You Could Save Me Too

I woke the next morning and was greeted by 7 missed calls and 18 unread texts, wow. And yeah, all of them were from Josh. Most of them were apologising for last night and asking me to contact him just to let him know that I was okay and got home safely. I read through them all and when I got to the last one I couldn’t help but start to cry, what was I supposed to do?

Lily, we really need to talk. I’m sorry again for what happened but I need to talk to you desperately, I don’t want this to affect our friendship. Please meet me at the café on the corner at 12.30 today, if you don’t come then I’ll take the hint- but please I just want to talk. Josh xx

‘I don’t want this to affect our friendship’, how could it not affect our friendship, we kissed and he told me he loved me, I’m thinking that was enough to affect it. I looked at the clock, 11.42 am, should I go? If I did go I wouldn’t know how things would turn out, what was I supposed to say when I didn’t know how I felt in the slightest, I hadn’t had the chance to think it over. But if I didn’t go I would almost definitely regret it, it would be the end of our friendship and any hope we had. I quickly jumped in the shower and got ready, too many thoughts about what I wanted to say were running through my head, I felt sick with nerves.

I checked the time before I left the house 12.42 pm- he was going to think I wasn’t going to show wasn’t he? I rapidly sped walk down the street to the small café on the corner, before I got to the door I took a deep breath and looked through the window. Josh was sitting on a table tucked away and I saw him checking his watch constantly; his face filled with disappointment already, he looked so despondent. I pushed the door to the café open and he looked up sharply, his face changing to a weak smile and his eyes filled with a small glimpse of hope.

I pulled out the chair opposite and sat down. The two of us sat in silence for a while and I watched him out the corner of my eye, I could tell that he was hurting and I hated it. “Sorry I’m late,” I muttered.

He looked straight at me, “You’re here, that’s what matters,” he forced a smile. Josh obviously hadn’t got any sleep last night, his stubble was still present, his eyes red and bloodshot with bags underneath and his hair was a mess yet somehow I still found myself looking at him and smiling at how cute he was, damn.

Josh closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, “I’m sorry Lily, I’m sorry for kissing you like that when I know you’re with someone else and when it was easy for me to take advantage of you, it was wrong of me- again. I never meant to do this to you and I don’t want to break you and Andy up if that’s what makes you happy, that’s all I want for you Lily, for you to be happy. But I meant what I said,” he paused and took his eyes away from mine, “I’m falling in love with you Lily, I’ve tried so hard to stop it from happening but it just happened and now I don’t know what to do because it’s killing me.”

Whatever I came here expecting, it definitely wasn’t something like that, “Josh I-”

Before I could say anything Josh cut me off to finish what he was saying, “I understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore because of all this but I really don’t want to lose you as a friend, I just want you to be happy,” he said solemnly.

Josh looked so defeated; I hated seeing him like that. I wanted to tell him how I felt, that deep down I think I was falling in love with him too, no matter how hard I was trying to pretend like I wasn’t, it had already happened. Josh hadn’t looked at me since he finished speaking, he was just sitting there twiddling his thumbs- I reached out my hand to hold his and he looked up at me as if questioning why I was doing so. Without realising what I was doing I stood up and still holding Josh’s hand and pulled him up and out of the café. I pulled him around the corner and dropped his hand, we stood face to face staring at one another.

“Lily what are you-” Josh began to ask but I cut him off. I pressed my lips against his, wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him softly. Josh kissed me back and our lips were now crushed against each other just as they were last night, all the want and all the need still there but this time we were completely sober and wanted it just as much as the other.

We reluctantly pulled away from the kiss and stood facing each other, both trying to catch our breath. In this moment I felt nothing but want for Josh, I wanted him so badly, I wanted him in every single way, I wanted us to be together, physically and emotionally. Again, I grabbed Josh’s hand pulling him in the direction of our building.

We reached my apartment door and I unlocked it dragging Josh in after me, the next thing I knew my hands were in his hair and our lips had found each other once more. Things got heated really quickly, Josh tore off my jumper and vest top and I pulled his hoody over his head. We were pushed up against the wall and I had wrapped my legs around his waist, he was gripping my thigh and holding me up as our explosive kiss evolved. Josh’s lips moved down to my neck and he was nibbling and sucking hard which earned a quiet moan from me. He carried me over to the sofa and hovered over me as he put me down, he slowly reached for the button of my jeans and undid them without removing his eyes from mine; he hooked his fingers around the waistband and slid them down my legs; the touch of his hands on my skin made my stomach flip uncontrollably.

I lifted Josh’s t-shirt over his head as he unclasped my bra and moved his lips towards my breasts. Josh began sucking on them gently and it made my head spin; his mouth slowly traced further down my body, past my belly button and reached the top of my underwear. Josh took off my underwear just as he did my jeans and moved his lips lower and lower; his tongue was making me go crazy, I bit my lip to stop me from moaning too loudly, I raised my hips against the movement of his tongue- god it felt so good. Just as I felt I was getting somewhere Josh made his way back up my body and pulled me up taking me into my bedroom. He laid me on the bed and pressed his lips against mine and it became a hungrier kiss, full of passion. I undid Josh’s belt buckle rapidly and swiftly took his jeans off and without hesitation, took his boxers off too. Before we went any further I stared into Josh’s blue eyes, I couldn’t believe this was happening, I didn’t realise how much I had wanted this until now. Looking straight back into my eyes, Josh had never looked so good, his eyes wanting more, his stubble made him look extra hot and his hair made him look so unbelievably cute- I wanted him now more than ever. I wrapped my arms around Josh’s neck and pulled him closer to me so our bodies were now touching. Josh entered me slowly, I gasped as he did so and it felt so, so good! We began moving our hips in a rhythm together, our movements getting faster and faster. I could feel the intensity grow within me and I couldn’t hold it in any longer, Josh was panting breathlessly and I rode waves of pleasure just as he let go of his. Nothing had ever felt quite so good, I moaned loudly as a final wave hit me.

“Fuck Josh, oh my-” I screamed out.

Josh simply moaned in response just before he finished and collapsed on top of me.

We lay beside each other, my head resting on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around me. I was on a complete high, being with Josh had been like nothing I had ever experienced before, I felt so happy. Josh kissed me on the forehead and even though it was mid-afternoon we both fell asleep in each other’s arms.

***

My eyes slowly began to open as I moved myself closer to the body that was enveloping me.

“Afternoon gorgeous,” Josh’s soft voice said in my ear.

I stretched out and yawned quietly, “Hey,” I said, forcing my eyes fully open.

Josh pulled me closer into him, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling pretty good thanks,” I smirked, “how about yourself?”

Josh grinned, “I’ve been better you know.” I playfully hit his chest, “Okay, okay, I’m feeling more than that, I’m feeling… amazing, I’ve never been better, thanks to a certain someone!”

“Oh yeah, and who might that be?” I smiled innocently.

“Oh I don’t know, you might know her, she’s this girl that’s been driving me crazy and she’s beautiful, and stunning and the loveliest girl I’ve ever met,” he smiled, running his hand up and down my side.

“I can’t say I do, sorry,” I said, although I could feel myself blushing.

A sweet silence filled the air as I couldn’t stop smiling but Josh’s smile suddenly disappeared, “What’s wrong?” I asked worried.

“Do you regret it?” he asked without making any eye contact.

I took a deep breath, I didn’t want Josh to think I regretted it because I didn’t, I didn’t regret it one bit. I just felt so guilty because I was still with Andy and even though I had pushed it to the back of my mind it didn’t mean that it wasn’t there. But no I didn’t regret having sex with Josh, he was everything I wanted and more. “Of course I don’t regret it, I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t want to okay? But yeah there are some things I need to sort out before this can go anywhere… that’s if you want it to, go anywhere I mean…”

Josh looked at me with relief but also a small smile, “Lily, of course I want it to go somewhere, I have for so long, I don’t want to wait any longer to have you, I want all of you to myself, right now.”

“I know, and I’ll talk to Andy as soon as possible, I promise, but first we have to get out of bed because it’s 6 o’clock and we’re supposed to meet everyone at the pub in an hour,” I smiled.

Josh groaned, “But I don’t want to, I want to stay in bed with you and I know you do too so why can’t we just stay here? I don’t want you to get dressed, your body’s too beautiful to be wearing clothes,” he smiled deviously.

“Well the sooner we get out of bed, the sooner we can get back in because can’t not go, it’s Dan’s birthday, remember,” I said sarcastically.

“Fine, but first I want to kiss you like you’ve never been kissed before!”

I helplessly grinned, “Well, I’m not going to say no to that,” and Josh placed his lips on mine.