Jugular

Mikey shook his head.

“You’re fucking nuts, you know that?”

I grinned in reply. He knew what I was going to do; we had been friends for long enough and he had heard me fawn over him every day. And, despite the wonderful support Mikey was giving me, I was going in for the kill.

Today was the day I was going to ask out Alex. The fucking guy of my wet dreams.

“Ah, but Mikey, we were meant to be!”

“I still think you’re a dumb-shit, who’s gonna get shot down.”

I glared at my so-called best friend, “Aren’t you supposed to be supportive, asshole? You’re negative comments have totally destroyed my cheeriness. Thanks a fucking bunch.”

Mikey, the sporadically-talking stick, just continued to be exactly as his name says. A sporadically-talking stick. But I was now considering making him a non-talking stick.

“Only girls support their friends, guys screw around, saying they have no chance, because usually, they don’t. You just watch too many chick flicks and horror movies. Probably why you still hang out with me and my brother.”

I grin and jump on Mikey’s back. He wobbles, but since he’s used to it, he gets balanced, “Heh…but it’s because I lovers you!”

“You’re such a weirdo.”

“And so are you. Now, mush! We must go find my lovely soul mate so we can confess our undying lust for each other!”

“Lust? Not even fucking like? You really are a pig!”

“Yes, but you love it. Otherwise, you would’ve dropped me by now.”

Unsurprisingly, the floor seemed to collide with my ass.

“I dropped you.”

I rub my poor, sore butt and glare at Mikey, “That doesn’t fucking count! You only did that because I was saying that it showed you loved me and you’re a stoic bastard!”

Mikey smirked, an occurrence which was becoming disturbingly common, “Yes, but you love it. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have jumped on me.”

I pouted, “Fucking bastard, stealing people’s lines…”

I heard a melodious laugh and swung myself to face the lovely Alex. I was looking directly into his eyes, because he was short like me.

See? We’re perfect for each other.

Not only that, but he was flamingly gay. There was no doubt in my mind that he was a fruit cup. So, the only reason he would turn me down was if he didn’t like me. But, then again, who doesn’t like me?

“Alex!” I practically sang his name out, “I’ve been looking all over for you!”

I saw a tinge of pink on his cheeks.

MUAHAHAHA! I’ve got you now, my precious…

“Y-you have? What for?”

Now it was my turn to become red.

“Um…well…I wanted to know if you would like to go out with me sometime…”

And maybe afterwards, we could rent out a hotel room and fuck all night long.

Alex was bright red. He started blubbering, “I-I’d l-l-love to b-but Gerard told me to…to st-st-stay away from you…he said you guys were g-going out!”

And then, the lovely Alex was gone.

“GERARD FUCKING WAY!”

That sonofabitch.

I was going to have some bat soup tonight. Covered in my warm bat-skin pelt. In fact, Alex and I would be having lots of fun on that pelt.

There was the pale asshole, leisurely sitting alone under a tree.

Now he was leisurely flying through the air.

“What the fuck was that for?!”

“Why did you tell Alex we were together?!” I really wish I was a snake right now. One of the ones that spit poison into people’s eyes and shit like that.

My carnivorous friend here grinned, showing off all his very sharp teeth. I turned away in disgust.

I couldn't ever look at his smile, because then I would see the sharp teeth, and I'd remember the night. I'd only see his teeth dyed a deep red and I would imagine those horrible teeth ripping into my flesh, into my throat, and blood gushing out of the large veins protruding from my neck.

How the hell was I supposed to not tell anyone he was a vampire, let alone get along with the creepy bastard?

This was becoming exceedingly difficult, because the only people who knew were Mikey and Gerard himself, so talking to anyone about my issues was a no-no. Being friends with him was needed, because the thought of him going ape-shit on me one day was not appealing.

He also seemed to have developed the habit of screwing up the important things in my life.

For example, my mother now thinks I’m in a relationship with him, and keeps gushing over random shit like dates and how we look ‘cute’ together. He tried to kill me. And now, he ruined my chances with the lust of my life!

“I told him that because I want to–”

“Go out with my Alex? Not bloody likely, you perv! He’s mine!”

“You know you’re an idiot, right?” the sporadically-talking stick decided to sporadically talk.

I pouted, “Mikey. You’re supposed to side with your best friend!”

“Well, Gerard is my brother, so doesn’t that put him higher up in the hierarchy?”

“No, dumbass! You’re supposed to hate each other like normal siblings! Always fight and crap! You need to love me the most!” I had grabbed Mikey’s shirt to express the importance of this.

“You’re stretching my shirt, you know? I really don’t get why you act like an affection-starved kitten all the time. I think you’re just an attention whore.”

I gasped in dismay, “Oh, Mikey! You’ve hurt my poor soul!”

Mikey’s eyes widened in mock surprise, “What? You actually have a soul?”

“Why, yes, I do. Unlike some people, I haven’t sold it to the devil.”

“Nope, Gerard’s the one who did that.”

I gaped in shock, “Wait…is that…?”

Gerard grinned cheekily, “Yuppers. Me and Lucy made a little deal, and I got to be a vampire!”

I snorted, “Lucy? How unfitting.”

“It actually very fitting, Lucy’s the gayest man…er…demon…ever.”

My jaw seemed to unhinge and fall off, “You’re fucking kidding.”