I Can't Be Happy Without You Around

“Did it hurt?” she asked as I stepped out of the room. I nodded.

“Like hell,” I mumbled.

“Well let me see it,” she said standing up. I pulled my shirt down showing her the tattoo on the back of my shoulder.

“Oh my god you got the word ‘sinner’ tattooed on your body,” she said dumfounded.

“Yeah but it’s with angel wings so it’s like angel and sinner, cause I’m a little of both,” I said proudly of the big tattoo.

“I know which one you are more of,” she mumbled. I laughed.

“We all know which one I’m more of,” I said. “Are you sure you don’t want to get one?” I asked as I paid with the money I had.

“Yeah I’m afraid of needles, but I love yours.” She said. “Your dads going to hate it.”

“Yeah but there’s not much he can do about it now,” I said as we left the tattoo parlor.

“Your so crazy,” she mumbled.

“Yeah but that’s why people love me,” I said slinging my arm around her as we walked down the street.
“How was your day?’ my dad asked as soon as I walked into the house. I saw all the guys there.

“Pretty sweet,” I answered walking over to sit next to Brian who slung his arm around me.

“Really I bet it was since you weren’t at school, the school called saying you weren’t there again,” he said angrily.

“Well you told me not to get a detention and the only way that’s going to happen is if I’m not at school,” I said. “Besides I was doing something really important,” I mumbled standing up to get a drink.

“Well please tell us what is more important than school,” he said. I sighed walking into the kitchen.

“Everything,” I answered.

“Well tell us what you did today,” Johnny asked. I grabbed a water bottle and walked back into the living room where they were all sitting.

“Do you want me to tell you or show you?” I asked.

“Oh god what the fuck did you do?” Dad asked. I laughed smiling widely, almost evilly.

All eyes were on me. I sighed pulling my tee shirt down so they could see my shoulder. They all jumped up running over to me.

“Please tell me it’s not real?’ my dad asked worriedly.

“Oh it’s real all right and never coming off,” I said cutely. My dad groaned running a hand down his face.

“So you permanently have the word sinner on your body,” Jimmy said stating the obvious.

“Yep,” I said happily pulling my shirt back up.

“Your going to have that when your 80, your going to be like an 80 year old sinner,” Johnny said. I smiled.

“Just think of it like a one way ticket to hell,” I mumbled making them laugh. Dad was not laughing though. “Oh come on you guys got your first tattoos around my age, or younger,” I said looking at dad who’s face was red.

“You cant just go around doing shit like that,” he mumbled slouching down in the couch.

“Oh come on you know you love it,” I said smiling.

“No I don’t you don’t ever follow the rules you do whatever the fuck you want,” he mumbled.

“Yeah look in the mirror and say that,” I mumbled making him stand up forcefully. I back up a little meeting someone’s chest. I looked back to see Zacky.

“Sometimes you just act so……..messed up,” he mumbled. I knew he wanted to say fucked up.

“Well maybe growing up without parents messed me up,” I responded angrily. The room went silent, and I felt Zacky back away from me.

“Really and what do you think I am?” he asked.

“ Someone who pays for things,’ I mumbled coolly.

“I’m your father,” he mumbled almost as if trying to convince me.

“Yeah right you’ve missed half my life while you’ve been on tour,” he didn’t respond so I continued. “ But I get it tour comes first, music comes first, I’m just the little pain in your ass you have to deal with,”

“It’s not like that,” he whispered.

“Yes it is,’ I mumbled turning around to leave the house. I paused at the door turning around as tears came to my eyes.

“I know you think it’s my fault your wife is dead,” I mumbled. He looked up at me sadly.

“Matt,” Brian said forcefully. “ Tell her that’s not true.”

He didn’t say anything, but looked away.

“Don’t bother Bri, he cant say it because he knows it’s true,” I mumbled before opening the door and slamming it behind me. I shoved my hands in my pockets and began crying.

He didn’t deny it. I always thought that’s how he felt, but now I knew it. I sighed. My family is so messed up and it’s all my fault.