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Almost Lover

So You're Gone and I'm Haunted

Stryker and I had our big fight just after Christmas. We made it through his birthday in November without any problems. He was mad at me about how we came out, I’m sure of it. I guess I should’ve expected it. Our date with Chad and Taylor went really well, but I still was mad. I had more than a few choice words to say to him. Stryker just took it too. I was slightly disappointed that he just listened to the words flying from my mouth. I was angry still, but I wasn’t too mad. I just needed to get the words off of my mind. It was horrible. He didn’t leave slamming doors. He didn’t yell back. He didn’t get mad. He just stood there and watched me.
I felt as if I had personally put a strain on our relationship. I knew that it wasn’t entirely my fault. I knew that it wasn’t just my fault. Stryker was equally to blame. He had been acting like a prick ever since. I don’t understand why he is being so stand-offish with me. I’ve tried to be cuddly with him. I’ve tried to take him out for a date, but he declined. Stryker had even brought up going back to his own house with his mom.
It was really starting to worry me. He spent Christmas and New Years with me and my family. It was great. Now February 14th is just around the corner, and I don’t know if I’ll have someone to call mine by that time.
“What are you thinking so hard about, Ash?” Stryker asked from beside me.
I finally turned to look at him.
“Nothing,” I muttered.
“Kay,” The boy replied before looking back at the TV. He was sitting close to me, but he wasn’t touching me. I pouted to myself. I knew that it was going to happen sooner or later. I knew that we wouldn’t stay in our ‘honeymoon’ phase of our relationship forever. Life just couldn’t be easy. It always has to screw me over.
“Stryk?” I asked, looking at him.
I didn’t dare call him a cute pet name. That stopped in mid-December.
“Yeah?” He sighed, turning to look at me. “Didn’t you just say nothing was wrong?”
I shrugged.
“I guess.” I replied, still looking at him. “Are you happy?”
Stryker furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He stared back at me. His blue eyes burned into my own green ones. I guess he was searching my eyes just as much as I was going to search his. I needed to know if he still wanted to be with me, or if he was humoring me. Did he still even care? I felt like I had to force him to say a simple ‘I love you’ anymore. I didn’t really get why. Sure, relationships are hard, but I don’t think they’re supposed to go like this.
“Asher…” He trailed off before breaking eye contact. He turned off my TV set before turning back. Stryker was giving me his full attention. “I am happy…”
I sighed.
“It sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself of that.” I retorted. “What’s going on? Could you talk to me maybe? Be honest?”
“Look…” He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Everything is just a little crazy right now. I’m still trying to figure out what’s the next step after high school, and it’s hard. I’m stressed.”
“Why couldn’t you tell me that?” I questioned. “Why are you stressed or confused or whatever the fuck it is that’s wrong with you?”
“I don’t need you asking me so many questions,” He stated. “I’m happy, Ash. Really,”
“Don’t do me any favors by saying that.” I sighed, standing up from the couch.
“Where are you going?”
“Out,” I stated, walking out of the living room.
“Asher,” He sighed, catching up with me. “We can talk…”
“You clearly don’t want too.” I shrugged.
Stryker grabbed my arm and turned me around.
“Let’s talk.” He stated. “Do you want to go out?”
“Aren’t you still afraid to be seen with me?” I countered.
Stryker blushed a little bit, but he slowly smiled at me.
“Please? Go out with me?”
“Okay,” I sighed heavily.
Who knew dating your best friend would make you feel so bad sometimes? I let my hand slip into my boyfriend’s hand. He gave me a small squeeze before we walked out of my house together. My parents were out shopping, so we were free to leave. He pulled me down the street, away from our houses. We made it to the small park two blocks away where kids were playing regardless of the cold weather. Their parents watched us closely with curious (or maybe disgusted) glances. I guess it wasn’t very common to see two, tall males hand in hand at a park.
Stryker and I found a small picnic table two tables down from a few parents. We tried to give them some space but there wasn’t a lot of room to sit and talk. We straddled the bench and faced each other. He tried to smile at me, but I could tell something was wrong. I didn’t want to know what, but I sighed, and looked away. I needed to know what was going on with him.
“Do you even feel a spark when we kiss?” I asked him, staring toward the swings. Small clumps of snow stilled littered the ground, and their breath could be seen.
“I do…” He trailed off.
I turned to look at him. We made eye contact and I smiled sadly.
“You’re pulling away from me.”
“What do you mean?” He asked cautiously.
“You’re not as into us anymore. You haven’t spoken to me really in the last couple of months. Stryker, we’ve been together for five months. We’re not acting like a real couple,”
I didn’t know was going on in Stryker’s head. I wanted to really know what he was thinking. I had to know if he was still into us. Sometimes I feel like he is, but some days I feel like he doesn’t like me at all. I sometimes feel insecure with our relationship. I felt a little bit like a girl. It wasn’t something I was used too.
I didn’t have time to think of anything else. Stryker’s lips were pressed messily against mine. He hadn’t kissed me like this in forever. His hands were cupping my face tightly. I didn’t resist. I melted right into the kiss, welcoming it. His fingers found their way to entangle into my hair. He tugged slightly, pulling me closer to him. I gripped his shirt tightly. I fisted his black v-neck in my hands. I missed his messy, desperate kisses.
“Please…” He begged, pulling away for a minute. Our foreheads were pressed together and we panted in sync. “Please, Asher. Fucking please don’t you ever think that I’m not crazy about you.”
I sighed in relief before moving my chin, and kissing him again. I missed kissing like this. We don’t just sit around and kiss each other anymore. The cuddling in my bed had all but stopped. We didn’t get to just kiss the way we used too. It was nice. My lips moved against his familiar ones. They weren’t extremely soft but slightly rough. I loved kissing him.
“Never scare me like that again.” I stated, pulling back away from him. “I miss you. I miss doing all of the things that we used too.”
“I know that you do. I do to…” Stryker trailed off. “I’m just still taking this all rather hard. I want to be with you, babe.”
I smiled as the pet name rolled off of his lips. I moved my hands from his shirt, and I cupped his chin in my hand. I pressed a small kiss to his lips before pulling away fully.
“I love you,” I stated, looking at him.
That familiar smile graced his lips. I could tell that it wasn’t forced. His eyes twinkled slightly. He was just as happy as I was.
“I love you too, Asher.” He stated. “I’m sorry,”
“It’s okay.” I sighed.
“How about I make it up to you?” He questioned, a smirk pulling on his features.
“Not here,” I rolled my eyes. “I want to swing.”
“Asher, for fuck’s sake, it’s freezing out here!” He protested.
I shrugged and stood up from our picnic table. I started toward the swings, waiting for him to join me. He drug his feet a little so that he would walk slower. I rolled my eyes, and I sat down on the swing. Little kids played on the jungle gyms, making me laugh.
“Do you remember us playing on that very same jungle gym when we were their age?” I asked, looking over at my boyfriend.
He smiled and nodded slowly.
“I remember. A lot of things have happened here between us. You now that right?” He asked me.
I nodded and reached out for his hand. His fingers weaved through mine, making my smile wider.
“I can’t really forget. I told you that I was gay here.” I stated.
Stryker nodded.
“It was big.” He agreed. “This is the first time we’ve been here since we started dating. We normally go to the skate park.”
“Skating is closed this time of the year,” I shrugged. “I thought that the park was a nice second though,”
“It is,” Styker smiled.
We sat on the swings, watching the little kids play around like they had no care in the world. I was jealous of them. They didn’t care about college or relationships. They just wanted to have fun and pick their noses. It’s gross, but true. I wanted more than anything to go back to that age where life was simple; life was carefree. I didn’t want my boyfriend to go off to college. I didn’t want him to pull away from me as much as he already had. I want to figure out what I want in life.
“Why are you holding his hand?”
The small voice brought the two boys out of their deep thoughts. They turned toward the small voice. It belonged to a little boy around the age of five. His friend was standing timidly beside him and two little girls were on his other side. They stared at Stryker and I curiously. I furrowed my brows and I saw a protective mom edging closer, but she didn’t come over. She simply waited just in case. I looked over at Styker. His expression mirrored my own.
“You’re not supposed to hold boy hands.” A girl looked really confused. “That’s what momma always says about my teacher. She said he doesn’t like him cause he holds hands with boys.”
“I hold his hand because I care about him.” Stryker said in an almost child-like voice.
“Do you love him?” The other girl asked, smiling at the two of them.
“I do,” Stryker nodded with a smile.
“My momma says that boys are only allowed to hold hands when they are kids. Big kids aren’t supose’ too,”
I squeezed Stryker’s hand tightly.
“We hold hands cause I love him.” I replied.
“That’s gross!” A little boy giggled.
I knew that he didn’t mean anything by it. He was laughing, not a care in the world. These kids didn’t realize how bad the world was these days. They didn’t see all of the bad shit that had happened. They don’t understand what people of a certain gender could love someone of the same gender. They didn’t know that if an adult said their words, it would actually hurt us. Yet, here they were talking to us because they were curious.
“I used to think so too.” Stryker stated.
“I think it’s cuteee.” The girl, despite her mom teaching her negative things, stated.
“Thank you,” I laughed, looking at all of them.
“Are you guys like my parents?” The other girl asked. “Do you want kiss?”
“We do,” Stryker admitted.
“Ew!” They giggled, but it was in a funny way.
I laughed slightly.
The little girl who repeated ‘mommy says’ looked over toward the voice. The mom looked cautious, inching forward slightly. Rachel looked back at us, and gave us a toothy grin.
“I gotta go. Mommy says so,” She stated before grabbing her friends hand and running wildly toward her mom. The two boys however stayed behind to talk to us.
“Are we gonna grow up like you?” One asked, looking between us. “Cause girl’s are icky.”
Stryker rolled his eyes.
“At your age, I thought they were gross too.” He replied.
“But you may think that they aren’t gross anymore when you grow up,” I tried to explain.
The two boys laughed again before waving and running back toward the jungle gym. I looked over at my boyfriend. He shook his head and smiled over at me. I could tell that he was still unsure. I could tell that what the little girl had said did in fact bother him, because it bothered me a lot. I could tell that even if he was smiling at me, his attention had been given to the mom who had taught her daughter her wrong our relationship was.
Stupid fucking close-minded people.

My hands cupped Stryker’s face, keeping his lips moving against mine in a heated kiss. It didn’t take long for us to fall back into our old routine. Over the past week, we’ve more sexual toward each other. It was like we were deprived of each other. I was shocked by what a week would’ve done to our relationship. A week ago, I was worried about us making it. We were barely talking. Now we were able to be all over each other again.
His hands gripped my hips tightly, and pushed his tongue between my lips. I loved the butterflies in my stomach. It was a nice feeling. I felt wanted again. Stryker’s body showed how much he wanted this again too. It wasn’t just me. I loved just kissing him, but this is nice too. I didn’t really like being under him, so I flipped us over to where I hovered over his body. He whimpered and wiggled his hips a little bit. I figured that his skinny jeans were as uncomfortable as mine were.
My hands trailed down over his budge. Stryker’s hips snapped up in reaction, meeting my hand. I smirked as I kissed him. I pulled away for a minute, looking into his lust-filled eyes. I kissed the boy underneath me deeply while I palmed him through his jeans. He groaned, wanting more than I was giving. I knew that he did. I wasn’t stupid. His hips bucked up again.
I was suddenly on my back again. His lips left mine, and his hands were working on my belt. I almost laughed as he tugged on them until they were thrown in my floor. The boy had climbed off of me to tear off his own skin tight pants. He smirked before making his way back toward me. I was okay with giving the black haired boy control. His body hovered back over mine.
“I like this position.” He smirked before his hips grinded down on my own. I chewed on my bottom lip to stifle the sound that so desperately wanted to come out. Stryker got a steady motion going, and I was more than happy to follow his lead. My hands gripped his waist again, holding our bodies together. Stryker kissed my neck softly before tugging and sucking on the flesh. I moaned when he moved his hips harder against my own.
Before I could try to take control again, my boyfriend started to trail kisses down my body until he got right above my boxer’s waist band. I groaned, feeling a little like a withering mess. I wanted Stryker more than I wanted air. I’d rather him not tease me, but that’s not how he rolls. He’d rather see me go crazy before giving into my pleas. He eventually did what I wanted him to, but half-way through we got interrupted.
To say that I was mortified would be an understatement. My faced turned bright red as we scrambled around the room to cover up yet again. I had never been so embarrassed. I had never, ever had someone walk in on me while getting head. I hid my head in my hands, and avoided eye contact at all cost. Stryker was probably even more embarrassed than I was. He looked like he was going to start crying. I really wouldn’t blame him.
“Boys…” My mom warned, trailing off. “Learn to lock the fucking door next time.” She stated.
“Mom…” I sighed heavily.
“I don’t want to see that.” She sighed heavily. “Lunch is in ten minutes.”
I nodded before she left the room. I looked over at my boyfriend. I was suddenly not as turned on as I was five minutes ago. I wanted to hid away from forever. It was bad enough that my mom caught us, but the fact that it’s the second time makes it so much worse. She already knew that we were sexual, but I guess she didn’t expect to see that much of me again.
“Why does she always do that?” Stryker nearly yelled.
I rolled my eyes.
“You’re more worried about her accidently interrupting rather than actually being embarrassed by what she saw?”
“Sure,” He laughed bitterly before sitting back down on my bed still nearly naked. “How about we go shopping?”
I sighed heavily and nodding my head.
“Okay,” I agreed with my boyfriend before I put my clothes back on. Stryker finished lacing up his shoes, and offered me his hand. I smiled happily and took it. We walked in sync out of my bedroom and down to the dining room. My dad sat down reading the paper, even if it was past one on a Saturday. My mom wiggled her eyebrows at us, and I groaned, and hid my head into Stryker’s shoulder. He just laughed about the whole situation. He found it funny.
“Having a fun day?” My dad questioned.
“We were,” I mumbled.
My mom laughed lightly.
“Lock the door next time and we won’t have this problem.” My mom nearly sang.
My dad gave her a questioning look before looking toward us. He shook his head and pushed his glasses back up on the bridge of his nose.
“Clearly something happened, and I clearly don’t want to know about what.” My dad replied before looking back down at his newspaper.
I laughed and took a big bite of the sandwich my mom prepared for us.
♠ ♠ ♠
This is well over-due.

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xoxo Rae