Just Like Heaven

It was early the next morning when I found myself waking up. I rolled on my side, from my back and saw Mikey sitting up in bed, with his back to me. I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, "Mikey?"

He looked back at me, and I thought I saw tears. I thought I was seeing things, "Yeah?" He sniffled, and I knew that hadn't been seeing things.

"Why are you crying?"

He looked away. I frowned slightly, deciding to reword myself.

"Are you mad about what you read online?" He nodded, "What'd you read?" I asked curiously.

He exhaled heavily, "People talking about you being pregnant. These people... Albeit fans or not, they all have an opinion of you and it bothers me. There isn't privacy anymore; they know all about Noah, which is fucking creepy to me, and they're speculating about the baby. It just bothers me, doesn't sit right with me."

I tweaked my lips, "Did you read something bad said about me?" I asked quietly.

He looked at me, his mouth opened a bit, "Do you want to know the truth?" I nodded, "Yeah, I did."

I didn't care about what was said about me. Really, because it was someone else's opinion. Unless I read it, I hadn't of cared less.

"It's okay, Mikey." I told him softy, "It's whatever, you understand."

Mikey shook his head, "Yeah... I know." He mumbled, "It's just..." He trailed quietly.

"What's wrong?" I asked, scooting closer to him.

Mikey finally looked at me again, "I don't know. My head is all fucked up." He wiped his face and his nose.

"I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?" 

Mikey shook his head, "I can't think straight, M. I don't know what I can do for myself."

I felt like crying myself, "You're going to the doctor today, right?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna ask for some stronger pills. I have to fight through this." He gritted his teeth, he rubbed his temples.

"Would you like me to come with you?"

"No," He licked his lips, "I'm just going in and out."

"You sure? If you need support, Mike, I'll be right there." I expressed this to him with sincerity.

"I know, babe." He sat up and kissed my forehead, "All I need you to do is wait for me to come home." He exhaled lowly and pulled me into a hug.

I wrapped my arms around him, resting my temple on his shoulder. Mikey ran his hand up my back, he was silent and caressing me. I found this soothing, between the both of us. I would do anything to make him feel better. I wish I could snap my fingers and make everything alright.


Noah and I practiced his flash cards, saying words out loud, while Mikey was at the doctor. Noah had, had a small fit when I told him he couldn't go with Mikey, but he stopped sulking within a half hour. I had made him breakfast, we ate and then we got the flash cards out.

Mikey had been gone for a good few hours. Noah finished with the flash cards and went to the window, looking for Mikey. Piggy laid in her doggy bed, waiting for Mikey too. I cleaned up a bit, then I called to Noah, "Daddy home yet?" I humored him.

"No." Noah grumbled, "Where is he?" He exasperated dramatically.

"Babe, come draw daddy a picture. I'm sure he'd love it."

Noah turned around and came over to the coffee table. I set out his crayons and the sketchbook Gerard bought for him. "Draw with me." Noah urged.

"Okay. I'll draw one for daddy, too."

I tore out a page for myself, and together, Noah and I began to draw. We busied ourselves, hearing the rain fall harder outside, until Mikey walked through the door. Noah jumped up, I followed him, he ran to Mikey and hugged his waist, "I missed you!" 

Mikey patted Noah's back, then took off his hoodie. He tossed it on the couch, then he picked Noah up, a smile filled his face, "I missed you, too, kid."

"I drawed you a picture." He exclaimed.

"Lemme see it." Mikey took him over towards the couch; he planted a kiss on my lips along the way.

I sat with them, Noah hopped to the table and grabbed his book. I turned to Mikey, "How was it?"

He shrugged, "Got some meds." 

I could see how uncomfortable he looked, but he smiled when Noah crawled back into his lap; "Dad," He stated seriously, causing Mikey and I to chuckle, "I drawed you and me and mommy and El-Oh-Ees."

Mikey looked at the picture of the funny stick figures, all ranging in sizes, tiny to tall. "This is amazing, Noah." 

Noah grinned, "You likes it?"

Mikey nodded, "I love it."

Noah hopped off the couch again, "Mommy drewed one too." He grabbed my drawing and hopped in Mikey's lap, showing him my picture.

I had drawn two big daisy flowers, for no particular reason. "This is nice, M." Mikey gave me a cheeky smile.

"Thanks." I smirked at him.

"Draw with me." Noah tugged Mikey's hand, "Please?"

Mikey got up, then sat on the floor beside Noah. The two of them began to draw, while I watched TV, and listened to them laugh and joke. We all relaxed, in a way, until Noah went down for a nap; Mikey put him on his bed, then came back and sat on the couch with me.

"So, I gotta ask, how was your appointment?" Mikey laid his head on my shoulder.

"He didn't say much, he prescribed me Ativan." He stated.

"That's it?" I asked with a slight frown.

"He said I should go see my therapist again."

I wrapped my arm around his shoulder, "Are you?"

He hummed, "I got to. I didn't want to at first, but the way Noah always looks at me..." He trailed, then continued, "That look of admiration and high expectation... I got to."

"I'm proud of you, Mikey." I kissed the top of his head.

"Thanks, M."


For the next couple of weeks, Mikey went to see his therapist every Tuesday and Friday. He was slowly making progress on controlling his anger and anxiety. The better part was that he spent a lot of his time, processing his patience with Noah. He was the one to help him with his flash cards. I was proud that he found the patience to help him sound out the words.

When Christmas came around; Noah had a truck full of gifts, thanks to me, Mikey, Gerard, their dad and mom (who came for the holiday). The night before, Noah, Donna and I bake cookies for Santa Claus, and then we put them out along with milk. After he went to bed, Mikey and I put the gifts beneath the tree.

On Christmas day, Noah went crazy; I took a lot pictures. Noah didn't know were to begin, to play. The thing he loved the most was the big wheel Gerard bought him. Noah rolled around the house for hours, while we cleaned up his mess.

Thankfully we had Donna over, because I hadn't been able to do much. My body was starting to get that ache, and it bothered me a bit because I hadn't felt that way until I was 8 months ago when I was pregnant with Noah. My mom had called and told me to take it easy, and that she, Brendan and Max would be coming to visit.

My family, along with Mikey's parents were all over when New Years came. Noah loved the extra attention and guest; he loved to talk and show off his toys. He played with Max, who slept in Noah's room for the two weeks they stayed; Don and Donna stayed at Gerard's house, and my mom and Brendan took Noah's old bedroom and the baby's room. Having them all over was pretty nice; it was such a positive atmosphere. I couldn't wait to bring my daughter into the fold of our family.

My family stayed the week of my baby shower, where a lot of my friends, whom that I kept in contact with, and Gerard, Frank and Ray managed to show, and brought some nice gifts. The shower was thrown at our place, and Paula came over early; she cooked, inviting her family over as well. The house was filled with guest and the lot if them paid attention to me, asking me about the baby.

I was okay with the attention, I just worried about Mikey; he had been sitting beside me, but he looked uncomfortable. I had taken hold of his hand several times in attempts to relax him; it hadn't worked. Before I was to open the gifts, I looked at Mikey, "Will you help me to the bathroom?" I asked this a loud to give an excuse for us to leave a moment.

Mikey nodded, standing, "Take my hand, M." He helped me stand and I led the way, with my funny waddle, to the hall bathroom.

We could hear Noah playing cops and robbers in the guest room, with Max and  one of my friend's sons. I entered the bathroom, pulling Mikey in with me. He closed the door and looked at me quizzically, "M, if you this is your way of having a quickie, I don't think we should do it with everyone 15 feet away." He had a small smile dancing on his lips.

"Mikey," I started seriously, "Baby, are you alright? You seem so uncomfortable out there."

He rubbed his neck, then combed his hand through his messy locks, "I just... I don't really know your friends, it's kinda social anxiety, Morgan."

I walked over and wrapped my arms around him. He laughed at the awkward way I hugged him; the baby was in the way. He put his hands on the swell, "You look beautiful, M."

"Thank you," I kissed his lips, "I feel like a blimp, though." I exasperated jokingly.

"Beautiful blimp, baby." Mikey grinned at me.

I laughed softly, "You're perfect, Mikey, I swear."

"If you say so." He mocked with a cocky tone.

I chuckled again, kissing him, "Do you feel better, love?"

His eyes showed me that he was happier, he had this playful look. He also had that overwhelming body language of lust and love. I tugged at my bottom lip, forcing my hormones away; I'm pregnant and a bit sore, I didn't want to have sex feeling the way I do.

I let Mikey go and led him back into the living room.