Like a Crash the Whole Thing Spun Out of Control
Nine.
Getting that message from Garrett was honestly horrifying. Especially if it were about what I thought it was about. I thought I’d been careful with doing it, I thought I’d made sure I wasn’t being watched/ followed when the urge to do it arose. So instead of confessing, I went for ‘i-don’t-know-what-you’re-talking-about’ indifference.
Harlow Bennett.
What’re you on about?
My phone fell from my hand onto the pillow by my face as I stared wide-eyed at the ceiling of my bunk. I didn’t want Garrett to find out because if he found out, then everyone would find out and more likely than not, Simon would cancel the rest of the tour and the guys would hate me.
Garrett Nickelsen.
Don’t pull this bullshit with me Harlow, I saw you.
I closed my eyes tight, hoping that when I re-opened them, everything would be okay. The whole thing with Aaron would never have happened, I wouldn’t be throwing up my food every chance I got and Garrett wouldn’t have found out. I’d just be an extremely happy girl touring the country with my friends, playing music to kids in every city.
Harlow Bennett.
I really don’t know what you’re talking about Garrett.
Garrett Nickelsen.
I’ve been noticing it since tour started. You won’t eat and claim that you’re ‘not hungry’. I’ve not once seen you eat since we’ve been here. I don’t have a clue how long this has been going on for, but I know it’s happening.
He knew.
Harlow Bennett.
What are you trying to say Garrett?
Garrett Nickelsen.
I saw you eat shit all from the burger John got you, and then I saw you head to the toilets and throw it up. I saw you Harlow. You need help.
Knowing there was no way in hell I could lie my way out of this, I turned defensive. I couldn’t let Garrett let my secret out and get Flight For Earth kicked off of Warped Tour. Angus, Trent and Caillen would hate me and my parents would cut sick and send me to a rehab center.
Harlow Bennett.
It’s not as bad as you’re making it seem Garrett. I’m fine okay? Just leave me alone!
The door at the front of the bus opened, and for a moment I was scared it was going to be Garrett coming to give me a lecture on how stupid I was being. I sighed in relief when I heard Trent and Angus’ voices laughing about something and the sound of the bus engine roar to life. Garrett wouldn’t be able to lecture me if we were on the move.
When I woke up the next morning in Irvine, California I had twelve missed calls, thirty-five text messages and 10 voice mails. All from Garrett. I deleted every single message before I climbed out of my bunk and made my way to the kitchen.
“Morning Har,” Caillen smiled awkwardly. I gave him a suspicious look, wondering how someone could be so bi-polar. “Did you sleep okay?” I dropped into the seat across from him, still giving him a look. “Look, I’m really sorry for being an asshole these last couple of days. I just- I just really miss Carter, you know?” I shrugged.
“Like I said Cay, you just have to talk to him,” I told him gently, not risking a flip-out. “Help him understand that you’re committed to both him and the band.” I pointed at his plate of uneaten cinnamon and brown sugar pop-tarts. “You mind?” He shook his head and pushed the plate across the table to me.
“Garrett came by earlier.”
“Yeah?” I asked, feigning indifference. “What’d he want?” Caillen shrugged.
“Wanted to see you but Simon said to let you sleep.” Mentally thanking Simon and the gods and everything else on Earth, I nodded. “He seemed a bit... Off, if you ask me. Definitely something up with him.”
“Garrett’s a little bitch,” I shrugged. “Probably girl problems.”
The door to the bus opened, and Simon stepped in followed by Hayley Williams from Paramore. She grinned when she saw me and bounded over to sit beside me.
“We have an interview together, today,” she grinned, pinching a pop-tart from my plate. “It’s gonna be real fun.”
“We aren’t even in the same band,” I pointed out. “So how on earth do we both have an interview collectively? That’s strange.” Hayley shrugged and swallowed what was in her mouth.
“Alternative Press,” she explained. “It’s not just us. Johno and Alex Gaskarth will be there too. It’s something about two girls, two guys, all from separate bands joining together to talk business. I think that’s what Kevin told me, anyway.” I nodded slowly.
“You said John was going to be there?” I asked, glancing down at my plate. I wasn’t sure what Garrett had planned with his new found knowledge. I wasn’t sure if he’d told John seeing as John was my best friend too. I wasn’t too sure of anything.
“Yup,” Hayley nodded. “And Alex Gaskarth.”
“So when’s this happening?”
“When you put pants on and we leave the bus,” Hayley laughed. I laughed too, realising I was missing my pants. “So you go and do whatever, and I’ll wait here with Cay and Simon.”
“So my name is Sheldon Ryan, and I’ll be interviewing y’all today.” Sheldon had pale skin, and jet black hair that was shaved into a Mohawk. He was a little creepy, but the way he spoke and smiled at everything made me less afraid of him. “Alright, so we’re just waiting for...”
“Sorry I’m late!” John exclaimed, coming into Kevin Lyman’s bus door. He fell down onto the seat beside me and swung his arm around my shoulder. “Our bass player is in a totally shitty mood today!” I made a face, making Hayley giggle.
“What?” Alex and John said at the same time. Hayley nodded at me. “What’d she do?” They said, at the same time, again. “Fuck up.”
I laughed. “Quit while you’re both... Not ahead.” Alex gave me the finger and John nudged me in the ribs with his elbow. “Ow, fuck you.” Laughing, John shook his head.
“Okay, so let’s get started,” Sheldon declared, clearing his throat. “Please state who you are, and the band you are in. We’ll start with Hayley, and go to her left.” We all nodded.
“Hey guys, I’m Hayley!” She gave the camera a little wave. “I’m from Paramore.” The camera man moved the camera so it was pointing at Alex.
“Whats up? I’m Alex from All Time Low.”
“I’m John and I play in a band called The Maine.”
“Hey, I’m Harlow Bennett and I sing in Flight for Earth.”
Sheldon smiled as he glanced down at his notebook. “Okay, so tell me. Which were your most... Heartfelt songs you’ve ever written? What story does it tell?”
“Starting from me again?” Hayley asked, pointing to herself. Sheldon nodded. “Okay, so I think I have like, two. My Heart is something I wrote when I was sixteen. It was about my parents breaking up. The second would be Misguided Ghosts? Basically through the making of Brand New Eyes I was... Fighting a couple of things. The whole album was about a couple of struggles we, as a whole, went through, you know? I think what helps people realise we really were having troubles within the band, was when Josh and Zac left. That was hard on not just us but the fans too.”
“Can I ask a question?” Alex asked, half raising his hand. Sheldon nodded.
“We’re absolutely open for discussion. It helps us see into how each of you differs in your writing process and as a musician in general,” Sheldon explained, “especially with your different writing experiences.”
“Alright, awesome. Hayley, I’m just wondering like, when you wrote those songs, was it hard to like, word what you wanted to say?” He asked. “Or did you find it easy?”
Hayley pursed her lips while she thought. “You know, I think I actually had a pretty good idea on what I was going to say. If I remember correctly for My Heart, that song practically didn’t even have like, a demo. I’m pretty sure I just went on over to the Farro’s one day and was like ‘dudes, I wrote a song.’ Misguided Ghosts did have a demo, but it was practically the studio version straight up.”
“That’s so crazy awesome,” I grinned. “That’s always a great feeling, when a song just comes together so easily that you barely even have a demo.” John, Hayley and Alex all nodded in agreement.
“So, is it my turn now?” Alex wondered. When no one said anything, he spoke. “Alright, so I have two as well. Lullabies is the first one. I wrote it about my brother Tom who uh, he died. That was a hard song to write, it took me a couple of years. It was written before the band even started.”
“It’s a great song, man,” John smiled.
“Thanks man,” Alex beamed. “The second song I wrote was a song called Therapy. It’s on the album before last called Nothing Personal. Basically there was a time where people kept telling me that I needed to get help, you know? To help get over Tom a little bit and all I really wanted was a hug. So those are probably mine.”
I quickly stood up and jumped at Alex, wrapping my arms around his neck and squeezing his head to my shoulder.
“I’ll hug you Alex!” I laughed.
“Thanks Har,” he laughed, hugging me back. I went back to my seat and settled back down beside John, who put his arm over my shoulder again. “Alright Johno, it’s your turn.”
“The song I wrote that’s close to my heart would be a song called We’ll All Be,” he told us all, clearing his throat. “I come from a pretty tight-knit set of friends back home and-“
“-We...” He rolled his eyes at me.
“We,” he pointed at me, “come from a tight-knit group of friends. We used to hang out at a parking lot back home in Arizona called eighty-one-twenty-three a lot and one day my friend Er-“
“-Our...” Again, he rolled his eyes.
“Our, friend Eric Halvorsen from A Rocket To The Moon came up with this line: We all have been degraded. We all will be the greatest, and so I asked him if I could put it in a song and he was like; ‘yeah sure’. It’s real cool, cause it kinda fits in with who we all are.” I pointed at his chest. “And then I got them tattooed on my chest.”
“So was it just the one song that means a lot to you?” Sheldon asked politely.
“I mean, they’re all important, but We’ll All Be just sticks out. Ya know?”
“Mine turn?” I asked.
“Your turn,” Sheldon agreed.
“Well, I don’t know if I have any that mean something extremely important to me, ya know? I mean, I’ve not done anything huge in my life before, I’ve never been in love’ I’ve never had someone pass away; my parents are still very much together. I don’t think I could write about anything like these guys have. I basically just write about like, friends and things I like...” I trailed off.
“There has to be something!” Alex laughed.
I glanced quickly at John, who moved his hand to gently take mine. “Uh, I don’t think so, no.”
“Are you su-“Alex started, but got cut off from Hayley, after she noticed John discreetly squeezing my hand in his, and the expression I had on my face.
“-What’s the next question, Sheldon?” She asked. Alex gave her a dirty look, which she ignored with a huge smile. “I like this interview; it’s so different to what we usually get!”
“Alright, so I have a couple of fan questions I’d like to ask quickly before we go on,” Sheldon glanced at each of us. “I’d like you all to answer each question, it doesn’t matter if it isn’t for you. Okay, this question is from CouldStopWouldStop93 from Chicago, and she wants to know who Inside Of You is about?”
“Yeah John,” I laughed, nudging him. “Who’s it about?”
John hadn’t told anybody who the song was about, which was something that annoyed everyone in his band, everyone in my band and every one of our friends from different bands or otherwise. He was always so secretive about it.
“... It’s a metaphor...” Alex laughed.
“Fuck off Johno,” he chuckled. “Who’s the chick?”
“There really isn’t a-“
“Melissa?”
“What? No!” He looked flabbergasted, almost offended. “Why would you think it’s Melissa?” I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to think of who it was about. I knew all of John’s friends, so I should know who the song is about.
“Who’s Melissa?” Alex questioned.
“Tim’s girlfriend’s sister,” I replied. “Is it... Is it my Emmy?”
“Emmy is your best friend,” John groaned, rolling his eyes. “I wouldn’t write a song like that about Emmy.” I gasped loudly.
“Are you saying that my Emily isn’t song worthy?” I questioned him.
“No,” He groaned again. “I’m just saying that Inside Of You is definitely not written about Emmy.”
“Katie White?”
“Who the fuck is Katie White?” John frowned. I could see in his eyes that the name was very familiar, but he just couldn’t put a face to the name. “Katie White...”
“... You dated her in like, eleventh grade...” I chuckled. “You’re the greatest ex-boyfriend ever.”
“That was fuckin’ ages ago Harlow! How the fuck am I supposed to remember her? We dated for like, a month.” He exclaimed, turning to Sheldon. “The song isn’t about anyone, it’s a metaphor.”
“A metaphor for what?” I giggled, raising my eyebrows suggestively. John shook his head and began to ignore me. “Don’t ignore me, asshole!”
“We’ll stop being stupid,” he replied.
“Don’t call me stupid... Stupid!”
“Stop before you’re behind,” John mimicked.
“Why’re you getting so mad?” I laughed. “Am I making you feel awkward?” He shook his head. “I am, I’m totally making you feel awkward.
“Next question please Sheldon!”
“Hey there Irvine, California, how’re y’all doin’ today?”I yelled out over the screams of the crowd. “My name is Harlow Bennett, and they are Angus, Trent and Caillen.” Each guy gave a short wave as I said their names.
“We’re fucking Flight for Earth,” Trent spoke into his microphone. “And this song is called Apocalypse.”
While the guys played the intro to the song, I danced around my microphone stand and only took the mic in my hand when I was about to sing. “It all started with a god damn kiss,” I sang, reaching out as if I was going to take a hold of someone in the crowds’ hand. “The water levelled before the big storm hit. We wanted shelter but you kept, on, running.” Trent and Angus started playing louder, while Caillen strummed every so often.” You never understood, but here’s the gist: You started a god damn apocalypse.”
As Apocalypse came to an end, I caught a glimpse of Garrett standing side-stage with John. John was smiling as he nodded his head along to the beat. Garrett on the other hand was glaring at me, something he only did when he was furious.
“So, I’m having so much fun out here today Irvine!” I grinned, picking up a bottle of water from Angus’ drum riser, opening it and taking a huge sip. “I really fucking love Warped Tour. I really do.” Tossing the bottle out into the screaming crowd, I went back to my microphone. “Irvine might even be my favourite. I don’t even know yet.” If it were even possible, they screamed even louder. “Help me decide by singing as loud as you fuckin’ can on this next song!”
“This song’s called River,” Trent announced.
“Break me, shake me, and throw me in the river!” Angus pounded the bass drum behind me while Trent and Caillen strummed on either side of me. “Hold me, kiss, and make me shiver!” I discreetly looked at John and Garrett, John was nodding and mouthing the words while Garrett raised his eyebrow at me for looking at him. The musical settled down to a soft beat so I took the mic in my hand and went over to stand on a riser. “You killed me, choked me, smoked me, I’m never gonna see the light. Ever. Eve. It’s over, I’m over, we’re over I’m sinking. I’m sinking’ I’m at the bottom!”
Before too long, our set was over. While the guys all left the stage as quick as they could, I stayed on, opting to throw guitar picks out for the kids. I really, really didn’t want to go off and face Garrett. I was already lucky enough to miss him once today, maybe I’d be lucky a second time.
No such luck. He came across the stage, waved at the fans with no excitement when they screamed at him, grabbed my arm and dragged me back stage, ignoring John when he told him to let me go.
“Gare, what’re you doing?” John exclaimed, attempting to pry Garrett’s hands off of me. “Dude, you’re hurting her!”
“Garrett Nickelsen!” I yelled, smacking his chest with my free arm. “Let me go, you mother fucker, you!” he rolled his eyes and pushed me so I was forced to sit down on a speaker. “Who the hell do you think you are? You can’t just drag me off stage whenever the fuck you want to!”
“Shut the fuck up, Harlow!” He exclaimed.
“Dude, what the fuck is your problem?” John asked, clearly confused. Garrett turned to him and sneered. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“You’re supposed to be one of her best friends John, you tell me what’s wrong,” Garrett challenged. He smiled when John gave him a defeated look. “That’s what I fucking thought.”
“Hey, don’t you be nasty to John!”
“Well, tell him what’s going on, Harlow,” he smiled. It was a mean smile. I didn’t like this Garrett very much. In fact, I hated this Garrett. “Go on; don’t beat around the fucking bush.”
“What’s going on?” John asked, glancing between us both. “Are you two fighting? Cause you both get fucking weird when you’re angry at each other.”
“Are you going to tell him Harlow, or am I?” Garrett asked. “Maybe then you’ll do something to help yourself. You need help!”
I stood up then and pushed Garrett roughly in the chest. A look of surprise flashed across his face momentarily but he covered it quickly with an annoyed sneer.
“I don’t have to do fuck all, Garrett!” I told him, poking him in the chest. He stepped back from me, only to step closer. “You have no say in anything in my life. None at all. So just leave me alone and keep out of my fucking business. Okay?” I yelled. “I don’t need you!”
“Fine, I’ll tell John myself.”
“No, you have no right at all to do that!”
“Yes I fucking do!” He exclaimed. “Every time we go on tour together I promise your Mom that I’ll look after you!” He was shouting now, earning curious looks from everyone around us. “You need to get help!”
“Okay, okay, okay,” John said, pushing Garrett and I apart. “Are you sick Harlow?” He asked, scanning me from head to toe in hopes of figuring it out. “Did you hurt yourself?”
“No,” I said at the exact same time as Garrett said: “Yes.”
“What?” He asked.
“I’m telling him.”
“Don’t you fucking dare Garrett Daniel Nicke-“
“-Harlow is fucking anorexic or some shit.” To be honest, I was surprised that he actually had the balls to say something; Garrett was a pansy when it came to confliction. The ball of anger inside of me started to grow bigger and without thinking, I pulled my fist back and punched Garrett in the nose. “Ow! What the fuck Harlow? I’m trying to fucking help you!”
“Keep out of my god damn business!” I told him angrily, purposely avoiding John’s shocked stare. “I hate you for this Garrett. I. Hate. You.” And with that, I turned and walked away, wiping the blood from Garrett’s probably broken nose on my jeans.
Harlow Bennett.
What’re you on about?
My phone fell from my hand onto the pillow by my face as I stared wide-eyed at the ceiling of my bunk. I didn’t want Garrett to find out because if he found out, then everyone would find out and more likely than not, Simon would cancel the rest of the tour and the guys would hate me.
Garrett Nickelsen.
Don’t pull this bullshit with me Harlow, I saw you.
I closed my eyes tight, hoping that when I re-opened them, everything would be okay. The whole thing with Aaron would never have happened, I wouldn’t be throwing up my food every chance I got and Garrett wouldn’t have found out. I’d just be an extremely happy girl touring the country with my friends, playing music to kids in every city.
Harlow Bennett.
I really don’t know what you’re talking about Garrett.
Garrett Nickelsen.
I’ve been noticing it since tour started. You won’t eat and claim that you’re ‘not hungry’. I’ve not once seen you eat since we’ve been here. I don’t have a clue how long this has been going on for, but I know it’s happening.
He knew.
Harlow Bennett.
What are you trying to say Garrett?
Garrett Nickelsen.
I saw you eat shit all from the burger John got you, and then I saw you head to the toilets and throw it up. I saw you Harlow. You need help.
Knowing there was no way in hell I could lie my way out of this, I turned defensive. I couldn’t let Garrett let my secret out and get Flight For Earth kicked off of Warped Tour. Angus, Trent and Caillen would hate me and my parents would cut sick and send me to a rehab center.
Harlow Bennett.
It’s not as bad as you’re making it seem Garrett. I’m fine okay? Just leave me alone!
The door at the front of the bus opened, and for a moment I was scared it was going to be Garrett coming to give me a lecture on how stupid I was being. I sighed in relief when I heard Trent and Angus’ voices laughing about something and the sound of the bus engine roar to life. Garrett wouldn’t be able to lecture me if we were on the move.
- † -
When I woke up the next morning in Irvine, California I had twelve missed calls, thirty-five text messages and 10 voice mails. All from Garrett. I deleted every single message before I climbed out of my bunk and made my way to the kitchen.
“Morning Har,” Caillen smiled awkwardly. I gave him a suspicious look, wondering how someone could be so bi-polar. “Did you sleep okay?” I dropped into the seat across from him, still giving him a look. “Look, I’m really sorry for being an asshole these last couple of days. I just- I just really miss Carter, you know?” I shrugged.
“Like I said Cay, you just have to talk to him,” I told him gently, not risking a flip-out. “Help him understand that you’re committed to both him and the band.” I pointed at his plate of uneaten cinnamon and brown sugar pop-tarts. “You mind?” He shook his head and pushed the plate across the table to me.
“Garrett came by earlier.”
“Yeah?” I asked, feigning indifference. “What’d he want?” Caillen shrugged.
“Wanted to see you but Simon said to let you sleep.” Mentally thanking Simon and the gods and everything else on Earth, I nodded. “He seemed a bit... Off, if you ask me. Definitely something up with him.”
“Garrett’s a little bitch,” I shrugged. “Probably girl problems.”
The door to the bus opened, and Simon stepped in followed by Hayley Williams from Paramore. She grinned when she saw me and bounded over to sit beside me.
“We have an interview together, today,” she grinned, pinching a pop-tart from my plate. “It’s gonna be real fun.”
“We aren’t even in the same band,” I pointed out. “So how on earth do we both have an interview collectively? That’s strange.” Hayley shrugged and swallowed what was in her mouth.
“Alternative Press,” she explained. “It’s not just us. Johno and Alex Gaskarth will be there too. It’s something about two girls, two guys, all from separate bands joining together to talk business. I think that’s what Kevin told me, anyway.” I nodded slowly.
“You said John was going to be there?” I asked, glancing down at my plate. I wasn’t sure what Garrett had planned with his new found knowledge. I wasn’t sure if he’d told John seeing as John was my best friend too. I wasn’t too sure of anything.
“Yup,” Hayley nodded. “And Alex Gaskarth.”
“So when’s this happening?”
“When you put pants on and we leave the bus,” Hayley laughed. I laughed too, realising I was missing my pants. “So you go and do whatever, and I’ll wait here with Cay and Simon.”
- † -
“So my name is Sheldon Ryan, and I’ll be interviewing y’all today.” Sheldon had pale skin, and jet black hair that was shaved into a Mohawk. He was a little creepy, but the way he spoke and smiled at everything made me less afraid of him. “Alright, so we’re just waiting for...”
“Sorry I’m late!” John exclaimed, coming into Kevin Lyman’s bus door. He fell down onto the seat beside me and swung his arm around my shoulder. “Our bass player is in a totally shitty mood today!” I made a face, making Hayley giggle.
“What?” Alex and John said at the same time. Hayley nodded at me. “What’d she do?” They said, at the same time, again. “Fuck up.”
I laughed. “Quit while you’re both... Not ahead.” Alex gave me the finger and John nudged me in the ribs with his elbow. “Ow, fuck you.” Laughing, John shook his head.
“Okay, so let’s get started,” Sheldon declared, clearing his throat. “Please state who you are, and the band you are in. We’ll start with Hayley, and go to her left.” We all nodded.
“Hey guys, I’m Hayley!” She gave the camera a little wave. “I’m from Paramore.” The camera man moved the camera so it was pointing at Alex.
“Whats up? I’m Alex from All Time Low.”
“I’m John and I play in a band called The Maine.”
“Hey, I’m Harlow Bennett and I sing in Flight for Earth.”
Sheldon smiled as he glanced down at his notebook. “Okay, so tell me. Which were your most... Heartfelt songs you’ve ever written? What story does it tell?”
“Starting from me again?” Hayley asked, pointing to herself. Sheldon nodded. “Okay, so I think I have like, two. My Heart is something I wrote when I was sixteen. It was about my parents breaking up. The second would be Misguided Ghosts? Basically through the making of Brand New Eyes I was... Fighting a couple of things. The whole album was about a couple of struggles we, as a whole, went through, you know? I think what helps people realise we really were having troubles within the band, was when Josh and Zac left. That was hard on not just us but the fans too.”
“Can I ask a question?” Alex asked, half raising his hand. Sheldon nodded.
“We’re absolutely open for discussion. It helps us see into how each of you differs in your writing process and as a musician in general,” Sheldon explained, “especially with your different writing experiences.”
“Alright, awesome. Hayley, I’m just wondering like, when you wrote those songs, was it hard to like, word what you wanted to say?” He asked. “Or did you find it easy?”
Hayley pursed her lips while she thought. “You know, I think I actually had a pretty good idea on what I was going to say. If I remember correctly for My Heart, that song practically didn’t even have like, a demo. I’m pretty sure I just went on over to the Farro’s one day and was like ‘dudes, I wrote a song.’ Misguided Ghosts did have a demo, but it was practically the studio version straight up.”
“That’s so crazy awesome,” I grinned. “That’s always a great feeling, when a song just comes together so easily that you barely even have a demo.” John, Hayley and Alex all nodded in agreement.
“So, is it my turn now?” Alex wondered. When no one said anything, he spoke. “Alright, so I have two as well. Lullabies is the first one. I wrote it about my brother Tom who uh, he died. That was a hard song to write, it took me a couple of years. It was written before the band even started.”
“It’s a great song, man,” John smiled.
“Thanks man,” Alex beamed. “The second song I wrote was a song called Therapy. It’s on the album before last called Nothing Personal. Basically there was a time where people kept telling me that I needed to get help, you know? To help get over Tom a little bit and all I really wanted was a hug. So those are probably mine.”
I quickly stood up and jumped at Alex, wrapping my arms around his neck and squeezing his head to my shoulder.
“I’ll hug you Alex!” I laughed.
“Thanks Har,” he laughed, hugging me back. I went back to my seat and settled back down beside John, who put his arm over my shoulder again. “Alright Johno, it’s your turn.”
“The song I wrote that’s close to my heart would be a song called We’ll All Be,” he told us all, clearing his throat. “I come from a pretty tight-knit set of friends back home and-“
“-We...” He rolled his eyes at me.
“We,” he pointed at me, “come from a tight-knit group of friends. We used to hang out at a parking lot back home in Arizona called eighty-one-twenty-three a lot and one day my friend Er-“
“-Our...” Again, he rolled his eyes.
“Our, friend Eric Halvorsen from A Rocket To The Moon came up with this line: We all have been degraded. We all will be the greatest, and so I asked him if I could put it in a song and he was like; ‘yeah sure’. It’s real cool, cause it kinda fits in with who we all are.” I pointed at his chest. “And then I got them tattooed on my chest.”
“So was it just the one song that means a lot to you?” Sheldon asked politely.
“I mean, they’re all important, but We’ll All Be just sticks out. Ya know?”
“Mine turn?” I asked.
“Your turn,” Sheldon agreed.
“Well, I don’t know if I have any that mean something extremely important to me, ya know? I mean, I’ve not done anything huge in my life before, I’ve never been in love’ I’ve never had someone pass away; my parents are still very much together. I don’t think I could write about anything like these guys have. I basically just write about like, friends and things I like...” I trailed off.
“There has to be something!” Alex laughed.
I glanced quickly at John, who moved his hand to gently take mine. “Uh, I don’t think so, no.”
“Are you su-“Alex started, but got cut off from Hayley, after she noticed John discreetly squeezing my hand in his, and the expression I had on my face.
“-What’s the next question, Sheldon?” She asked. Alex gave her a dirty look, which she ignored with a huge smile. “I like this interview; it’s so different to what we usually get!”
“Alright, so I have a couple of fan questions I’d like to ask quickly before we go on,” Sheldon glanced at each of us. “I’d like you all to answer each question, it doesn’t matter if it isn’t for you. Okay, this question is from CouldStopWouldStop93 from Chicago, and she wants to know who Inside Of You is about?”
“Yeah John,” I laughed, nudging him. “Who’s it about?”
John hadn’t told anybody who the song was about, which was something that annoyed everyone in his band, everyone in my band and every one of our friends from different bands or otherwise. He was always so secretive about it.
“... It’s a metaphor...” Alex laughed.
“Fuck off Johno,” he chuckled. “Who’s the chick?”
“There really isn’t a-“
“Melissa?”
“What? No!” He looked flabbergasted, almost offended. “Why would you think it’s Melissa?” I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to think of who it was about. I knew all of John’s friends, so I should know who the song is about.
“Who’s Melissa?” Alex questioned.
“Tim’s girlfriend’s sister,” I replied. “Is it... Is it my Emmy?”
“Emmy is your best friend,” John groaned, rolling his eyes. “I wouldn’t write a song like that about Emmy.” I gasped loudly.
“Are you saying that my Emily isn’t song worthy?” I questioned him.
“No,” He groaned again. “I’m just saying that Inside Of You is definitely not written about Emmy.”
“Katie White?”
“Who the fuck is Katie White?” John frowned. I could see in his eyes that the name was very familiar, but he just couldn’t put a face to the name. “Katie White...”
“... You dated her in like, eleventh grade...” I chuckled. “You’re the greatest ex-boyfriend ever.”
“That was fuckin’ ages ago Harlow! How the fuck am I supposed to remember her? We dated for like, a month.” He exclaimed, turning to Sheldon. “The song isn’t about anyone, it’s a metaphor.”
“A metaphor for what?” I giggled, raising my eyebrows suggestively. John shook his head and began to ignore me. “Don’t ignore me, asshole!”
“We’ll stop being stupid,” he replied.
“Don’t call me stupid... Stupid!”
“Stop before you’re behind,” John mimicked.
“Why’re you getting so mad?” I laughed. “Am I making you feel awkward?” He shook his head. “I am, I’m totally making you feel awkward.
“Next question please Sheldon!”
- † -
“Hey there Irvine, California, how’re y’all doin’ today?”I yelled out over the screams of the crowd. “My name is Harlow Bennett, and they are Angus, Trent and Caillen.” Each guy gave a short wave as I said their names.
“We’re fucking Flight for Earth,” Trent spoke into his microphone. “And this song is called Apocalypse.”
While the guys played the intro to the song, I danced around my microphone stand and only took the mic in my hand when I was about to sing. “It all started with a god damn kiss,” I sang, reaching out as if I was going to take a hold of someone in the crowds’ hand. “The water levelled before the big storm hit. We wanted shelter but you kept, on, running.” Trent and Angus started playing louder, while Caillen strummed every so often.” You never understood, but here’s the gist: You started a god damn apocalypse.”
As Apocalypse came to an end, I caught a glimpse of Garrett standing side-stage with John. John was smiling as he nodded his head along to the beat. Garrett on the other hand was glaring at me, something he only did when he was furious.
“So, I’m having so much fun out here today Irvine!” I grinned, picking up a bottle of water from Angus’ drum riser, opening it and taking a huge sip. “I really fucking love Warped Tour. I really do.” Tossing the bottle out into the screaming crowd, I went back to my microphone. “Irvine might even be my favourite. I don’t even know yet.” If it were even possible, they screamed even louder. “Help me decide by singing as loud as you fuckin’ can on this next song!”
“This song’s called River,” Trent announced.
“Break me, shake me, and throw me in the river!” Angus pounded the bass drum behind me while Trent and Caillen strummed on either side of me. “Hold me, kiss, and make me shiver!” I discreetly looked at John and Garrett, John was nodding and mouthing the words while Garrett raised his eyebrow at me for looking at him. The musical settled down to a soft beat so I took the mic in my hand and went over to stand on a riser. “You killed me, choked me, smoked me, I’m never gonna see the light. Ever. Eve. It’s over, I’m over, we’re over I’m sinking. I’m sinking’ I’m at the bottom!”
Before too long, our set was over. While the guys all left the stage as quick as they could, I stayed on, opting to throw guitar picks out for the kids. I really, really didn’t want to go off and face Garrett. I was already lucky enough to miss him once today, maybe I’d be lucky a second time.
No such luck. He came across the stage, waved at the fans with no excitement when they screamed at him, grabbed my arm and dragged me back stage, ignoring John when he told him to let me go.
“Gare, what’re you doing?” John exclaimed, attempting to pry Garrett’s hands off of me. “Dude, you’re hurting her!”
“Garrett Nickelsen!” I yelled, smacking his chest with my free arm. “Let me go, you mother fucker, you!” he rolled his eyes and pushed me so I was forced to sit down on a speaker. “Who the hell do you think you are? You can’t just drag me off stage whenever the fuck you want to!”
“Shut the fuck up, Harlow!” He exclaimed.
“Dude, what the fuck is your problem?” John asked, clearly confused. Garrett turned to him and sneered. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“You’re supposed to be one of her best friends John, you tell me what’s wrong,” Garrett challenged. He smiled when John gave him a defeated look. “That’s what I fucking thought.”
“Hey, don’t you be nasty to John!”
“Well, tell him what’s going on, Harlow,” he smiled. It was a mean smile. I didn’t like this Garrett very much. In fact, I hated this Garrett. “Go on; don’t beat around the fucking bush.”
“What’s going on?” John asked, glancing between us both. “Are you two fighting? Cause you both get fucking weird when you’re angry at each other.”
“Are you going to tell him Harlow, or am I?” Garrett asked. “Maybe then you’ll do something to help yourself. You need help!”
I stood up then and pushed Garrett roughly in the chest. A look of surprise flashed across his face momentarily but he covered it quickly with an annoyed sneer.
“I don’t have to do fuck all, Garrett!” I told him, poking him in the chest. He stepped back from me, only to step closer. “You have no say in anything in my life. None at all. So just leave me alone and keep out of my fucking business. Okay?” I yelled. “I don’t need you!”
“Fine, I’ll tell John myself.”
“No, you have no right at all to do that!”
“Yes I fucking do!” He exclaimed. “Every time we go on tour together I promise your Mom that I’ll look after you!” He was shouting now, earning curious looks from everyone around us. “You need to get help!”
“Okay, okay, okay,” John said, pushing Garrett and I apart. “Are you sick Harlow?” He asked, scanning me from head to toe in hopes of figuring it out. “Did you hurt yourself?”
“No,” I said at the exact same time as Garrett said: “Yes.”
“What?” He asked.
“I’m telling him.”
“Don’t you fucking dare Garrett Daniel Nicke-“
“-Harlow is fucking anorexic or some shit.” To be honest, I was surprised that he actually had the balls to say something; Garrett was a pansy when it came to confliction. The ball of anger inside of me started to grow bigger and without thinking, I pulled my fist back and punched Garrett in the nose. “Ow! What the fuck Harlow? I’m trying to fucking help you!”
“Keep out of my god damn business!” I told him angrily, purposely avoiding John’s shocked stare. “I hate you for this Garrett. I. Hate. You.” And with that, I turned and walked away, wiping the blood from Garrett’s probably broken nose on my jeans.