Close Your Eyes

“Mom?”

Rose looked up from the book she was reading and smiled gently at Charlie. “Yes, Honey?”

“Um,” Charlie cleared her throat, “Do you know where the all the first aid stuff is?” She asked timidly.

“It’s under the sink in mine and your father’s bathroom. Why do you ask?” Rose raised one eyebrow.

“It’s nothing. I just hurt myself earlier and want to make sure it doesn’t get an infection.”

A worried expression washed over Rose’s face, “Oh, well is it bad? I can take a look if you want.”

“No, that’s okay,” Charlie smiled softly, “Thanks though.”

Turning away from her mother, Charlie headed up the stairs. She walked down the hallway past Lucas’s room and towards her parent’s door. She twisted the knob quietly and went inside, leaving the door slightly cracked behind her. Wanting to get it over with already before one of parent’s came upstairs and interrupted her, she immediately went into the bathroom to get the first aid kit. It was exactly where her mother had said it would be; right beneath the sink. Once she had it in her hands, she headed to her room, locking the door behind her once she entered the small room she claimed as her own.

Sitting down crisscross on her bed, she opened the first aid kit. She found a tube of Neosporin to disinfect the cut with and a bandage that she could wrap around her arm to ensure that it didn’t start bleeding again, because it would if she didn’t wrap something around it. She hadn’t realized it until afterwards, but she had cut fairly deep and not only was the cup deep, but it nearly two inches in length. She still couldn’t believe she had actually done that to herself.

Charlie had heard of girls cutting themselves or burning themselves, but she never believed she would ever actually be one those girls, and yet there she was taking care of a cut that was no accident. She swore to herself she wasn’t going to do it again, but in the back of her head, she knew that was a complete and utter lie.

When she was finished and her cut was clean and bandaged, she closed up the first aid kit and then stashed it under her bed just in case, knowing that her parents had another one put away somewhere in the garage for emergencies. Charlie figured that they wouldn’t really miss it or anything, and if her mother asked about it later, she would come up with some excuse about how she put it away in her bathroom and forget all about it, and that she was sorry even though she really wasn’t.

Suddenly she was startled by a knock at her door. She pulled down her sweatshirt sleeve and sat up straight before telling that person to come inside.

Brian’s head poked past the door, a slight smile tugging across his lips. “Mind if I check on you?”

Charlie refrained from rolling her eyes, “Of course not.”

He stepped inside the room, “You feeling any better?”

“A little,” She nodded.

“I’m glad. Do you think you can join us for dinner in a little while?”

She shrugged her shoulders, “Maybe.”

Brian sighed and sat down on the edge of her bed beside her, “Are you sure you’re okay, Angel? You seem a bit jumpy.”

Charlie swallowed hard, “I’m just a bit nervous about school tomorrow is all.”

“I understand, but maybe everything will turn out alright,” He said, “You just gotta have some faith.”

She sighed softly and nodded, “I know.”

“Charlie,” He murmured after a moment of silence, “Look at me, Honey.”

“What?” She asked, her words a bit harsher than intended as her eyes flicked up to meet his.

Brian frowned, “Don’t snap at me,” He said, “I understand you’re going through a really hard time right now and that you don’t feel good, but I’m only trying to help and make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m not okay, Dad!” She told him with tears in her eyes, “I’m not okay.” Slouching her shoulders forward, she buried her face in her hands as the tears began to fall from her eyes, slipping down her cheeks.

Brian wrapped his arms around her for comfort and pulled her close to him. She wrapped her arms around his torso, gripping onto him as she sobbed against his chest. “Shh,” He rubbed her back gently, “Everything’s going to be fine eventually, Honey.”

Charlie wanted to so badly believe him, but she just couldn’t. Not when she felt like her whole life was unraveling. It wasn’t fair. Lawrence had held her down and raped her, and was able to walk away with zero scars unlike Charlie. Sure, he would most likely get jail time if the trial went smoothly, but that didn’t seem enough for her. She wanted him to be hurting just as bad as she was.

“I don’t wanna go to school tomorrow,” Her words muffled against his shirt, but Brian still heard her, “Everyone thinks I’m a lying slut who’s looking for attention.”

He sighed, “I understand that you’re scared, but you can’t let that hold you back from getting an education.”

“Just let me switch schools or something, Dad! Please!”

“Okay, listen,” He said, gently pushing Charlie off of him so he could look her in the eyes, “We’ll make a deal, alright?” He wiped his thumb across her cheek, smearing a tear away.

“What kind of deal?” She sniffled.

“You go to school tomorrow, and if you absolutely hate it and can’t stand to be there, then your mother and I will look into finding you a new school.”

Charlie tugged at her sleeves, “You promise?”

Brian nodded, “I promise.”

She didn’t say anything else. She just leaned forward again and rested her head against his shoulder. She could feel her head starting to throb, and she regretted getting so upset all of the sudden. Charlie had a feeling though that for a long time to come she would easily get upset if triggered, and she hated that, but she didn’t know how to change it.

Brian kissed the top of her head, “I love you, Charlie.”

“I love you too, Dad,” She whispered.

A little while later, Brian sat across from Rose at the dinner table, just the two of them. Charlie was asleep and Lucas was playing video games in his bedroom since he had already had dinner. Brian pushed his food around with a fork, not feeling all that hungry. He was stressed and worried about Charlie, and incredibly angry as well, wishing he could get a hold of Lawrence. All he needed was five minutes alone with that boy. That would be plenty of time to beat the hell out of him and then strangle him with his bare hands. Brian knew to stay away from Lawrence though, because if he did come across him, he most likely would kill him, and that would only put him behind bars.

“Baby,” Rose murmured, “What’s on your mind?”

Dropping his fork, Brian muttered, “Charlie. Charlie’s on my mind.”

Rose frowned, “Oh.”

“I think this is something bigger than we can handle on our own,” He shook his head, “She’s falling apart, Rose, and she’s trying to hide it by repeating over and over again that she’s okay, but I can see that she really isn’t. Plus now she wants to switch schools, and I’m okay with that if we can find her another good private school like the one she’s at, but it seems to me that she’s only trying to run from what’s happened, and that’s one thing I’m not okay with,” He said, “She needs to learn that you can’t run from your problems, nor can you cover them up and hope they disappear.”

Rose sighed as she reached over and poured a bit more wine into her glass, “It doesn’t help that I barely know what to say to her either. I’m her mother. I’m supposed to be there for her for anything, and I’m supposed to know all the answers, and with this I’m just clueless, Bri. I have no idea what to do or how to help her.”

He nodded in agreement and admitted, “We need help.”

“We’ve already found her a therapist. What more can we do for her?” Her eyes flickered up to meet his, a pleading look lingering in them.

“Maybe we should just pack up and get away for a while.”

“But wouldn’t that be just the same as what she’s trying to do? Running away from our problems?” She asked.

Brian sighed, knowing his wife was right. “Well then I don’t know what to do at this point. For once in my life I am utterly stumped as to how to help our daughter.”

Rose reached across the table and took a hold of his hand, “We’ll figure it out, Brian. It’s just going to take some time.”