Blessed With a Mess

I took a deep breath before knocking on James' door. After I had texted him, he told Danny he knew something was up and left to go home. Thirty minutes later, here I am at his doorstep about to break this man's heart.

"'Ello," he answered sorrowfully.

"Hi," I mumbled, letting myself in.

"Danny told me wha' he did," James began very bluntly.

I nodded, sitting on the couch. "Come sit," I spoke softly. He nodded and sat down next to me. His eyes looked down, avoiding contact. My heart was breaking every second. The air felt thick. "You know I never meant for this to happen."

"I know," he mumbled. He looked like a small child being scolded.

"James," I sighed, reaching up and resting my hand on his cheek. "I never wanted to hurt you. I really do care for you. I do love you, you know?"

James nodded, finally looking up at me. "I know, but Olive, yeh 'ave to answer meh this. Did it mean noffing to yeh? All that time we spent togethah.... those messages..."

"I mean every word I said."

"Don't yeh remembah how unhappy yeh were!" He shouted, causing me to jump. "Don't yeh remember coming over and crying to me? Don't yeh? I stayed up many nights wiff yeh, trying to make yeh happeh. I can't believe yeh doin' this to me!"

"James, calm down!" I raised my voice, jumping off the couch.

His body jumped up as well as he paced around the room. "Yeh were that las' person I thought that would hurt meh."

"I never meant too! I just want you happy, and I thought you wanted me happy too!"

"If yeh wanted me happy, yeh would be with me!"

"I can't be with you because I don't love you!" I shouted.

James stopped in his tracks and looked at me. "Yeh love him?" He whispered almost inaudibly. "Yeh love the man that fought wiff yeh every fuckin' day. Yeh love the man that would tell yeh to fuck off. The same man that forgot yeh anniversary? That man? Not the man that held yeh when yeh cried, made sure yeh were okay, stitched up the pain and made yeh smile?"

"That's not fair," I whispered. "You can't say that. Ben does all those things too. He really cares."

"Fuck Ben, then! Go fuck 'em until the sun rises! Go!"

"I'm not leaving like this! You're my friend, James! I love you and I'm not leaving!"

James walked up close to me, his eyes narrowing. His face was a mere few inches from mine. "Tell me to my face."

"Tell you what?"

"That you want to be with him. That you love him."

My lips quivered as I tried to speak confidently. "I love him, and I want to be with him."

We stared at each other intently, watching what the other would do next. Suddenly, James leaned in and kissed me.

And I kissed him back.