That's Why I Got a Heater For Your Thighs

My eyes flew wide open.

I thought I was choking. I coughed at least ten times before I could control myself and relax.

I ran my hand through my hair and took a few deep breaths in. Jesus, what the hell?

Then I looked around myself, only to notice that I was in a hospital.

And I wasn't alone. Mom was there, just looking at me with tears in her eyes. She was crying, I realized, as she sniffled.

”Mom?”

It was hard to speak. My throat and mouth felt really dry.

”Shh, don't talk, honey. Just lay down,” she said quietly.

I rested my head against my pillow and looked up at the ceiling.

”What... What happened?” I mumbled and looked at mom.

”You... Don't remember? Honey, you tried to... Kill yourself,” she said and started crying harder.

She closed her eyes and sniffled before taking a deep breath in.

”Mom, I didn't – ”

”Just rest, honey, please. We can talk about this later,” she mumbled.

”Where's Jimmy?”

”Don't worry about him. He's not going to see you ever again.”

”What?”

”If I had known that his words would lead to this... I would've done something. I'm sorry, honey, I'm so sorry that I wasn't there when...”

Somehow, it didn't make any sense. I had no idea what mom was talking about. I hadn't tried to kill myself. I really hadn't. I guess I had just... Given up?

I was a bit confused to be honest.

Suddenly the door burst open and a bunch of guys rushed into the small room.

It was Jimmy and the rest of his band.

Mom stood up quickly.

”Get out of here before I call the police!” she shouted and pointed at the door.

”She's my wife, I have a right to be here!” Jimmy shouted and pushed mom out of her way.

Matt and Zacky were trying to calm mom down but she was losing it. She was shouting at everyone.

Jimmy had rushed to the bed where I was laying and took a hold of my face, looking straight into my eyes.

”Why did you do it? Rach, why?” he whispered and closed his eyes as he pressed our heads together.

I didn't get a chance to answer because of my mom.

”Do not touch her! I swear to god, I will call the police if you dont leave this room right now!”

”Shut up, shut up, shut up! This is serious!” Jimmy exclaimed and pulled away from me.

He held on to my hand as he glared at mom.

”I want everybody out of here while I talk to Rachel. Now,” he demanded.

Matt, Zacky, Johnny and Brian all decided to leave. Mom was the only one that stayed until Jimmy pushed her out of the room.

When everyone was gone, Jimmy turned to me. There was pain in his eyes as he looked at me.

He slowly shook his head.

”Rach... Why would you do anything like that to yourself? Was it really because of what I said? You know I would never, ever want you to hurt yourself. And... And I can't stop blaming myself. What if... What if something would have happened to you? It kills me to think that you wouldn't even be here now...” he whispered.

I think he was about to cry. He looked really, really sad.

”I didn't try to kill myself,” I said quietly.

”Then what was that? You know how to swim, I know you do. You don't just accidentally stop fighting for life, Rachel...” Jimmy said quietly.

He walked closer to me and sat down on the bed. He touched my cheek and pushed back my hair.

”We... We thought you died. Your mom wouldn't let me in here to see you. I was fucking losing it. The guys, they had to calm me down. I wouldn't have known what to do if something had happened...” he mumbled and looked down.

A few seconds later I saw a tear rolling down his cheek.

And my god, it made me cry as well.

”Jimmy, I... I swear, I didn't try to do anything. I went swimming and something happened and... And...” I mumbled as I tried to blink the tears away.

I grabbed a fistful of Jimmy's shirt and pulled him down to me. He ended up laying next to me, holding me tightly in his arms.

”I'm never leaving you alone again. You scared me so fucking bad. I thought I'd lost you,” he whispered and kissed my head.

”But I haven't gone anywhere. Can you... Can you ask mom to leave? She needs some sleep or something. She's a bit crazy,” I whispered.

”She won't believe me. She's lost all respect for me, Rach,” Jimmy said.

”Deep down inside she loves you. You're her favourite man. She'd marry you if she could. She doesn't hate you, Jimmy.”

”Oh, I think she does.”

Jimmy and I laid there for a while before there was a knock on the door.

”It's open,” Jimmy exclaimed as he sat up on the bed. He never let go of my hand.

The door opened and my sister walked in.

”Becky?”

”Jimmy, I'm taking mom home. She's... She's a bit upset. I'm sure you can look after Rachel,” Rebecca said to Jimmy who was nodding his head.

”Yeah, of course.”

”Great.” With that, Rebecca left.

Jimmy slept the whole night on that hospital bed with me.

He never once let go of me and when the morning came, he woke me up by gently kissing my cheek.

My eyes fluttered open and I came face to face with him. He was smiling softly at me.

It was the kind of smile he had given me when we first fell in love. He was looking at me like I was a new girl, a new girl that he had fallen in love with.

”Morning,” he whispered.

”Hey.” My throat felt dry again and I could barely speak.

”I'm taking you home today. And we're going to have a new, fresh start. We're going to start being a family and forget about all this bullshit,” Jimmy said as he sat up, ruffling his hair.

”Sounds good,” I mumbled with a nod. I yawned and rubbed my eyes before sitting up.

”I need to go call my parents and let them know that you're... Okay,” Jimmy said.

Jimmy walked me into our house a few hours later.

It felt nice to be home, even though I hadn't been away for that long. Jimmy never let go of my hand as he turned on all the lights and looked at me.

”It feels good to be home,” he said with a grin.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to his side as we watched out of the kitchen window.

”I know. Jimmy... I'm glad that you stayed by my side through all this. I know it wasn't easy but I'm glad you're still here,” I said with a sigh.

”I promised I'd be there. Always. Even if I ever wanted to give up, I knew I couldn't,” he said quietly and ruffled my hair.

”Are you ready to go get our kid home?” he asked after a while.

I looked up at his face and noticed that he was smiling. I bit my lip and nodded after a few seconds.

”I'm ready,” I said and took a deep breath in, ”I'm ready.”

I was ready to start a new life. I was ready to be a mom and a better wife.