Almost Lover

Do you know what’s worse that someone walking in on you getting a blow job? The answer is simple really; someone walking in on you giving a blowjob. I jumped off of Asher as fast as I could, yet his mom still saw. It’s like every single time that we get that close; his mom is there to ruin it. I do love Regina. She is one of my favorite people in the world, but it is slowly starting to kill me. I thought that maybe she was doing it on purpose, but Asher just laughed at me.
Asher and I were starting to get back on track. I honestly can’t place what had happened. I just know that something weird happened between the two of us. It really started after our coming out. He yelled, and I didn’t have the willpower to yell back. Every word that Asher uttered was completely true. I deserved everything that he had thrown at me. I realize that he was mad, but he was also right about it all. I’m just too much of a scared douche bag for my own good.
When he admitted that he was insecure, it made my heart break. I never wanted him to feel like that. I love Asher. He’s so much more than my boyfriend, he’s my best friend. I would call him my lover, but we aren’t exactly that. He’s like an almost lover. I don’t really know how to explain it. He’s just, he’s mine. I never want him to feel un-loved again. I didn’t mean for him to feel that way.
I guess that’s why I feel so guilty. The way that Asher looked at me when he asked if I still loved him was crushing. I’ve never seen this boy look that sad. It was messed up and wrong. He deserved to smile. His green eyes were too amazing not to be happy. I felt like shit. I guess that’s why I’ve been pulling away from him the past few months. I have felt like shit the entire time. I want us to be normal again. That’s all that I want.
Asher’s hand played with my fingers. I laughed lightly to myself and found a smile gracing my lips. I love when he plays with my fingers. I don’t know why, but I like it. I guess I feel more of the man when he does it. I feel like I’ve lost a lot of points on the manly scale just by looking at him. I feel like a school girl still. He makes me feel all in love and weird shit. Still. That fucker still gives me butterflies just as much as he did in September.
I lean over and placed a small kiss on his cheek. I smiled at him without him looking at me before I tried to pay attention to whatever Seth was ranting on about. I tended to tune my friends out during lunch. I don’t really mean too, but it just sort of happens. He was talking with his arms, but his words were pretty much a blur. Asher’s fingers finally slipped in-between mine before he gave me a small squeeze. I didn’t need to look at him to see his wide smile. The past two weeks were weird. Our friends even questioned us on why we were being so lovey again. They must have grown used to us not smiling this big in a while.
Asher’s deep chuckle brought me out of my thoughts.
“Seth, chill the fuck out man!”
“Sorry!” He laughed. “But I’m serious! I love boxing and being able to train again! I’m stoked that the gym is being opened by up.”
“The gym is opening back up?” I questioned, looking confused.
Everyone around the table gave me confused glances.
“Yes…” Seth trailed off. “Did you seriously miss my rant on how fucking awesome this is?”
I shrugged.
“I must have zoned out.”
“Wow. You’re fucking out of it today,” Chad chuckled. “That one was hard to tune out. I would know. I actually tried.”
Seth reached over and punched Chad in the arm.
I rolled my eyes at their behavior.
“What do you guys have planned for Valentines Day?” Kaylie asked, changing the topic of conversation.
“We’re going to McDonalds and a movie.” I replied.
Asher laughed, but nodded his head in agreement.
“McDonalds?” Kaylie questioned, looking between the two of us.
“And a movie?” Taylor finished.
“Yeah,” Asher replied. “We really talked about it for a while, and we don’t want to do the trivial Valentines Day dinner. We’re both guys, and we don’t want to get each other flowers. That’s just weird.”
“You’re the straightest gay couple in the history of the world,” Seth sighed, shaking his head.
“This is true,” Taylor laughed, smiling at us.
“I hate chocolate too,” I admitted.
“I didn’t want to get really dressed up, because I know that Stryk hates that stuff.”
“I’d rather have him be himself,” I added to the conversation. “So we’re having a low key type of date. It’s going to be perfect.”
“I agree,” Asher laughed. He smiled at me before mouthing three simple words. I smiled back and returned the words. “At least we got each other presents.”
“How are you so sure I got your lazy ass something?”
“You live with me, and my mom told me,”
I groaned.
“Regina…”
“Yeah, she’s awesome,” Asher laughed. “I’m sure I’m going to love it, boo.”
“You better,” I stated, nudging my boyfriend with my shoulder. He just laughed in return.
“I got you something too, just in case you were wondering.”
“It was about to worry me to death.” I rolled my eyes.
“Did you guys hear about our superlatives?” Taylor asked.
“Yeah…” Asher trailed off.
“You guys are in the running for cutest couple, and the best of the best friends categories,” Chad stated casually. It sounded like he had heard this one a lot.
“That’s weird,” I snorted. “What about you?”
“I’m running for most unique,” Taylor smiled.
That made sense. The girl was artsy, and loud. At some point, she has had almost every natural hair color. The girl loved big rimmed glasses and feathers. It was weird enough when she started dating Chad. He was practically the opposite of her. He is actually a really cool guy. That’s why we’re friends. If it wasn’t for Taylor, I don’t think that any of us would’ve talked to him.
“I got most athletic.” Chad sighed. The boy truly hated popularity. He didn’t like the fact that almost everyone knew who he was or the simple fact strangers looked up to him. Chad told me this a few times when we would just hang out, the two of us.
“Kaylie and I are both in the running for most adorable,” Seth sighed, flicking his light brown hair out of his eyes.
“I get that,” Asher nodded. “But me and Stryk?”
I rolled my eyes.
“Don’t sound so surprised! We’re fucking hot together!” I stated, looking to my boyfriend.
He snorted in laughter.
“Sure, Stryker,”
“When do we vote?” I asked Taylor, ignoring my boyfriend’s snide remark.
“Later today in homeroom, I believe.” She admitted.
I casually nodded my head.
“That’s cool. I’ll probably vote for someone other than us.”
“So diplomatic,” Asher replied sarcastically before kissing my cheek. He nuzzled his nose in the crook of my neck, planting a kiss on a hickey that he left a few days go. My body shivered lightly and the boy pulled away. “I’ve been thinking about getting a tattoo.”
I rolled my eyes.
He’s so weird.

♥

“Mom?” I knocked on the front door, sticking my head inside of her house. I would call it our house but I’ve been living with Asher since October. My mom doesn’t even sign notes for me anymore, Regina does. I’m sure somewhere my mom is missing me or something, but I never really get calls or text from her. We only see each other when it’s convenient for either of us. “Mom, are you here?”
Suddenly the shorter woman walked in through the house. I hadn’t spoken to her properly for a month or so. She looked older, frailer, than she used to be. I guess she had aged a lot since I’ve been gone. Once she saw me, she smiled her familiar smile. Her blue eyes were dull. She didn’t light up. I guess she’s stressed or something.
“Hey honey,” She stated, wrapping her arms around me. “What are you doing here?”
“Can’t a boy come inside his house without being questioned?”
My mom rolled her eyes.
“Stryker, this isn’t your house and it hasn’t been for a while.” She joked, but I agreed. She had a very good point. “Now what do you want? I was writing a report for my office.”
I rolled my eyes and pulled out a small box of heart chocolates.
“I got these for you.” I smiled.
My mom laughed and accepted them with a hug.
“Thank you.” She replied before letting me go. “Got plans with the boyfriend?”
I nodded my head.
“I do,” I agreed. “I came to pick up his present too actually,”
“Oh right,” She smiled. “It’s still wherever it is that you hide it. I couldn’t find it for the life of me,”
I smiled and bounded up the stairs toward my all but empty bedroom. My old dresser sat abandoned in the corner of my room. Once I found the present in the back of a drawer, I was able to hop back down the stairs.
“Thanks, mom.”
“No problem, dear,” She smiled. “What did you get him?”
“It’s uh…it’s kind of private,” I almost blushed. Almost.
“Stryker, you both have necklaces that hang from your necks. I don’t think that it’s any more private than that.”
I rolled my eyes.
“I’ll tell you later, if he likes it.”
“Why wouldn’t he love it, dear?”
I shrugged before kissing her head.
“I don’t know. I’ll see you later, okay?”
“Okay. I love you,”
“Love you too. Happy Valentines day!” I yelled, running out of the house and back toward Asher’s house. I had finished getting ready while my boyfriend was having a conversation with his own mother. I happily entered the Blake household that I had grown to accept as my own. I practically lived here growing up, so actually living here wasn’t too big of a step up. The Blake’s always used to joke about me moving in. I never really thought that it would actually happen one day.
“There he is!” Asher’s dad called as soon as I walked in. “Asher, your boyfriend is here!”
“Thanks, dad,” Asher rolled his eyes as he walked down the stairs. He was wearing his normal black v-neck, painted on black jeans, and his converse. His hair was straightened perfectly, and the ever present nose ring made him look even better. Asher smirked when he saw me staring before returning the favor. I shifted nervously. I was wearing a button up plaid shirt and beanie along with my black skinny jeans and converse.
“Denis, they’re so cute!” Regina giggled.
Denis rolled his eyes.
“You ruin the best of moments.” He sighed. “Come on, darling. We’ve got a dinner to get to ourselves,”
Regina giggled and smiled. She hugged and kissed the both of us on our heads before she accepted her husband’s hand. He waved at the two of us before they were out of the house. Asher wrapped his arms around my neck. I smiled and returned the hug before pressing my lips to his. I pulled away with an annoying ‘mwah’ sound. He laughed, and smiled at me.
“You look good.”
“As do you,” I winked. “Are you ready for our date?”
“I was born ready,” He stated sarcastically before letting me go. Asher always wanted to drive so it didn’t surprise me when he slipped into his car’s driver’s seat instead of my car. I jumped in, and let out a loud yawn. Asher punched my leg, warning me not to fall asleep. I just rolled my eyes and played his CD that was currently in the player.
We decided to watch a movie, but wasn’t that great. It’s not like I actually paid attention. My nerves were seriously acting up. Regina helped me pick out his present before taking him shopping. I just had a feeling that she made us get each other the same thing. That was what I was hoping for anyway. I didn’t want to be the one who spent so much money on him, and he just got me a scarf.
We got out around eight, and he drove to the nearest McDonalds. We sang loudly to the music on the CD, ignoring how awful we actually sounded. At the time, I didn’t feel eighteen. I didn’t feel like an adult. I felt like I was fifteen again and Asher just got his license. Things were different now, obviously, but somehow it was the same. We were able to be friends before boyfriends. We were able to talk.
“Do you want to hold my hand?” Asher asked me.
I smiled and nodded before linking our fingers together as we entered the McDonalds. It wasn’t awkward as it used to be. People started to stare as usual, but it wasn’t bothering me. I was way too happy to give a flying fuck. “I want chicken nuggets.”
“Me too,” I agreed. “Do you want to get some to share?”
“No, you’d eat them all,” He rolled his eyes.
I laughed but agreed. He ordered for us while the girl tried her best to hide behind her visor. I squinted at her, and tried to see her face. I knew that I knew her from somewhere. It took me a minute to realize that I dated her before. We didn’t exactly last. For one, we were young, and two, I was a whore. I felt uncomfortable. I couldn’t remember her name to save my life, and Asher didn’t seem to recognize who she was.
I let it go. I picked out a booth for us while Asher waited on the food. I played with the small bag that I brought in with me. Asher had one also across from me. I wanted desperately to look in it, but I refrained. It helped me that he appeared out of fucking no where. We quickly ate our food, talking a little bit here and there. I guess I was more nervous than I thought.
“Can I please give you my present now?” I asked quickly.
Asher raised an eyebrow and laughed.
“Right now?”
“Well I really don’t want to wait any longer,” I stated.
“Not yet,” Asher sighed. “I wanted to give you mine in a more intimate setting.”
I nodded nervously. I walked out with him out, and sat awkwardly in the car. Everything was silent. I could tell that Asher was just as nervous as I was. I didn’t know what he had planned, but I knew that it wasn’t some stupid scarf. I would gladly accept the scarf, because that’s what I got him in addition to the other present. I started to wreck my brain for what he could’ve possibly gotten me. I wanted to know. I’ve never been good at surprised and neither has Asher.
“Where are you taking me?” I questioned him. Asher turned in some old back road. “You’re not going to kill me are you?”
“Oh yeah,” He rolled his eyes. Asher turned off on another rode before finally parking. Since his headlights were on, I saw the water. He took me to a random lake. I laughed before looking over at him. “Surprise,”
“The lake?” I asked, chuckling.
“I thought that we could use just a little romance,” Asher smirked. “I’ll get the blanket out of the back. You can get out tonight if you want too.”
I nodded and followed my boyfriend’s actions. He got his blanket out of the trunk, and we found the perfect spot on the grass. He sat it down, and I joined his side. We cuddled up, just sitting there together. We shared small kisses here and there, but nothing too much. We weren’t rushing anything. We didn’t get into deep make out sessions, but it was nice to feel the slow burn of the kisses.
“I love you,” I sighed against his lips before pecking them one more time. “So, I think that you should open up your present now.”
“Okay,” Asher chuckled before pulling away slightly. He took the bag, and peered inside. “Thanks, Stryk.” He smiled, seeing the scarf. He took it out, and furrowed his brows.
“There’s a second part,” I mumbled.
“What’s this?” He questioned, pulling out the small, black box.
“Just open it, please?” I begged.
Asher smiled and nodded. I was thankful that it was just now getting dark. He opened it slowly. I felt my stomach bubble in an uncomfortable kinda way. I was scared shitless that he would hate it.
“A ring?”
I nodded.
“Yeah,”
“You got me a ring?” He questioned, looking at me.
I smiled at my boyfriend.
“It’s a promise ring, sort of.” I answered.
“I love it,” Asher smiled before slipping it on his right, middle finger. He moved in, planting a slow kiss on my lips. “Now open up yours,”
“Okay,” I laughed, opening up the bag. I smiled at the TOMS shoe box. “Thank you, Ash,” I stated.
“You needed some new black ones. I stole the other ones.” Asher shrugged before smiling. I removed the shoes, seeing the same type of box in the bottom. I picked it up, and looked at him.
“What is this?” I questioned.
“So, I think that my mom plotted against us,” Asher admitted. “Because I got you the same ring,”
I smiled and opened up the box to see the same black and silver band. Shaking my head, I put my ring on the same finger that Asher did.
His mom is an evil genius.