sorry…” Izzy trailed off.
“No, it’s fine. We’re just hungry. You can use your gay best friend some other time, not now please?”
Izzy gave me nearly a death glare before rolling her eyes.
“Whatever. I’m going to sit down. Stryker can help you.” She stated before nearly stomping off toward the table. I felt contact with my head, and I flinched. I turned to look at Asher, whom looked fucking pissed.
“Really, Stryk? Could you be more of an asshole to her? She’s a girl. Where are you manners? You were the one into girls, don’t you think that you could’ve at least shown her some respect.”
I chewed on my bottom lip. I stared at my boyfriend while he defended her. I know I came off strong, really, really strong, but she was irking me. I can’t help how I react when I’m hungry and a girl is flirting with my boyfriend right in front of me. You’d be slightly angry too. Finally I huffed and crossed my arms. I looked toward the menu.
“Sorry…” I mumbled. “I’m hungry, and you guys were taking forever…”
Asher shook his head.
“That’s not good enough. Come on, man. You know how close Iz and I are.”
“That’s what I’m worried about,”
Asher laughed.
“Really? You’re worried about Izzy and I?”
“No, I’m worried about her…” I trailed off. “Just…forget I said anything.”
“It’s kind of hard when you’ve made it obvious that something is wrong.” He pointed it out. “I guess that we’ll just add that to our list as well?”
I nodded my head.
“Sure, whatever dude.” I stated. “Let’s get food. I don’t want to wait any longer. I came here to hang out with my friends.”
“What about me?”
“I’m not happy with you right now.” I stated, crossing my arms.
He sighed.
“Fine, I’ll tell Izzy to chill. Is that what you want?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. I stepped up toward the counter, and I ordered us all slices of pizza, nachos to share, and drinks. Asher stood beside me while I ordered. Together we could carry all of the food and stuff back to the table.
“It’s kind of hot to see you all worked up over this.” He stated. He snuck a wink to me, and I shook my head.
“Whatever,” I mocked him. “Just help me get the stuff back to the table, will you?”
“Anything for you,” He exaggerated.
“Cool it, Prince Charming.” I sighed. We walked a few more feet to the table. We all handed out the food, and drinks. I took my original seat between Asher and Kaylie. Our backs were facing the wall. Being the ever so sneaky guy I am, I slipped my fingers through Asher’s own. He sent me a playful smile that no one seemed to notice. I was glad that I was actually able to touch him. I’ve been wanted to do that all day. I wanted to hug, kiss, touch, please him all fucking day long. But this is all I’ve gotten to do all day. After this morning, sure I was a little freaked, but it felt so damn good when our hips met. It was like magic.
I think that it might be better to just tell our friends, but then again I think not. I don’t want people acting different around me. I’ve gotten used to how they are and how things are. I really hate change. Our relationship was a big change. Telling them would be a big change. I’m a coward, I really am.
I’m just glad that Asher isn’t pushing it…yet.
♠ ♠ ♠
I LOVE how this chapter turned out. I dunno why, but I just freaking do.

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xoxo Rae