Ill Fit: World Through My Eyes
Three Minutes
Slowly my senses arouse from the deep uncalled slumber. My perking ears letting in the flow of the soft tune of my surroundings. The buzzing hum from the florescent lights pushing the bright shine through my molasses lids. The chorus of the soft shuffling feet of someone passing by. Stiff fabric grazing a slick, sick floor. Lastly the beat that unites all the sounds, the steady beat of a machine over head mimicking my heart with a line that spikes and falls, spikes and falls. My fingers curl into my palms slowly and unfurl, feeling the blood gradually trickle into the tips. Blinking once, blinking again to clear the image of where exactly I was. The hospital and with this realization the question floated lazily through my mind without a single alarm. Not a single thought or feeling was processing. I know something is amiss but not a care from me is occurring instead I just float freely into a graceful trance that is here now to lucidly whisk me away.
Though the tragedy of it only being a dream I am now being pinched awake by the startling cries of my mother. My mother who depends solely upon logic and reality. Her suffocating reality which I searched saving through my miraculous fantasies that occasionally turn into my personal reality. Right now though her grip was so tight around my wrist like if she were the one floating away and holding onto me was the only thing keeping her in her abode of sanity.
"Mom it hurts," is the croak I manage to create as I grimace watching her sob on my shoulder. Her tears soak through the thin fabric and moistened my skin. Her face cradles itself against the curve of my shoulder and collar bone. She begins to choke on her sobs as they force themselves upon her something never done before.
"My baby I'm sorry!"
"Mom explain. You're scaring me."
"Your infected child! Your infected and your going to be taken Lilith!" She screams, her own voice startling her that she froze with guilt flashing across her face but disappearing even quicker. She snatched her hand from my wrists as if she would be infected if she held on any longer. The blood flows now freely again to every nook of my hand. My voice quivered reflecting her words, her cries.
"Infected?" and with hearing myself say it out loud, I was the one now wailing against all belief against her logic. "I can't be infected! I'm not! It's a mistake mom! Tell them mom! Mom!" She was standing there solid. Deaf to my pleas, my shrieks fighting against the numbness slithering over my nerves and embracing them in a menacing hold robbing me of control. This wasn't possible. It couldn't be! It wasn't rare for someone to randomly contract the virus at any point in their time but for it to be me. It just couldn't be possible!
The feeling throughout my body is shriveling and my fingers appear to dance by themselves in frantic movements eventually my whole arms join in the frightening mosh. My nerves refuse to send the messages I began to beg be sent for control to return to me but instead they where revolting. Rebelling against my will I had no control, as I saw my arms twist and my legs kick. My distraught body was demanding revenge for all the years I was a dictator to them.
Through all my panic I saw the silhouette of my mother, the person that had raised me from birth and called me her own, walking out the door without a single glance behind. Not a single sign of remorse as she disowned me and let me be cornered by myself in the abyss of my mind. The scream that had been choked in my throat forced itself with the last of my will to scrape every ear especially the mother that collapsed outside my door now howling apologies. Empty apologies that will be echoed for her eternity and never forgiven.
At the end of the last hint of my control, a vicious snap of my teeth piercing my tongue, my body conquered its free will against me. Blood flowed gently down my throat but I couldn't feel nor taste it. Like a subconscious thought that you are aware of but cannot comprehend. A forced daze where I crawled to a corner in the depths of my mind in vain refuge from a torture that scarred my eternity and took only three minutes.
Though the tragedy of it only being a dream I am now being pinched awake by the startling cries of my mother. My mother who depends solely upon logic and reality. Her suffocating reality which I searched saving through my miraculous fantasies that occasionally turn into my personal reality. Right now though her grip was so tight around my wrist like if she were the one floating away and holding onto me was the only thing keeping her in her abode of sanity.
"Mom it hurts," is the croak I manage to create as I grimace watching her sob on my shoulder. Her tears soak through the thin fabric and moistened my skin. Her face cradles itself against the curve of my shoulder and collar bone. She begins to choke on her sobs as they force themselves upon her something never done before.
"My baby I'm sorry!"
"Mom explain. You're scaring me."
"Your infected child! Your infected and your going to be taken Lilith!" She screams, her own voice startling her that she froze with guilt flashing across her face but disappearing even quicker. She snatched her hand from my wrists as if she would be infected if she held on any longer. The blood flows now freely again to every nook of my hand. My voice quivered reflecting her words, her cries.
"Infected?" and with hearing myself say it out loud, I was the one now wailing against all belief against her logic. "I can't be infected! I'm not! It's a mistake mom! Tell them mom! Mom!" She was standing there solid. Deaf to my pleas, my shrieks fighting against the numbness slithering over my nerves and embracing them in a menacing hold robbing me of control. This wasn't possible. It couldn't be! It wasn't rare for someone to randomly contract the virus at any point in their time but for it to be me. It just couldn't be possible!
The feeling throughout my body is shriveling and my fingers appear to dance by themselves in frantic movements eventually my whole arms join in the frightening mosh. My nerves refuse to send the messages I began to beg be sent for control to return to me but instead they where revolting. Rebelling against my will I had no control, as I saw my arms twist and my legs kick. My distraught body was demanding revenge for all the years I was a dictator to them.
Through all my panic I saw the silhouette of my mother, the person that had raised me from birth and called me her own, walking out the door without a single glance behind. Not a single sign of remorse as she disowned me and let me be cornered by myself in the abyss of my mind. The scream that had been choked in my throat forced itself with the last of my will to scrape every ear especially the mother that collapsed outside my door now howling apologies. Empty apologies that will be echoed for her eternity and never forgiven.
At the end of the last hint of my control, a vicious snap of my teeth piercing my tongue, my body conquered its free will against me. Blood flowed gently down my throat but I couldn't feel nor taste it. Like a subconscious thought that you are aware of but cannot comprehend. A forced daze where I crawled to a corner in the depths of my mind in vain refuge from a torture that scarred my eternity and took only three minutes.