It Gets Easier Everyday

"Fuck off, Matt. I told you I didn't want to talk about this!" I hissed. I pushed the burly man I had somehow come to call my boyfriend and went into the kitchen. I didn't even know what we were fighting about anymore; all I knew was that it had escalated too far and it would only get worse.

"Dammit Trinity, get your ass back here so we can fucking talk about this!" Matt rebutted, blatantly ignoring my request that he leave me the fuck alone. Sometimes I just didn't understand Matt Sanders. He was a smart man, but he just didn't know how to take a hint.

I gritted my teeth as I swiveled around to face Matt. His face was set in a definitive scowl, and his hazel eyes burned golden with fury. "If you don't keep quiet, you'll wake up Eli," I said darkly, referring to our seventeen-month-old son. Matt's eyes flickered to the ceiling. I knew that waking up our son was the last thing he wanted.

"We need to talk, Trinity," Matt stated flatly, his voice many decibels quieter than it had been moments ago.

"No we don't," I seethed. For a second time, I turned away from my boyfriend and walked away, only to have his large hand close around my upper arm and yank me back. "Let me go, Matthew!" I was throwing barbs now; I knew he absolutely abhorred being called by his full name. His anger showed in the form of his fingers tightening around my arm, digging into my muscles. Trying to pry him away, I whined, "Matt, you're hurting me!"

"We. Need. To talk," he growled, his grip not faltering.

"I don't wanna talk to you!" I shrieked. With a sudden burst of furious strength, I ripped my arm from my boyfriend's vice grip and stormed away. I snatched my car keys from the counter and headed for the front door, extremely aware of Matt's thunderous footsteps following close behind me.

"Trinity, don't you dare walk out that damn door," he growled at my back.

"Fuck off, Matthew," I spat over my shoulder. I rushed outside and wasn't surprised when I became immediately soaked by the torrential downpour. I went over to the car and climbed inside, and I wasn't the least bit surprised to see Matt following me out of the house.

"Trinity, if you leave, don't even think about coming back!" he shouted angrily. 

"Good riddance," I hollered as I peeled out of the driveway. I flipped Matt the finger as I sped away like a bat out of hell, trying to maintain control of my small car on the rain-slicked road. I had no specific destination in mind, but I knew that a few days apart would do Matt and I some good, so I headed for the interstate that would take me out of Huntington Beach and away from my infuriating boyfriend.

I was so consumed by the fire of my fury that I didn't see the monstrous SUV speeding towards me as I turned onto the interstate. It caught the front end of my small car, sending it into a violent, deadly tailspin. Glass shattered and rained down upon me from every angle, piercing my skin and making me bleed. I screamed out in agony as my mangled car came to rest on its top and my pain began to set in. I felt like every inch of my body was being burned. I cried out again and again, calling for Matt, until my consciousness left me and I was whisked away.

I died on the operating table. Too many complications, they said. My injuries were too much for even modern medicine to mend. They took my body to the frigid morgue, but I was able to watch and listen as they called Matt and broke the news of my death to him. I saw his tears, heard his croaking sobs as he reeled from the pain of losing his love. I watched as he knelt down in front of our son - not even two years old; he was far too young to lose his mother -  and with tears still rolling down his face, told him that his mommy had gone to live with Jesus. 

I could see Matt now, a year after everything fell apart. He's at the cemetery with Eli in his arms, standing in front of my gravestone. Ever since the day I walked away from him, he'd blamed himself for everything that had happened, and more than once he'd come to my grave and drunkenly asked me why I had so go so far away.

Matt sat Eli down on the ground and the boy toddled a few feet away from his father. He'd grown up so much since I'd went away; he looked so much like Matt, with just a bit of myself sprinkled in. As Eli played with the grass, Matt knelt down in front of my gravesite and placed a bouquet of yellow daisies on the earth; he knew they were my favorite.

"I miss you, Trinity," he croaked. I could see the tears springing to his hazel eyes, and it broke my long-frozen heart. "I feel so bad for everything that happened, I feel like it's all my fault. Everyday, Eli asks me where you are, and I all I can tell him is that you went away. But then I think, Fuck the distance, you should be here. I know wherever you are now is farther away than any city, but you still need to be here. Eli needs you, and…and I need you. I was gonna ask you to marry me, Trinity. We were gonna be a family. But I guess it's too late for that now. I really wish I could take back the things I said, and I wish you were here." Without another word, Matt got to his feet and walked over to our son. Eli ran to his father and leapt into his arms; the sight warmed my heart.

Even if I couldn't be with my family physically, I could always watch over them. And no matter what Matt thought, I would always be there.