The True Lies of the Once Fabulous Killjoys

The stage was set for the album launch. Outside The House of Blues teenagers, young adults, and suspiciously happy men in the mid to late forties were waiting eagerly outside to be let in for the performance. From inside you could hear the crowd chanting ‘MCR’ repeatedly and occasionally singing a song from a previous album. While the lights were being tested on the stage, the band was being housed in a large furnished room backstage with Ray, Frank, and Mikey tuning their instruments. Lauren was in the room, too, with Benjamin cradled protectively in her lap as he watched the men pluck their instruments in awe.

“What am I go to do with Ben tonight?” Lauren asked, looking down at the boy in her arms. “I can’t take him out into the crowd with me.”

“I thought of that,” Ray said triumphantly with his big smile. “One of the guitar techs often brings his daughter to our shows to watch from the side and he said she wouldn’t mind watching Ben – I think he said she was fifteen. You can tell me I’m a genius now.”

“Oh, Raymond, you are a genius!” Lauren gushed teasingly. She softened her tone. “But seriously, thank you for organising this.”

A few minutes later the guitar technician Ray had mentioned came to collect the remaining guitars to take to the side of the stage. His daughter had also come, taking Benjamin with her to get him ready for the show.

“The crowd’s in, stage is ready, ten minutes until show time,” Brian, their faithful manager, announced breezing in and then quickly out of the room.

Lauren stood up once Brian was gone. “I guess that’s my cue to get out of here. I’ll see you out there – don’t do anything but your best because this will be my first My Chemical Romance concert and it better be damn good.”

The ten minutes before the show dragged out for Lauren after she had been hoisted over the barrier into the crowd by a very large and intimidating member of the security team. She couldn’t help but wonder how Mikey would be on stage with her right in the centre. Would he look at her? Would he ignore her? She hated to admit it, but she wanted him to look at her like he used to, wanted him to care that she’d travelled fifteen hours to see them play.

The lights that had been on in the club went down, the glowing and flashing of the crowd’s makeshift ray guns shone around her, and suddenly Lauren was engulfed into the atmosphere. The introduction to Na, Na, Na begun, the lights on stage flashing, casting her glimpses of her friends; the screaming of the fans was deafening. Soon the guitars and drums took over and the room came alive with writhing bodies and Gerard’s sassy dance moves.

It was an out-of-body experience as Lauren was paralysed to the spot through the whole first song. She felt like she was watching it from overhead, not feeling the bodies that slammed her up against the barriers, but instead noticing the little things happening around her, like the people a few feet away fighting for possession of a feather boa that Gerard had thrown into the crowd, the way Ray could not stop smiling, and the secret lovers glance that Frank had sent in Gerard’s direction. Gerard even blew her a kiss, which she knew was his way of thanking her for being there.

The second song was one that Lauren recognised to be from their second album. She remembered how excited the guys had been when they told her about it on the phone. They had sent her a copy of the CD and it had become her new staple; when she went out grocery shopping the CD played in her car, when she put Benjamin to bed she’d sing along to one of the songs until he was asleep – it was always on. I’m Not Okay (I Promise) just brought back all those memories.

There was a brief pause before they had the place in a joyous uproar again with Planetary (Go!). As the song started Mikey caught her attention; he fixed her with an acute stare that made her extremely nervous before flicking his eyes back to the neck of his bass. It was only a maximum of two seconds of eye contact, but it was enough to shock her into a motionless state.

Lauren was brought out of her daze and quickly entered the chaos that came with the song; she was throwing her arms about, clapping, jumping, cheering, and dancing like never before, forgetting about Mikey as she embraced the music throbbing around her. Like the mass of people around her, she cheered loudly when Gerard dragged his left hand seductively down over his jutted hip, which was coincidently positioned very close to Frank.

The songs continued to poor out, some old, some new, and Lauren sung along to as many as she could.

Blue lights illuminated the stage and the band as the final song of the night commenced. The emotion in that final song was incredible. The guys were incredible focussed on the music, playing with their hearts on their sleeves.

Today, today,
We are the kids from yesterday,
Today, today...

A huge wave of euphoria hit her as she realised that this song was about them and all of the trauma they had been through together during BL/IND rein, about her running away, about how much everything had changed. There was a moment during the song when she knew that they all felt like it was just them in the House of Blues; the crowd had faded away and they had all connected. In that moment they were Killjoys once again.

As she looked around, the crowd now back, she saw them, so many of the Killjoys that had been there that night that of BL/IND demise, and they were singing along as if they knew that this song was their anthem.

Tears filled her eyes as the song came to a close. Mikey had stepped forward and was playing the last chords of the song and the night, but he was looking at her intensely. The song itself had her crying, but those cold eyes pinning her to the ground amplified the feelings of loss that had haunted her since she’d arrived. She couldn’t have been more relieved than when he fist pumped and then vacated the stage.

The same security guy from earlier lifted her back over the barrier and directed her to where she could meet up with the band. She wiped harshly at her eyes as she walked around to the side of the stage, making a mental note to kill Mikey once she’d put Benjamin to bed later.



“How fucking amazing was that?” Gerard beamed as he pulled his band mates into another group hug. “Did you see the smiles on the kid’s faces?”

Frank pressed a celebratory kiss to Gerard’s lips. “You were amazing.”

“You know what, that after six year of this I’m still not used to it,” Mikey said jokingly. “You guys kissing, I mean, not the band.”

Gerard and Frank both threw a cushion from the sofa at him. “Shut it.”

The guys continued to reflect on the show, and were still doing so when Lauren entered the dressing room with Benjamin cradled in her arms. They welcomed the mother and son to join them on the couch.

Lauren was struggling to get Benjamin settled in her lap without waking him.

“Here,” Frank offered out his arms. “I’ll hold him for you.”

She smiled back at him, obviously relieved, and handed Benjamin over to him awkwardly. “Thanks.”

“So, how was your first My Chemical Romance concert?” Ray asked. He reclined back on the sofa into Bob’s arms, linking their fingers together.

“You guys are so cute together, I love it – I’m glad you’re not keeping it a secret from us anymore,” Lauren gushed. “But, back to your question, Ray, it was amazing! The lights, the music, the fans – everything! The place was so alive!”

There was more talking about the show until they noticed how late it was getting and how loud the cheers from outside were.

“We’ll head out now; the fans will probably be waiting for autographs. You’d be better off taking Benjamin out to the car, Lauren, via the front and we can meet you there,” Gerard instructed Lauren, already on his feet and ready to go. “Come on, guys.”

“I’m not coming,” Mikey replied. When his band mates glared at him he explained further. “There’s an after party on that Sanch is going to, I thought I might check it out.”

The guys shrugged and left for the back exit. Lauren lingered behind a moment, tempted to scold him for his performance during the last song, and tempted to ask him if he was only going to this party to avoid her. In the end she decided against both and followed the others out.



Gerard re-entered the kitchen after going upstairs to check Lauren was busy so the men could discuss her in private. Frank, Bob, and Ray were sat around the island in the centre with cans of Pepsi in their hands and bowls of ice cream in front of them. They looked at him questioningly when he joined them.

“She’s reading Benjamin to sleep,” he announced. He scooped a spoonful of vanilla ice cream into his mouth, swallowed. “So, does anyone have any idea what’s going on between Lauren and Mikey? I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s noticed.”

“You’re his brother; we thought you might know something...” Ray trailed off.

“I know about as much as you guys do. Everything seemed fine between them when she left to go to medical school, and now they barely acknowledge each other. Bob, you’re really close to Lauren, did she say anything to you?”

Bob shook his head and let out a sigh. “We haven’t had a chance to speak one on one yet, but I can tell something’s up; I’d say they’ve had a fight, and not about something small either, it had to have been something huge.”

They sat silently, contemplating what Bob and Gerard had said. The obvious rift between Lauren and Mikey was getting to everyone, and she’d only been back for a day.

“When would the fight have been?” Frank asked after a while.

“They didn’t even say ‘hello’ to each other yesterday,” Bob said. “My guess would be before she left for medical school.”

“Well, I wish they’d just get over it because all this tension is really starting to fucking pissing me off,” Gerard bit out.



Lauren pushed herself off the wall between the kitchen and the hallway, tears blurring her eyes. It hurt to know that the problems going on between herself and Mikey were affecting the rest of the house, and it hurt more so knowing that her friends felt that the only choice they had was to talk about her behind her back.

Seeing no other choice, Lauren went back upstairs. She watched Benjamin sleep, singing to him quietly, until she heard the last of the bedroom doors shut with a thud. Once she was sure no one would be getting up again that night, she headed back downstairs to the kitchen.

It was almost two o’clock and Lauren knew that she should be asleep, but her mind was too deep in thought to let her. She thought about the launch show, the way Mikey had scowled at her all night, how bad the past five years had been for her, and the fact that he friends were now caught in the middle of a fight they knew absolutely nothing about.

The sudden shrill of her cell phone beside her startled her back to the present. She absentmindedly checked the caller ID and got the surprise of her life when she saw a name flashing that she hadn’t seen do so in five years.

“Mikey?” she answered, not bothering to hide the shock in her voice.

“I need y-you to c-come get me...”