Just Like Heaven

After that night, Seth came around a lot more. Paula didn't make a fuss over it, she actually encouraged it. As did, my mom, and Brendan. I wasn't so sure about it, because I didn't want to use Seth, and I didn't want him to think I was using him. I really liked him, but I didn't love him.

I wasn't looking for love. I didn't really know what I wanted. Other than Mikey...

Gosh, I thought about him everyday. Because, everyday, I would get out the shower, and I had this big reminder right in front of me. I had this reminder that he didn't really love me, and that he didn't want me. I still wanted him, and at times, I think that's why I kept my baby.

I'm a selfish person, I guess. I hate to admit it, because in my head, it sounds as if I don't really love my baby, that I only love Mikey. Believe me, I love this little being, I love them, I love every little thing about them, but...I don't know if I would have kept them if Mikey weren't the father.

I hate thinking this way.

I try not to, I try forcing myself that I would love my child no matter who the father was. It's hard to say that it's true. 

I mean, even with this baby, I knew Mikey wasn't coming back. He has a life with Alicia again, and I'm just...a little speck of dust in his life. A little speck that won't ever bother him again.

I don't know if I would move on, and ever love Seth, and I don't think I would try. I just want to live my life and take care of my child the best way I can. And, I told Seth about this, about the fact that I didn't think I'd ever love him romantically, and you know what he said?

"Alright, but I'm still gonna be an uncle to this kid, okay?"

That made me feel good inside. That he didn't care that I didn't want him, and he really cared enough about me that he would stick around for my child. It was more than Mikey ever considered doing, Seth liked me enough to be friends and an uncle to my child.

I didn't say no to this, I just simply hugged him and allowed him to keep coming around. It's not like I didn't want him around, he was good company, he was sweet, he made me feel pretty when I felt all fat, thanks to the little being I was growing. I even let him come to one of my ultra sounds, when I was around 6 months. He found out the sex with me; it was one of those times I didn't think of Mikey.

"Your baby has a big head." He pointed at the screen, "Look, I think it's a boy. I can see it's schlong."

I laughed, "Schlong?"

"I don't wanna be rude and say dick or penis."

Me and the ultrasound technician laughed, "Okay, Seth."

"Would you like to know the sex?"

I shook my head, "Yes! Everyone wants to know, and it'll be easier for my friends to buy my baby shower stuff."

"You're having a little boy, Ms. Haley, congratulations."

I squealed slightly, "Awesome."

"Paula owes me $20." Seth joked beside me.

"You were hoping for a boy?" She asked me.

I nodded, "Just a little. I helped raise my nephew."

"Hey, hey, you can name him Seth the second." Seth grinned slyly.

"Yeah, sure." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Again, congratulations, you two."

I frowned slightly, but Seth spoke before me, "Oh, I'm just the uncle."

I smiled happily, and patted his hand, "More like Godfather."

Seth grinned, "Really? Coolness."

I chuckled, "Yeah, coolness."

The technician printed out the ultrasound pictures and then cleaned the blue goop off my belly. Seth and I left after, I called my mom up; she was coming within the next few days to attend my baby shower.

"Ma, guess what!" I said excitedly.

"What is it? Did you find out what you're having?" My mom was also excited about what gender my baby is.

"I'm having a boy." I squealed again.

"Aw, that's so cute! I get another grandson. Have you thought of names?"

"Not yet, I just found out like 10 minutes ago."

"Well, I am very happy for you. Plus, this makes gift shopping a lot easier."

"Thanks, mom, really." I said softly, I think she knew what I meant.

"You're welcome, M. I can't wait to see how big you've gotten. Brendan, Maxie and I should be there on Friday."

"Okay, I can't wait to see you guys."

"Us, too, honey."


My house was decorated in a lot of blue ribbon and blue balloons. The house smelt good, as my mom was cooking, Paula had gone shopping for more sodas and a lot of my friends had shown up and were eating already. Seth was at my side, handing me his present so I could hurry and open it.

"Not yet, I wanna wait," I told him.

"For what?" He whined.

I smiled, "Paula hasn't come back yet--" I was cut off then, just as Paula walked in, "Okay, never mind."

Paula rushed over to me, "Uh, M, we have a problem."

I raised my brow, "What kind of problem?"

"Uh, well...it's outside and wants to talk to you."

I frowned, "Who is it?"

"Gerard Way." She said with a sheepish smile.

"Why is he here?" She helped me up, while Seth gave me a look.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing, dude," Paula told him, "Give us a minute."

I followed, waddled really, Paula to the door. I opened it, seeing Gerard, with a cigarette dangling from his lips, on my porch. He looked up; "Holy shit, she wasn't lying."

I looked at Paula; "I may have told him off at the store."

I rolled my eyes at her, "Jesus, Paula." I grumbled.

"I'm sorry! I never expected him to follow me."

Gerard laughed and took a long drag of his cigarette before tossing it, "Hardly followed. You're a bad driver, Paula."

Paula scoffed, "Fuck you."

I pushed her gently, "Go back in, let me talk to him."

She groaned, "Fine." She stepped back into the house and I stepped out.

I stepped in front of Gerard, placing my hands in the side pockets of my hoodie, "So? How are you, Gerard?"

He smirked, "Not as well as you, I suppose." He had a condescending tone to his voice.

I frowned, "What is that suppose to mean?"

"I should've noticed your game from the beginning." He spat at me.

"Excuse me? My game? You think I'm playing a game?"

"You are, miraculously pregnant, no?"

"I didn't choose to get pregnant, and I certainly didn't choose to have your little brother to be the father."

"He told me you got pregnant, but you were taking care of it."

"I am taking care of it! I'm keeping my baby, and if he or Alicia don't like it, they can go fuck themselves!" I felt angry, livid, "Did your brother tell you he offered to send me money to take care of it, and that I turned it down? I don't want money, I don't want anything from him, or you, or your entire family for that matter. I thought about telling Mikey when his son was going to be born, but I guess not now. I can do it by myself, I don't need him." I felt my breathing hitch, and my heart race.

Gerard's facial expressions varied when I had snapped at him. Now, he looked down and sighed, "He told me that he did offer to send you money..." he stopped and looked up at me, "He said he regretted it."

"Why's that?" I was confused by Gerard's meek admission.

"Because, he wanted you to keep the baby."

"Why? If he didn't want it at first, why does he regret it?" 

He tilted his head, "Because, Alicia lied to him to get him back."

I eyed him, "Lied about what?"

"Having a baby. She wasn't pregnant, she never had been. She broke Mikey's heart again."