That's Why I Got a Heater For Your Thighs

Okay, so first of all, I had a baby now. A cute, little, adorable baby boy. He was the cutest, most adorable, most good-looking (okay, maybe you couldn't say that about your baby), the tiniest person I had ever seen, let alone ever made. I was a proud mommy now.

And after giving birth to a baby for hours, I honestly never wanted to go through it again. No matter how cute babies I made, I never wanted to have another one if it meant going through the same thing again. Hours of sweating, screaming, crying and being in pain wasn't exactly my piece of cake.

Well, anyway, what was done was done now. The end. I had what I wanted and was really happy because of that.

-

It had already been a day since I'd had the baby and they already let me go home.

Jimmy was waiting in his car outside the hospital while mom was helping me to get ready.

And by helping I meant that she was holding the baby and sitting on the chair while I had to pack my stuff and get dressed.

My legs were really sore and I had a hard time trying to get my pants on.

”Mom, could you help me a bit?” I mumbled and sighed.

I looked at her. She hadn't even heard me. She was just looking down, smiling at the baby.

”Yeah, don't mind me,” I muttered.

After a while of trying to get the pants on, I decided to change into a long shirt. Because that way I didn't have to put on any pants.

When I was ready, mom didn't let me carry the baby to the car.

She didn't let me do anything.

I mean, come on, it was my baby. Not hers.

When we got to the car, she got in the backseat with the baby and I was told to go to front.
Jimmy gave me a kiss before he started driving.

”Mom, we're taking you home,” I mumbled.

”What? No, no. I'm coming to your place,” she said quickly.

”No you're not. You've got other stuff to do.”

”What stuff? I'm not busy at all, honey. I can come and help you with everything,” she said. Ugh.

”We don't need your help, thanks very much. We'd like to spend time as a family,” I told her.

Jimmy placed his hand on my thigh and laughed out loud. He knew I was getting frustrated.

Finally mom understood that she had to go home and let us get our time as a new family.

And as soon as we were home, we put the baby to sleep and went to the couch in the livingroom. Jimmy wrapped me into his arms and held me tightly as I closed my eyes.

”Are you okay?” he murmured quietly.

”I've been better but I'm fine,” I mumbled, ”Just glad that we have a baby now.”

”I know. He's the best thing you've given me,” he said and ruffled my hair.

I laughed a bit before being quiet again. I was really tired and all I wanted to do was to stay there forever. It felt so comfortable being there like that with him.

”Could you look after the baby if I went to be now?” I whispered.

”I could but it's not my boob he wants to suck...”

”Oh god...” I mumbled and opened my eyes. Man, I really was tired.

”You know what, just give me a few hours. That's all I need,” I said and sat up straight.

”Yeah, okay. Are you sure you're fine? You're not hurting, are you?”

”I don't mind if I'm in pain. It's not like anyone else can feel it. It's like, the pain doesn't even exist,” I mumbled.

”What the hell are you talking about?” he asked with a laugh and ruffled my hair.

I shrugged and fell back on the couch, hugging Jimmy. He kissed the top of my head and pulled me closer.

”Maybe I should call your mom and ask her to come over,” he said quietly.

”No!”

”Why not?”

”Because she'll think that we can't take care of the baby on our own. She'll think we weren't ready for a baby,” I mumbled against his shirt.

”No she won't. She wants to help and you obviously need sleep.”

”Ugh... Fine, okay. But only for a few hours,” I mumbled and sat up straight once again.

”I'm still chubby and horrible,” I whined with a sigh as my eyes went down to my stomach.

Jimmy laughed and pinched my cheek.

”It doesn't matter what you look like, okay?”

”I'm just warning you. You won't be having sex from me in a while. And I've said this before but it's okay with me if you want to go and find some girl and have sex with her,” I mumbled and rubbed my eyes. Gosh, I was tired.

”Okay, now I'm getting worried. Just go to bed already. I'll go spend some time with my son,” Jimmy said and pulled me into a kiss before pushing me up from the couch.

He walked me into our bedroom and I got in the bed. He kissed my cheek before turning off the lights.

”Goodnight,” I mumbled and closed my eyes.

I woke up about 13 hours later and even then I was feeling tired. I'd been sleeping too much. Ugh.

I forced myself out of the bed and grimaced as I felt the pain in my body. Giving birth wasn't definitely fun.

I stumbled into the bathroom and looked myself in the mirror for a moment in disgust. I looked absolutely fucking horrible. I was sort of hating myself at that moment. I felt a bit depressed but then I remembered mom once telling me that women often felt depressed after having a baby.

I got dressed and went downstairs, only to find my mom and Jimmy sitting in the kitchen.

Mom was holding the baby and smiling at him.

”Morning,” I mumbled and sat down.

I looked at the baby for a moment without feeling anything. Oh my god, what was wrong with me?

I should've been the happiest person alive because of that little person but I couldn't even force a smile on my face.

”Rachel, honey, are you okay?” mom asked.

”I, uh... No,” I mumbled.

I felt like crying. I was a horrible mother, wasn't I? I should've loved that baby with all that I was.

”What's wrong?” Jimmy asked and grabbed my hand.

I looked down at our hands. I couldn't feel anything. Holy shit, I was losing my mind.

”I don't know,” I admitted quietly.

I looked up at Jimmy who was looking at mom. They both seemed to be somewhat worried.

”Would you like to eat something?” mom asked and I shook my head.

”Do you want to hold the baby?” she asked then. I shook my head. She furrowed her eyebrows.

”Is there anything you'd like?” she asked.

”Maybe... Maybe I'd want to go back to being myself,” I mumbled really quietly. I didn't even think they'd heard me.

”I'm getting pretty fucking worried,” Jimmy whispered to my mom, ”She wasn't acting like this last night. I swear to god, if something's happened...” He ended up shaking his head.

”Maybe I'll go back to bed,” I mumbled and forced myself up on my feet.

I started walking out of the kitchen. As I reached the stairs, I felt Jimmy grab my hand and stop me. I turned around and looked at him with a blank look on my face.

”Rach? I love you, okay?” he said quietly and touched my cheek.

I didn't do anything as he pulled me against his chest and hugged me tightly.

”Could you all just leave me alone for a while?” I whispered as I pulled away from him.

He looked a bit hurt but nodded anyway. I walked up into our bedroom, locked the door and got in bed.

I slept the whole day. Whenever I happened to wake up, I immediately fell back asleep. I didn't know what was wrong with me but I knew I wasn't acting like I should've. I knew I was doing wrong by being away from the baby. I mean, come on... It was my little baby. He needed me and I wasn't there.