Just Like Heaven

He went away the next morning before I woke up. I knew it had to be that way, anyway. And just because I knew, it doesn't mean it hurt any less.

I didn't really know what to expect with him leaving. It had to happen, but I still felt at a loss for an exact thought. Maybe, I had hoped things would change, but I knew, deep down, that it wouldn't have.

So, I shrugged it off, took a shower  washing him off of me, and then got dressed for work. Everything moved slowly, I grabbed an apple, and some orange juice. I was heading out the door, when Mikey appeared at it.

"M." He said softly, "We need--"

I shook my head, "No. No, it's alright."

"No, it isn't," he stepped in and closed the door behind himself, "I used you yesterday."

My chest tightened, "So? You have no reason to be here." I placed my apple and juice down.

"Yes I do. I need to apologize. I fucked up."

"Okay, you apologized, goodbye." I went towards the door, but he grabbed me.

"Why are you brushing me off? Is it because she's pregnant?"

I turned my lips down and nodded, "Yes. So, you can leave me alone."

"Do you not love me?"

I felt like Mikey was playing mind games with me, "Yes I love you! But what good does that do me? You can't make up your mind, and you have a baby on the way. The latter beats me 2 to 1, I made your decision for you. Go to Alicia."

Mikey looked down, "Is that what you want?"

I wanted to hit him, again, "No! No, I want you, but you don't want me. It's so apparent because you fucked her. She's having your baby." My throat tighten, "So, get away from me."

Mikey licked his lips and stared at me, "If that's what you want...I'll go."

I slapped him. I couldn't take it. I smacked him so hard the sound echoed in my apartment, "God, you're such an asshole! This is not what I want!" I sobbed angrily, "Why did you do this to me?"

Mikey sighed, "I'm sorry, Morgan."

"Sorry doesn't cut it!" I screamed at him, "I want to know why! If you weren't ready to forget her--"

He cut me off, "I was ready! I was done, and then..." His voice leveled, "I just got scared! I couldn't help myself, okay? I loved her for so long--"

"She probably doesn't even really care about you anymore!" 

He was silent then. He didn't speak, he just stared at me.

"She probably got jealous that you moved on. That you were happy with me. If I were in her shoes, your wife, who took vows to be with you through thick and thin, I would have helped you through it all. And, I was the one there waiting for you when you went to your late AA meetings and reminded you to take your medication, where was she?"

Again, no answer from him. No retort.

"All I ever did was support you, I never judged you, I did everything you said because I love you, Mikey." Tears formed heavily and rolled down my cheeks, "If you can just leave me for her, a woman who did nothing for you, then go ahead, I don't need you. I won't ever be waiting for you either."

Mikey stared at me, I could see him trying to answer me. I watched him, too, waiting. Finally, I walked past him and opened the door; "Get out."

Mikey still didn't utter a word and walked out. He left, speechless. I didn't expect much from him.

So, then, I went to the bathroom and checked my makeup.


For the next few weeks, nothing seemed to change, other than the fact I talked to my mom more, and Luke. I hadn't talked about Mikey to anyone, except my mom, explaining the angry morning and the sex the night before. My mom had said she was sorry for me and that I would be okay.

I wouldn't be okay. Nothing is ever okay when I am involved.

I didn't tell Paula about it, even though she's my closest friend. I'm sure she would smack me, like I had done Mikey, and knock some sense into my head. I kept my mouth shut.

The first couple of days, after I had yelled at him, I had seen Gerard helping him move. You could hear them arguing about him choosing Alicia over me. Gerard had used the same speech I had, but Mikey retorted back with the line: "Morgan distracted me. I'm with the real love of my life."

Digging the knife in deeper...

But, still, I didn't have a grudge against them. It was whatever and I tried not to care. Everyday, though, it nagged at me, when I would smell his colgne or spotted his Empire Strikes Back t-shirt in my closet; I missed him.

And, as I said, I tried to move on, as the weeks passed on. I didn't go one dates, but I talked to Luke a lot, and to Seth. I had become deep into my work ethic, getting a more work hours in.

With my father's money, I got the house my mom wanted, and she helped me furnish it. I moved in right after my 25th birthday, inviting Paula to move in too. Everything seemed to be better...

And when I say seemed, I mean a situation arose.