Red and Grey Is Not the New Black

Packing for a tour is rather difficult, when you don’t know exactly what you should pack or how much, so I was leaving the task up to Val and Gena, who graciously kicked me out of my apartment without so much as a cup of the coffee I had made them before they had even arrived. So without anything to do, and not wanting to really see anyone in my own band, I simply drove to my brother’s house, groaning when I saw Vince’s car in the driveway behind Jimmy’s and next to Matt’s, which meant that something was going on. Sighing, I pull up to the curb, preparing for a quick getaway as I put it in park, getting out and walking up to the door. I could hear yelling already, and I hadn’t even opened the door yet, so I steeled myself for the sight inside, but nothing would prepare me for what I was about to walk in on.

“Matt! Don’t do this!”

I couldn’t hold myself back as I saw Matt run at Vince, a look of complete rage on his face as neither Johnny nor Brian made a move to stop him, Jimmy being the only one to grab a hold of Matt, struggling hard to keep him pulled back by his arms. With a severe look of anger on my face, I walked purposefully into the room and took a step in front of Vince, my arms crossed as Matt only raised his lips at me in a growl, fighting harder against his best friend, to get at Vince.

“What the fuck is going on here, and someone better tell me the truth real fast,” I snap out, my eyes darting between each of the guys, only Brian and Matt meeting my steely gaze, however, I couldn’t blame Jimmy for not looking at me, his eyes squinted in concentration as he glared at the back of his best friend’s head, a line of sweat dripping down his face as he struggled to hold the beefier man back.

“Why don’t you tell her Vince, exactly what you just told Matt, word for word,” Brian suggests, his eyes not even trailing back to me as he focuses his hard glare on my recently ex-boyfriend standing behind me.

“You guys twisted my words and took what I was saying the worst way, you have no fucking clue what I meant when I said what I did, so who’s to say that she’ll even listen to me with all you assholes right here?”

Turning around, keeping my gaze as intense as possible, I looked Vince in the eyes, seeing his anger quickly melt as he looked into my eyes, a small, soft, caring smile quickly replacing his frown, “Vince, just tell me,” I sigh, dropping my arms.

“I want to work things out with you. I think it’s best for us, and for the band,” he tells me gently, his smile dropping at the sides.

I swallow the lump in my throat as I chew on my lip, deep in thought as his smile begins to fade into a worried frown. Before long, I feel myself nodding my head and turning around, “I’ll think about it, which means that the rest of you leave him the fuck alone,” I snap, looking pointedly at Matt, who was no longer struggling against Jimmy, but still sending Vince glares that would chill any man to the bone.

“Let’s go Shadows,” Brian snaps, not even looking in my direction.

“Who said you were going anywhere Gates,” I growl at him, turning slightly to watch him pause in the doorway.

Turning his head to the side, I could see the characteristic stage smirk growing on his face, “sorry? No bitch tells me what to do,” he states, the underlying tones in his voice cutting through me and scraping against raw emotions that had been dragged up like sharp razor blades against raw skin.

“Gates what your fucking mouth, that’s still my sister,” Johnny snaps, taking a step forward.

I watch as Gates puts his hands up in mock surrender, a smug smirk now on his face, “sorry Christ, I thought it was bro’s before hoes,” he states, “didn’t know that family was excluded from that rule.”

Letting out a snarl, I rush at him, completely taking everyone by surprise as I latch my hand around his throat, his smirk never faltering as I push him against the doorframe, deep down knowing that I wasn’t even physically hurting him in the least, and that if he wanted to, he could simply take a step towards me and easily detach my hand from his throat. The fact of the matter is, I was challenging his pride, the dominance he thought he could hold over me, and I knew that I was doing a fine job at it when his smirk faltered slightly, turning almost into a look of annoyance as I slowly tightened my grip on his throat, pushing my body against my forearm as I used it to push his upper back against the door frame, the smallest twitch of his eye giving away that I was besting him, until Johnny put a hand on my shoulder.

“Sparky, come on, it’s nothing, just let it go,” he mutters, the careless tone in his voice causing me to chuckle dryly as I shrug his hand off my shoulder.

I don’t even bother giving him a look as I tell him, “clear everyone out right now Johnny, I know it’s your house, but give us a minute.”

I knew he was doing what I asked, because I could feel Matt’s towering presence hovering over me for just a second longer than anyone else before ducking out of the door. I held Brian there for a few seconds longer before moving him and shoving him into the room, not bothering to look at him as I turn around, locking the door shut to keep from getting any unwanted interruptions before turning back to face him, a self-satisfied smirk making its way to my lips as I see a very light bruise forming on his neck.

“So what do I owe this feisty pleasure to?”

The sexual undertone didn’t go unnoticed, but it did go completely ignored as I looked at his quirked eyebrow, his lips twitching into a smirk, his chocolate eyes dancing with mischief, which I knew to be Synyster Gates taking over, the playful, yet extremely aggressive, alter ego that Brian would take on, normally only on stage, but happened to show up quite often around me, constantly throwing me into a manic episode from all the stress and sleepless nights I spent because of him.

“You drive me fucking crazy Synyster. This is why we can’t have a relationship,” I start, seeing disappointment flash through his eyes before it was quickly replaced with a guarded wall of indifference, “I love you like fucking crazy, but you drive me crazy. You drive me to do and say things I wouldn’t normally do or say, and I just can’t handle it.”

“You love it Sparky, that’s why we call you that, you’ve got this undeniable little spark of fire in you that we all get to see when you go off on someone,” he tells me, amusement softening his features.

“Shut the fuck up Syn. You’re the only one I ever go off on, so the only time my ‘other personality’, as Johnny so lovingly calls my manic episodes, shines through, is when you’re around and I hate it. You have no idea what it does to me,” I snap at him, my voice rising as my emotions again get the best of me, “I can’t even stand myself when I’m like that. I get angry at everyone and say things I don’t mean, Synyster, and all I ever want to do is just crawl out of my own skin. You don’t know what it’s like. It’s all fun and games to you Syn, but it kills me inside…” I trail off, shaking my head to clear up the unwanted emotions before looking up at him again when I feel the tears disappear.

I could see Synyster disappearing, the look in his eyes turning to one of unspoken apologies and compassion, but I didn’t want that. I never wanted Brian when I was being ‘Sparky’; I was completely and undeniably attracted to Synyster, which could explain why, without any manic episodes, I had gone for Vince, the complete opposite of Synyster Gates, in every way possible.

“Sparky, come here,” he demands, revealing that Synyster was still somewhat in control, and by the tone in his voice, I felt myself fighting the urge to give in to his demand.

“No,” I snap, crossing my arms to show that I’m still mad at him.

I could see a hint of annoyance pass over his features, before he takes a step towards me, his eyes narrowing when I take a step back, “Sparky, get your fucking ass over here,” he demands again.

I shake my head, not trusting my mouth to convey the proper message, biting my lip nervously as he starts to walk towards me, a hint of anger in his dark eyes. Instinctively, I back up, feeling my way around the bar, until I hit the wall, stopping my movements, as well as his, an almost devious look in his eyes as he looks between the bar at my right, and the corner of the room close to my left. As he begins to take slow, calculated steps towards me, I can see his pupils dilating; my stomach twists in anxious knots as I suddenly place the glint in his eyes; lust. My throat suddenly feels dry, my palms sweaty and my head spinning as he finally comes to stand in front of me, his musky cologne filling my senses, wiping all previous thoughts from my head.

A knowing smirk forms on his face, showing me that he knows what he’s doing to me, that he’s enjoying it; I couldn’t deny the thoughts running through my head, that I to was beginning to enjoy this game, anticipation building in my stomach as his eyes drop from mine to my neck as his hands roughly grab my hips, pulling me forward, our bodies colliding almost painfully. With one last look up at my hooded eyes, he leans forward, brutally attaching his lips to my neck, his teeth nipping at the sensitive skin above my collarbone, eliciting a light whimper from my partially open lips. I could feel his lips curl into a smirk against my neck as he kissed his way up to my clenched jaw; I tighten my arms across my chest and turn my head to the side, trying not to let him see that he’s getting to me.

“You’re going to like this Sparky, I promise,” Synyster growls, threading his fingers through my hair, tightening them painfully and yanking my head back, a hiss of pain escaping my lips as I uncross my arms and place my hands on his chest, lightly trying to push against him, which seemed to bother him as suddenly, he let go of my hair, his fingers painfully pulling through the knots he made to grab my wrists and pin them above my head as he shoves me back into the wall.

“Syn, we can’t do this here,” I whisper to him, my eyes rising to meet his.

He leans down, a dangerous glint in his eyes as he nibbles on my ear lobe, “you’re mine Sparky, just remember that.”

And with that, he backed off, turning and walking towards the door without a backwards glance. I watch as he unlocks the door and walks out, leaving me against the wall with the ball of anticipation slowly dying in my lower stomach, my heart pounding, my throat dry and a small smile on my lips.

This is why you love him.

Growling, I push against the wall, ignoring the thoughts in my head and frowning at myself, I don’t love Syn just because he’s rough. Yes you do. You love how dominant he is. We can’t be in a relationship because I don’t ever want Brian. I only want Syn. That’s a blatant lie and you know it. You’ll see. Soon enough, you’ll see that you need Brian. Just give him a fucking chance.

“Blaise,” I hear my name called from the doorway.

I look up to see my brother Johnny staring at me, concern etched into his features. I smile at him, determination in my eyes as I walk towards him, “I’m going to give him a chance.”

“Vince? That’s good, the band needs you guys to work together, and if that’s how you guys work, then that’s a good thing,” he states, nodding his head, but not looking completely enthused about it.

I chuckle at him and shake my head, “no Johnny. Brian. I’m going to give Brian, a chance,” I explain, giggling at the look of surprise on his face.

“Fuck yeah! About time Sparky,” Jimmy yells, bounding into the room.

I watch as Matt follows him in with a sheepish grin on his face, “I tried to stop him,” he states, laughing.

I roll my eyes, letting myself be squeezed in a tight hug by Jimmy as Brian and Vince walk into the room, both glaring hard at each other.

“Will you two cut it out already? Vince, you’re my best friend, but obviously you need more than I can give you, so don’t get mad at me for wanting to go out with someone else,” I state before looking at Brian, “and you,” I point at him, “stop it. I chose you, so you have no reason to be glaring at Vince right now.”

Brian rolls his eyes, but walks towards me, bumping shoulders childishly as he does. When he gets to me, he wraps his arms around my shoulders and pulls me against him, leaning down to press his forehead against mine, “now you are mine,” he mutters, pressing his lips against mine in a bruising kiss.

I completely let myself give in, wrapping my arms around his neck as he tangles a hand in my hair, his other hand travelling down to rest on my lower back. He glides his tongue over my bottom lip, asking for permission, but I pull away, giving him a small smile before resting my head on his shoulder, biting my lip to keep from laughing when I hear him sigh.

Do you know what that feeling is? It’s called being content. Something you didn’t have with Vince. That was settling. Brian loves you too. Syn may have you. But Brian holds your heart. You’ll see.

“I love you Blaise,” Brian whispers.

You’re mine, Syn’s words echo through my head as Brian’s words sink into my heart, a feeling of being complete settles over me.