Love is a Luxury

I was beyond pissed as I stormed across the streets of wherever the hell we were. People were giving me odd looks, but I didn't care. I continued to blare the music on my iPod and think.

Why would she do this? Why would he even touch that? How could it have happened? He was with me almost the entire tour. If it actually happened, how could he have been so stupid no to wear a condom? He doesn't know she's on birth control.

Birth control! The bitch is on birth control! There's no way she could get pregnant!

Now, I know you're thinking 'What if she just skipped a day?', but she didn't. She gets the monthly shots, which we've been taking her to at local doctors.

With excitment, I ran back to the bus to prove her wrong. On the way, I stopped at a drug store and picked up a pregnancy test. I wanted to embarass her for lying straight to my face.

"You're not pregnant," I said, confronting her as I entered the bus.

"Yeah, I am," she said, holding up the test.

"You're on birth control. There's no way. Here, hand me the old test and take a new one," I said, throwing the box at her.

"Sometimes birth control doesn't always work. And what's the point? I already took one test and I haven't started my period."

"Oh really now? Serena!" I shouted. She popped her head into the front lounge. "When do you start your period?"

"Around September fourth."

"And I'm not on mine, so care to explain when I went to throw away the old toothpaste tube, there were used tampons in the trash?" I ask.

"I don't know! Maybe they're Hayley's or a groupie."

I snorted. "Groupies. On our bus? No, I don't buy it. And Hayley never comes on our bus. You're not fucking pregnant," I said. "You're a lying little bitch, that's what you are." And with that, I walked off the bus back to The Maine's to apologize to John.

"Where is he?" I asked Garrett who was sitting on the couch.

"Back lounge. What the fuck happened?"

"I'll tell you later. I just really need to talk to him right now," I said, going to the back lounge. "John?" I asked, tapping on the door. He was the only one in the room. "John, I am so fucking sorry I didn't believe you. I'm the worst person ever. I feel fucking awful about this, I'm sorry! I just--" with that, his mouth was on mine, and he was pinning me against the closed door.

I pulled his hair as he picked me up, letting me wrap my legs around his waist. He locked the door and set me on the couch, him on top of me and us still making out. His hands were exploring every inch of my body, as my hands were on him too.

"Guys!" Jared said, pounding on the door. "I need my guitar out of there." John sighed, rolling off of me. I got up and handed Jared his guitar.
"Did I interupt something?"

"Yeah, you kinda did," John said.

"Oh, gross. Later guys," he scrunched up his nose and took off towards the front of the bus. I locked the door back and straddled John's lap, pressing my body against his as we made out.

This time, there was nothing to stop us as we shed our clothes and went at it.

"So," I said, putting my clothes back on. "What were these amazing plans that you had in mind?"

"You gotta wait until later, it's a surprise," he said, pecking me sweetly on the lips.

I just grumbled and stalked off, ready for tonight to get here.

---

It was around nine and I was still waiting for John. I was on Never Growing Up's tour bus, playing Xbox with Jimmie and Caleb, when someone came through the door. "Olivia," John sang.

Caleb paused the video game and called for Serena, probably to replace me in the game.

"You ready?" John asked. I nodded and got up, lacing fingers with him.

"Later guys," I said, following John out the door. We got into the truck and started driving. I messed with the radio until I found a good station.

"I still don't see how this works," I said.

"My birthday was last week. It's too late to celebrate. Besides, spending time with you's all I want for my birthday," he grabbed my hand. We found a secluded lake and backed the truck up towards the water. I got out while John pulled things out of the backseat. I put down the tailgate and sat on it.

"This is too cute," I said as he started putting down a blanket in the bed of the truck.

"I kinda figured you'd like this. Jimmie said you used to take your old truck down to the lake every now and then and you and Colby would watch the stars."

"Mhmm," I hummed. "I would go down there to clear my mind, and he would sing me songs from artists that I'm into. It was one of the sweetest things ever," I said, laying down beside John on the blanket, putting my head on his chest. "This is perfect John."

"I couldn't have said better myself," he agreed, kissing the top of my head.

We had been laying there for a good half hour, staring at the sky, and I was half asleep. I was quickly woken up though when headlights were shining on the truck.

"What are you kids doing out here so late?" All I saw was a flashlight in my face. I quickly raised my hand in front of my face to stop the blinding light.

"We're just sitting out here, enjoying the scenery Sir," John said.

"You been drinking? You girlfriend here doesn't look too sober," I saw his badge shine when he moved. It was a fucking cop.

"I'm sober, I was on the verge of falling asleep though till you started shining that damn light in my face," I said. John elbowed me in the ribs.

"You from around here?" The cop asked.

"No, we're not. We're just visiting. Look Sir, we didn't realize this would be any trouble, we'll just be on our way," John said. "Come on," he told me. I rolled my eyes and climbed out of the bed of the truck into the cab and waited for John.

He opened the door and threw the blanket at me, which I draped over my lap. He got in the truck, started it up, and drove off. "Wow, what a wonderful way to end my night," he said sarcastically.

"You're telling me. I was comfy as fuck till that rude douche came up." He laughed. "What?"

"He came up just in time. You were putting my arm to sleep." I laughed at him. "You ready to go back to the bus?"

"To be honest, not really. Think there's anything else to do where we won't get in trouble?"

"We can sure as hell find out," he smirked.

---

John and I got back at around three in the morning. We ended up driving around, stopping at a small diner to eat, and finding a good backroad to stop on for a good hour or so.

I automatically crawled in his bunk and fell asleep with him not too far behind me.

The rest of the tour went smoothly, until it was August 26th, the last day of tour. I've been dreading this since June. I had spent almost all my free time with John during these last few days, whether we were talking, going at it, cuddling, or doing something fun, we were together.

We were laying in his bunk and it was the last day of tour.

"You're so cute," he said, pulling me towards his chest.

"Yeah, whatever."

"I'm serious. I love how you blush over you embarassment, how you throw your hair into a messy bun and put on no make up on our days off, how you wear one of my t-shirts because you don't wanna wear your own and can totally pull it off." Oh gosh. My eyes filled up with tears that were threatening to spill over

"I love how my mom absolutely fucking adores you, and how you can get along so easily with Shane and Ross. I love how cute you look when you love on Ozzy, and I really love how much you just don't give a fuck at sometimes. When you wake up in the morning and you look like a mess and strut around like that for a good hour most of the time? Yeah, pretty attractive. I love how pissed you get when the guys wake you up. I love how you get along with the guys so easily, and put up with their shit. You know what I really love though? How you let me be the luck son of a bitch who got to love you this tour."

I wanted to stay there and lay with him until the day was gone. I wanted to kiss him so hard and tell him everything I've kept bottled up the entire tour. But I didn't. Instead, I ran into the bathroom and cried like the gut-less coward I am.

"Baby, I didn't mean to make you cry. I was just saying," John said through the door.

"That's just the thing though. You're too perfect for me. John I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry," I opened the bathroom door and walked past him, still crying.

"Olivia, wait," he said, trying to stop me from what could be one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made.

"No, John. Just forget I ever existed. All this was, was a tour romance and a summer fling."

"It doesn't have to be though, Olivia! I'm trying to save this because I fucking love you!" He blurted. Both of our eyes went wide.

"No. This is it, everything's done. I don't love you back, I'm sorry, John," and with that, I walked away and let the tears pour. I went back to my bus and made sure everything was packed, being it was the last time I would be on the bus for a while and flopped down in my bunk.

Thankfully, no one was around to hear my sobs except for Ozzy.

Why didn't I tell him I loved him back? How could I have been so damn stupid to let one of the best things that had ever happen to me, slip away just like that? I am a terrible fucking person.

After I recovered, I walked into the front lounge, where Caleb was sitting. "Olivia, what hell happened?" He asked, going in for a hug.

"Stop. I don't wanna cry anymore," I pushed him away. "Don't expect an answer anytime soon. I don't wanna talk about it for a while." He dropped the subject. I paced the bus with Caleb watching me the entire time as I perfected every last thing.

"If we forget anything, we can always come back to the bus and get it."

"It's calming me down, please don't argue with me," I said nicely. It shut him up thankfully. After about two hours, Serena and Jimmie came in the bus, telling us we were about to go on.

I sighed and followed them off the bus. This was it. John and I were done, this was the last day of tour, and my summer was gone. I can't say it wasn't spent well though, because if I could do it all again, I would.

We made it backstage with the crowd chanting for us. I put on my best smile and toughed it out for the crowd. After our set, I sat side stage out of sight while The Maine played.

"So, I met a girl this summer," John slurred. He was drunk. The crowd let out an 'aww' as he continued. "I know. She was great. Anyway, I wrote this song a while back, but I think it fits everything right now. It's called Whoever She Is and it goes a lot like this." I didn't bother listening to him sing the lyrics. I've heard the song before and I knew I would break down crying directly if I stuck around any longer.

I walked off side stage and went back to the bus. I sat around for a little bit before I got a call from Caleb. "Hey," I picked up.

"I know you probably want to be alone right now, but everyone's having a little goodbye party before we part ways. Everyone wants to say bye to you." I contemplated not showing up, but I was going to miss everyone.

"I'll be there in a couple minutes," I sighed and hung up the phone. I headed back up to the venue and braced myself for this. The first person I hugged was Hayley. She was the only other female I had on tour for the full length, besides Serena, that I could actually stand. She helped me prank the boys a couple of times, and I was gonna miss her crazy self.

I hugged the rest of the Paramore crew, even though I didn't get to know them very well this tour, which was a shame since they seemed really cool.

The next two people I got my hands on were Jack and Alex from All Time Low. These two were some of the goofiest people on tour. They came up with the craziest shit that really made you question them, but you were laughing so hard you couldn't.

I hugged Zack, who picked me up and spun me around, making me giggle as he did so. I then hugged Rian, who gave me a friendly kiss on the cheek.

I then found The Maine crew. The group I had been dreading.

I hugged Jared first. Him and Garrett both were like my brothers. They had helped me through a lot, and I knew they would have my back whenever I needed help. I then hugged Garrett, thinking I was going to miss him.

I then got a hold of Pat. The kid was crazy, but I loved him to death. I finally discovered what Ratboy was, and understood that Pat was looped out. I didn't care though.

Kennedy was next. Even though we hadn't talked much after we had sex that one time, we were still civil towards each other and could laugh and joke with no problems. I gave him a hug and scanned the crowd for John.

He was no where to be seen, which was probably best for me. After everyone did a goodbye shot, and took a few pictures, we all got on our buses and left for our home towns. I got in my bunk and curled up with Ozzy. Is it bad I didn't even get to say goodbye?