The True Lies of the Once Fabulous Killjoys

If you stay I will either wait all night, Or until my heart explodes out, Until we find our way in the dark and out of heart...
“Fuck off...” Mikey mumbled groggily as his ringtone sounded. It was so lame to have one of his own songs as his ringtone.

You can run away with me any time you want.

“Hello?” he demanded, irritated, when he’d hit the call button.

“Mikey, hey... it’s Lauren.”

Mikey sat bolt upright in bed. Lauren was really calling him. He was hearing her voice. Maybe she wasn’t angry at him anymore!

“Um, Mikey? Are you there?”

“Oh, yeah I’m here...” He, for some ridiculous reason, checked his reflection in the mirror. “Um, how are you?”

“I’m fine... Ben’s fine, too... and Frank,” she said softly. “I got your voicemail a few minutes ago.”

Mikey pondered that for a moment, then said, “I thought you would have called Ray or Bob...”

“I would have, if I didn’t have to apologise to you that is... so I’m sorry,” she said. “Frank told me that it was actually Bob who had told everyone, not you. I shouldn’t have said what I did, or hit you either.”

“It’s okay,” he found himself saying. “Are you back in Idaho?”

“Yeah, I am,” she replied. “And I need to ask you a favour...”



The sunshine filtered through the still opened blinds. Only halfway through the morning and the sun was a bright as if it were midday. Gerard rolled over onto his stomach, turning his head to the right. He opened his eyes slowly until they focused on the vast space next to him; Frank’s side of the bed was still empty. He pushed himself up so he sat on his haunches and search the still damaged room for traces of human life. Frank definitely wasn’t there.

Last night he’d had this beautiful dream where Frank had returned home. He’d confessed his stupidity and apologised for the things he’d done and said, as did Gerard. Then they’d celebrated their reunion with slow, sensual sex, and remained intertwined until they fell into a peaceful slumber. It had been perfect. And now he was awake, Frank wasn’t there, and he could confirm that it had most definitely been a dream.

Gerard dragged himself out of bed and stumbled down the stairs, through the living room, and finally into the kitchen. He was in desperate need for coffee.

Ray was already there, preparing a feast for breakfast, dressed in some ridiculous apron that he’d probably dug up from some untouched corner of the basement. Sitting on the bench beside the stovetop was a chef’s hat that had obviously not been able to fit over Ray’s afro.

“Morning, man,” Ray greeted him cheerily. “Beautiful day, isn’t it?”

Someone got laid last night, Gerard thought to himself. He didn’t reply verbally to Ray, instead narrowed his eyes at his friend before reverting his attention back to the coffee machine. He wasn’t being lured into Ray’s attempts at normalcy, because, for him, things weren’t normal. Frank was gone, and he knew he’d pushed him away, but he wanted him back.

“Hey, babe,” Ray said, even more cheerfully than he had before, when Bob entered a few minutes later.

Bob immediately gave his boyfriend a chaste kiss on the lips. He looked almost happy, but that soon faded when he noticed Gerard by the coffee maker and he went right back to brooding.

“You know what, babe,” he said loudly to Ray so Gerard was sure to overhear, “I could really go for some well cooked bacon and eggs, a pancake or two – oh, wait,” he turned to glare at Gerard. “I can’t, because Lauren’s not here, and we all know that no one makes it better than her.”

“Fuck off, Bryar,” Gerard warned. “I’m not the only reason why she left.”

Bob took a few determined steps toward Gerard. “Yeah, well you’re the main one. You just couldn’t keep your mouth shut.”

“Says the one who told her secret to us in the first place,”

Ray rubbed at his temples. “Please, guys, don’t start...”

“Whatever,” Gerard mumbled. He went back to his coffee.

Awkward silence ensued when the three men were seated around the granite island. Ray made a few attempts at conversation, all of which fell flat, while the other two focussed on their breakfast. It wasn’t long before Mikey made an appearance. They were all shocked to see him as he’d been hiding out in his room since Lauren left, being very strategic about when he emerged so as to avoid everyone. Even Ray was lost for words.

“We’re all going on a road trip,” Mikey announced when he joined them at the island. He reached for Gerard’s mug and took a large swig of caffeine. “So, get your shit together, do what you need to do, we’re leaving at six o’clock tomorrow morning – and no, Gerard,” he said, turning to his brother, “This trip is not optional.”

At ten o’clock that night Gerard was back in his and Frank’s room – although he supposed it probably wouldn’t be Frank’s anymore. He was packing for the road trip, but seeing as Mikey had given nothing away about where they were going or how long for, he wasn’t sure if he was packing the right things.

“Three pairs of jeans, four shirts, underwear, jacket, hoodie...” Gerard recited as he looked at the contents of his worn camouflage duffle bag. He sighed heavily. “That’ll have to do.”

There was a light knock on the doorframe and then Mikey materialised beside him. He was holding out another bag, empty.

“You’re packing light,” Gerard commented jokingly.

“Thought you might like to pack some stuff for Frank,” Mikey shrugged, throwing the empty bag onto the rumpled bed.

Gerard narrowed his eyes at his brother. “This is a set up, isn’t it?”

“No, Gee. I’m just being prepared in case he decides to join us,” Mikey waved off. He glanced up at his older brother, sighed, and placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He shrugged off Mikey’s hand and walked over to the door. “No, Mikey, I don’t want to talk about it. I’m tired, so fuck off.”

Mikey looked hurt, but he complied with Gerard’s wishes. He hoped that he would be more willing to talk in the morning.


“One hundred bottles of non alcoholic beer on the wall, one hundred bottles of non alcoholic beer, you take one down and pass it around, ninety-nine bottle of non alcoholic beer left to pass down!” Ray sang enthusiastically. “Come on, everyone! Ninety- nine bottles of –”

“Shut it, Ray,” Gerard said flatly.
The four men were well on their way, driving down the highway in Mikey’s metallic grey sedan. Before they left Ray had called shot gun, leaving Gerard and Bob in the back together. Neither made any attempts to engage in conversation with the other and they had both angled their bodies toward the doors, their backs essentially to each other.

“Well, what do you want to do then, Gerard?” Ray said, his annoyance made clear.

“Forget that we’re all here and keep quiet until we’re back home.”

The car swerved onto the side of the highway suddenly. Everyone was slammed into the sides of the car with the swift movement.

Mikey turned around in his seat and glared at Gerard seriously. “Stop it. Just stop it. No one is talking at home, Gerard, and it’s got a lot to do with you and me, but at least I’m making an effort to change. I’m sick of your shitty attitude. Fucking man up and admit you made a fucking mistake and then maybe Frank might want something to do with you again.”

The look on Gerard’s face was one of complete shock. In thirty-four years he’d known his brother, there had never once been a time when Mikey had stood up to him like that. It wasn’t that Gerard forced Mikey to listen to him or ordered him around, it was just that Mikey was a timid person who looked up to his brother too much sometimes. They stared at each other for a few long moments; Gerard thought about what Mikey had said to him. In the end he realised he was right.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered quietly to his brother. Then he turned to Bob. “I’m sorry to you as well, man.”

Bob huffed. “Yeah, well it’s not really me you need to apologise to.” This statement earned a glare from Mikey, making Bob repentant. “But, thanks. I guess I’m sorry, too.”

“Good,” Mikey said satisfied. He flicked his left indicator on. “Now that that’s all sorted, let’s get back on the road.”

After a while back on the highway, Gerard asked, “Just where are we going exactly?”

The other men looked at Mikey curiously. The idea of going on a road trip had been sprung on them all suddenly that no one had really thought to ask Mikey where the road trip would lead them.

“Nowhere in particular... just around,” Mikey said casually. “We just need some time together get over all this stuff.”

They had been driving for hours and, according to Mikey, still hadn’t arrived at their destination. The other men were finding it weird, seeing as, once again, according to Mikey, they were going ‘nowhere in particular’. Eventually they gave up trying to figure out where they would be staying for the night and all dozed off in their seats, leaving only Mikey awake. He was incredibly thankful for their lack of energy when he managed to drive past the rather large ‘Welcome to Idaho’ billboard without anyone else cottoning on to his plan.



The sun had gone down already and darkness covered the small town of Elmore. In the little blue cottage by the creek all was quiet. Frank had headed off to bed half an hour ago, leaving Lauren by herself in the living room. She checked the time on the DVD player; Mikey wouldn’t be arriving for a while yet.

It wouldn’t be easy having everyone there, having so little space was a problem on its own, but it had to be done. She wasn’t trying to repair things for herself; it was all about Frank and Gerard. Because of her their relationship was on the rocks – she had to fix it.

Looking at the time once more, Lauren stood, venturing up the narrow hallway to the smaller of the two bedrooms. She opened the door a fraction, peering around the corner of the doorframe. Ben was sleeping peacefully in his bed; his arms were twisted around the pillow, one leg stuck out from beneath the covers.

“I love you, sweetheart,” she whispered, her voice floating out onto the night air, then closed the door quietly.

As she made her way back down the hallway she heard the sound of engine cutting off outside. She jogged over to the nearest forward facing window to search the street for the car. On the opposite side of the road, parked right behind the Trans-AM, its headlights still beaming brightly, was a metallic grey sedan. Her heart exploded with elation.



“We’re here,” Mikey announced, loud enough to wake his sleeping companions.

The men roused drowsily, hair displaced and eyes half lidded. They all searched their surroundings, but it was Gerard who noticed their battered old Trans-AM sitting in front of them.

“Mikey – what have you done?” Gerard asked, looking far less than impressed.

Mikey, who was already halfway out of the car, let the question hang in the air. He headed across the street, being followed by his best friends and his brother once they’d all retrieved their luggage from the back of the car. When they were all stood on the small porch he knocked three times on the oak door.

Inside, Lauren quickly jogged from the window to the front door. She pulled it open with great force, and before she could restrain herself, jumped ecstatically at Mikey, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. Slowly Mikey’s hands made their way to her lower back.

This feels so right... wait – this is so wrong!

She pulled back from the embrace, avoiding Mikey’s gaze awkwardly. Her eyes scanned everyone’s faces, finally falling to Gerard’s. They regarded each other with pained eyes. Lauren thought about apologising, about hugging him, about saying that everything was okay, but she knew he needed time, and she hadn’t wanted him here to fix her own problems.

Stepping back into the cottage, she gestured for her friends to enter. They stepped over the threshold one by one; Mikey smiled at her, but she didn’t meet his eyes, Ray kissed her cheek, and Bob put his arms around her in an apologetic hug, whispering ‘I’m sorry’ into her ear.

“Well, welcome to Idaho,” Lauren said, gesturing around the cottage randomly, to her friends who were now sitting on the limited furnishings. Gerard was looking everywhere but at her. She called his name to get his attention and finally he looked at her. Only to him, she said, “Frank’s asleep in the room at the end of the hallway.”

His eyes came to life. He stood, picked up the bag of Frank’s clothes by his feet, and, as Lauren had subtly suggested, walked up the hallway to where Frank was located.

“So,” Lauren said once Gerard had disappeared into Frank’s room. “Let’s talk.”