Just Like Heaven

I tried not to think that they were having a romantic outing together. I looked away and down at my coffee; Paula put her hand on mine, "You okay?"

I shrugged, "I don't know."

"Are you gonna tell him anything?"

"It's none of my--"

Paula stopped me, "He's your boyfriend! How is it not your business if he's cheating or not?" 

"He has history with her--"

"Her?" Paula question, "You know her? Who is she?"

"His ex-wife."

Her jaw slacked, "Ex-wife? You don't think he's cheating on you, especially with his ex-wife?"

I rubbed my neck, "Paula, it isn't a big deal."

"Bullshit! You're my friend, I'm not gonna let him walk all over you."

I smiled politely, "Paula, thank you, but it's alright."

"Why? Why do you say it's alright?"

"Because, I only want makes Mikey happy. He always far from happy...whatever makes him better, I'm all for it."

"What about your feelings?"

I sighed, "They're gonna take a backseat."

"Morgan, you can't do that to yourself." She looked back out the window, "He's such an asshole."

"Just leave it alone." I stressed.

"I don't like him...I never did." She said.

I just shrugged, "Well, that's your opinion." 

Paula raised her brow at me, "I don't get you sometimes."

"Not everybody does."

"Don't be a smart ass, M, I'm serious."

I licked my lips, "Let me handle it, Paula."

She frowned, "Fine, but if I see you crying over something he did, I'll skin him."

I laughed, "You'll skin him?"

"Like a bird."


Paula took my hand once we had left and drove my car. I was in the passenger seat, fiddling with the radio until we got home. I was distracting my mind and forcing Paula not to ask me questions.

When we pulled up, I saw Gerard and Mikey talking heatedly outside. I raised my brow, Paula nudged me, "What's going on?" She whispered.

"I dunno." I said.

We got out of my car, Paula tossed me my keys. I was hesitant about walking up to Mikey, and to Gerard, even if they quieted their arguing. Paula gave me a look and hugged me, "Just come by if he says anything."

"I will." I told her with a smile.

She trudged upstairs, glancing back as I stood by the stairs. I slowly walked over to them, Gerard turned to me, he looked mad, and I frowned slightly, "Gerard, are you okay?" I then smiled to lighten the mood.

"Fine." He mumbled, "I'm gonna go get mom, we're gonna go see a movie."

"That's nice of you. Do you want Mikey and I to join you?" I hoped that whatever I said would lighten the brothers' thick tension.

"Nah. Mikey has to talk to you." Gerard looked back at Mikey and then walked down the hall to the apartment.

"Let's go to your place." Mikey said, "We need to talk."

I hated those 4 words; we need to talk. Nothing good came from them, because in past relationships, those words meant: I'm leaving you for someone who I think is better than you. I've been hurt and cheated on, but I've always kept my head up about it, because I never loved those guys. I love Mikey, and I would be devastated if he broke up with me. I know I'd hide it, but hell, I know I would bawl.

In my apartment, Mikey closed the door after me, and took my forearm gently. He led me to my sofa, sat down and took my hands in his. I awaited, with baited breath, to hear what he had to say.

"I have to go to Jersey." He said, "And I don't know how long I'll be gone."

"What for?" I asked softly.

"Shit with my ex." He didn't want to explain, you could tell he didn't even want to say that to me.

"Why is Gerard pissed then?"

"Because I won't rejoin the band right now. They're going to do a tour to finish off the Black Parade, and I refused to go." He explained this easier.

I nodded, "Oh, okay. Um...are you okay, Mikes? I hate to butt in and get on your nerves, but is everything alright?"

He shook his head, and I could see that he didn't want to speak. He had his jaw clenched and he shut his eyes momentarily. Then, the unthinkable...tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Mikey, what's wrong?" I asked, scooting closer.

"I can't do this anymore." He said through clenched teeth.

"Do what?" 

"My life."

I looked at him with sadness, tears started to form in my own eyes. I pulled him into my arms and held him tightly, until he wrapped his own around my middle and sobbed against my shoulder. I was quite surprised at this whole moment, because it was such a surreal moment...I had never seen a man cry, in real life, before. Not that there's anything wrong with men crying, but it was foreign to me, especially to see Mikey cry. It hurt my own heart that he was crying as hard as he was.

"I love you, Mikey, I know you can get through anything." I told him softly, "And if you feel like you can't, I'll be right here to take on the world with you."

He sighed deeply, pulling away from me, slowly. He looked at me, and kissed me, "Do you promise?"

I nodded, "I promise you, Mikey. I won't leave you unless you want me to."

He held me tighter, "I don't want you to. Never leave me, please?"

"I swear, I'll be right beside you for as long as you want or need me."

He kissed me again, quickly, "Even if I ever push you away, kick my ass and stay, please."

I smiled, "If you say so."

He smiled, weakly back, "Damn, I must look like such a pansy."

I shook my head, "No, you look like someone who's having a rough time."

"Seeing me cry doesn't turn you off?"

"No. Why would it?"

He sighed and let me go, and leaned back against the sofa, "My ex didn't like when I did anything that wasn't manly." He mumbled.

"Well...y'know, she and I aren't the same. She's her...and I'm me." I chuckled, as did Mikey.

"I like you more. I'm sorry I was a dick earlier, just leavin' you like I did." He licked his lips and wiped his eyes, "I went and saw her earlier...I'm sorry."

I shook my head, "Don't be sorry, it's your business."

"She's been trying so hard to get me back..." you could see the reluctance to explain, "she's been bribing me and telling me shit...I can't stand it anymore. I'm just going to Jersey to get the rest of my shit, and my dog, then I'm coming right back here." He pulled me onto his lap, "You still wanna move in together? You can find a nice place for us when I get back."

I tugged at my lip, "You sure? I'm mean, I'd love to, but I only want to move at a pace that's steady to your likening."

He smiled, "I don't care how fast a pace we're goin' as long as I'm just with you. I love you, M."

I kissed him, "I love you, too."

He sighed deeply, "Can we lie down? I'm exhausted."

"Yeah," I stood and took his hand, "let's go."

Mikey followed me to my bedroom; the both of us stripped out clothes off and climbed in my bed. Mikey pulled me close to him, his hands took hold of my hips, hooking his thumbs onto my underwear. He looked at me, the dim sunlight let me see that he was asking for permission to undress me even more.

I nodded, agreeing easily. I was only easy for Mikey.

Mikey moved swiftly, climbing on top of me and I unhooked my bra, tossing it to the floor. I stiffened once I felt him already; "Wait." I said softly.

"Hmm?" He asked, confused.

"Condoms...I don't have any."

He sighed and rolled off of me, "I don't have any on me."

I frowned, "Well, that was a bust."

He shrugged and kissed me, "I can still touch you, can't I?"

I nodded, giggling a bit, "Go for it, babe."

The touching was slow, gentle and made me want him even more. Mikey had magic fingers, just the right touch, the right timing. His hands caressed my body, his lips even touched my skin. I couldn't take it anymore; I pulled him on top of me and wrapped my legs around his waist, all the while kissing him hard. Mikey was uncertain, he gave me this look when we parted.

"I want you." I told him.

"M, we can't."

I groaned, "Please? Just pull out."

He furrowed his brows, "You think it's easy to pull out?"

I giggled, "I'll remind you."

I knew he wouldn't refused, he was pressing himself hard against me, "Fuck, Morgan."

"Shut up and fuck me already."

He laughed, "As you wish, beautiful."