My Constant Companion

“Anything new on Jared?” I asked Shannon as we had a very late dinner that night and I had told him about my day.

“Only what you told me earlier. I've got someone watching him, but he's not doing anything suspicious. Makes some phone calls but that's it. Mostly he's with your friend. It's incredibly frustrating.”

“Maybe he knows he's being watched.”

“I've entertained that idea myself. It's possible.” he slummed against the couch. “I don't know. I feel like I'm going in circles. If only I could figure it out. I'm missing something.”

“You need rest.”

“So do you.”

“So Jared's boat is called the Marietta.”

He raised a thick eyebrow at me. “I know. And you want to know if Marietta is the infamous Mary. She is.” he said without pause.

“And Mary is?”

This is where he paused, looked me in the eye and said, “Our little sister.”

Huh? I frowned. “Sister? Your sister?”

“This is why you shouldn't jump to conclusions.”

“Yeah. I thought maybe she was a woman you two had fought over long ago, or something.”

He chuckled. “Sounds like us doesn't it?”

“So you have a little sister.”

“Had.”

“Oh. Right.” I felt stupid. She was dead, I remembered that now.

“So you and Ivy are good now?” he said quickly. I knew he wasn't ready to go there, so I let it go.

“Mm-hmm.” I muttered, my mind not quite present now.

“And she said that she thinks Jared can read her mind.”

I shook myself. “Which we had suspected all along. You told me that if you meddle with someones mind too much, that you could mess things up. Will she be okay?”

He sighed heavily. “I don't know. I'm not going to lie to you. Until we figure out what Jared really wants with her, I won't know. But for now, I think she's fine. And I think the reason she was being so, bitchy with you, was because he was in her head. She might have believed it was her subconscious talking to her, when really it was Jared, telling her you not to talk to you, that he was the one whom she should trust. Little things no one would really notice, if they didn't really think about it too much. If he told her to make some huge life decision, well, her mind might reject the idea and realize someone else was in there.”

I shuttered. “She'd think she was going mad.” I whispered

Shannon nodded. “Exactly. That's why it's dangerous, toying with the mind.”

“Is that why you don't do the dreams with me anymore?”

He smirked, “Do you miss them?”

I bit my lip. “Maybe.”

“Done eating?”

I nodded, then suddenly Shannon scooped me up into his arms. “Good. I figure you'd enjoy reality over dreams.”

I smiled. “You figured right.”

Then we went off to the bedroom, both deliciously distracted.

And we spent a few hours in that state. Shannon brought out the animal in me, my primal desire to be needed, to be touched and tasted and loved. I couldn't get enough. I lusted for him, wanted him all to myself and never wanted it to end. He made me feel alive, beautiful. I tasted his skin, kissed every scar. I wanted him to feel just how much I needed him.
But as they say all good things come to an end, my happy, good, satisfied feeling, gave way to sleep and with it my nightmares returned. I cling to my pillow, burring my face in it to muffle the screams, tears flooding my eyes. Shannon said nothing, just stroked my back, and kissed my cheeks, pulling me to him so he could hold me.

“I'm sorry,” I muttered over and over again.

“What was it this time?” he asked finally.

I shook my head. “Jared.”

“He won't hurt you. I won't let him.”

“He killed Ivy.” I muttered, then burst into tears again. “He made her...” I couldn't finish. I didn't want to think about it.

“I won't let that happen. I promise.”

Eventually I stopped crying, but I didn't trust myself to sleep, and Shannon, although he kept quiet, was woke too. Daytime came. When the first rays of light shined through my window, I climbed out of bed. My eyes were still puffy and red, and my body felt achy. Shannon went to the kitchen and made coffee. I joined him at the table.

“I know you don't really drink the stuff, but I think it'll do you some good.”

I didn't need convincing. I drank the entire cup, Shannon had added milk and loads of sugar. I was going to need it.

“Thanks.”

“Are you ready for today?”

I shook my head. I was not ready to face my mom. I was working only half a day then I was going to visit her. I hoped things went well. The last time we had seen each other it had been Thanksgiving and we hadn't said much to each other .I knew grandma went to see her often, but I just couldn't.

“I could still go with you.”

“No. She doesn't always respond well to people she doesn't know. But you probably already know that.” He smiled. “You know everything about my life, don't you?”

“No, not everything. Only what I saw and heard, and you were a quiet child, kept your thoughts to yourself. I never went in your mind. Children are risky, their brains are still developing. I only knew what you were willing to show.”

“How often were you around?”

“As often as I could. Just making sure you were doing okay. Then you grew up and you didn't need me anymore.”

“Yet here you are.”

His voice was low and sweet. “I missed you. You better start getting dressed.”

I looked at the clock and it was nearly seven. I sighed. This was going to be a long, long day.



That afternoon I parked in the lot in front and walked slowly to the sliding glass doors, taking a deep, calming breath before entering. I went over to the front desk, talked to the receptionist, and signed in. I knew the drill.

“Haven't seen you here in a while,” she commented.

“I've been busy.” I said in response.

She didn't seem to buy it. I guess most people avoided places like this.

I took the stairs up to the second floor and walked down the hall, knocking on the fourth door to my left. I waited. I could hear a scuffling noise behind the door before a familiar voice rang out, “Who is it?”

“Adele? It's me... Nikka.”

The door swung open a few seconds later. The woman smiling at me from beneath a mop of curly brown hair looked surprised and... distracted.

“Nikka. Hi. What are you doing here?” she looked behind me for a second before meeting my eye with her own heavy lidded almond shaped ones.

“Is this a bad time?” I asked.

She shook her head frantically. “No, no. no.” she muttered. “I'm just... I just wasn't expecting you.” there was a hint of accusation in her words and a pang of guilt tugged in my gut.

“Sorry, I haven't been around lately.”

“Never you mind.” she said with a small smile, a bit strained but it was something.

“How have you been, Adele?”

She put a hand on her hip. “Would it kill you to call me mom?”

“Sorry.” I smiled sheepishly. “Mom.”

“That's better. Well? Aren't you going to give your mom a hug?”

I leaned in and her arms wrapped around me. I hesitated for a pause then wrapped my own arms around the woman whom I hadn't seen in months.

When she pulled back, and asked, “Why are you here?” her brow pulled together.

“No need to be suspicious.” I spat out bitingly and instantly regretted it.

“I'm not suspicious.” she exclaimed dramatically.

“Mom, I'm sorry.” I said exasperatingly. I've been here for less than a minute and already I had apologized three times. Geez. “Look, I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch.” I held up the bag in my hand. Sushi. A favourite of hers. She smiled, but it wasn't a nice one. She didn't trust me. “So how 'bout it?”

It took her a minute to answer. “Not up here.” she said finally, “I'll grab my coat and we can eat out on the terrace.”

“Mom, you don't need a coat, a jacket will do.” But she wasn't listening, she had stepped back inside and briskly walked to retrieve a heavy winter coat.

Her front room was littered with paper. Newspaper, magazines, notebooks and sketch pads. Usually it was kept nice and neat, perhaps she had been in the middle of something before I interrupted.

I stepped in and picked up a drawing of a man with dark demon-like eyes. His mouth was twisted in a snarl, his teeth, lots of them, sharply pointed, his body look deformed and his arms and leg were set in odd, inhuman angles. It was disturbing.

The paper was snatched out of my hands “You're not supposed to look at those.” My mom said coolly, placing it back on the floor where I had found it.

“Sorry.” I whispered softly, apologetically.

“I'm ready.” she had on her coat. Taking my arm she led the way back into the hallway. I would have asked about the drawing, but I knew my mom wouldn't tell me, not without making a big deal about it. We walked arm in arm down the stairs. “How have you been, dear?” she asked.

“Good.”

She snorted. “Don't lie to me. I can see the worry in you eyes.”

For someone who had spent half their life being medicate for hearing voice, and seeing things that weren't there, she had good insight. She could see my worry, like every other mother with her child.

“I'll be fine. How 'bout you? Have they been treating you good here?”

“Mm-hmm.” which could have meant anything.

This was my moms fifth home. She had been kicked out of two and the others were not to her liking. And since we didn't want her to go off her meds and do something drastic, we had found this place. Which was rather nice. The terrace at the back of the facility, which was what mom always called it, had umbrella tables and chairs, sparely placed, and with a lovely view of the hills and woods the surrounded the place.

It wasn't a mental hospital, just a place, like an apartment complex, where people with mental health issues could live normally, or as normally as possible. And apparently my mom even had a job here. She was functioning well, but not well enough to live on her own, not without someone to keep and eye on her, and I selfishly declined that job.

“Let's go down there.” Mom said, pointing to the lawn. “We could have a picnic.”

I remembered the last picnic we had. It hadn't been pretty.

“We don't have blanket.”

“I'll grab one.” Before I could stop her, she had darted back inside and a moment later she had a bright blue plaid blanket tucked under her arm. “It's Roy's. He won't mind if we borrow it.” The way she had said Roy's name, led me to believe he was someone special.

I raised an eyebrow. “Roy?”

She smiled coyly and walked down the stair to the lawn. I really didn't want to know. We ate our sushi, I gave mom extra because, well, she hadn't had it in a long while, and she seemed so happy.

“You should have brought some wine.”

“Mom, you can't have wine.”

“I know, I was just kidding.” she giggled. “There used to be this really tasty Merlot I used to drink. Mmm.” she shut her eyes for a moment.

I frowned. “How old were you then?”

“Old enough.” she gave me an innocent look. “Everyone drinks when they're teenagers. Didn't you?”

“No.” I said honestly.

Her face grew grim. “Oh.”

Then we grew quite. There were birds in the trees near us, chirp, chirp, chirping away. Mom broke the silence.

“What really brought you here, Nikka?. It wasn't my great company.” The dig wasn't lost on me.

Things hadn't been perfect between the two of us since I was a child. More like awkward bordering on uncomfortable. My mom was paranoid schizophrenic and also had suffered from a deep depression at one point in time, and had gone off her medication a lot back then.

And yes, she had even tried to kill me,once or twice. I tried not to take it too personally, it wasn't her fault, but she was the reason I slept with a knife under my pillow as a teen and kept the lights on at night. And why I was sure I would have a mental breakdown by the time I was twenty. It wasn't her fault, I reminded myself. I still loved her regardless. She was my mom.

But it had damaged me still. And until recently I thought I had sorted it all out, but the nightmare the other night had unsettled me and forced me to relive things I'd rather forget. But it also brought on a lot of other questions.

“Do you remember when you tried to attack me and I had to hide in the bathroom?”

He eyes narrowed suspiciously. “I apologized for that.” she said slowly. “Profusely.”

I knew I was on dangerous territory with this. I had to move quickly.

“I know mom.” I said, holding my hands up, palms out, to show her I meant no harm. “I only bring it up because I was wondering what had made you stop.”

She shook her head and shut her eyes tight. “I don't want to go there, Nikka.”

“Please, mom. Was someone else in the house? Did someone stop you, or was it something else?”

She stood up and pointed a finger down at me, accusingly. “So is this what you wanted? To dredge up the past. To torture me.” her lip quivered.

“No.” God, this wasn't good. Soon one of the staff members would notice her rising panic and anger and intervene. I needed answers. “Mom, was there someone else there? Just tell me.”

“Yes.” she half shouted, her voice strained with pain. One of the staff guys on the terrace looked our way. I smiled, trying to get across that everything was fine. I'm not sure if he bought it.

“Who?” I asked quickly.

She threw her hands in the air. “The evil man. The green eyed man. He was always lingering around. I know he's real. No matter what they said.”

Green eyes? Shannon?

It was possible considering he was around when I was a kid. Or maybe it was all in my moms head. Shannon wasn't evil. But I suppose any and everyone was evil to my mom when she was having a breakdown.

“Everything okay?” The guy asked as he approached us. They had people here trained to deal with folks like my mom. He spoke in a clam, nonthreatening voice.

I smiled again. “Yes.”

He turned to my mom. “Miss Morgan?”

“Hello, Nathaniel. I'm fine. Just having a chat with my daughter.”

“Okay, then. Are you sure?” she nodded. “Very well, if you need me I'll be right over there.” he hooked a thumb over his shoulder. Mom said a polite 'thank you', and he walked away, but not before shooting me a look. What did I do?

Mom sat back down, exhaling a deep breath she muttered an apology. “I know what you're thinking, She's somehow gone off he meds again. But it's not like that, alright.”

“I believe you.” I had seen her off her medication enough times to spot the difference.

Mom looked surprised. “Really?”

I patter her hand. “Yes, really. If you don't mind my asking, how did the man stop you?”

She looked like she was about to argue but calmed herself down. After a minute, she answered. “He just... did. I can't explain it. He was there, telling me to stop, but I can't remember how he stopped me, he just did.”

That was not the answer I expected. It only gave me more questions.

We talked a bit more. I was careful not to bring up the past again, I didn't want her to freak out. There were a few times when she looked distracted, not really listening to what was being said, or when she looked around was if she was worried we were being overheard.

“I've got to go.” I told her as we made out way back inside. She had returned the blanket to Roy, a surly looking fella who mom made googly eye at. Weird.

“Thanks for coming.” she said softly. “I know this isn't easy. Will you come back?”

“Of course.” I paused and said, “I love you.” I can't even remember the last time I had said those words to her.

She chocked up. “I love you too, darling.” I gave her a hug and headed out. “Nikka.” she said before I could get too far. She stepped closer to me. “The man. You know the one with the green eyes.” I waited, breath held. She looked around, then lowered her voice so only I would hear. “I think he might have been an angel.”

My god. How had she figure that out?

I played it cool. “How could he be an angel? You just said he was evil.”

She shrugged. “Sometimes angels are.”



I took huge bite out of my slice of veggie pizza. Shannon watched me carefully from the seat across from me. We were at this Italian place in town, and the food was greasy, fatty and delicious, just what I needed after a day, scratch that, a week like this.

“So it wasn't you?” I asked once I swallowed down my food.

Shannon shook his head. “I'm not the only Angel in town. But it is curious, how she said an angel was what stopped her that day.”

“You think it was Jared? Maybe she got the eye color wrong.”

He shook his head. “You said you were about six then, right? That was before either of us came along. Jared only found you because of me.”

“So who was it?”

“Let's add that to our growing list of mysteries.”

“Like what this war is about.”

“Exactly.”

“And what your brother was up too.”

“I've spent most of my life trying to figure out what Jared is up to. It won't be easy.”

“Still nothing on him?”

“Nope. I've got still someone tailing him, but he hasn't been up to anything suspicious. He was with Ivy earlier.” I shuttered. “Has she talked to you about him again?”

“Nope. She seems to steer clear of anything Jared related now. Maybe he told her not to talk about him to me.” Shannon shrugged.

“What else did your mom say?”

“Nothing much, you know how she is.” Shannon looked thoughtful. “Just that weird drawing she had.” I paused. “What are you thinking?”

“I just have an idea. I'll be right back.”

He stood up, dug his phone out of his pocket and walked away, making a call. He returned a few minutes later.

“Well?” I asked, but he said nothing. “What are you keeping from me, Shan?”

“Top secret stuff.” he said in a low sexy voice. I bit my lip.

“Top secret, eh?” I leaned forward, “You can tell me.”

He leaned forward too. “And I will soon, doll. I promise.”

“Seriously?” he nodded. “I finally get to be apart of the top secret stuff?”

“Mm-hmm. I know you're worried and stressed and I'm going to do everything in my power to keep you safe.” He touched my hand.

“I know you will.”

His voice lowered again. “So in the meantime, I think I should take you home, give you a back rub, and we can take a bubble bath together.”

“Mm-hmm.” I smirked. “Are you trying to distract me, sir?”

He put on an innocent face. “I would do no such thing.”

I laughed. “That all sounds very tempting. Well, what are we waiting for? Take me home.”

He smiled wickedly. “Yes ma'am.”