Some Secrets Are Meant To Be Told

Without Cassie, we got to the elementary school quickly. I let go of Will and grabbed the ball from where I had stashed it in the roots of an ancient oak tree. Since we left Will’s house, there wasn’t a word said between us. I was scared that he was mad at me, or was wondering what I had said to his sister that made her so happy. Trying to be nonchalant, I looked over at him and our eyes met. My knees felt like they were melting and my heart skipped a beat. It felt like I had just finished a 5k with a fantastic finish. Fighting the urge to touch him, to comfort him and hold him close, I looked away. I dropped the ball and kicked it ahead of me- we were here to play soccer, weren’t we? I looked at him again, smiled, and ran ahead. If I didn’t make this goal, he was going to hang it over my head for the rest of the week. Unfortunately, he overtook me with breathtaking ease and scored a goal within a blink. I stopped and stuck my tongue at him, and just sat down in the grass.
Will rolled his eyes, and walked back to me. Closing my eyes and fighting a smile, I pouted. I could feel his warmth behind me. His arms wrapped around me and pulled me to him. My body instantly shrank away from him and I gasped in pain.
“Are you okay?” His voice was worried-tense. I thought quickly.
“Yeah, just don’t pull so hard, okay? You scared me.” I felt horrible lying to him, but I couldn’t let him know the truth. Instead of pulling me, then, he moved forward- my back to his chest, my body in between his legs. If not for the pain that had enveloped my brain, I would have been truly happy to be there in his arms. In silent agony, I endured. It was soundless again.
“Why are you pouting, love?” his voice resonated in my ear.
“You’re going to beat me at soccer and then laugh at me and I’m going to be sad.” I sounded like a child, and felt my heart flutter in my chest when I felt his lips (Were those his lips?) being pressed to the top of my head.
“I won’t make fun of you, sweetheart. I wouldn’t dare laugh at you.” His voice was beyond tender, mayhap like a purr. With that, he moved and was gone without another word. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I got up, and Will immediately passed the ball to me. It was a familiar rhythm- one that we just knew instead of planning. Both he and I were sweating- more him than I, though. Being a boy, he just took off his shirt. I stopped and watched for a moment- admiring his perfectly sculpted chest and abs. My cheeks flared with heat (Was I blushing?) and turned my eyes away. I kicked the ball and missed the goal by a mile.
“I’ll get it!” he yelled, and I watched he reached the ball, and with grace and power, flawlessly kicked the ball in a high arch over the goal. It landed about ten feet away from where I was standing. Grinning mischievously, I grabbed the ball and ran for all I was worth. I could hear him chasing after me, and I started laughing uncontrollably as I kept on running. Being myself, of course, I tripped over my own feet and fell on my face. Will ran over to me, worry clearly evident on his face.
“Are you- Lizzy, what the fuck happened to you?” his voice was on the edge of anger, among other things- all traces of humor gone. I looked down to see my shirt bunched up right under my breasts, which meant that more than half my back was exposed to him. He saw the bruises that were both old and new, welts that were only a day old, and places where a whip had hit me so hard that it had drawn blood.
“Turn over. Now.” I did so, never hearing him so angry and confused. I saw his face, hardened with grief, pain, and fury. His eyes turned to stone as he saw my stomach- which was decorated with the kiss of a razor. The words, “FUCK UP” stood out prominently. At that moment, I hated myself more than anything in the world, and was scared that I would lose Will forever.
“Will, please…” I whispered, and I knew he had heard me as his expression turned into despair.
“Pull down your shirt. Put the ball away, and wait here. I’ll be right back.” He turned away, not waiting for an answer, and jogged off. Meekly, I again did as he had told. I felt emptier than a starved child. I sat down again, and waited. Will came back with his shirt on. He held his hand out to me and I took it.
“Get on. And don’t argue.” He turned his back to me, and crouched down. I climbed onto him, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms encompassing his neck. My weight felt like nothing to him- I only weighed a hundred pounds. He pulled his arms back, pressing me gently to his back as he began to walk.
“Will, where are you taking me?” I murmured in his ear. His head turned and he replied,
“To my house.” I nodded and pressed my forehead into his hot neck. To be honest, I was scared what he was going to do. Was he going to continue what Roman (his best friend and my boyfriend) had started? Was he going to hurt me? My heart protested at the thought, but I could not ignore the reality of what was happening. Fear paralyzed my body, but then I remembered. Cassie. He had taken care of her, he wouldn’t hurt me. Hope surged into my heart, and fought the fear. It was going to be okay. While I was engrossed in my thoughts, I hadn’t noticed that we were almost at his house.
“Can I get down now, Will? I can walk. We’re almost there and I don’t want to worry Cassie.” I asked this in a small voice, but he did not answer. Instead, he stopped and let go of me. I dropped to the ground, and proceeded to the house. He walked behind me, but only by a foot or two. When I reached the steps, I stopped and let him take the lead.
“Follow me.” We walked through the house quietly- I could hear Cassie watching television in the other room. We passed the kitchen and headed to the back of the house.
“We’re going to my room.” Will said to me, and turned the corner and went through a door that was decorated with his name. His room was decorated with pictures of European soccer teams and their players.
“Sit down.” His voice was stone. I sat on his bed.
“Tell me, and don’t lie. What the fuck happened to you?” He was angry- there was no doubt about that. But not at me, I think. I whispered one word.
“Roman.”
“Lizzy…”
“Will, what do you think happened? He’s been beating me and raping me since we started dating. I cannot speak for him and tell you why,” my voice was emotionless, but there were tears rolling down my cheeks. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Please, don’t hate me.” I sobbed, and when his hand touched my cheek, I flinched.
“Love, I’m not going to hurt you. It’s okay, you’re safe here.”He sat down and held me, repeating those words over and over again until I stopped crying. I climbed into his lap, needing to be as close to him as possible.
“Hold me, Will, please.” Instead of wrapping his arms around me like I had expected him to, he picked me up and carried me across the hallway and into the bathroom. I let him set me down on the toilet, and watched as he started the water for the shower. He stood me up, hugged me, and asked me a question with his eyes. I nodded, raised my arms and closed my eyes. His hands slid down my torso, stopping at the edge of my shirt. Slowly, he drew it up and over my head, and let it drop onto the tile floor. I let my arms drop down, and opened my eyes. Will wasn’t looking at me with lust or any kind of sexual desire, but with an emotion that I had only dreamed of seeing. His eyes never left mine when his hands started to pull down my sweatpants. He lowered himself down until his hands were at my ankles. I stepped out of my pants then, and he got up. I hugged him now, pressing my body against his, and felt his heart pounding. I looked at him then, asking the same question with my eyes, and he nodded. My hands slid up from his neck, sliding off his beanie, and then trailing down to the hem of his shirt, and pulling up, up, up, until it was off. I stepped back for a moment, again admiring his beauty, then reached out and unbuttoned his khaki shorts. I let go of them, and they just fell to the ground. Turning around, I unlatched my bra, stepped out of my panties and into the shower. The shower curtain rustled behind me, and I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. His hands rested on my shoulders, massaging them gently, and slowly worked down my back. His touch was soothing. I turned around, and he looked at me in amazement.
“Damn, you’re beautiful.”
“You aren’t too bad yourself, hot stuff.” We smiled at each other. I ran my hands over his chest, marveling at his muscles. I wrapped my arms around Will, and held him close to me. His heart was beating as fast as a hummingbird’s.
“He hurt you really badly, didn’t he?” I could feel his voice reverberate.
“Yeah, he did. I don’t know what to do next. If I break up with him, he might hurt me worse than he has before. But I don’t want to date him, Will. I want you.” I hid my face in the crook of his neck after I had said this, trying to hide my blush. His answer was to pull me closer.
“Do you mind if I turn off the water?” He asked. My heart fell.
“No, I don’t.” I tried to mask my hurt in my voice, but it was a failed attempt.
“Liz-”
“Which towel can I use?” he pulled away from me, shut off the water, and handed me a towel. I wrapped it around my body, ignoring the protests my body gave me. My heart hurt. Will had grabbed a different towel and had wrapped it around his waist. I hurriedly dried of in front of him and he just watched me. Avoiding eye contact, I grabbed my bra and panties and put them back on. I slipped on my shirt and sweatpants as well, and wrapped the towel around my head. I slid down to the floor then, my back to the wall. My eyes swelled with tears, but I wouldn’t cry. Not in front of him. I closed my eyes, taking a few deep breaths, and then got up. I pulled the towel off my head, and ran my hands through my hair. Will grabbed the towel I had used and hung it up.
“I told her that I loved you, you know.’ I said suddenly. “I told her that out of anyone I had ever met, and anyone I will meet, I would want to marry you. Good luck trying to explain that to Cassie. I’m leaving now. Goodbye.”
“Damn it, Lizzy! Could you just wait a fucking second and let me tell you something?” Will yelled at me. I looked at him then, and saw that he was crying. I nodded.
“From day one, Liz, I loved you. I have always loved you. You are the kindest, sweetest, nerdish, most beautiful girl I have ever met.” He stepped towards me now. “I’m scared, though. I’m scared that you might not love me the way I need you to. I’m scared that you’re just going to leave me one day and find someone better than me. I want you, Elizabeth, more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I want us to be together, forever. I love you, with all my heart, soul and mind. My world revolves around you. Please.” For that, I had no answer but to let my heart win the internal battle that was going on inside of my head. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and I kissed him.
This wasn’t one of those petty kisses. This was one of those kisses where I could literally feel the love and passion flow from my lips to his, and vice versa. Will’s hands were on my hips, pulling me closer. One of my legs was pulled up by his hands- my other leg followed. I playfully bit his bottom lip. Will smiled, carried me to his bedroom, and laid me onto his bed. Our lips separated for a few moments, and the way he looked at me sent shivers down my spine. I wanted to kiss him more.
“I love you, Will.” And I pulled him down, and I kissed him some more. Eventually, I had to let go of Will to call my mom. I let her know that I was going to be spending the night with Cassie and Will. My mother agreed to bring me clothes in the morning, and then returned to the hot love that Will had promised me.