Blessed With a Mess

My phone vibrated and I groaned, rolling over and feeling under my pillow for it. Squinting my eyes at the tiny screen, I realized it was a text message from James. "Mornin' love. I hate to break this to you but I fink I'm going to have to cancel today. Danny wants us in the studio for something at noon. I'll call you later. -James."

I placed my phone under my pillow and rolled over, immediately becoming startled. Ben was there passed out.

"Oh my god," I mumbled as memories of yesterday flooded through my head. Ben and I had kissed, and I had completely forgotten. I also did not recall that Ben has slept in the same bed as I did last night.

It had been a while since Ben and I slept in the same room, let alone bed. It also had been a while since Ben and I had kissed.

I looked at Ben frowning. My mind was confused for sure. I loved Ben, no doubt about that. I missed kissing him and being with him. I missed all the fun we had.

Ben's eyes squinted open, a sleepy smile spreading across his face. "'Ello, Olive."

"Morning," I smiled. "James and I can't hang today."

"I woke up to lovely news. Perfect," he smiled. "Come here. I want to hold yeh," he mumbled sleepily.

Reluctantly I slid over into his arms. I sighed and closed my eyes. We just fit. It was hard to say that I didn't have feelings for James, because I did, but a part of me felt that James was only a rebound and that this silly game needed to stop. I love James, but I am in love with Ben. I don't think a single thing on this earth can change that.

"It's not all good news. Danny wants everyone in the studio."

"No he doesn't," Ben chuckled. "I told Danny last night to distract James today so I can have yeh again."

I giggled, snuggling into his chest. "That's not fair. It's his day, not yours."

"Well I want yeh all to myself. We nevah said this game was going to be fair, now did we."

I nodded, looking up at him. "I have to talk to James. I don't think I can do this anymore."

"What?" He looked down confused. "Yeh not picking either of us?" His hold around my body loosened, his lip slacked.

"I didn't say that," I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I can't do this because it's not fair to him, Ben. I love him, just not like that. I can't see myself kissing him or making love to him or having a family with him or growing old with him, or anything like that. I just don't see it."

"Does this mean.... that yeh are.... picking... me?" He whispered.

I nodded, biting my lip.

"Oh fank God," he grinned, grabbing me and pulling me as close to his chest as possible. "Olivia, I don't even know what to say. I know I fuck up. I know I really do. I just-... I'm sorry for all the pain I caused yeh. I know yeh don't deserve that. I know yeh can do so much better than me. I am... God I am so happeh right now I can't even explain. Do yeh know how upset I was finkin' that I was goin' to lose yeh? I couldn't even fink about it. I just kept getting so mad. God, Olivia, fank yeh."

"Don't thank me," I smiled. "It's always been you, Ben. I just can't help but love you. But things do have to change, you know. We can't fight like we always did. We can't not trust each other like we always did."

"I know," he sighed. "If it helps, we can go to like a marriage counselor or somefing."

"We're not married," I laughed, running my hands through his hair.

"Not yet," he winked. "I can't leave yeh. I'm not going too. Yeh stuck wiff me."

"Are you asking me to marry you?" I laughed.

"Not officially, but keep the thought in yeh head," he winked again.

"Shut up," I giggled, rolling over and stretching. "I have to see James today," I spoke aloud.

"Why?" Ben grumbled, pulling me back to him.

"It's only fair if I explain this to him Ben."

Ben rolled his eyes, sitting up. "Can't yeh like... shoot him a text or somefing?"

"No," I laughed. "That would be wrong on so many levels."

"Fine, fine," he groaned, flopping back down into bed. "Can yeh make me breakfast?"

I glared at him playfully, "never."

"Please! Paaaanncaaaaakkkeesss!"

"Fine, but you owe me!" I got out of the bed smiling, grabbing my phone and headed for the door.

He smirked from his spot on the bed. "I fink I can fink of somefing to repay yeh."

"Not sex!" I yelled, laughing as I left the room.

"You know you want it!" He yelled after me.

I laughed to myself and started making the breakfast. As the laughter died down, I frowned, looking at my phone. I would have to tell James, and my heart would probably break doing so. Grabbing my phone, I took a deep breath before shooting James a text. "We need to talk."