Just Like Heaven

For a while, things slowly returned to normal. My mom decided to move out here, along with my brother and Max. They had said that they wanted to be here to support me, but I think it's because they got tired of flying back and forth. I love them, nonetheless. My mom moved into a townhouse a few miles from my house, and Brendan said he was going to move during the summer when Max was out of school.

Mikey saw his therapist a lot more, but didn't rejoin the band. He was a lot more reserved and stayed in the house unless Noah wanted to go for a walk or to the park. The one thing Mikey did a lot was talk about Eloise; Noah brought her up, and her death was so much easier to deal with, with Noah saying and asking sweet things about her.

He would usually ask us what was it like for her to be down the rabbit hole. We'd explain that she sang and danced and had Happy Unbirthdays everyday and drank tea with the White Rabbit, The Mad Hatter and Alice. Noah wrote her letters, drew her pictures and wasn't ashamed to talk to her out loud as if she was right there. It was sweet, and it was comforting, it helped Mikey and I, most him, to move forward from grieving.

I myself was okay, I mean, I had vented, and went through the depression mode at one time; I would cry, ask God why he had taken her from me, and then I accepted it fully. I finally realized that my crying and being angry with myself wouldn't bring her back. I accepted that she was gone, but I would always think of her, love her, even if she was here with me for less than a week. I had 7 and a half months of bonding and love with her and I can only hope that she knew how much Mikey and I loved her. We still love her.

Her room was still as it was. We didn't move anything, but Mikey and I would go in there, just to look at everything. It was part of our grieving process; accepting that she wouldn't fill the room, but we would have another baby, someday soon to fill it, to receive  the love we couldn't give Eloise. It was soothing, we were able to pass by it without thinking of her death, we just thought about that someday a happy little baby would fill that room.


Mikey and I were talking about Noah's birthday when he finally brought up the idea about babies. It had been 3 months since we'd lost Eloise, and we only danced around the topic. It was funny that we were discussing his birthday gifts when he brought it up.

"Is it too soon to start trying for another baby?" Were the words that slipped from his mouth.

I looked at him with a slacked jaw, "What?" I smiled slightly.

"I mean... If you want? I'm just asking..." He stammered quickly.

I bit at my lip, "I dunno... I mean, I want to, but I don't know."

"Are you afraid?" He asked softly, taking my hand in his.

I shook my head, "No... I just don't know if we should do it so soon."

"I was thinking that, too." He hummed softly, "Gerard and the guys have been wondering when I'm gonna come back."

I chewed at the inside of my lip, "Are you?" 

He shrugged, "I'm afraid."

I furrowed my brows confusingly, "Afraid?"

"I don't want anything to happen to Noah while I'm gone. I don't wanna be states away and he gets hurt or somethin'."

"I get what you're saying, Mikey, I do," I rubbed his hand, "But, you can't be afraid, babe," I leaned over and kissed his cheek, "My mom and I keep our eyes on that little monster all day." I smiled, "And, with Paula's wedding coming up, he's been spending a lot of time with her, too. We all watch him."

He nodded, "I know, but he isn't invincible, and I don't doubt any of you. I just wanna be here if something were to ever happen."

"Alright, but whenever you decide you want to rejoin Gerard, I and Noah support you fully. He loves when you play and I would love to take him to one of your shows."

He chuckled, "I ain't much to look at."

"Still, Noah idolizes you, and I haven't seen you either."

He laughed this time, "Oh shit, yeah! One of these days, y'know, I will. Only if it's a show here, I am not going out of state."

I smiled, "Whatever makes you happy, Mikey, makes me happy."

"I swear, man, you sound so cheesy at times, M." He leaned over and kissed my lips, "But, fuck I love it."

"Yeah, yeah," I grinned, "It's because I've never let my cheesiness show with any of my exes."

He laughed, "Good. I'm glad I get all of you."

I rolled my eyes playfully, "Alright, lover man, let's get back to the topic at hand; our little dude."

He nodded, "Right, I don't know what to get him."

"Me either," I tweaked my lips, "He doesn't really go coo-coo for toys like I thought he would."

"I was thinkin' of getting him a little drum kit." Mikey leaned back with a little laugh, "Drive us both crazy."

"Oh, wow," we both laughed, "That's good, Mike, I wouldn't have thought of that."

"Gerard bought him one of those ukulele things, so that's where the idea came from."

"Yeah, let's get him that, and I think he'll want some more stuff animals. Piggy tore up his alligator."

"Yeah, I know. Noah loves those things."

I knew why that was; he wanted more little people around him. He wanted a little friend. He converses with his stuffed animals; it's really cute, but sad at the same time.

"I was thinkin' about somethin' else," Mikey said with a smile, "Don't freak."

I raised my brow, "What?"

He stood up a moment, and reached into his back pocket. He pulled out a folded paper, sat back down and began to unfold it. He slid it over to me and I looked at it; on the paper were Noah and Eloise's names in fancy script.

"What's this for?" I asked.

"I'm gonna get them tattooed on me. Over the mess on my wrist; I'm tired of looking at the fade on it."

I smiled wide, "Wow. Mike, that's amazing."

"It's for him and El, and you."

"That's sweet."

"I was thinking about getting yours on me too."

I shook my head, "No way, don't."

"Why not?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea. I mean, I don't want you to regret it."

He exasperated, "I won't."

"Just do the kids' babe."

He smirked at me, "Can't stop me."

I groaned, "Don't, c'mon," I stood and hopped on his lap, "Then I'd have to get one."

"They don't hurt that bad."

I frowned, "Still, they hurt."

He kissed my lips, "You don't have to get one."

"I won't if you don't get my name on you."

He laughed, "Fine, fine, I won't."

"Good," I pecked his lips and wrapped my arms around his neck, "But, I think Noah will love to see his name on you... Permanently."

"I think so too."

"Speaking of our little one, when is Gerard bringing him back? I miss him."

"Soon. We're suppose to go order his cake, too."

I got off his lap, "Oh yeah." 

Mikey frowned, "Wait, I like you on my lap."

"Quit ya whining," I lent out my hand, "C'mon, let's go to the supermarket."

"You owe me." He muttered as he stood.

"I definitely will pay up later, okay?" I pouted my lips and kissed him.

"You better."