Jugular

I looked up at the man named Frank Iero, or now more commonly known as my lover.

“I still can’t believe you did that.”

Frank chuckled before taking a violent bite of a carrot, “It was to get back at you, stupid. Crawling all over me…telling Alex we were together! Oh, I have absolutely no regrets about saying it, because your reputation got fucked in the ass.”

Another violent bite led me to wonder whether or not I should be worried about the teen in front of me. The reason being that the way he sunk his teeth into the carrot was as if it were my throat.

Crunch.

It was Mikey who finally stopped the slow torture.

“Stop fucking eating those carrots. You didn’t even like carrots before today.”

Frank grinned at Mikey before explaining himself, “The real reason is that it’s the closest thing I could find to a dick.”

Mikey looked disgusted, “What the hell are you trying to do? Seduce my brother or something? Because you don’t really need any help.”

“Ew, no! It’s for if your brother is having freaky fantasies about me. ‘Cause then when he looks up, I’ll be taking a bite out of this carrot-dick.”

Mikey rubbed his temples, “Seriously, you’re a dumb-shit. It concerns me.”

I shuddered, having actually just come out of a fantasy, “Wait…so, you’re basically implying you like to suck cock! I mean, you called it a carrot-dick.”

Frank shook his head rigorously, “No, it means I would bite your dick in half if it came within a foot of my mouth.”

Crunch.

Mikey looked like he was on the verge of strangling Frank, or getting up and leaving dramatically, “Will you please stop doing that already?! The sound is pissing me off!”

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

A loud smacking sound resounded throughout the lunch room. A loud squeal of pain followed.

“Fuck, Mikey! What the hell was that for?” Frank was rubbing what was obviously the tender back of his head, his eyes shiny with tears.

“Suck it up. I told you to stop the fucking crunching, and what do you do? Continue crunching. You deserved it.”

Lower lip trembling, Frank turned watery eyes to Mikey.

“But your brother’s been fucking pushing me, and I’m sick of it! He’s screwed up a bunch of crap so far for me – he destroyed any chance I had with Alex and my mother now feels the need to have him over so I can spend ‘quality time’ with the man I’m in a ‘relationship’ with!”

Mikey shrugged, “Alex will eventually stop being terrified of being near you and maybe he’d want to get with you. As for your mom, say you broke up.”

The gnome of a boy growled angrily, “My mom’s gone senile. She doesn’t listen to me anymore, I always try to say Gerard doesn’t like me, or we’re just friends and she doesn’t listen!”

Suddenly, Frank’s eyes gleamed, “Mikey, didn’t you tell me about the time vampy here dressed as a girl?”

I flushed and turned to my backstabbing brother, “Damn it, Mikey! You promised not to tell anybody about that!”

Mikey simply ignored me.

“Yup, what about it?”

“Does Gerard still have the make up and outfit?”

I interrupted Mikey before he could speak. It was my make up, after all.

“Yeah, I have both. Do you plan on dressing up as a sexy schoolgirl for your lover?”

The gleam as back again, “You think Mikey could fit in those clothes?”

Grinning, I nodded, “I wore it a while ago, so I think he could fit in it, though it’d be slightly baggy.”

Hearing his fate, Mikey promptly stood up and attempted to make a run for it. Sadly, he was foiled by two pairs of arms swiftly tackling him to the floor.

“No fucking way, Mikey! You’re doing this for me! Just for a day, convince my mom I’m not with Gerard anymore, and you’re done!”

Mikey writhed some more and snarled, “Why the hell can’t Gerard do this? Or someone else just pretend to go out with you?”

Frank rolled his eyes as if the answer was obvious, “Gerard can’t fit into the outfit anymore, and my mother would probably recognize him because he already looks pretty girly. No one else would be willing to do it, so why not you? Please?”

Mikey craned his neck to glare at us, “Why can’t we just say we’re going out, and I don’t wear a dress?”

Frank made a face, “Really, Mikey? I couldn’t ever go out with you, and my mother realizes that. She would know we were bluffing.”

Exasperated, Mikey wailed, “What if your mom insists I come over as a girl because we’re ‘going out’? I am not wearing a dress two times, let alone once!”

Lazily, Frank answered, “I’ll tell my mom you moved or something, so we had to break up.”

Suspiciously, Mikey turned to me and asked, “Why would you want me to convince Frank’s mom you aren’t going out? You wouldn’t be able to harass him in front of her.”

“Then I’d harass him when I’m not in front of her.”

Frank frowned, but then brightened up.

“Well…at least in front of my mom…she’s always encouraging us and shit…it’ll be better than when she thinks Gerard and I are going out, so I’m all for it.”

I grinned, “That means he’s beginning to like me coming onto him. He’s just shy around other people.”

Frank firmly punched me (an occurrence which was becoming more frequent by the day) and turned to Mikey, “I’m not going to stop bothering you about this until you do it, so it’s best you agree or else I’ll force you to.”

Sighing in defeat, Mikey nodded.

“You’re pretty fucking scary sometimes when it comes to Gee. So I decided I enjoy my face to remain as it is, instead of bruised up as my brother seems to aim for.”

“Hey,” I called out defensively, “I already said that Frank’s just shy…he only punches me to hide his true feelings from others. You don’t know what we do behind closed doors.”

I wiggled my eyebrows at my lovely short friend and quickly groped him. He slapped his hand to his forehead in frustration.

“I’m beginning to think he’s never going to stop molesting me, or harassing me. I think I should just give in.”

I brightened up and grabbed my delectable love, “Ah, so you have finally accepted me, my sweet! At last, I can let all my inhibitions go and make you mine!”

Instead of being rewarded with a kiss as I expected, my dear Frankie kneed me in the balls.

“You know what? I change my mind.”

Walking away he called to my brother, “And Mikey?”

He perked up and answered tentatively, “Yes?”

With a barely visible grin, he spoke, “Fire up the razor and shave those legs of yours, we need this shit to be as believable as possible.”

And then, he was gone.

At least, by the time I finally got up the floor from rolling in pain, he was gone.

“Fuck, his knees are hard.”