Just Like Heaven

After it was over, they bandaged his hand up and put him back in the room. I wasn't crying anymore, at least, not on the outside; I felt terrible internally. Noah slept for a little while; he was still asleep when Mikey and Gerard showed up.

"Did they do it?" Mikey asked; he went over to look over his left hand that was resting on his stomach.

"Yeah. It was fast. They're going to see how he reacts to the pain medication and then I can take him home." I told them.

"Was he okay?" Gerard sat beside me; I saw he had a massive purple dinosaur in his hand.

"He was fine. Is that Barney?"

Gerard laughed bashfully, "He likes reptiles, so I thought, what the hell." He placed the Barney plushy in my lap.

"It's big. I think he's gonna love it."

"I think it weighs more than Mikey." Gerard laughed.

Mikey rolled his eyes, "Has he been asleep long?"

I nodded, "He should be up soon; they're bringing his lunch in at 1."

Almost like clockwork, Noah rubbed his eyes with his right hand and yawned. He barely opened his eyes, he moved a bit in the bed, trying to get comfortable and opened his eyes with a frown. Mikey smiled at him; "Hey, baby boy. How do you feel?"

Noah frowned still, stuck his thumb out and put it down. I chuckled, as well as Gerard; "You don't feel good, huh?"

Noah looked at me and shook his head. He immediately saw the Barney plushy and his frown disappeared. I gave a soft laugh and put it on his bed, "Uncle Gee bought it for you."

Gerard waved at him, "Hey, Space Boy." Noah smiled slightly, "You like it?"

Noah nodded, then beckoned a hug from him. Gerard stood and leant over the side of the bed and hugged him. "You're welcome, buddy."

"My mom called, she said she's gonna send Noah a get well card." Mikey joined in.

"I nearly forgot to mention this to anyone." I murmured.

"We would've been here sooner, but there were a lot of kids downstairs." Gerard added.

"Well, it is a children's ward." I smirked at him.

"I never seen so many little kids so happy to see me before." Gerard grinned.

"It's wonderful when your kid gets excited to see you." Mikey said softly.

I smiled at him, he smiled back and came over, standing beside me. Noah held onto his doll, and Gerard sat closer, talking to him about it. I looked up at Mikey, noticing he was frowning a little.

"Hey," I stood and took his hand, "Are you okay?"

Mikey shook his head, he took my hand and pulled me over by the couch. He sat down, then pulled me onto his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my forehead to his temple.

"Tell me what's wrong." I said to him softly.

Mikey was silent, looking over at Gerard, then he squeezed my waist, "I don't want to leave."

He bowed his head a bit, I placed my head on his shoulder, "It's only for a little while." I spoke to Mikey as I often spoke to Noah, when he missed Mikey.

He leaned his head back, looking at me tiredly, "I'm really tired."

"Get some sleep," I tried to climb off of him, but he held me firmly.

"You love me?" He questioned against my cheek.

"With all my heart." I smiled at him, "Do you love me?"

He nodded, "With everything."

I kissed his cheek, "Just take it one day at a time, babe. It'll get better."

"I'm not worried about it getting better... I want it to stop for a little while."

I looked at him, confused, "What do you mean?"

He shook his head, "Don't worry about it. I'm over thinking."

I tweaked my lips, having no reply. I sighed softly, resting my head on Mikey's shoulder.


We were able to take Noah home a few hours later. He responded well to the medication, and all needed was rest. Once Mikey picked him up, it was over; Noah clung to his daddy like a comfort blanket.

The pair got home and latched onto each other like magnets and watched cartoons. I smiled at them, loving how close they were, and how much they love each other. I wondered how Mikey would handle another little baby around here, clinging to his leg.

I was sort of afraid of having one after all that Mikey said to me. He was tired, and he wanted some type of rest. I didn't want to put any strain on him, he didn't deserve it. He had the band, his helping Gerard with comics, and Noah; I could bring another baby in, but at what cost? I didn't want to stress him, but he never told me that it wasn't what he wanted.

Plus, it would be hard on me, too. I'm not trying to be selfish, but it was hard enough trying to keep Noah from tearing up whenever Mikey was away; I couldn't imagine two of them. I don't like seeing my baby sad, and another one could possibly break my heart.

So, I didn't know what was sensible to do. To have a baby, or to not have a baby. I wanted things to slow down first, and let Mikey clear his head; to let him rest. 

Until it was positive that I was pregnant, we could wait for another baby.

But, I am a sucker for those chubby cheeks and smiles and the pattering of little feet coming to me. The drawback; the tears. The tears of sadness over their daddy leaving.

I hate that.

Mikey; he had to leave. He had his two bags ready, and Noah was asleep. It was early in the morning, 6 am, and he woke me up; to say goodbye. I had rubbed my eyes and followed him to the kitchen to make coffee.

"I hate to go." He mumbled tiredly, "Gerard should be here in a few minutes."

"I hate when you go, too," I sighed, "Noah is gonna freak."

We were quiet a moment, then we heard the puttering of his bare feet. I sighed heavily, and Mikey rubbed his tired face. Noah came walking down the hall, dragging his Barney plushy by it's tail. He looked at us, dropped the tail and rubbed his eyes. He outstretched his arms for Mikey, and Mikey picked him up.

"Hey," Mikey combed the hair from Noah's tired face, "You're up early."

Noah responded by wrapping his arms around Mikey's neck and pressing his cheek to his shoulder. I smiled at them, wishing that they would end up doing what they usually did; lying on the couch watching Spongebob Squarepants.

But, there was a knock on the door and we all knew it was coming. Noah, especially. He wrapped his arms tighter around Mikey's neck.

I went and opened the door; Gerard tossed a cigarette just as I did and smiled, "Hey."

"Hey. You are about to have your heart broken."

Gerard raised his brow at me, then he looked over at the counter. He sighed when he saw Mikey holding Noah, "Oh, shit. Noah must hate me."

I closed the door as he came in, "Probably." I mumbled.

For the next ten minutes, I had to coax Noah off of Mikey and to keep him from kicking at me to get to him. I hated how much Noah's heart broke whenever Mikey had to leave; it's the worst thing in the world.

"Daddy'll be back," Mikey told him, "I promise. I'll call, too, okay? I love you, buddy."

Noah pushed at me, and I gripped at him as hard as I could without hurting him. Mikey kissed his forehead, and kissed me as well, before he waved and left quickly with Gerard. Once he was out the door, I waited a few minutes before I put Noah down; and when I did, he ran to the door and yanked at the door knob. He cried for a long time, pulling at the door while I picked him up. He finally gave up and let me carry him to the couch and held him. He fell asleep on my shoulder, dried tears on his face.