Breaking Hearts and Breaking Bones Has Never Been So Romantic

-|| FF One Year ||-
As I recalled the events that had taken place throughout the day, a plethora of emotions rallied inside of me, bringing a few more unwanted tears to my eyes. Anxious to rid myself of these tears before I got home, I reached up and hastily wiped them away. Seeing that I was approaching the apartment building, I cleared my throat and put on a brave face, hoping that my poker face was good enough to fool my brother and my boyfriend.

The wind blew swiftly down the sidewalk as I pulled my sunglasses out of my purse, sending my lose hair into my face. Brushing my hair aside, I made a move to put my sunglasses on, but I stopped when I heard a familiar voice calling my name.

"Hey sister," Alex greeted me with the sound of a smile in his voice, "what are – " he stopped shortly; it's my guess that he had caught sight of my tear stained cheeks and my bloodshot eyes, "Angie, what's wrong?" He questioned sadly.

"Nothing," I muttered weakly.

Wrapping an arm around my waist to steady me, my brother reached up and gently wiped away a stray tear that I had missed.

"Don't give me that shit," he told me, "tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing," I repeated, "Just something you think is stupid."

"Angie, if it has you this upset, then it's not something stupid. Tell me what's wrong." He demanded.

Sniffing slightly, I glanced up at him momentarily before looking back down to the sidewalk. "We lost a dog today; he had been hit by a car and we couldn't patch him up fast enough." I mumbled.

"Oh," he said, slightly taken aback, "sister, I'm sorry." He said gently.

"I told you you'd think it was stupid." I growled lowly.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alex frown softly and then shake his head. "I don't think it's stupid," he said quietly, "I know how you get when it comes to animals and stuff, but … " He trailed off, causing me to raise a questioning eyebrow at him.

"But what?" I grumbled.

Alex sighed and then pulled me toward the bus bench. Coming to a stop in front of it, he indicated for me to have a seat with the nod of his head. Reluctantly, I followed his orders and then watched him sit down as well. Seeing him fiddle nervously with his hands, I suddenly felt bad for snapping at him for no reason like I had done.

"I've noticed that you've been really depressed lately, Angie." He mumbled. "I've been worried about you, sister. The littlest things make you cry, or make you upset to the point where you jump at me or Gabe. One second you're your normal self, and the next, you're just down our throats about the littlest of things."

I wasn't quite sure how to react to his words, and I wasn't quite sure what to say in response because frankly, I noticed that I had been acting that way as well. I don't know why, it's just that it seems like even the slightest change in something could set me off, like I'm a ticking time bomb.

Just the other day I had nearly blinded Gabe because he had accidentally broken a link in my gold chain he had gotten me for Valentine's day, something that the jewelers could have easily repaired for me. My reaction, though, was to fling a hardcover book across the room at him, catching him just below his right eye. Had the book hit him just a centimeter higher, it would have done some major damage to his eye.

"I think that you should go to the doctors and get seen." Alex muttered quietly. "I think you might have depression. There are pills and stuff they can give you, to you know, help you out."

"I don't understand what I would be depressed about." I whispered sadly. "Things have been good with me and Gabe, the band is doing amazing, and we just had our family reunion a couple of weeks ago." I sighed, shaking my head. "There's nothing in my life that should make me feel so … down all the time."

"They're finding out that depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain," Alex offered, "it doesn't necessarily mean that there's something going wrong with your life to make you feel the way you do." He paused, unsure of what to say. "I … I don't know, Angie. It's just that I'm really worried about you."

I nodded my head in agreement. "You've told Gabe that you're worried about me too, huh?"

"No," he said softly, "I haven't. I know he's your boyfriend, and that you guys have been together a while now, but you're my sister, Angie … If I'm worried about you, I'm going to come and talk to you about it, not your boyfriend."

Frowning to myself, I couldn't quite bring my gaze up to my brothers. I know that he's worried about me, and frankly I'm worried too. All my life I've been a happy go lucky person in general, unless I'm given a good reason to be upset with something … I normally not all touchy about the smallest things.

The past year has been amazing for me, and Gabe and I had just celebrated our one year anniversary a couple months ago. He had taken me to Hawaii and needless to say, it was amazing.

It wasn't until after we had come home that I started acting differently. I thought that I had been the only one to notice, but apparently my brother started to notice as well.

"What would you say to meeting with a psychologist?" Alex asked hesitantly.

"As much as I would like to say 'fuck that', I'm going to have to agree that seeing a psychologist would probably be best at the moment." I mumbled.

"Okay," he whispered, "I'll make some calls and we'll get you an appointment."

With that, either of us fell silent, either of us deep in thought. When I considered the possibility of being diagnosed with clinical depression, Gabe's face flashed in my mind. I couldn't help but wonder how he would take the news if I were to tell him that I had to take a single pill, twice a day just so that I wouldn't be so emotional, or so withdrawn, or so angry. Would he still want to stick around, and care for a person who relied on a daily dose of medication to keep herself in check?

I love Gabe with all my heart; I don't want something to happen that would result in me losing him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Unhappy with the way my appointment had been going so far, I frowned meanly at the desk that held the computer of Dr. Dean Johnson, the psychologist who was currently conducting a psych evaluation on me. Dr. Johnson seemed to be a friendly person, but because of his profession, I was determined from the start not to like him.

Seeing the unhappy expression on my face, Dr. Johnson tilted his head to the side, observing me with his hazel eyes.

"Do you have some place else you'd rather be, Angie?" He questioned, his voice deep and comforting, like a glass of Jack and coke after a long, rough day.

"Honestly, I'd rather be at home with my cat and my boyfriend." I replied. "Tonight is movie night; there's supposed to have been a lot of good DVD's coming out today that he was going to go rent."

"Oh," Dr. Johnson smiled, "your boyfriend, huh? How long have you two been together?"

"We just went to Hawaii for our one year anniversary a couple of months ago," I said, smiling for the first time since I had stepped foot inside the office.

Dr. Johnson's smile widened when he saw that he had found a subject that I was willing to talk about. "You love him a lot, don't you Angie?"

I nodded my head. "I do." I admitted. "I don't know how I would be able to get by if he were to suddenly leave me one day," I told him, my voice growing quiet and weak toward the end of my sentence.

I expected Dr. Johnson to see the change in my expression and start questioning me about some other seemingly non important matters, but instead, his smile remained in place as he scribbled some things down into a chart. Looking closer, I saw that my name was printed neatly along the top corner, along with some numbers that I assumed was my patient identification number.

"You know what, Angie?" Dr. Johnson asked, still scribbling away in my chart.

"What's up, Dr. Johnson?"

Laughing softly at my casual lingo, he closed my chart and looked up at me. "I think I'm going to send you to the second floor to do some blood work."

"Blood work?" I repeated. "What for?"

"Hmm, to check your blood levels, your CBC's, stuff like that." He said, waving his hand as if my question was no big deal. "Come on, I'll take you down there right now."

Standing to his feet, he opened his door for me, allowing for me to enter the hallway first before he followed, and shut his office door securely.

"Have all your things?" He asked.

Gripping my purse tighter, I responded with a faint 'yes', and then followed Dr. Johnson as he led me through the white, sterilized hallways. We hopped on an elevator, which took us down two floors, and then entered the second floor that seemed to be a hell of a lot quieter than the psychiatric floor from which we had just come from.

Dr. Johnson greeted people we met in the hallways, offering them his plans for the weekend, and extending invitations here and there. It wasn't until we reached a door with a large, glass window in it that had the word 'Lab' etched upon it, that Dr. Johnson turned his attention back to me.

"Just have a seat, Angie," he told me as he opened the door for me, "I'll go and have a few words with the lab tech."

Doing as I was told, I sat down on a comfortable seat just inside the doorway, and then watched as Dr. Johnson approached a man in dark blue scrubs. I strained to hear what was being said, but the only thing I was able to pick up was 'gonadotropin', something I had never heard of before. When he was done speaking with the lab tech, Dr. Johnson made his way back to me, offering me a gentle smile.

"Tim here is just going to take a blood and urine sample from you," he explained, "nothing to worry about. When he's done he'll send for a nurse to take you to an exam room."

Without waiting for my response, Dr. Johnson left, leaving me to follow the orders of the lab tech as he called for me. About half an hour later, after providing a vile of my blood, and a sample of my urine, I waited anxiously in an exam room, unsure as to what exactly I was doing there.

In my pocket, I felt my cell phone vibrate and I pulled it out, seeing that I had a new text message from Gabe, asking me where I was. I frowned softly, having not told him about the appointment I had made, and then shoved my cell phone back into my pocket, not sure what to say to him.

A split second later, there was a soft knock on the door before it opened, revealing an older lady doctor, whose name tag claimed that her name was Dr. Schwartz.

"Ms. Suarez?" She asked gently.

"Yeah," I mumbled.

"Dr. Johnson told me that you came here today for a psych evaluation, but after sitting with you for a few minutes, he decided that something other than depression has been causing your sudden change of behavior."

"Its not depression?" I asked incredulously, "then what the hell is wrong with me?"

"Ms. Suarez," Dr. Schwartz laughed softly, "you're two months pregnant."

"Pregnant?" I gasped. "But … that can't be right. I mean, I haven't missed a period or anything and … and … " I trailed off, simply at a loss for words.

"It is possible for some women to have spotting while they are pregnant." She explained. "But the sudden change of hormones in your body is responsible for the mood swings you've been experiencing."

"No," I said, shaking my head, "this is … no."

"We've detected human chorionic gonadotropin in your urine, Ms. Suarez, as well as a few indicators in your blood sample." Dr. Schwartz told me. "You are, in fact, pregnant."

She started to explain some other things to me, but to be honest, I wasn't paying any attention to her. The only thing, the only person, on my mind was Gabriel, and what his reaction would be when I told him the news.

He and I had never talked about kids before, neither one of us has ever considered kids before. Truth be told, I wouldn't know where to begin when it came to raising a child.

Neither of us was ready for this.