Just Like Heaven

Once everyone knew I was pregnant, there was nothing but support. I felt such an overwhelming of love that I didn't know what to do with. I was happy in my marriage, I was happy being a mother and I was happy being with my family.

Every weekend, Mikey and I would take Noah and Max to the beach where we all relaxed and had fun. It was there that Mikey seemed more than relaxed. He wasn't depressed, he wasn't angry, he was happy and he was this Mikey I hadn't seen before.

"I was thinking if we have another girl, I want to call her Luna." Mikey said with those sunglasses on.

"Luna?" I asked, looking at my pink toenails.

"After the Smashing Pumpkins' song."

"Why not Ava Adore? Or Lily, Annie-Dog or Martha or Sheila?"

He laughed, "I like Luna. Lily sounds cute, too, but Frank has a daughter named Lily already."

"Noah's gonna be jealous." I said to him.

"Why?"

"We didn't name him after a song."

He chuckled, "You named him, don't blame it on me."

"He has such a cute name, too." I smirked.

"It's a biblical name." He said.

"I got it from the Notebook." I said shamelessly.

Mikey snorted, "Oh my God, really, M?"

"Yes, and I'm not ashamed to say it."

"And, I was thinking of boys names earlier," Mikey said with a grin, "I still like Jacob."

"Me too. How keen are you on the name Alice?"

"No way. I had a girlfriend in high school name Alice, and it's also close to Alicia."

I rolled my eyes, "Great, I wasn't even thinking that." 

"How about Helena?" He asked sheepishly.

I blinked at him and smiled, "Really, after your grandmother?"

He smiled sheepishly this time, "Yeah... I mean, if that's okay?"

"It's perfectly fine with me, Mikey. Whatever makes you happy."

"Thanks, M." He looked so shy.

"Why are you bashful and shit?" I asked him with a smile.

He shrugged, "Just... I haven't talked about my Grandma in years."

"You know, Mikey, you can talk to me about her if you want. You only told me just a little about her."

He nodded, "Yeah, I will. I just want to do it at home. I don't wanna cry here." He gave a lame laugh.

I kissed his mouth quickly, "I wouldn't think any less of you."

"Yeah, but c'mon, I'll look like some weirdo sobbing on the beach."

I got up, lent out my hand, "Okay, let's go make a sandcastle with Noah then."

He took my hand and followed me down to the bank. He suddenly put his hand to my stomach, "You got a bitty bump."

"Thanks, am I getting fat or somethin'?"

He laughed, "No, babe, just I think it's cute when I see that little bump."

I smiled happily, "Thanks, Mikey."

"I'm serious." He kissed me, quickly, then looked over at Max and Noah as Max carried him on his back, "Hey, Noah, you want to make a sandcastle?"

"No, carry me in the water!" He yelled over to us.

Max came ashore and let Noah down and he ran over to Mikey and jumped into his arms. Mikey put him on his back and took him into the water. Max came over to me, "Auntie M, thanks for bringing me out here."

"It's cool, Max," I looked at him, "Man, you're tall!"

He chuckled, "Dad wants me to play football."

"What do you wanna do?" I asked as we sat in the sand and began to play with it.

"I want to go to art school." He said with a small shrug, "But I don't know."

"How come you never told me that?" I gave him a playful shrug.

"Dad thinks its kinda dumb. With my football scholarship, he wants me to do somethin' more."

"Your dad is a dummy. Go to art school." I told him sternly.

"I already applied to NYU..." He said quietly, "I got in."

"No way! Really?" He nodded, "But, Brendan said you were going to Berkley?"

"I got in, but I wanna go to NYU. My mom lives there, and I kinda want to see her more, too."

I smiled, "Wow, Maxie, you're thinkin' like an adult."

"I'm just thinking logically." He said softly, playing with the sand.

"You do what you want, Maxie, don't worry about your dad. I'll talk to him about it, and if you need anything, me and Mikey will help you. If not Mikey, I will, I love you, Maxie."

He smiled, "Thanks, Morgan."

I laughed, "Oh my god, that's the first time you ever called me just Morgan!"

He laughed too, "Is it weird?"

I shook my head, "Not at all."

"Good, now will you stop callin' me Maxie?"

"Nope." I smirked at him.

He shook his head at me.


When we returned home, Max came over to play with Noah. Just to keep him busy with Piggy. Mikey and I went to our room, just to talk, not fool around. 

Mikey sat on the bed and pulled me onto his lap and kissed my neck playfully. I giggled softly, "Mike, the boys are in the next room."

He chuckled, "I know, I just wanted to loosen you up."

"Hmm... That sounds weird."

He smiled, "I mean, I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

I kissed him, "I'm always comfortable with you, baby."

"I always knew... In a strange way, that I would be happy with you." He said softly, "I just... I want to talk to you about everything, Morgan."

I seemed almost worried, "Like what?"

"I know I told you about my problems... My psychosis, y'know, I just worry about not being myself sometimes."

I took his hands in mine as they rested in my lap, "How come?"

"Just not being who you need me to be, and this all brings me back to my Grandma Helena." I listened to him intently, his chin rested on my shoulder, "She and my parents loved and adored my brother, but they loved me too, and... Sometimes I would be jealous and I would act out. My Grandma would tell me no one will like me if I don't just be myself."

I didn't understand, but I didn't interrupt.

"So, I did act like myself and no one really liked me anyway. I don't want to be..." He sighed, "Morgan, you love me right?"

"Are you kidding? I love you to bits, Mikey." I turned my head and kissed his cheek, "I'll always love you."

He seemed to smile, "My Grandma's words always played in my head, especially when I first saw you. Remember? I was like too scared to talk to you... I was afraid you wouldn't like me for who I really was back then..." He laughed to himself, "I don't even remember that dude." 

"I'm proud of you, too, Mikey." I said softly, tugging at my bottom lip.

"Thank you." He swallowed, "I'm really happy for everything he taught me. She told me if I love a girl, that I should go for her and be myself. I'm glad she told me to do that," He looked at me, "And, M, I'm sorry for doing what I did when we first got together."

"What do you mean?"

"When I left you and I came back and forced you..."

I shook my head, "Don't even worry about it, Mikey, that was so long ago."

"I know, but I think about it everyday. I wish I hadn't of been forceful, but at the same time, I'm happy that it happened."

"Because we got Noah." I added.

"I'm sorry, M." He kissed my cheek, "I love you so much."

I saw that this had weighed on him. He started to tear up, so I turned sideways and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. "I forgave you a long time ago, Mikey, I swear."

"I feel better." He murmured, "I want to name any future daughter of ours after my Grandma, just because she helped me get you."

"Now, I wouldn't say all that." I chuckled.

"She did, M. If I would've hid all my messed up shit from you, I don't think I would have found out how much you care and love me."

I smiled, "Then naming our future daughter Helena will be a fitting tribute."

"Thanks." He said softly.

"No need to thank me."

Mikey pulled me back onto the bed with him and flipped me on my back so he was slightly on top of me. He stared at me a moment, making me blush and smile, then kissed me softly. The kisses were gentle little pecks, his hand caressed my neck with his hand, but mostly his thumb. Mikey laid on his side, and stared at me again, "What're you lookin' at?" I asked softly.

"You." He answered with a smile; his thumb was comforting.

"I know, but why?" 

He just smiled, "Because I think you're beautiful, Morgan."

I smirked at him, "Really?" 

"Yeah really. You always doubt me." He chuckled, "I mean it."

"Well, thank you for saying it."

"Don't thank me."

Mikey started to kiss me again, again it was just soft pecks. He pulled away when there was a knock on our bedroom door. "Come in." Mikey said.

Max opened the door, "Hey, Grandma's here to take me and Noah to get ice cream."

"Oh, I almost for got." I got up, Mikey followed, "Noah, come here."

I went out into the hall, seeing my mom with Noah, "Hey Morgan."

"Hi mom. Let me get his little diaper bag." I said quickly.

"It's alright, M, I got extra pull-ups at my house and my car." She explained.

"Are you sure?" She nodded, "Okay. Gimme a goodbye kiss, Noah." He laughed and came over to me, "Be good. I love you." I knelt down and hugged me and kissed his face.

"I will, mommy."

Noah went to Mikey next and wrapped his arms around Mikey's waist. Mikey chuckled, "I love you, buddy."

"Love you." Noah let Mkey go, "Love you, mommy."

I kissed his head one more time before hugging Max and walking them out the door. I waved one more time and closed the door behind him.

"I need a nap." I said to Mikey once I returned to the room.

"Shit, me too." We both climbed back on our bed, "Come here." 

I laughed softly as Mikey beckoned me over to him. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and yawned softly. I rested my head against his shoulder.


Things between Mikey and I were a lot more better than before. It was weird that things were better, because before things were fine. The weight that he had was gone, and he was a lot more happy with me. He was more opened, too, and I admired him. Mikey made it easier to talk about any and everything with him.

As the days passed, things were good; I had a long talk to my brother about Max wanting to be an artist. Believe me, we fought about it, but after telling him that Max wanted certain things and that he's an adult, Brendan came around. He actually commended me for telling him the truth. I talked to Gerard, too, about giving Max some pointers and help with techniques.

When the end of summer arrived, I was showing a little bit more, and I was loving it. My little bump made me smile, it made Mikey smile and touch it. Noah was the happiest most of all, because he couldn't wait to be a big brother again.

He would often sleep in the bed with us and stare at my stomach. He looks just like Mikey with his light colored hair and the furrowing of his brows. "What is the baby?" He asked me; his cheeks rested against the palms of his hands and his elbows rested on his thighs.

"I don't know yet, it's only a tiny little thing."

"When do you know?"

When I'm out to here," I made a gesture of my stomach getting bigger, "Remember when I was that big and my belly button poked out."

He giggled, "Yeah! Daddy said you looked like a pretty penguin."

I frowned jokingly, "Did he? He's dead."

Mikey overhead while he was in the bathroom shaving, "I was joking!"

"I'll joke you." I joked back.

"You name it?" Noah asked, getting my attention.

"Not yet."

Noah nodded, then kept staring at my belly. It's the funniest thing, he was concentrating, like my belly would change. I finally grabbed him and pulled him onto my lap, "My belly isn't a transformer." I giggled in his ear.

He giggled back as I tickled his sides, "Okay! Mommy, that tickles me!"

"I know." I smiled at him as he rolled around in my arms as I tickled him.

"Daddy! Daddy, help me!" Noah cried out in a fit of giggles.

Mikey came in and looked at us, "Let him up, M." He smiled, using a towel to wipe the excess water from his jaw.

"Nope."

Mikey got on the bed and got me, Noah wrenched free, still laughing. Mikey pinned me down, "Get her." He told Noah.

I started to laugh as Noah used his fingers to tickle my sides. We were having a lot of fun until the door bell rang. Mikey let me go gently and picked Noah up, "You expecting someone?" He asked.

"No." I answered as I followed them and combing my messy hair back.

I went to the door and answered it; surprisingly, it was Gerard, "Oh, hey Gee."

"Hi," he looked nervous, "I need to talk to Mikey."

I let him in, "Sure, he's in the living room." I followed him as he went into the living room.

He sighed and sat down, "Bro, I need to talk to you."

Mikey looked at Gerard, "What's up?"

"I'm..." He started slow, "I need advice."

Mikey looked at me and I back at him; I sat down beside him, "What's up?"

Gerard looked at me, "This is something I need to say that isn't in front of Noah..."

I nodded, "I'll give you guys privacy." I picked Noah up, "C'mon, Noah Bear, let's make cookies."

He hummed, "Kay."

I took Noah off to the kitchen and set him down on the counter, wondering what was going on with Gerard.